What We’re Talking About Today: Disgusting People, School, Road Trips & Looking to the Future and THE DOG.

Trigger Warning: We will be discussing politics, Star Wars, Star Trek, and being rude and maybe using bad language. I’m also going to ramble on and be long winded because this is my blog.

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Trigger, in his natural state, before being dressed up. And yes, he was stuffed after he died. I find the taxidermy aspect kind of creepy (and I’m a Vampire for heaven’s sake)

For years I’ve been blogging about what my kids and I are talking about.

You all know my mantra is talk to your kids. Seriously, no matter how young, or how old they are, you need to talk to them, and with them, and listen as well. Pretty much no subject should be off limit.

First of all, the age of #MeToo, which should have come long before now, Alex Acosta resigned in as the Secretary of Labor due to his lax dealings and deals with the King of Perverts Jeffrey Epestein.

As the Epestein story unfolds we’ve talked about all of the stories about how rich and powerful men think it is OK to rape girls. Someone was calling them “underaged women.” These are CHILDREN we’re talking about, procured for the disgusting habits of rich men. Yes, folks this has been going on for centuries and it has to stop NOW.

All of the news about nasty creepy men who abuse, threaten, rape, and buy girls is so disgusting. They are not under age women – they are GIRLS and CHILDREN. What asshat thought of the term underaged woman? Obviously someone who wants to excuse the rich and powerful of their disgusting crimes. Anyone would would be friends or associated with any child abuser makes me sick. So many people know about powerful people who buy girls for their own perverted purposes. To me these people are equally guilty for not saying anything. These girls will suffer their entire lives with love self-worth, health problems, and in ways most of us can never imagine. Pedophilia is a crime for everyone – no amount of money or religion can make is acceptable under ANY circumstance.

My kids and I have also talked about teachers, Hollywood figures, and others who also take advantage of young people for their disgusting urges. No excuses. Consenting adults means ADULTS. Any adult who can’t control themselves around children needs to be locked up FOREVER.

We also talked about those horrible adults, including parents, who put their daughters out there, more or less selling them to the highest bidder. We see it all the time. It is all over the place. It is disgusting.

I’ve spent over twenty years drilling it into my children’s heads not to make fun of how other people look but we ended up talking about THIS PHOTO.

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All of the young folks are passing it around laughing saying they can’t get it out of their heads. This is a bad photo all around.

Who the Hell would give their children such creepy old fashioned hair cuts. This is not cute. They look like they’re wearing helmets. It is MEAN Mrs. Acosta. And NOBODY dresses their children in matching outfits anymore. You might think it is cute to dress your children like weird matching twin dolls out of The Shining but everyone else is wondering WTF?

By the way, there are entire web sites and blogs devoted to bad family photos. Look it up. The holiday photos are exceptionally funny.

Mike Pence looks exceptionally short which is weird because he is 5″10′ tall in real life, but we’ve decided that NOTHING in Washington D.C. outside of the Smithsonian Museums has anything to do with reality. On the other hand Mrs. Acosta could be close to seven feet tall. We just don’t know. And hey, Mike Pence, what are you doing so close to a woman who isn’t your wife. Do you feel tempted? Come on Mike, tell us. We won’t blab your secret (yes we will but that’s ok.)

We seriously think men who use the excuse “I won’t be around other women, who aren’t my wife, because it is out of respect for my wife, and I don’t want the temptation” are moronic perverts. Seriously dudes, if you can’t be left alone in a room with another woman, or be around women without the possibility of dirty thoughts then you need to be locked away FOREVER. This isn’t the 12th Century. Get with it guys. Stop thinking with your dicks.

Vlad, the King of Vampires (you all know Vlad) was locked in a crypt for three hundred years, missed the 18th – 20th Centuries, and he is still more advanced than these guys when it comes to women. Then again, Vlad is a Vampire, so of course he is socially advanced. Vlad is also 5″10′ but nothing like Mike Pence. Vlad’s leadership skills are far better. Vlad is also sexy and cute AF but that is another story.

