ro·mance

ro·mance

rōˈmans,ˈrōˌmans
noun
1. a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.
“in search of romance” love, especially when sentimental or idealized.

2. a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life.
“the beauty and romance of the night”

3. a stupid feeling of unrealistic expectations that makes one do stupid and potentially embarrassing things.

 

In 1988, the night before a business trip from Sacramento to Seattle, I had a dream about a man with sandy colored hair and a great smile. Yes, he was the man of my dreams. I called my brother Val and told him about it. We laughed.

The next afternoon, wearing a blue and black dress that hugged my lovely curves and black heels, I boarded my flight and found myself sitting next to the man in my dream. I kid you not. This is not a flight of fancy or fiction.

We talked the entire time. He was a landscape architect. He asked me out. I was there on business so I said no. That was stupid. That night I knew I should have gone. I should have gotten his number. Ships that pass in the night. He could have been the one.

But there was no used being frantic about it. It was just one of those things. I don’t even remember his name. Despite that it was romantic and lovely.

And yes, I called Val and told him all about it. We laughed out loud.

People long for fairy tale romance. Don’t. In the real versions of fairy tales the  mermaid dies. Snow White ends up with chronic health problems due to her poison apple induced coma. Someone always gets eaten by a bear or stabbed in the neck, or turned into a lizard, or just alone in the forest with a broken shoelace and a broken heart. It sucks. The prince isn’t going to take care of you. He has work to do. He expects you to work too. Or he’ll fall back in love with his exceptionally unattractive ex-girlfriend, you know the one he should have married in the first place. Yes, she looks like the back side of a baboon but… that is just the way the marbles drop. You wanted the fantasy. You got the reality.

On the other hand we will always love the fantasy. That is why we read romance novels and love romantic movies. But the reality of romance is even better.

As with love, romance won’t work if it is forced or contrived. It can be planned but it always needs to seem spontaneous.

Romantic moments are everywhere. It is that touch of a hand in the small of the back, then a quiet kiss. It is when he brings flowers home from Costco. It is a glass of wine on the deck watching the stars and bats.

Romance is doing something to express your love in a fun way that makes your heart smile.

Romance is falling in love. Romance is also old people holding hands after 60 years of life together.

My brother Andy, the king of romance, always says, “Romance isn’t about someone one person taking control. It is about two people completely letting go.”

I’ve seen him hold out his hand to a woman, then with a smile, gently pull her into an embrace, then quietly dance. A touch of a hand, a kiss, a quiet song in her ear is all he needs. Then he’ll whisper to her that she is beautiful and put his forehead against hers. And everything else in the universe is shut out and it is only Andy and his lady, together, and nothing else.

My husband is a romantic man. I still get all fluttery when I think of him. So of course the romantic day I have ever spent was with him.

It was Valentine’s Day 2001. We took the day off with no children. Then we went to an old building in Old Sacramento and looked at dinosaurs. Yes, dinosaurs. It was a Russian dinosaur exhibit. We saw amazing creatures, huge creatures, we’d never even imagined. Oh the squat giants with armored plated and massive jaws. We saw spikes and horns and teeth – oh so many teeth. There was of course a T-Rex but there was so much more. We walked the quiet halls, it seemed like nobody else was there, viewing creatures who lived 25 million years or more ago. It was just the two of us, arm in arm, quietly in our own world, nobody else. It was a perfect day. It was the most romantic Valentine’s Day ever.

I write romantic stories (as my regular readers know.) Romance comes easy for me, but not for the reasons you imagine. Yes, it does come naturally, but romance isn’t always natural. With romance there needs to be elements of truth, of comfort, of surprise, of attraction, of desire, and of wit.

Those who are selfish, narcissistic, jealous, controlling, or desiring to be pursued will never find real romance. Their agenda is filled with preconceived notions. Their agenda is self-centered and pretty much heartless.

There are those who pursue romance and seek it out their entire lives, and never find it.

Then there are those who attract romance. Those are the people who keep their hearts and minds open. Those are the people who are open-minded. But more than that, those are the people who know that for romance there must be affection.

Yes ladies, romance has nothing to do with how much money he is going to spend on you.

Romance is not a rescue. It is not a way out. It is not a Rock Hudson/Doris Day Movie. It is not a man sweeping a woman off of her feet and taking control.

Romance is when two people thrill in a touch of a hand, a kiss, a glance, a walk on the beach. It is two people together. Equal.

Women, don’t you know how romantic guys think it is when you make the first move? Yes, you can seduce. Don’t wait for him. This is the 21st Century.

So many women get caught up in rules. There are no rules, except to be nice and honest. After that you can get as crazy romantic as you want. But no games. No games.

I have to get this out of the way, we need to talk about flowers. Guys, please, don’t give her the red roses. First of all it isn’t personal. Second red roses from the florist tend to be void of scent. On day two the rose buds will start to droop. By day three your love will have a dozen ugly drooping red dead heads. Go for other colors or red blossoms mixed with other flowers. Go for something that says something about you or about your lady. The exception is red roses from a real garden, yours or your mom’s or from a friend.

More than half of the visitors on the blog are looking for romance. These aren’t the usual hand full of kind folks who take pity on me and leave nice comments or WordPress bloggers. These are the random love lorn off of the street looking for advice on love and love letters. I hope, yes, honestly hope with all my heart that I have been of some help. Because we all need love and romance.

When you get a chance, if you’re feeling the romance, check out some of my other posts on love letters, romance and relationships. You’ll find that in my short stories as well.

 

xoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman