Begging and Other Undesirable Actions

I have 72 thousand contact updates on Linkedin and other messages in my email inbox tonight. I don’t even know why I have a Linkedin account. More useless junk to throw at me, and then attempt get information off of me like a Kentucky strip mine.

Since before the election (you know which one) I’ve been bombarded with emails from all sorts of interesting groups. They all ask for my opinion THEN they ask for my MONEY. It is a constant pleading and begging for money that is so distasteful that I feel like turning against it all.

I’m unusually annoyed at our new Senator for sending out polls and asking an opinion, but I really feel like all she wants is my money. Nobody wants to listen, but everybody wants to get paid.

As a parent sometimes I don’t know what to say. One does not want to say we live in a society where our elected government never listens, but hey, we all know they don’t listen.

Who the young folks DO listen to are teachers. Yes, they DO listen to teachers. We’ve been discussing the two-party system and our two ineffective parties. We’ve been discussing all the assholery and shit-for-brains behavior on both sides. We’ve watched how that in spite of our government (both state and federal) that we will survive…or at least most of us.

In darkened corners, and in the light, we must teach our kids to fight ignorance. We must teach them not to be followers but to be free thinking citizens. We must teach them to question everything. We must teach them to follow the rule of law, but if that law is unjust they must use the system to change it. We have to start at an early age too. It is never too young to teach your child to question, and research, and form opinions.

One thing that makes our country, The United States of America, unique is that we’ve always questioned our parents, our elders, our government, and forged ahead. There are those who would take us back to the good-old-days of discrimination and sexism and inequality. Fuck them. Seriously, they can fuck themselves, but then again they’re already fucked because of the backlash that is guaranteed to come in good time.

Vampires don’t live in the dark because light burns their skin. They lived in the dark because it is the best place to find easy prey. Teach your children not to become prey. Teach yourself not to become prey.

And no matter what kind of relationship you’re in, be if political, romantic, or anything else – don’t beg. It is so unflattering and will leave you high, and dry, and alone.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Trigger Words and Neutrality

A year or two ago I read an article that some colleges (not any my kids will ever go to) were telling professors to not say certain “trigger words” so sensitive students wouldn’t get upset and kill someone, kill themselves, cry, attack classmates, get depressed, or drop out of school.

No kid should be that sensitive. My feeling is that kids in college need to learn to backhand trigger words like Venus Williams backhands a tennis ball. Bring it on. Make it a sport.

We banter and discuss and generally talk a lot at my house. It’s a good thing. If someone throws an issue out there we’ll talk about it, or at least acknowledge it.

But still, we all have our trigger words. I can hear my husband whispering to the kids, “don’t say that around your mom. It’s a trigger word.”

I have a long list of trigger words that have the potential of sending me right on top of my soap box with a tirade of well grounded opinions. I dare say I’m sure I’ll offend some of my readers but here it goes. Yes, this is a warning. You can leave now if you want to.

Juliette’s Trigger Words and Phrases and Subjects With Pictures

Anything to do with the Trump family. In case you don’t know who they are I’ve posted this photo of them. (from left to right Melania, Donald Jr., Eric, Ivanka)

My political trigger words include: Trump, Shitgibbon, Bannon, EPA, Arts, Education, DeVos, Melania, Trump Children, Marla Maples, AND about a million other words…you get the direction this group is moving in. I also have no kind words for those who are bigoted against my LGBT friends, those who are obsessed with marriage, the sex lives of others, or any other kind of ignorant and hateful bigotry.

Don’t talk to me about RELIGION. That is YOUR business. When I hear the following it drives me NUTS:

  • It happened for a reason.
  • It is God’s will.
  • God has a plan.
  • God had a reason for it.
  • The Bible says so.
  • God only gives you what you can handle (if that is the case then most people I know can handle about six nuclear wars, a plague of yellow jackets, and rattle snakes in their beds, and their ex-lovers in their shower – all of their ex-lovers at the same time naked in the shower with them and NO HOT WATER.)

You get where this is going too. I’m not an atheist by any means (read my blog) but ugh. And don’t even get me started on people who say they don’t believe in science or evolution. Trigger trigger trigger trigger.

Vampires. 