It seems that religion, so called family-values, perversion, violence against females, and politics are all dancing around the May Pole together, and happily, or unhappily falling into bed with each other. Yes, that is what I’m talking about with my kids. I don’t want them to end up so sick and twisted as all of the rich and powerful who choose to use and abuse their power in the name of money, religion, and politics.

Those who turn their backs when they see this behavior, adults harming children, are just as guilty as those who do the actual harm.

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Now from one soap box to another…

We just saw the new Star Trek series poster. Forget the actual series, just look at the poster. It is beautiful. And THE DOG. Look at THE DOG.

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I also have a thing for men in long coats. It goes way back.

My kids didn’t grow up with Star Trek or Star Wars, at least not a lot. They were not around for the first wave of shows/movies and it isn’t on their social radar. But, they live in The United States of America so they KNOW enough. They’ve seen enough of the movies to the extent where we can talk about it.

I guess I could say my children are more of the Hunger Games generation.

There has always been a contrived battle between those who like Star Trek more and those who like Star Wars more. Come on folks, get off it it. They are both part of our now collective folklore. Get over it.

The thing that has made both of the series of stories so successful isn’t that they take place in space, but in the characters and their relationships with each other. Especially with Star Trek, it is all about friendships.

But there have been fails, horrible fails with both.

With the Star Trek series the first show was something different. It was fun. It was campy. People remembered it.

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Then came the first Star Trek movie in 1979 “Star Trek – The Motion Picture.” It was HORRIBLE.

But then, wait, something sort of wonderful and about as wonderful and campy as it gets happened.

THE WRATH OF KAHN

I have a soft spot for “First Contact” from 1996.

The rest were ok. Fun to see with friends for no good reason. Then in 2009 “Star Trek” came out with CHRIS PINE. OMG talk about eye candy. It was a fun movie. We all liked it.

The next few were fun too, but the last one “Beyond” was so jumbled with massive explosions, special effects, and other violent nonsense that we didn’t even realize there was a story line.

But going back to Picard… I’ve tried to explain this to my kids who won’t take the time to watch it… “The Inner Light” episode of The Next Generation was a wonderful stand alone story. Picard has memories of another life where he lives in a calm and nice community, has a family, and lives a life different from his own. There is no explanation of where these memories come from. It just is what it is.

Now, not to skip it, we talked about Star Wars.

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I find the direction the “Star Wars” series has taken extremely sad.

The first three films are now locked into our culture and mythology, as hard and fast as Apollo, Aphrodite, and Hermes are locked into Greek mythology.

Star Wars: A New Hope (1977)

The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

The Return of the Jedi (1983)

These three movies are what we think of when we think of “Star Wars.” The Return of the Jedi was a perfect movie. All three were magic.

Unfortunately all that followed (except one) were HORRIBLE. What the fuck were they thinking?

In 2016 “Rogue One” came out and surprised us all. It had good actors, a good solid story, and great characters. After that the following movies all went down hill crashing and burning all the way down.

My daughter’s boyfriend described “Solo” this way: It was like someone asked a thirteen year old kid off the street where Solo came from and made the lame answer into a movie.

Way to go Disney.

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We’re kind of done with the Avengers too. The movies got too confusing with too many  disjointed story lines, too many characters, too many stupid things, too many fights, and not enough good lines or a real plot.

But hey, you already knew all of this. It is what we’re talking about this morning.

Aside from political scum bags we don’t personally know, and movies we have other things on our minds.

Both of my kids are looking for places to live next year. They’re filling out applications for renting houses or town houses. I get a million questions about frustrating questions on the applications. They’re adults now for sure, but sometimes need help in  navigating it all.

Fall with a new school, and graduate school is looming on the horizon.

An empty nest is looming on the horizon for me. I have big plans for building an office/studio space for my writing, art, and other business. I’m going to get rid of so much stuff that it would make even Marie Kondo cry, or extremely proud.

We’ve all been on the airbnb site so much that we’re going to shut it down. For the next two months there will be road trips up and down the state of California both for school and fun. In a few weeks we’re also blasting up to Spokane, Washington for the 2019 National Figure Roller Skating Championships.

My kids and I are talking about a lot of things. We always do.

No matter how old they are keep talking with your kids. It is easy, and free. Plus it will always make you feel good.

