A NEW Saturday Series from Vampire Maman
These posts will feature random, useless, and unscientific surveys for absolutely no good reason at all.
Politics As Usual
Later this year there is going to be an election for the position of President of the United States. I don’t need to tell you about the cluster fuck it has become deciding who will get the office or stay in the office or go to jail. This insanity and nonsense has been going on for some time. We’ve heard about the childish tweets. We’ve seen the useless debates. We’re all sick and tired of it. Another revolution would be impractical and take too long. The voice of reason is nowhere to be heard. So what should we do now? Let’s vote TODAY!!!!
Random Survey #1: If you were voting today for the office of President of the United States of America TODAY who would you vote for?
As an added bonus you don’t even need to be a citizen of the United States to answer, and you can select more than one answer.
If you didn’t like any of these answers I really can’t help you. On the other hand you are welcome to leave your opinion, a comment, a joke, a story about your last vacation, tell us what your cat did this morning, or whatever you want – just put it in the comment section.
I will see you next Saturday for another RANDOM SURVEY. I promise it won’t be about politics.
From Ghoulies and Ghoosties, long-leggety Beasties, and Things that go Bump in the Night, Good Lord, deliver us!
You’re sleeping. You wake up in the wee hours of the morning. It is still dark outside. You hear something.
You’re home alone. You hear something. You don’t know what it is. Your cat growls under her breath. Your dog whimpers and curls by your side.
You hear music…
The wind howls outside, the rain pours own, stairs creek, doors slam without notice, it sounds like something or someone might be on your back porch, in your hallway, or maybe even running a bath.
Or you might hear a thump and then a voice saying “awwwww shit.” Something just went bump. What was it?
Halloween is coming soon, along with even more things to go bump in the night.
Burning Question #62: What goes bump in your night?
Please feel free to leave comments, observations, recipes, poems, jokes, your experiences with things that go bump, and whatever you feel like (but no short stories or novels, it just takes up too much space and annoys everyone.)
Happy October everyone and enjoy that Pumpkin Spice.
It is something that a lot of people have been feeling a lot of lately.
Each of us deals with anger in our own ways. Some is good and some not so good.
Through extensive research I’ve found a few books that might help you deal with your own anger issues.
You might just be like me and be known as one of those girls from Hateville. We can deal with anger because we’re the dolls who are out to get everyone, including HIM. I have no idea who he is but I’m out to get him.
Or you could find yourself dealing with people who don’t realize that you are REALLY REALLY allergic to seafood.
Why marry a virgin? I can’t think of one good reason. But if you have crabs… that is an entirely different post.
Then again there are those assholes who will never be happy if they know you’re happy.
Then there are those days when you have to deal with space aliens. Seriously guys keep your anger on your own planet. We have enough here as it is so get back on your ship and fly the fuck away.
Look back in anger because he NEVER makes the bed and always leaves the toilet seat up.
Then there are those days when weasels rip your flesh. I mean, if that doesn’t piss you off I don’t know what will.
This week we’re dealing with how YOU deal with anger. Oh just be like Vincent Price and drop someone in a vat of acid or carry her head around by the hair. That should take the edge off. Then again chocolate chip cookies might also make you feel better.
Hey, why not talk it out? Noooo.
Or you could just have make-up sex…unless it is over politics. Then don’t even think of sex or any physical contact. Barf.
So enough of this silly stuff and poor taste… it is time for BURNING QUESTION #59!!!!
Burning Question #59: What do you do when you’re angry?
Feel free to leave lengthy stories, jokes, random comments, your very personal anger issues, or anything you like below in the comment section. Make sure you answer the poll. PLEASE answer the poll because THAT is the only way I can get the scientific answers I need for my research.
Now that we’re all pissed off here is a picture that should make you happy.
Or if you’re not feeling the possum love today here is something different. Lookie here, two mysterious adorable Vampire guys. Yes, they are Vampires and if you beg to differ I will be so angry that I’ll throw my possum at you (just kidding, I’ll throw rocks. I’d never throw a possum.)
We are “the guys” and we approve of this blog.
And if you’re angry about all of this just leave a comment and let me know why, or don’t.
I’ll see you next Saturday for BURNING QUESTION #60.
Snow White is a 19th-century German fairy tale by the The Brothers Grimm. It was first published in 1812. The German title was Sneewittchen with translates to Snow White.
Snow White might also have been a Vampire due to the choice of putting her in a glass coffin out in the middle of the woods, but that is neither here nor there. We also might consider the question “When was the war of 1812?”
Everyone know the story of Snow White. Yes, there was another earlier story called Snow White and Rose Red. It was a favorite of mine when I was a child.
So gather round children and I will tell you the tale.
Once upon a time there were two sisters named Snow White and Rose Red. Snow White had pale blonde hair. She was quiet and reserved. Rose Red had dark hair and was more outspoken and told it like it was.
They lived in the woods with their mother. Who knows where their dad was. Nobody in these stories ever comes from a two parent home.
One winter night there was a knock on the door. Rose Red opened the door and saw a half frozen bear. Being the animal loving girl she was, Rose Red let the bear into the house and told it to sit by the fire. The sisters brushed the snow off of the bear and brushed his fur.
For the rest of the winter the bear kept coming back and sleeping by the fire. Good gig if you can get it. Snow White was especially fond of the bear and would kiss him on his furry face as if he was a large German Shepard Dog.
At this point I don’t know where the mom went. The story never mentions it. I assume she is reading or on the Internet trolling for single middle aged men, or finding out how to get rid of bears.
In the meantime the girls go for a walk in the woods. They see a dwarf with his beard caught under a log. He is cursing up a storm and dropping all sorts of F bombs. Snow White said they must rescue him. He said, “Help me bitches before I die out here.”
Rose Red took out her embroidery scissors and cut his beard. The dwarf was super pissed off and dropped some more F bombs and ran off.
For the next couple of weeks Snow White and Rose Red kept rescuing the dwarf from being carried away by eagles, being eaten by wolves, from being trapped in a hole, from being eaten by squirrels, and all kinds of other life threatening situations.
Each time he left the sisters with curses and threats.
Finally one day he exposed himself to the girls, knocked them down, and threatened to do bodily harm to them. All of the sudden the bear appeared and was ready to kill the dwarf. But Rose Red took out her scissors and slashed the dwarf across the neck and killed him.
The bear turned into a man. A quite handsome man at that. For you see, the dwarf had enchanted the man and turned him into a bear. Why? Because the dwarf was an asshole. So when Rose Red killed the dwarf the enchantment was broken. Who knows the entire woods might have been suddenly populated by people who’d been animals.
Anyway…The bear man ended up marrying Snow White. It turns out (as it always does in these stories) that he had an even more handsome brother, who had a great sense of humor. Rose Red married the brother. And they all lived happily ever after. I’m going to assume they had an awesome uncle who married the mom. The end.
So that brings us back to the other Snow White. Was her name really Snow White? She might have had pale skin (another reason she was probably a Vampire) but what did people really call her?
Burning Question #58: What Was Snow White’s Real Name?
I hope you enjoyed this informative post and PLEASE leave comments below. If you have a different burning question go ahead and ask it. Please say something.
I’ll see you back here next Saturday for another BURNING QUESTION.