Out of the Crypt and Now Available: Of Immortality and Deathly Cuteness

Of Immortality and Deathly Cuteness 
The Secret Diary of Vlad Winter as Transcribed by Juliette Kings

Vlad Winter has it all, head-turning good looks, a beautiful girlfriend, faithful friends, a luxurious castle, and adoring subjects. This charmed existence ends one night in 1715 when Vlad is brutally attacked by unseen foes. Vlad might never find an answer to who tried to kill him, but that isn’t his only problem.

After being left for dead and locked in a crypt for three hundred years, Vlad Winter is rescued by his longtime friends and relocated to suburban California. In this confusing new world, he finds himself navigating more unsavory subjects such as pop culture, politics, vampire hunters, the recent pandemic, and his ex-wife. Yet, the former Vampire King comes to appreciate the joys of cats, chainsaws, insightful teenagers, humor, and perhaps the true meaning of cute.

Of Immortality and Deathly Cuteness: The Secret Diary of Vlad Winter is a personal journal written in real time, from 2015-2022.

Now available in paperback and ebook versions.

Based on the popular series Vlad’s Vampire Diary from vampiremaman.com, “Of Immorality and Deathly Cuteness” is a hilarious, brutally honest, and sometimes scary look at our modern world. You’ll see old favorites plus new never before seen new diary entries. Vlad shares stories of modern times as well those from centuries ago. You’ll laugh out loud, be inspired, feel a little sweaty, and maybe get shocked out of your socks. Read it. You thank me for it later. 
~ Oscar Gray,
December 2023

A look inside…

Introduction

This is not a story with a plot, with a beginning, middle, and dramatic ending. There is no mystery, and no stunning unveiling. It is a story of growth, maybe some redemption, and a lot of cute. It is a story of a man, my closest and dearest friend, coming to terms about who he is. It is a personal diary written in real time, from 2014 – 2022.

Juliette Kings has transcribed his diary, leaving out minute details, mundane events such as daily weather reports, entries about litter boxes, garbage schedules, notes on drip sprinkler systems, and excessive venting about his ex-wife, among other things. Elders who read and write our friend’s native language have helped translate where he drifted away from modern English. 

Now a forgotten figure in history, my friend Vlad Winter was a man before his time. Bridging generational gaps and cultural stigmas, he kept his people together. Unfortunately, there were those who could not accept his visionary ways.

Vlad was never one to blindly follow tradition and what his forefathers did. He was enlightened before the Age of Enlightenment. This is a record of how he became even more enlightened.

Randolpho Giovanni Drew 
December 2024

A Word from the Author

Constantine Jones sat down across from me. We were at my house, in my sun-drenched breakfast nook, with a view of an oak tree filled field. 

As always, Constantine was dressed to kill. Today my friend wore an unstructured brown leather jacket, a white button down shirt with a hand painted geometric patterned tie, paired with perfectly fitting Levi 501s, with exquisite brown leather lace up boots. 

“How can you stand all of this bright light?” 

I noticed his green-framed glasses had transitioned to a darker tint.

“I’m used to it,” I said to my guest. “My son, on the other hand, has an extreme sensitivity to sunlight. It isn’t easy for everyone. I get it.”

I gave him a mug of coffee. It was good. A nice pour over, but that isn’t important, except for the fact I wanted to make him feel comfortable talking to me. “Bourbon?” I asked. 

“Yes, please,” he said as he watched me fill up the remaining space in the mug, then pour some into my mug. It was only 11:00 a.m. but that was ok. We’re used to odd hours. 

Out of the corner of my eye I could see a ghost sitting on my deck. I pretended not to notice.

“Tell me about him, Constantine,” I said.

“Every group has that one friend. You know, that charismatic guy who keeps the group cohesive, is fiercely protective of everyone, is universally loved, and then becomes just another long forgotten missing person. To tell the truth, I had given up finding him years ago. I hate to admit it, but I just assumed he was dead.”

He glanced out the window. “You’ve got a ghost out there.”

“I know. They’re always out there,” I said, as I closed the blinds.

“So, you want to know about Vlad?”

“As a child, I’d heard stories about Vlad Winter. He’d vanished off the face of the earth, leaving a legacy of contradictions, and…”

“I invited him here. He’ll be here in a few minutes.”

“Here? At my home?”

“Yeah, we want you to transcribe his diary.”

“I write fiction,” I said.

“Not anymore,” said Constantine Jones with a smile, ever so slightly showing his fangs. “And one more thing, Juliette. Randolpho is wrong about this project. There is a dramatic ending. It was something quite unexpected.”

So began the tale of immortality and deathly cuteness. 

Juliette Kings, 
December 2023

My editor and hand holder was the amazing Mandy White. Cover design and inside illustration are the work of Jason Kemp.

Happy reading everyone – whatever you are reading. 

Stay safe. Check in on those who are alone, or might need extra help. Hug your dogs and cats. Talk to your kids. And most important of all kiss a vampire. You’ll thank me for it later.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman