A Vampire’s Guide to Grammar and Other Writing Rules: Part One

Every time you use two spaces after a period a fairy dies.

There is a REASON for that. We no longer type on old typewriters. The computers have lovely typographical features that fix the space according to the font. Don’t screw it up. One space. It is easy to break that old habit. DO IT. Break that bad habit. Stop killing fairies.

I wish we’d had computers back in the 19th century. We didn’t even have typewriters when I started out. Anyway…

I wish we’d had spell check back then. My spelling skills are much better than they used to be. Unfortunately as my readers know I still make a lot of mistakes. That is mainly due to my short attention span and general laziness. Hey, at least I’m honest about it.

Rules Everyone Needs to Know

Your: Your cat is climbing up my leg.

You’re: You’re climbing up my leg. Cut it out.

There: There is a car blocking my driveway. Where? Over there in my driveway.

Their: Their car is blocking my driveway.

They’re: They’re pushing your car over the cliff because it was blocking the driveway.

Two: I have two fangs.

Too: Me too.

To: I’m going to bite you.

To: I’m going to the castle.

Who and Whom

Who did you bite tonight?

I sucked blood from a man whom had once been in love with me.

Whom does have a sort of formal sound to it. A tricky word to use for most folks. It is also tricky to explain.

Who is used as a subjective pronoun. Whom is and objective pronoun. Confused? Me too. Don’t worry. Just move on to the next item.

The “I” and “Me” rule.

Incorrect: Me and the Vlad are going to the party.

Incorrect: Vlad and Me are going to the party.

Correct: Vlad and I are going to the party.”

ALWAYS treat the person you are bringing to the party as your guest. That means that they get to go first.

Here is a trick I use. Remove Vlad and go to the party alone. So what would you say?

Me is going to the party.


I am going to the party.

See where I’m going on this?

From Mandy White:

One part of the I/me rule that a lot of people get mixed up on is when it appears at the end of the sentence.

“The party was for Vlad and I.” (incorrect) As you said, the guest goes first, but when you remove Vlad, it no longer makes sense.

The correct way would be: “The party was for Vlad and me.”

Now, this may not look right to a lot of people. I remember my mother constantly correcting me; that it was always supposed to be, ‘I’. “Vlad and I’ seems to sound better to me. But, when you eliminate Vlad from the sentence, it no longer makes sense.


There is a good reason I’m not an English teacher. I have to look up the rules all the time. It is also a good thing I have friends who know the answers to these important questions.

Hey, thanks Mandy White for ALL of your reminders.

Write well, not good.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


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14 thoughts on “A Vampire’s Guide to Grammar and Other Writing Rules: Part One

  1. Jeeeeez…. There are FAIRIES dying???
    My oh my…
    Thanks for sharing this post, Juliette!! I would say, usually I don’t make too many of these mistakes – but when I want to write too I might once in a while forget the second “o”. I’ll try to type more carefully in the future.

  2. I’m guilty — quite possibly the worst fairy mass murderer ever. I try and try, but my fingers just won’t cooperate and let me break the ‘two letter spaces after a period’ habit.

    Fairies – forgive me.

  3. I have already killed off all of the fairies, and am probably working on the possums now. I was unaware the double space was automatically added… I had never heard of that… and I doubt I will ever be able to break myself out of that habit.

    Also totally guilty of “Me and so-and-so”, and get called out on it all the time online. But that’s how people around here speak, so it sounds natural, and “So-and-So and I” just sounds strange to me…

    • Just say “We’re going to the party.” Then you don’t have to think about it. Then they’ll ask “Who?” Then you can say “I’m getting a ride with Vlad.” That solves your problem.

      Yes indeed, that is why we don’t see fairies anymore… but now that I think about it I haven’t seen many possums lately either. Damn it.


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