Burning Question #57: Bunches of Cats (and dogs)

 

Welcome to Vampire Maman’s BURNING QUESTION. This is YOUR opportunity to answer ALL of the Burning Question of the universe.

 

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Today’s question doesn’t need much of an introduction. Just ANSWER THE POLL. Then leave comments below. Discuss this question or anything else you want or NEED to talk about right now (or later.)

 

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Burning Question #57: If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

 

I forgot all about sea lions. Look they’re piling.

My real goal is to get my two cats to wear cute hats and ring bells for treats. I tried to do that a few times but they were afraid of the bell. I’ll keep trying.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

It’s morning. Do you know where your soul is?

I’m on the road doing college/parenting stuff. I’ll have new posts when I return. Reposted from August 2015.

It’s morning. Do you know where your soul is?

coffee

A conversations over coffee and musings about the lives of others.

This morning I met for coffee with my brother’s friend James.

James is one of those people I find extremely obnoxious, but we have a connections through my brother Andy and through some shared experiences. We all have friends like James.

When he isn’t just hanging out with old friends, James is a psychiatrist to some pretty well known individuals. He is good at giving people ways to find normalcy in their lives. That is their normal. Everyone has his or her own normal, they just have to find it. The same goes with inner peace and contentment. James gives his patients the tools and teaches them how to use those tools to keep healthy.

As I drove to his house, through one of the more exclusive neighborhoods in the city, I passed a home I’d once been in, years ago. The house belonged to a wealthy man. I’m talking insanely wealthy. A friend of mine was his executive assistant.

I was there for a party. He was lovely and friendly. I’d met him before and he remembered me. My friend adored him. He was a good man.

Unfortunately his ex-wife, his narcissistic daughter, and his psychiatrist only saw dollar signs. They poisoned him with their demands and their bad advise. It was never about him. People who cared couldn’t get through to him. The women took and took from him, stabbing out pieces of his soul until one day he killed himself.

“There is a special place in Hell for them. No, really, Jewels, the reservations have been made,” James told me as he poured me a second cup of coffee in his well-appointed kitchen.

I believed James, because like me, he is a Vampire. He lives with one foot in death’s door at times. He knows what it is like to grab up your own soul and hold it tight. For unlike Regular Humans, Vampires can’t give away or trade our souls, but sometimes there are those who try to come up from the depths of Hell and steal them away.

“And to think,” I said, “people call us ghouls.”

“They’re such hypocrites,” said James.

We had more coffee and talked about our friends, our work and books we’d read over the summer. I looked around the beautiful kitchen. Too bad not much cooking happened in it. Most Vampires don’t cook much. We do, but not much. I don’t need to explain why.

James made a lame joke about cooking and I laughed. Then he smiled with a sexy bit of fang and said, “Let’s go upstairs and fuck.”

I smiled back. “You know I’m married.” Yes, that is the reason I don’t see much of James.

“Right, you’re married to the most handsome Vampire in the world, but come down to the dark side with me this morning. Nobody will ever know. Mix it up a little.”

“Oh James,” I said, “even if I was single I’d have to say no. It isn’t going to happen. But thank you for the coffee. It was delightful.”

“At least I can try,” he said taking my hand and kissing it.

Now I’m home, taking a break from my work, sharing my morning. I’m also wondering if anyone is mourning still for the lovely man who was driven to his death by demons who took the form of friends and family.

I look at my old dog sleeping on the cool tile by my feet. I hear a hawk outside. It is a calm space where demons are not allowed. I will not let them in.

Close the door if they knock, even if they look like someone you know.

Beware those who have already traded in their souls at the expense of others.

OK everyone, have a nice day.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

Wild Coffee

Adventure in a Cup

 

 

 

 

It was just a thing.

this guy

Pleasant Van Dusen.

For no reason at all I was thinking about a part of my life that I don’t share with my children or husband – my past life – my very distant past life.

Nobody needs to know my entire history with Pleasant. He was in and out of my life for years in a whirl of passion and adventure that didn’t involve my husband or anyone I associate with now.

It wasn’t a good thing or a bad thing, being with Pleasant. There was some of both. It was just a thing.

I think of dark nights with the sound of silk against silk, back in the day of corsets and hair piled high with jeweled combs. A time of secrets and hunts until the sun came up, then sleep with dreams of doing it all again.

He swept me up in a wave of passion that neither one of us could handle. What started with the stupid ignorance of youth turned bad, then it turned to dust.

I was snapped out of my thoughts with sounds from downstairs of my family. More memories of a different kind of passion with my husband Teddy. What I have with him is something based on reality, but not without that fire that never seems to burn out, fueled with both passion and trust and a bond of partnership that lasts forever. And what I have with Teddy is love. Real love.

But we all have our past lives and our different selves. The scary thing is that I know my children will also start to create their pasts and different selves. They’ll invent and reinvent themselves over and over and over before they settle down on who they really are.

I hope their choices are smart and that their voices stay loud and clear and true. Change isn’t a bad thing. Neither is exploration or odd dark paths without a obvious light at the end. But I don’t want them to ever flounder or drift in an out of control boat only to crash somewhere and have to drag themselves out of the mud. It will happen. That is the nature of life.

I’ve spent the past 18 years teaching my children to make wise choices. So far so good.

I thought of the was Pleasant would run his fangs across my wrists and then look up at me and… well, that is not a story for today or any other day. We all have our secrets to keep to ourselves.

No regrets because memories are just that – moments of the past. Remember but stay in the present, because as all Vampires know, the present can last for a very long time.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Right now I’m in Southern California with my daughter who is visiting the big university she’ll be going to in September. She is signing up for classes, etc, and because of this I’m reposting from August 2015. Enjoy. Have fun. Think. And stay cool in the summer heat. I’m off to the beach.

2019 Summer Reading: Long Books You’ll Savor

 

Some stories just can’t be told in three hundred and fifty pages.

Some stories need at least eight hundred pages, or twelve hundred, or even a few more than that.

For me long books are like road trips. Epic road trips. My kind of road trips.

Don’t be intimidated by long books. Read them. Savor them. Enjoy them. Add one to your summer reading list, even if you have to bring it into fall.

Seriously, I kid you not, I read It by Stephen King in one weekend. It is 1,138 pages. No problem. The next week I read The Stand, also by Stephen King . It is a little over 800 pages.

Here is my list. I might not have pictures for all of them. I don’t have exact page counts for all of them because that varies depending on addition and media, but all are long. I will give a brief line about each book. You can look up more about it on either your favorite online book site, go to a bookstore, or the library, or go to Wikipedia for more information. These are all books I have read (some more than once) and enjoyed.

So here we go…

The Stand by Stephen King

The ultimate epic battle of good and evil. You will never forget it. Never. Nobody does good and evil better than Stephen King.

Boy’s Life by Robert R. McCammon

I love this book so much. So will you. Take my word on it. You will laugh. You will cry. You will be amazed at how wonderful, and weird, and fun this book is.

East of Eden by John Steinbeck

All movie versions of this suck. The book is the story of a family, and a story about changing times, and one of the most beautifully written American stories ever. Read it.

Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien

I know, I know, this is a Trilogy but I’m including this because you MUST read all of it. PLEASE if you have only seen the movies (which left out so many important parts) please read the book. The books are about friendship, change, love, and grit. We can all relate to the characters. I’ve always thought that Pippen was based off of me. I love these books. READ THE BOOKS. My copies are falling apart I have read them so many times.

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

A man is tricked by someone (some asshole) he thought was his friend. He is imprisoned. His wife is wooed and won by his enemy. Then he escapes with a vast treasure and comes back as The Count of Monte Cristo and seeks revenge and love.

Also make sure you read Les Miserables by Dumas. Always read the original.

The Far Pavilions by M.M. Kaye

An epic tale of crossed love and crossed cultures.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

Another book I’ve read many many times. Anna is in an unhappy marriage. In a world where divorce brings ruin she finds love outside of her marriage. But it is so much more than that. Just read it.

The Crystal Cave and The Hollow Hills
Two long books by Mary Stewart

Druce and Morcant approve of these books. A beautifully written pair of books about the life of Merlin the Wizard. I have read these books many many times.

Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry

More than just a western. This story will sweep you off of your feet. Take my word for it.

Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett

Just out of the Dark Ages and edging towards the Middle Ages. You’ll love the characters. You’ll learn things you never imagined you’d know.

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

An unexpected story of a boy who stole a famous painting and carried it with him through his life.

cat reads the classics

Until next Monday for more happy reading suggestions.

Click here for my entire line up of 2019 Summer Reading suggestions. 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Short Story Sunday: Morcant and the Mermaid

Tangled Tales

Druce held out his arm while his friend Morcant cleaned and bandaged the wounds. “I was out fishing on the rocks. She’d been coming there to meet me for the past few months. At first she’d just poke her head out of the water and look at me for a bit then swim away. After the third or fourth time I got her to come closer. She spoke to me in our language. Sure, her voice was sort of high and irritating but I got used to it.”

“No wonder you’d been fishing so much lately. What did she look like?”

“Bright sea blue eyes, hair the color of a new spring leaf, and skin iridescent like a pearl. I’ve seen pearls Morcant, I know that beauty.  And speaking of beautiful round objects, her breasts were perfect, tipped with spectacular blue nipples.”

“That is all a fine fantasy but below the waist she’s a fucking fish.”

“Warm like a dolphin.”

“You didn’t. No. Tell me you didn’t.”

“Just a kiss, on salt touched lips.”

“Then she nearly ate your arm. What is wrong with you Druce?”

“I didn’t expect her to bite me.”

“Did she give you her name?”

“Pook.”

“Bloody great. I know her. Nothing but trouble that one.”

“I’m sure it was just an accident or a misunderstanding.”

“No. She intended to drag you down to her home and eat you, or worse. Druce, for a Warlock you can be insanely gullible when it comes to a pretty face and a pair of tits. I’ll make you some healing tea so you won’t end up with arm rot or some other disgusting Mermaid crud.”