I’m not going to bash Twilight because it got so many teens to start reading. They went from Twilight to other books and that was a good thing. BUT don’t talk to me about Twilight. Don’t. Just DON’T. I don’t want to hear it. I also don’t want to hear anyone say, “I don’t like to read about Vampires.” Fine then don’t fucking read about them. You don’t have to tell me about it.

Other literary and film triggers:

I don’t like (I despise) Eat Pray Love, Bridges of Madison County, Steel Magnolias, Little Women, 50 Shades of Whatever BUT –  I don’t care what you like to read as long as you’re reading. Just don’t question what I read. In fact don’t question what anyone reads. If you want to bash a genre then fuck you. We all have our ways to relax in private with a book. It isn’t for anyone to judge what anyone likes to read. With one exception….

Self-Help Books

90% are SCAMS and GARBAGE that spout Sunday School crap to confuse people, rip them off, make them feel bad, and … it just pisses me off. There are a very few good books out there for those looking for help, but proceed with caution or you’ll have me screaming.

All of that said…

I usually don’t say anything UNLESS I’m with my husband and children. I’m talking about real  life, not Twitter, or someplace else on the Internet (which by is now going to be a place where YOU will be sold like a piece of meat.) I’m speaking of real life.

In real life I tend to be neutral. I’m like Switzerland. I don’t take sides. I distract others away from trigger situations. I move conversations forward and back to where those conversations should be. I can take the most hair-brained off-target discussion and steer it back to where it is supposed to be. And unlike this post, it will all be in a thoughtful and usually good-natured way. My voice is calming and quiet. I’m like cool jazz background music, that calms, but you aren’t even sure you even heard it.

So I’ll rant about my triggers words right here, right now (don’t tell me later that the Jesus Jones ear worm is from me) because this is MY BLOG. I’ll turn it back to you later on with something witty, useful, and profound, and maybe marginally entertaining.

In the world of Vampires we see a lot of things come and go. We try to take everything in stride knowing that most things do pass. Then again a lot of things don’t pass (no puns please) and so THAT is why it is OK to get mad, speak out, vent, and use your voice sometimes.

That’s it.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

And this is a bunch of guys in hats for no special reason.

 

 

 

 

Ask Juliette: Political Fall Out, Social Media, Teens, and Vampires

Ask Juliette

Ask Juliette (Ask a Vampire – Advice for Everyone) is a somewhat regular feature at vampiremaman.com

If you have a question about parenting, relationships, vampires, or anything – just ask. Leave a question here for the next post, or email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail .com

This week was difficult. See the questions below. I’m sure after I write this post I’ll go throw up blood, or get a headache that will last for weeks. I hope I won’t lose any friends.

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I’m the parent of three wonderful teenagers. Since the election they have been on social media non stop complaining about the new POTUS. What do you say to teens and young adults about social media? I understand their passion, but it is getting ugly out there.

Since election, and even more since the inauguration there has been a shit storm fire storm of politically inspired social media posts.

First and foremost I have had a difficult time staying polite over the issue. But as a parent I don’t want my kids, or any kids, to miss opportunities due to their public opinions.

This is a time when many high school kids are applying for college, and applying for jobs.

No matter what their political, religious, and other beliefs are they MUST keep in mind that others are looking at their social media footprints.

Email addresses: No employer or potential school wants to see an email address that reads suckmydickorangeman@yahoo.com, or mypussyisofflimits@gmail.com

Encourage your child to use something that resembles their given name. For example JasonDoe99@yahoo.com.

I understand the outrage of many young people. I understand their feeling that the government that will shape their adult lives is showing only hate and malice towards science, the environment, women, LBGT folks, and the freedom of speech. I understand their need to express that outrage. But they need to do it in a constructive way that will not effect future education and job opportunities. That does not mean they have to be silent. It just means that on public social media where they use their own names they need to be smart. Leave the profanity for the places where their real names aren’t used.

They can be swept up by the storm, or they can get involved. They can register to vote. They can write letters. They can go to peaceful organized marches. They can attend events. They can volunteer.

Their voices need to be heard. But the must be smart about it. I always make it a rule to keep my professional life, and my personal life separate, and that includes social media. I advise my children to do the same. It is just a good idea. Besides, you don’t need your potential boss, or school administrator in your business.

Since the election and inauguration I have had a heavy heart, and a headache that will not go away. I’m trying to keep the radio off, and limit my social media. That does not mean that I am going to shut up. It does not mean that I can get over an administration full of mean-spirited, sexist, racist, ignorant assholes. I’m getting involved. I’m encouraging others to vote. I could write about my feelings but when it comes to MY OWN feelings on this subject I tend to get too emotional. Deep breath.

I’m seeing families divided, and friendships damaged in ways I have never seen before. I’m sure I’ll lose a few readers because of my answers on this post.

The point is, that no matter what you believe, encourage your teens that whatever they put out there on the Internet will always be there. They need to think about what others will see when someone searches their name. Unfortunately that is the way things are. I can’t stress that enough. I’d hate for someone to miss out on an education or job opportunity due to meme, or comment made on social media. A split second of anger can do years of damage. I know to a teen (and adults) that sucks, but that is the way it is.

 

Sea Monster

I’m worried about the environment and the anti science attitudes that the new Trump administration has. What do you think.

I’m worried to. In the Sierra Nevada Mountains and foothills there are still problems with mercury poisoning from the California Gold Rush (remember 1849.) That is just one example of the lasting effects of man on the environment.

Yesterday a bald eagle flew over my house. It circled my yard then flew back to it’s nearby nesting place. I can’t imagine a world where wild creatures are not protected.

The anti-science policies of the current administration scare me. The current mode of making decisions is based on potential monitory profits, ignorance, and spite.

I have no answers except to get involved. Have your facts straight when you talk to others. Write letters. Boycot businesses that are environmentally unfriendly. Vote.

 

Unfortunately some things never change.

Unfortunately some things never change.

The woman I’m in love with is a Vampire. Any advice would be helpful.

Run away. Seriously, if you said she was from another culture that would be one thing, but she is a different kind of animal than you are. She might have been like you a hundred years ago, but dude, get a grip. It just isn’t a good idea. Believe me, I know about these things first hand.

 

No, this is not you and your Vampire girlfriend. It is not going to be like this. You're just a dude in love with someone you have no business being with. Run away. Run away.

No, this is not you and your Vampire girlfriend. It is not going to be like this. You’re just a dude in love with someone you have no business being with. Run away. Run away.

I want to be a Vampire. Can you turn me into one?

Good for you. No. Go away.

Ask Juliette

That is it for this week’s advice. Please feel free to send me some less exhausting questions for next week. Hey, I’m game for anything, really…do you know where I put the vodka?

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

A Need We Dare Not Admit: Something is missing and that is so very wrong.

 

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I just read that there will be no poet at the Presidential Inauguration today. I see that as an omen to the law of cultural ignorance, and classless ugliness that might follow today. Don’t let that happen. Don’t let us enter into a culture where beauty is only shown as crass visuals, and tacky popular culture. Share your poetry. Share the poetry of others. Show others the joy and power of poetry. Do it now. Do it today. 

FLOOD THE WORLD WITH POETRY TODAY

I’ve said the following before so I will say it again.

A Need We Dare Not Admit

People won’t admit they read poetry and are moved by it…but late at night they go on the internet and search it out. It is like pornography. I’m dead serious (no pun intended). It is a need that most people will not dare admit to.

It isn’t a good time for me to expound upon the history of poetry or what caused the American population (among others) claim not to like poets. But I would like to remind everyone, especially those of us who can remember the past several centuries that there was a time that poets were the Rock Stars of our culture.

Sometimes I pull out my old volumes of favorites and read in the quiet of the night or on a rain soaked day. In turn, I also look for the new. I marvel at the many voices I see with poetry on the internet.

Part of me believes technology with recorded music, radio, TV etc maybe brought an end to the poet as a popular icon. But in turn the Internet, yes the Internet has brought poetry back to life.

I see in the online communities poets being read, not ignored. I don’t read those words online “I don’t like poetry.” I see people who NEVER would read a poem, forwarding poetry to their friends and loved ones.

Poetry is a gift to the soul. Poetry is for everyone. Everyone needs poetry, like a vampire needs blood, like a hawk needs to fly, like a fish needs to swim. I know that wasn’t very poetic but you get the point – I hope.

Your assignment today is to READ, SAVOR and SHARE poetry with someone you love, and especially with someone you don’t.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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Short Story Sunday: Dark Politics

Dark Politics

I’d dined with The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, alone. It had been a private affair with only the two of us. I’d acquired signatures, state secrets, just the right amount of English blood, and enough charm to last me a while. He came away from it feeling quite satisfied with himself, though a little pale.

Heading to my private quarters I was stopped cold in my tracks. There he was, at the end of the hall.

“Well, this is random.” I said to the familiar apparition.

“I have been waiting for you madam.”

“I never imagined you’d stoop so low as to be a ghost.”

He smiled. “I never imagined you’d stoop so low as to be president.”

I smiled back. “The first woman president. I bet you never thought you’d see that in your lifetime.”

“I’m dead my dear. Remember?” He laughed in a cold manner that made my breath turn to a cloud before my face. “I loved you.” He whispered.

“You used me.”

“You used me as well Madam.”

“So I did. But times have changed Mr. President.”

The ghost smiled and came close. “You amaze me Madam. Never has there been a president so popular or successful. The economy is good. Unemployment is below 2%. We’re not in a war and our schools working. How do you manage it?”

I shrugged. “I love the American people. I love my country.”

The ghost laughed. “You don’t have to campaign with me dear.”

I had to smile. At one time we’d been so close. “Why did it take so long for you to show yourself?” I asked.

“The White House isn’t my usual haunt. If I’d known you’d be wearing that dress I would have come back sooner.”

“I’m not even wearing a corset.”

“Or a bustle. That is one reason I never gave women the vote, you do know that. Damned bustles looked so silly. Who could take a creature who wears one of those things seriously?”

A song blasted from my hand. The ghost looked startled. “My daughter just texted me.” I held up my phone. She was just down the hall but I’d promised I’d check in before I went to bed.

“How is she doing since…I’m so sorry.”

“She’s doing ok. Some days are hard, especially holidays and special events.” My husband had passed away during my first term of an unexpected illness. I would never admit it out loud but grief, combined with my dedication to the job, shot my ratings in the polls up to 97.4%.

I looked fondly upon my ghostly friend, a great man who was rarely remembered. One of the many forgotten 19th century presidents. Just so many men with beards. What a shame.

“I wish I could hold you.” I said, remembering a time long ago when that was possible.

“I should have asked you turn me when you had a chance.” He said, standing so close I could feel him but not touch him.

Passing my hand through his heart I told him the truth. “You made a good president but you would have been a horrible vampire sir.”

“I suppose you’re right. Good night my dear”, he said with a gentle smile. “Be careful.”

I smiled. “I will, my darling. I will.”

 

~ end

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Ask Juliette: Just Shut The F Up, Justification for One’s Actions, Vampires, & Bat Shit Crazy Alien Abductions

Ask Juliette

Long titles aside, Ask Juliette (Advice for Everyone, Ask a Vampire) is a regular feature at Vampiremaman.com

I will find an answer for just about anything you ask. Relationships, Vampires, parenting, unexplained weirdness, history, art, Halloween, party ideas, love, pets, you name it – I will find you an answer.

If you have a question email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail.com OR post a comment on one of my blog posts and let me know you want an “Ask Juliette” answer.

vampire

I’m so sick and tired of all of the political talk. At this point nobody is going to change anyone’s mind. How can I bow out gracefully when invited to lunches, dinners, and other events with all of the political junkies?

I hear you on that one. You already have the answer: Bow out gracefully. In situations like this white lies are justified to keep yourself out of the fire, or worse dead of boredom and frustration.  Say you have other plans. You don’t have to say those plans are to be somewhere you don’t have to listen to uncomfortable political banter.

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Oh how many times I’ve wanted to say that to someone over the past few months. I had to explain to my teen what the full expression was. She’d never heard it before. I rarely have mom guilt, but sometimes, just a little.

Dear Juliette,

Are Vampires really dead, or undead?

Zombies are dead. I guess you could call some Vampires undead because they were briefly dead, then came back transformed, you know, as Vampires. Of course if one waits too long in the process, and lose the dead person’s soul you’re in trouble (otherwise known as deep shit.) That my dear is how monsters are created. Then again, bad parenting also creates monsters.

 

 

Oh look, someone wrote a book about me.

Oh look, someone wrote a book about us.

Dear Juliette,

As a woman from the mid 1800’s, you can completely understand the historic male violation of Bodily Integrity, but as a Vampire who occasionally feeds upon human beings in complete secrecy to protect yourself from destruction, how do you reconcile that violation? Do you feel justified merely for being what you are — that, perhaps, some even deserve it — or do you harbor guilt that in some ways you are no better than those who take choice away from others (aka “You’ll get over it; it’s not like it killed you.”) I have my own opinions on this, but it seems relevant in our current political climate to ask for yours.

I know, this is weird, especially since I absolutely HATE to have my personal space invaded.

OK let’s start with the most egregious violation of personal space: sex without mutual consent. As a rule Vampires do not sexually violate their prey. Yes, of course there is the erotic  aspect in popular culture but that is a choice one (both Vampires and donors) make. If that involves some neck biting so be it.

Forget the scary blood dripping stereotypes of Vampires. It just ain’t true, at least not with civilized, and civil Vampires of the modern age. We’re smooth about it. We’re delightful. We’re charming. And more often than not our donors don’t even know they’ve donated anything to us.

Taking blood it isn’t something we really think about. We do it because that is our food source. Just like an apple or a chicken thigh are food sources. Same thing. Only it isn’t a human food source. Believe me, when non-Vampires start to drink human blood it is just plain creepy and weird.

On the other hand, my brother Andy has tormented himself over the years with this very question. Unfortunately there is no getting around it. Being vegan isn’t an option. Sure we could get all of our blood from bottles but without that personal connection one lacks that sense of truly being alive.

I feel no guilt because, as with most Vampires, we give back when we take. I make sure I leave my donors with sweet dreams and good vibes. That is payment for their efforts. I also leave cookies for my regulars. Seriously, just like at the blood bank.

The Vampire/Human relationship is a rather nice symbiotic one. It has worked for thousands of years with few complaints from our dinner companions.

Of course, as you know, all of us (Vampires) can be as scary as Hell when we want to be, or have to be.

I do need to address another issue. You mentioned that I started out in the mid-19th Century. To be exact, I started out in 1859. I, along with my mother, and other female Vampires thought that things would be different by now. Equality of the sexes has always been the rule in Vampire culture. It is sad, and even tragic that by 2016 that humans are still so backwards when it comes to equal rights and equal respect for everyone. Unfortunately there will always be misogynistic pigs in our society who revel in the sexualization of women.

 

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I believe I’ve been abducted by aliens. Memories of large orbed creatures in my bed haunt my dreams. I feel the probes. I wake up with piercing pain, but at the same time I feel extremely sexual, as if I’ve made love to someone who wasn’t there. Do you believe aliens have visited Earth and have made contact?

Ever hear the expression Bat Shit Crazy? Just wondering. Do you sleep with your cats? Do you wear tinfoil on your head to keep radio waves from stealing your thoughts?

To answer the question of the existence of aliens on Earth is a tricky one. We know that Time Travelers are all using stolen technology. Nobody knows where it came from so it might be from aliens. But seriously, out all of the billions of souls on this planet you think one came into your room, took you up to a spaceship and had sex with you? Really? Really? If you’d said you saw a ghost or a Vampire I might believe you because there are a hell of a lot of ghosts and Vampires around. I mean, sure there might be aliens. They might be taking your teeth. They might be putting microchips behind your ears. They might be having cocktails on their deck and laughing about you. If you look at Earth you’ll find that we are a long way from everywhere. Nobody visits us, even with four wheel warp drive. And if they are visiting I’d think they’d have the balls to look us in the face and be honest about it.

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Dear Juliette,

How can I keep my boyfriend from looking at other women? When I’m with him I expect 100% of his attention.

You can’t keep him from looking at other women unless you put a blindfold on him. My advice would be to break up with him, and when you’re mature enough to start dating again find another man – maybe someone without a spine.

 

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Thanks for dropping by.

Ask Juliette (Advice for Everyone, Ask a Vampire) is a regular feature at Vampiremaman.com

I will find an answer for just about anything you ask. Relationships, Vampires, parenting, unexplained weirdness, history, art, Halloween, party ideas, love, pets, you name it – I will find you an answer.

If you have a question email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail.com OR post a comment on one of my blog posts and let me know you want an “Ask Juliette” answer.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman