Your life of truth and lies

As my kids got older they asked about people I’ve known, and of choices made, or not made. They’ve asked about what was the real truth and what is not. Sometimes people live in a place in-between the truth and the lies.

Ever since I was a tiny child I have collected stories. I listened in silence as adults talked. I’d fill in the blanks between the spaces that didn’t make sense, or more often or not were missing.

I can piece together parts of a life and figure out anything. There are no secrets. All is revealed.

Most people are horrible liars. Their stories change over the years. Photos and documents don’t add up. Confusion layered with bull crap. I can figure it out. What really happens in the real world. Truth is stranger than fiction, but even strange truth has some real truth to it.

The statement “He died at sea,” in reality means “he had another family in another country and went back to them. That is why he is gone. That is why they know nothing of me or our child. That is why I say I am a widow rather than an unwed mother.”

Or the reason someone moves across the country to take a great job, but leaves a more prestigious job. He never wanted to be there. He never wanted to be with her. It was a mistake. Then there was a divorce. No children. He’d made a mistake and now he was going to lead his own life the way he wanted to – finally. There were a few other clues in there but in reality I never spoke with the person in question. I just knew. I was right. I’ve speculated on everything here and I’m right.

The young man joined the army because he was immature and needed to become a man. That is what his parents said. They said it would prepare him for college. He jointed the army because he knocked a girl up and his parents didn’t want him burdened with a family so they sent him away. If their son went away the girl would go away. So the young man learned to run away from his problems. The girl learned not to trust anyone.

She didn’t know why he was so mad. He was an idiot.  But she never got over him. He hated her or so he said. In reality he always loved her. The man she said was just a friend was really a lover who later jilted her.  He loved is second wife but when he couldn’t sleep at night, almost every night, he thought of his first wife – he did this for over 60 years. He died two days after she did.

He never left her because he wanted to prove his family and friends were wrong. She never left him because she wanted to punish him for ruining her life and because he was the only thing in her life she had absolute control over.

Uncle Jack did not die of natural causes. Neither did he die alone.

He still thinks of her all the time but it is too late. Years too late. She married someone else. He lost his chance. She thinks of him but he had his chance. She thinks he never knew that she loved him once. She was wrong about that but is doesn’t matter. Now she loves someone who deserves her – she loves him with a passion.

He never married because he was afraid of being controlled.

She never married because she had fantasies of being controlled.

You dated a man who claimed he killed people for a living and then you went to church on Sunday and everyone thought you were a saint. They never knew your daughter hated you. You never knew what she did at night after she moved away.

He always had a feeling she wasn’t dead but he never told anyone about it. He should have asked to see her body.

She said she was kidnapped as a child. In reality she was abandoned by her mother who was chasing after a cheating husband who had no use for children.

He always thought the wonderful man he grew up with and loved was his father. In reality his biological father was the man in photographs hidden between the pages of a well-worn copy of Ulysses.

They said it was a miracle that she survived the accident. Over and over the story of her car going off of the cliff was told. A slick road, an out of control truck, her small red Mustang, and the long drop into the Pacific Ocean. She told everyone it was by the grace of God and prayer. In reality it was because she cheated at cards. He was so impressed with her skills in deception that he gave her another 50 years.

When life give you lemons plant the seeds and tell everyone you have a rare fruit of kings.  But sooner or later someone might find out they’re really lemons. But don’t worry about it, we’ll make pie.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Owl Songs on a Full Moon Night

When you don’t sleep at night you get to know the owls.

Their songs – or more often their talking, their quotes, their calls, come in five notes.

They say “we knew you.”

They call out a secret code,

To a lone Vampire,

On a Dark Night,

Or maybe they sing to a lost love, or more so the same wrong words.

They sat in the tree like they are auditioning for a Steinbeck novel, in their oak tree on a California night just lit by a full Werewolf moon.

With the white Sierras in the background and the knowledge that the Pacific Ocean is close.

I was with Max earlier, my brother. He is such an alpha, yet so silent in his feelings. He listens to the owls and I know he thinks of a lost love that nobody else knew, or remembers. It only lingers in his heart and the secret places that only the creatures of the night know.

The distant traffic noises fade to nothing, and the night belongs to the soft sounds of the owls, and the random sound of deer walking single file through the field behind my home.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Secrets, Lies, and Astounding Truths.

When you live in the shadows your life sometimes consists of secrets, lies, and astounding truths. I’m a Vampire (but you already know that) so naturally I know all about secrets, lies, and even astounding truths.

Yesterday I was walking my pup on the trail near my home and ended up joining up with one of my neighbors, an elderly man called Mike. He was out walking his Welsh Corgie mix named Goober, and after petting each others dogs, we started to talk. By the way, Mike is a Werewolf. Like Vampires, Werewolves know how to keep a secret.