Morcant made the brew for his friend then tucked him into bed and headed towards the beach.

Being a Selkie, Morcant knew all about the charms of women. They couldn’t resist him. That was the way of Selkies. But there was also something about Druce that women liked. He wasn’t the tallest or the most handsome man in the village, but he had a boyish charm females loved. Maybe it was his bright eyes, quick smile, or those dimples, or even the messy sun streaked hair. It could even have been the fact that he was the keeper of magic. Who knows. Maybe it was his sense of humor. All of that considered, Druce couldn’t keep it under his tunic and was always having troubles with women.

Upon arriving at the shore Morcant drew the seal skin from his shoulders and wrapped it around his entire body. His toes touched the salt water and he turned into a seal. That is what Selkies do. They are seals in the ocean, and on the land they carry their seal skins and walk as humans. They’re remarkably attractive in their human form. Unfortunately if someone steals the skin of a Selkie then they can hold the Selkie as their slave. But that last fact is neither here nor there for this story.

Morcant the seal dove down deep into the ocean. He knew where to go. He knew where the Merfolk lived.

When he saw Pook with her green hair and blue tipped breasts he grabbed her hair in his mouth and dragged her up to the surface of the ocean.

Letting go of her hair Morcant showed his large seal teeth to Look.

“You’re such an attractive seal,” she said to him in her tiny voice. “Sooooooo attractive. My tail has an itch that only a Selkie Seal can scratch.”

Morcant growled a low seal growl. “You nearly killed my friend. You have no business perusing Druce and making him fall in love with you. You’re not a human woman and have no business with him.”

Pook grinned at him showing her pointed teeth. She reminded Morcant of a shark. “What will you give me to keep away?”

Morcant grabbed Pook by the hair and spoke between his seal teeth. “I will drag you to the beach and then give you to men who will put you in a cage and drag you across the land. People will pay to see you and look at you in horror as your lovely skin dries up, and then you become nothing but a piece of dried salted cod. THAT is what I will give you.”

Pulling her hair away Pook screamed a high pitched scream that would break glass then swam off.

Later, in human form, Morcant checked in on his friend Druce. The Warlock was sleeping soundly.

The sound of the waves lulled Morcant into a slumber filled with dreams of calm oceans, and warm human women.

At the bottom of the sea the Mermaids sang their high pitched songs while they drank their brew out of polished shells. Pook brushed off her pride and picked out a Merman to share the night with. She thought of Druce and his adorable dimples, and sun kissed hair. Her heart fluttered a bit and she felt oddly in love with the man with legs. Then again, what would she do with legs? She had no idea, so she swam into the night, tending her broken heart, in the arms of her new Merman lover.

~ end

 

For more about Morcant and Druce CLICK HERE.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

Burning Questions #56: Dancing With The Heavenly Bodies

Welcome to Vampire Maman’s Famous BURNING QUESTIONS.

Get on your dancing shoes (or roller skates) and come with me…

Dancing With the Stars Devil Angels.

This week we’re getting into the realm of Dan Brown. Just kidding, we’re not looking for clues, or even a best seller. We’re just looking for an answer, clues or not. It doesn’t have to even be the right answer, because this is a BURNING QUESTION and there might now even be an answer. Sorry Dan (but I did get ALL of the answers in DiVinci Code because, you know, I’m a Vampire and I’m good at figuring stuff out.)

 

Let’s Get Physical. Maybe not. I hate that song. On the other hand maybe we should get metaphysical, or metaphorical, or just think about something we have no answer for.

From Wikipedia:

How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?” (alternatively “How many angels can stand on the point of a pin?”) is a reductio ad absurdum challenge to medieval scholasticism in general, and its angelology in particular, as represented by figures such as Duns Scotus and Thomas Aquinas. It is first recorded in the 17th century, in the context of Protestant apologetics. It also has been linked to the fall of Constantinople, with the imagery of scholars debating while the Turks besieged the city.[4][5]

In modern usage, the term has lost its theological context and is used as a metaphor for wasting time debating topics of no practical value, or questions whose answers hold no intellectual consequence, while more urgent concerns accumulate.

So let’s waste some time. If you want to get wasted you may do that as well.

BURNING QUESTION #56: How Many Angels Can Dance On The Head Of A Pin

 

 

With all of these great musical bits I forgot a picture of an angel. Who doesn’t like angels. Who doesn’t like angel food cake. Do angels eat angel food cake? Do they eat Devil’s food cake?  That is a Burning Question for another day.

 

250px-Saint_Raphael

 

Now for one of my favorite numbers, with or without anyone on the head of a pin. Seriously folks, you can’t get better than Fred and Ginger.

Put your answer on the poll. Don’t worry – nobody is going to take down your information. What the crap would I do with it anyway?

Leave your comments, musings, questions, song suggestions, dance steps, recipes, stories, and whatever you wish in the comments section below.

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Have fun and Diamond Dave and I will see you next week for another BURNING QUESTION.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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