I’ll end this off with a photo. My daughter is at the coast for the weekend. No matter where she goes she sends me photos. This  one is of a bobcat she was walking down the road by the house she is staying in. Good stuff.

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~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Short Story Sunday: None of his concern

Senator Wallace “Wally” Baskin stood on the podium as his fans watched on. They knew he would cut funding to arts, which after all were only for high brow perverts and didn’t do anything for the economy. He had cut funds for National Parks which everyone knew were just glorified playgrounds used by retired folks and boy scouts. Bears and rock formations were not his concern. If he didn’t see it or like it then it wasn’t his concern.

He’d never seen a bear in the wild, an underaged prostitute, a Indian burial ground, the inside of an art museum, or a whale, so they were not his concerns. He had never personally known a soldier with PSTD, or one with missing limbs so that was none of his concern. Wally Baskin had never known a child with cancer, or anyone with AIDS, or an opera singer, so they were none of his concern.

Empathy, curiosity, and compassion were for the weak. They were none of his concern.

The Senator looked out over the crowd, a mix of white, brown, and a few darker folks picked out by his staff, mixed in with people who’d just come to the State Fair to see the hogs, goats, and a popular local metal band called Fire Pods. Wally wondered about the Fire Pods. He wondered if they worshiped the Devil, or ate exotic cheeses with California wine, or had sex with women who happily showed off their large breasts and snake tattoos. He thought about them with those women, legs wrapped around the skinny lead singer with the handsome face and long blonde hair.

Wally never liked Metal music. Wally never liked any music. His kids listened to music, but he never asked them about it. They were grown now and had been poisoned against him by his first wife. He didn’t see them but he still thought about it and it made him angry.

He’d told his son that majoring in English was a waste of time. He told his daughter that she’d never find a husband if she majored in Chemistry. When his ex-wife got remarried he’d called her a whore for not being faithful to the father of his children. It didn’t matter that he’d married a woman only ten years older than his son.

His new wife, a beauty named Desiree, was always by his side in her high heels and monochromatic suits. He didn’t see her much in his off time, but she was always there with a million watt smile, not a line on her face, and not an extra pound on her body. He wasn’t allowed to often touch that body, but he didn’t think she let anyone else touch it either. Today she stood by his side smiling and holding the hands of their extremely bored nine year old twin boys.

The boys had told their father they didn’t want to be there. Wally told him he’d whip their butts if they didn’t behave, so they behaved.

Maybe Wally should have whipped the butts of his older children more. That was one reason his wife left him and poisoned his unruly children against him. He thought of his daughter asking her stepfather to walk her down the isle when she got married. Wally was still trying to find dirt on the man. He refused to go to her wedding, but instead went to a church retreat with some of his political donors. He’d rather spend a weekend with God and other’s who appreciated him rather than his loser daughter.

Senator Wallace “Wally” Baskin stood on the podium and started to talk about family values, American values, God, and bringing back the goodness of yesterday. The crowd  gave a luke warm response by clapping politely and not walking away. As he walked to his limo, with his wife and whining boys behind him, he could hear the crowd roar with approval as Fire Pods started up their noise.

Wally would find the dirt on Fire Pods and have them ruined, especially the lead singer, the good looking blonde named Ryan Green. Fuck you Ryan Green thought Wally. Your career is OVER.

At home Wally said grace over the dinner table and told his wife that he was pleased with the outcome of the day. She smiled, but looked tired, even after changing into jeans and a tee shirt. He didn’t like it when she wore jeans, but he’d gotten tired of her bitching about it. He’d check her bank account in the morning and take out some money just to teach her a lesson. The twins ate chicken nuggets in another room while he and his wife had some sort of noodle dish. She called it pasta but it would always be noodles to him.

Life was good. Wally instructed his staff to post on all of his social media sites about his good life, his good wife, and his bright manly twin boys. He watched the news about floods, fires, quakes, tornadoes, murders, and all kinds of unpleasant things but that was none of his concern. If you don’t you’re house to shake don’t live in California is what he always said.

Later that night his wife was sitting on the back deck of their mansion sipping a glass of wine. She’d taken her make-up off. Wally told his wife she looked ugly without her make-up and he’d prefer to keep it on. She called him an asshole. He slapped her. She told him that she was unhappy. He said it was none of his concern and she’d better do her job as his wife and keep us her end of the deal.

The next morning Wally woke up to the sound of nothing. No breakfast cooking. No children with their annoying noise. No sound of their annoying dog. Not his wife singing some stupid songs he didn’t recognize.

On the kitchen table he’d found a note.

Wally,

Maria will be in tonight and make you dinner. She’ll organize the domestic staff from now on so you won’t have to see them. Remember Maria, our personal chef? She is the one you called a cow when she made stir-fry that night. If you call her names again she’ll leave you.

And speaking of leaving you… I have left you. I’ve gone off with Ryan Green. I’ve taken the twins, after all Ryan is their biological father. You were too stupid to guess that. Why do you think they look so much like him. 

If you wish to speak to me or send a message contact my lawyer. 

D.

Wally called his wife on the phone and left a long message. This would be the death of his political career. He called his ex-wife, he called his eldest son, he called his daughter. He even called his elderly mother.

None of them answered.

Two weeks later when his naked bloated body was found floating in his swimming pool the police asked his staff, his neighbors, and his family, why nobody had called to report him missing.

They all had the same reply.

It was none of my concern.

~ end

 

 

 

 

 

 

More Weirdness

Look at the babies. Even for a 159 year old Vampire this is weird. She picked on up by it’s little itty bitty arm. They’re flailing and crying on the ground. They’re naked. Poor babies.

And NO Vampires don’t steal or eat babies. Unlike our regular human counterparts we’ve evolved.

Right now we live in weird times. Let me back up a bit. It has always been weird but for some reason it seems especially weird now.

My 19 year old daughter  works in a smoothie and juice place. This morning a woman in her shop (blonde, white, dressed like what we call a crunchy hippie type) came in and accused a man of Indian descent (nice looking, dressed nicely like most guys in the many nearby high tech companies) of spying on her other covert activities. The poor guy was calling his wife on his phone to ask her if she wanted anything. He took the call outside and the blonde hippie woman followed him and started to yell at him. The staff of the smoothie shop was in shock. They apologized and gave the poor man free smoothie coupons. What the fuck is wrong with people. I feel so bad for the poor kids who work in the store, but especially for the poor guy just making a call to his wife. I was appalled.

Damn, I don’t even want to talk about the political scene. Shit like this keeps happening and politicians are enjoying every minute of it. They’re fanning the fire. I swear Vampires should start getting involved. There are so few of us but at least we have the history, and background, and education to make reasonable decisions. We can look back into the past and logically see what will happen and the consequences of certain actions. We are also passionate with a strong sense of values. We are experts in good and evil.

But alas I don’t think anyone is really ready for us. They aren’t read for a female president. I don’t think they’re ready for a gay president. I don’t think they’re ready for anything that isn’t spoon fed to them by a machine that resembles the worst kind of cult.

If we (Vampires) got involved we’d all be dead within a few years. They’d kill us. Nobody wants to understand us.

On the other hand…

Every year large beasts are being found in the ocean and vanishing jungles of the world. Even the term “vanishing jungles” should seem weird. I digress… back to my point. Do you think a Sasquatch or Bigfoot population will ever be found?

I don’t mean some fuzzy photos, a sound recording that sounds like coyotes howling or squirrel chatter, a weird footprint, or a tuft of what looks like German Shepard fur. I’m talking about a real physical being. Maybe a baby Squatch left at a campsite with a note saying, please take care of me. One can only imagine.

Don’t laugh at the note part. If they do exist they’ve managed to hide for a long time. The ability to read and know human language would aid in the ability to keep hidden. If you know where your enemies are and what they are doing you can make sure they never find you. Yes, maybe the hunt for Bigfoot is the ultimate hide-and-seek. Or maybe it is just a bull shit fairy tale. You never know.

Sometimes I still see guys with their pants down around their butt cheeks. I still don’t understand that. How can they walk. Plus it looks so unflattering. Dude, have some self respect. I don’t see it very often anymore but it still is so weird.

Urine. There are people who drink urine and even put it in their eyes. I’ll say no more on the subject.

Did you know that even NPR has a strange news page? It does. Here is the link: https://www.npr.org/sections/strange-news/

We’re all drawn to weird things on some level because it is something different that we don’t always see.

Then again there are those people in our lives we consider weird. There is Ramona who won’t talk to men and only drinks goat milk. There is Vance who dresses like a 1970’s British Horror movie Vampire, complete with red lined cape. We keep telling him to just wear jeans and a button down shirt. Vance wonders why he can’t get a date. Vance is a weird and lonely Vampire. Maybe I should introduce him to Ramona. I could go on and on but I know you have those weird people in your lives. Maybe you’re the weird person. That’s OK. It really is (sort of, sometimes, as long as you don’t bother me.)

I always told my kids that there is a find line between letting your freak flag fly, and being an asshole, or bully bait, or just an idiot. Like with all things, weirdness can often be transformed into a lovely sort of uniqueness. That is the goal.

Well, and finding Sasquatch. The goal is always to find Sasquatch, the Loch Ness Monster, maybe a space alien, matching socks, plastic lids that fit, your keys, your sanity, and a good friend.

I’m outta stuff to say.

If you have anything weird to share feel free to put it in the comments. This is a hate free zone. Have at it.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Burning Question #50: Do you dare to believe?

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Are you ready?

Today is the day for 50 Burning Questions to come to an end with Burning Question #50.

So I’ll make this quick. In turn, I expect you to put your answer on the poll, AND leave a comment about your favorite, or least favorite conspiracy theory. Below are just a few to jog your memory. We’ll celebrate when we’ve all clicked on an answer. And as almost always you can vote more than once.

Trained companion dogs rigged the elections. Truman Capote wrote To Kill A Mocking Bird. Eric Trump is a Vampire. Abraham Lincoln did all kinds of activities both alive and dead that we’ll never know about. Ancient Aliens came to Europe in the Middle Ages. Ancient Aliens of course, but I’m not sure if any Young Aliens were around. Meriwether Lewis was murdered. Elvis is ALIVE. Cats control everything. Jess Sessions. Area 51. The Beatles never existed. Jerry Brown and Diane Feinstein are brother and sister. Marilyn Monroe was murdered by the Kennedy brothers. Aliens are everywhere. The Masons rule the world. JFK is still alive. A secret race of reptiles control the Earth from underground cities. Shriners rule the world – Ask Dan Brown about that. Believe in the Smoking Man. Bigfoot. Flat Earth. Men in black suits. And the list goes on and on and on and on.

 

 

Seriously folks, I know who is a Vampire and wrote Shakespeare’s Plays.

 

Burning Question #50: Do you believe any conspiracy theories?

(Just answer the silly poll. I won’t sell your information or text SPAM to your phone.)

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Thank you everyone for coming back week after week after week for all 50 BURNING QUESTIONS.

And the mermaid thanks you too.

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Feel free to leave a comment, tell a lie, tell me your crazy conspiracy theory, tell me a secret, tell a joke, make a comment, or just say something you’re BURNING to say. What were your favorite Burning Questions?

From time to time I will be asking compelling questions and posting more fun polls. The more you visit me the more you get to vote (more conspiracy theories here.)

Click HERE for ALL of the 50 Burning Questions.

xoxoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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Fire

The air is thick with smoke.

My eyes burn.

My heart is heavy.

Ninety miles north of here is the Camp Fire. An entire town have been wiped out. More homes are burning. Over 40 people have died and many more are missing. In Southern California the fires still burn.

Now is the time for our leaders to be leaders and show compassion and caring for those involved. It is time to support those who have lost their homes and loved ones. Now is the time to support those who have rescued, and continue to rescue both people and animals.

Now is the time to thank those who are having fund drives, providing shelter, taking in people and pets, cooking for rescue teams, and helping in so many other ways.

It baffles me that some people can even THINK of making this political because this is California. Fires have always happened here, just like tornadoes and floods happen in other parts of the country. It is worse because there are now more people. Just like there are more people where hurricanes hit.

Now is time for love.

Now is time for support.

We are California. Despite what anyone says we will survive and thrive. It is what we do. We will also stand by others outside of our state when disasters strike – because that is what we do.

As soon as I can get the information together I’ll post a page of helpers who need donations and of those in need. Hospitals have been burned. Schools have been lost. Homes have been lost. Animals have been separated from their people. People have lost loved ones. They need our help both in Northern and Southern California.

I have already seen a great outpouring of love and support for every fire we’ve had this year, and last season. I have seen people do amazing things to help others.

My heart breaks for California. This is, and always be my home, my heart, and my soul.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Burning Question #35: The Ultimate Poll – November 6

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Vampires Vote – So Should You

And if you vote YOU GET A STICKER. And if you vote by mail you can feel good about yourself knowing that you voted.

My message is for everyone to VOTE on Tuesday. I might not agree with you or even respect your opinions BUT I DO respect your right to vote. I honor your right to vote. And remember…there are people in other countries who DIE for their right to vote (yes, that still happens).

Also do your RESEARCH. Know WHO and WHAT you are voting on. The ads on TV and the radio don’t tell the truth or only tell half truths. Don’t listen to actors or comedians or late night talk show hosts or haters. Listen to the words of the people running for office. Look at their records. Look at the facts. The better informed you are the better you’ll feel when you vote.

Don’t be IGNORANT. It isn’t attractive. I always tell my children to never date anyone who doesn’t vote. Yes, I do have strong opinions on this subject.

 

Burning Question #35: Are you going to vote?

 

By the way, I’m working as a Poll Officer on Saturday, Monday, and on Tuesday. THAT is how much I care about this. And yes, we do take an oath to make sure you get to vote. Also, don’t yell at your local poll workers – they don’t make the rules. Call your local county officials and yell at them.

My husband Teddy, Cody (our Vampire in training – a new Vampire from the Silicone Valley), Lola (my great great great grandmother), my brother Val and the two extremely elderly Vampires (who were sitting on the floor doing bead work or something crafty).

Cody asked “You’re all US citizens, right?.”

“Of course we are,” said my husband Teddy.

“You were born in Panama.” Teddy always thought that was one of the cool things about Teddy.

My parents were US citizens. I was born along the way when they headed out for the Gold Rush in 1849. That made me a citizen of the United States, because my parents were citizens.

“What about you?” He asked Lola and the ancient ones.

“I was born in Rome but I have lived here since 1801.” Lola’s father was a Pope a very long time ago but that is another post.

“The places we were born don’t exist anymore, at least not as cities.” Called one of the ancient Vampires from the floor.

“Vampires vote.” I said. “As do Werewolves. We all work, pay taxes, send our kids to public schools. We drive on the roads, use the parks, need law enforcement and the help of the fire departments. And there aren’t enough of us to help with National Defense. So of course we vote.”

“We pay taxes,” said Val, “more than our share.”

“What about ghosts?” Cody just had to ask.

“They’re dead.” We all said that at once.

“Zombies?”

“If they’re not quite dead yet they can vote, but if they’re dead with complete brain failure and their soul is gone they can’t vote.” I said

“Do Vampires ever run for office?” Cody looked at all of us.

Val answered. “We have but it isn’t a good idea these days with the media being all over the private lives of those running.”

“It could endanger us all,” I said. “We prefer to work in the background. After all, more often than not it is the background people who make the decisions and really run the show.”

“Has there ever been a Vampire president?” Cody asked.

“Not a president but there have been a few elected officials in high places,” Lola answered. She would know.  “A Vice President or two.”

“Why don’t we just come out of the closet?” Cody was new to all of this. The new ones always ask this question time and time again.

“They’d kill us,” said Val. “That or try to put us in camps. It would be a blood bath. No pun intended.”

“People are afraid of what they don’t understand.” The elders said in unison in their quiet musical voices.

“And most people don’t want to understand,” I added.

Teddy looked up and took off his reading glasses. “It is easier to stay ignorant than informed. So let’s get back to the facts.”

So we sat with our voter books and laptops and did our research. Most of us had made up or minds but it was always good to take another look.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman