Roadkill… I um, mean, where are we going to eat while we’re traveling?

roadtrip

Vampires usually don’t do fast food but sometimes we find a nice diner or a nice owner of a diner…

We’ll be taking a roadtrip across California and the American Southwest (Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico).

I gotta tell you, everything in my life has been so stressful lately, never mind the Zombies, it has all just had me over the top and to the edge so I am so looking forward to getting in the car and driving across four states (four BIG states).

When Vampires travel we have all sorts of things to take into consideration that other folks might not think about. During the next couple of weeks I’ll try to bring you tales from the road and travel tips for Vampire traveler.

What are we going to eat?

My daughter keeps asking this one. Of course we’ll have water and snacks in the car but…we’re Vampires so the question is WHO are we going to dine on while we’re out on the road.

Well…there are a lot of options

This guy looks interesting. Let's show him something REALLY scary!

Hitchhikers. But watch out for Zombies and Aliens. But if they look scary, just remember…we’re Vampires. Bahahahahaha.

Bikers are a good option because there are a lot of them and a varied menu.

Bikers. Bikers come in all shapes and sizes. There are the yuppie accountants and orthodontists bikers on their Gold Wings, there are the James Dean wanna bees, there are the hairy old grizz bikers, there are the Hell’s Angel types. And they’re easy. We like that. Good for those eat and run times.

Clueless Bimbos driving alone across the desert also make for a quick snack. I hope she has on sunscreen!

Bimbos. These gals are usually going to LA to be stars or Las Vegas to be strippers or breaking up with husbands or doing something sketchy. They’re fast and easy and usually have some interesting story. Vampires love these gals.

Truckers. HA. This one is just for fun - but you know ones like this can't run too fast and are an easy and fast snack.

Truckers. Truckers are like Bikers – there are a lot of different kinds. What makes them great is that they’re generally friendly and have their own trucks. That makes it especially easy for a nice evening sit-down dinner. And those truck stops brings them all together sort of like a grocery store for Vampires. It is pretty great.

THIS TRUCKER. Yes, this is more like it and fits in with a healthy diet.

Finding a baseball team on a bus is like a good casino buffet! Loads of yummy stuff and you can keep going back for more!

Baseball Teams! This time of year a traveler can look forward to busses FULL of healthy, young, good looking men. It is like one of those big all you can eat buffets at the casinos! What more could a Vampire on the road ask for? Not much except when we’re traveling out West…

Cowboys are always mighty tasty and a fun ride!

YES INDEED… what we’re really looking forward to are the COWBOYS! Just look at the picture. Need I say more. And if you’re lucky maybe he’ll take you for a ride or show you how he can tie things up.

Panic" at the Disco tour bus! We're heading for Las Vegas but we'll be happy to meet you on the road!

Wait, one more thing. This has to be the best. A Rock Band Tour bus. Everyone is on the road with tours this summer and we hope for a private show or two. My daughter hopes we see her favorites and pull them over for a little bite! Always a treat!

lizard

We tend to stay away from highway patrol men and women. They’re healthy and perfect for our needs BUT we have to respect the badge.

Also, stay away from lizards. If you get hungry eat a burger without the bun or bring some trail mix or cheese with you. Lizards are nasty.

We also stay away from old folks in motor homes and families in mini vans. Please don’t make me explain why.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

6 thoughts on “Roadkill… I um, mean, where are we going to eat while we’re traveling?

  1. LOL! You know you’ll have to compete with the lot lizards (not to be confused with the lizard lizards) at the truck stops!

    Have a great trip! Look forward to your reports!

    • Sometimes depending on the drug. We do tend to stay away from anyone obviously taking anything sketchy. Kids get into that problem at parties – yes, we have to have those talks too. As for illness – Modern Vampires, because of moral and ethical issues, stay away from those who are sick or otherwise unhealthy.

      And yes, some of that food can be risky but who doesn’t like a little junk food now and then. 🙂

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