Mike said he’d once been married to a woman who was cheating on him with his best friend. His mind sort of snapped and he decided he needed a change. Funds were low. He had a plan. He was feeling kind of ballsy so he hijacked a plane, took the ransom money, and jumped. After a hard landing, he turned into a wolf and ran about 200 miles to an old cabin where his college aged niece and her boyfriend met him. This was 1971.

He told his wife he was going on a fishing trip. He’d hired a private investigator to take photos of his wife and her lover. Divorce papers were sent, Mike moved south to California, and started a new life. His niece and her boyfriend finished college, got jobs, got married, and now run a successful software company in San Francisco. The seed money came from Mike.

I smiled at Mike with just a bit of fang, because I couldn’t help it. “You’re D.B. Cooper.”

Mike laughed. “I am. Darned if I haven’t become a legend, and not for being a Werewolf.”

Mystery solved. Mike’s name really isn’t Mike. It isn’t D.B. Cooper either. I promised him I wouldn’t tell. Of course I wouldn’t tell anyone his real name. You never tell a Werewolf’s secrets. No, really, you NEVER tell a Werewolf’s secrets.

So that’s what I found out yesterday. Pretty cool, in a weird way. It proves that you never know, I mean about anyone. You just never know.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Old Stories, Secrets, and Teens of Long Ago, and Now

vampire teens

Old friends I hadn’t seen in a century stopped by Sunday night.

We were young together, the same age as my teenage daughter and her friends, sixteen and seventeen years old.

We laughed and told stories and caught up on.

Some of our old friends hadn’t done so well. Vampire Hunters took several. One’s husband went to check on her and found a pile of ashes in the bed. One couldn’t go on being in the world and feeling the sadness and loneliness so he sealed himself into a wall. Another left for South America in 1889 and nobody has heard from him since.

There are secrets too. There are those secrets that, when young, we keep deep inside of us. Sometimes we tell them, eventually. Sometime we don’t.  Those are the secrets of our hearts. They are also the secrets of deeds. Then there are the secrets of who we really are.

As Vampires we all know how to keep that secret for obvious reasons. We don’t keep it from ourselves, our own kind, just from the people who aren’t like us.

Olivia and Simon sat at the table with me and a bottle of wine as we caught up. How things have changed for our teens.

In the world of my children, sixteen and nineteen, nobody cares if anyone is gay. It isn’t an issue. But back when I was young it was rarely even talked about. Only in rare circles was it accepted. So if you were in love with someone of the same sex you kept it secret. You kept your shame to yourself, unless you were lucky enough to be among those who were in the circles that accepted your secret.

There are other secrets. I admitted for the first time about the boys I had crushes on. But I still wouldn’t tell secrets of a love a few years later, much more than a crush. I told him to stay faithful to a girl he adored rather than be with me. What I wanted to do was to tell him that I was the one who loved him. So is he with that girl now? I doubt it. That was over a hundred years ago and we were babies. Forgotten secrets and memories that were dislodged out of old dusty file cabinets in our brains.

I look back at the inexperience of our feelings and reactions. Maybe it is the secrets that keep us safe. It is the secrets that keep us from harm.

There were secrets of sneaking out at night. Of seeing things we shouldn’t have seen. Of stealing a heart, or something else. Secrets of a lie. Secrets of a longing. Secrets of desire. Secrets of helping someone else out in secret. And secrets of hate.

We spoke of the Vampire boy who was in love with a Werewolf girl. After a summer they parted ways. He went off to a university, she went to Europe and never came back. They were both too afraid and ashamed to tell anyone. Those times are changing.

We spoke of things we saw but never dared tell – violence, abuse, hate and betrayal.

There are those who say secrets are lies but I beg to differ. I don’t believe one must tell all, especially to friends and especially to lovers. Your experiences and thought and feeling are your own. You’re not a book to be opened. You are allowed to share only what you wish to share with others – for you belong to only yourself.

It can be confusing being young. The entire world is before you, but you don’t have the experience. You have the passion but you don’t know how to guide it. You have the joy but are never told to treasure it. You have the honesty but don’t know the portions. But most seem to have the ability to keep secrets safe and sound for as long as needed.

But seriously we had a great time catching up and laughing and not being as serious as this post. Good things – many good things have happened. Many more will in the future. Our secret to that? There is no secret. We just keep laughing and treasure those who made us who we are, and share memories with us.

So what comes out of this, as always, is to talk to your kids, listen to them, encourage them to share, and don’t pry. If you try to get all of their secrets they’ll become like stone, staring at you forever and never telling you anything.

Love them and laugh with them. Not just your teens – do that with everyone. Even the occasional Werewolf (you’ll be surprised how fun they can be if you get them on a moonless night.)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Vampire Teens Rock

Vampire Teens Rock

 

 

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/secret/

Your Life of Truth & Lies

I can piece together parts of a life and figure out anything. There are no secrets. All is revealed.

Years of observation and thinking and knowing what is a lie and what is a truth and what is a half truth has made me see things for what they are.

Most people are horrible liars. Their stories change over the years. Photos and documents don’t add up. Confusion layered with bull crap. I can figure it out. What really happens in the real world. Truth is stranger than fiction, but even strange truth has some real truth to it.

The statement “He died at sea,” in reality means “he had another family in another country and went back to them. That is why he is gone. That is why they know nothing of me or our child. That is why I say I am a widow rather than an unwed mother.”

Or the reason someone moves across the country to take a great job, but leaves a more prestigious job. He never wanted to be there. He never wanted to be with her. It was a mistake. Then there was a divorce. No children. He’d made a mistake and now he was going to lead his own life the way he wanted to – finally. There were a few other clues in there but in reality I never spoke with the person in question. I just knew. I was right. I’ve speculated on everything here and I’m right.

The young man joined the army because he was immature and needed to become a man. That is what his parents said. They said it would prepare him for college. He jointed the army because he knocked a girl up and his parents didn’t want him burdened with a family so they sent him away. If their son went away the girl would go away. So the young man learned to run away from his problems. The girl learned not to trust anyone.

She didn’t know why he was so mad. He was an idiot.  But she never got over him. He hated her or so he said. In reality he always loved her. The man she said was just a friend was really a lover who later jilted her.  He loved is second wife but when he couldn’t sleep at night, almost every night, he thought of his first wife – he did this for over 60 years. He died two days after she did.

He never left her because he wanted to prove his family and friends were wrong. She never left him because she wanted to punish him for ruining her life and because he was the only thing in her life she had absolute control over.

Uncle Jack did not die of natural causes. Neither did he die alone.

He still thinks of her all the time but it is too late. Years too late. She married someone else. He lost his chance. She thinks of him but he had his chance. She thinks he never knew that she loved him once. She was wrong about that but is doesn’t matter. Now she loves someone who deserves her – she loves him with a passion.

He never married because he was afraid of being controlled.

She never married because she had fantasies of being controlled.

You dated a man who claimed he killed people for a living and then you went to church on Sunday and everyone thought you were a saint. They never knew your daughter hated you. You never knew what she did at night after she moved away.

He always had a feeling she wasn’t dead but he never told anyone about it. He should have asked to see her body.

She said she was kidnapped as a child. In reality she was abandoned by her mother who was chasing after a cheating husband who had no use for children.

He always thought the wonderful man he grew up with and loved was his father. In reality his biological father was the man in photographs hidden between the pages of a well-worn copy of Ulysses.

They said it was a miracle that she survived the accident. Over and over the story of her car going off of the cliff was told. A slick road, an out of control truck, her small red Mustang, and the long drop into the Pacific Ocean. She told everyone it was by the grace of God and prayer. In reality it was because she cheated at cards. He was so impressed with her skills in deception that he gave her another 50 years.

When life give you lemons plant the seeds and tell everyone you have a rare fruit of kings.  But sooner or later someone might find out they’re really lemons. But don’t worry about it, we’ll make pie.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

stars

It was just a thing

lips

 

Pleasant Van Dusen.

For no reason at all I was thinking about a part of my life that I don’t share with my children or husband – my past life – my very distant past life.

Nobody needs to know my entire history with Pleasant. He was in and out of my life for years in a whirl of passion and adventure that didn’t involve my husband or anyone I associate with now.

It wasn’t a good thing or a bad thing, being with Pleasant. There was some of both. It was just a thing.

I think of dark nights with the sound of silk against silk, back in the day of corsets and hair piled high with jeweled combs. A time of secrets and hunts until the sun came up, then sleep with dreams of doing it all again.

He swept me up in a wave of passion that neither one of us could handle. What started with the stupid ignorance of youth turned bad, then it turned to dust.

I was snapped out of my thoughts with sounds from downstairs of my family. More memories of a different kind of passion with my husband Teddy. What I have with him is something based on reality, but not without that fire that never seems to burn out, fueled with both passion and trust and a bond of partnership that lasts forever. And what I have with Teddy is love. Real love.

But we all have our past lives and our different selves. The scary thing is that I know my children will also start to create their pasts and different selves. They’ll invent and reinvent themselves over and over and over before they settle down on who they really are.

I hope their choices are smart and that their voices stay loud and clear and true. Change isn’t a bad thing. Neither is exploration or odd dark paths without a obvious light at the end. But I don’t want them to ever flounder or drift in an out of control boat only to crash somewhere and have to drag themselves out of the mud. It will happen. That is the nature of life.

I’ve spent the past 18 years teaching my children to make wise choices. So far so good.

I thought of the was Pleasant would run his fangs across my wrists and then look up at me and… well, that is not a story for today or any other day. We all have our secrets to keep to ourselves.

No regrets because memories are just that – moments of the past. Remember but stay in the present, because as all Vampires know, the present can last for a very long time.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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