Burning Question #59: Anger Management

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ANGER

It is something that a lot of people have been feeling a lot of lately.

Each of us deals with anger in our own ways. Some is good and some not so good.

Through extensive research I’ve found a few books that might help you deal with your own anger issues.

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You might just be like me and be known as one of those girls from Hateville. We can deal with anger because we’re the dolls who are out to get everyone, including HIM. I have no idea who he is but I’m out to get him.

Or you could find yourself dealing with people who don’t realize that you are REALLY REALLY allergic to seafood.

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Why marry a virgin? I can’t think of one good reason. But if you have crabs… that is an entirely different post.

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Then again there are those assholes who will never be happy if they know you’re happy.

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Then there are those days when you have to deal with space aliens. Seriously guys keep your anger on your own planet. We have enough here as it is so get back on your ship and fly the fuck away.

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Look back in anger because he NEVER makes the bed and always leaves the toilet seat up.

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Then there are those days when weasels rip your flesh. I mean, if that doesn’t piss you off I don’t know what will.

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This week we’re dealing with how YOU deal with anger. Oh just be like Vincent Price and drop someone in a vat of acid or carry her head around by the hair. That should take the edge off. Then again chocolate chip cookies might also make you feel better.

Hey, why not talk it out? Noooo.

Or you could just have make-up sex…unless it is over politics. Then don’t even think of sex or any physical contact. Barf.

So enough of this silly stuff and poor taste… it is time for BURNING QUESTION #59!!!!

Burning Question #59: What do you do when you’re angry?

 

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Feel free to leave lengthy stories, jokes, random comments, your very personal anger issues, or anything you like below in the comment section. Make sure you answer the poll. PLEASE answer the poll because THAT is the only way I can get the scientific answers I need for my research.

Now that we’re all pissed off here is a picture that should make you happy.

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Or if you’re not feeling the possum love today here is something different. Lookie here, two mysterious adorable Vampire guys. Yes, they are Vampires and if you beg to differ I will be so angry that I’ll throw my possum at you (just kidding, I’ll throw rocks. I’d never throw a possum.)

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We are “the guys” and we approve of this blog.

And if you’re angry about all of this just leave a comment and let me know why, or don’t.

I’ll see you next Saturday for BURNING QUESTION #60.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Burning Question #58: Girl in the Glass Coffin

Snow White is a 19th-century German fairy tale by the The Brothers Grimm. It was first published in 1812. The German title was Sneewittchen with translates to Snow White.

Snow White might also have been a Vampire due to the choice of putting her in a glass coffin out in the middle of the woods, but that is neither here nor there. We also might consider the question “When was the war of 1812?”

Everyone know the story of Snow White. Yes, there was another earlier story called Snow White and Rose Red. It was a favorite of mine when I was a child.

So gather round children and I will tell you the tale.

Once upon a time there were two sisters named Snow White and Rose Red. Snow White had pale blonde hair. She was quiet and reserved. Rose Red had dark hair and was more outspoken and told it like it was.

They lived in the woods with their mother. Who knows where their dad was. Nobody in these stories ever comes from a two parent home.

One winter night there was a knock on the door. Rose Red opened the door and saw a half frozen bear. Being the animal loving girl she was, Rose Red let the bear into the house and told it to sit by the fire. The sisters brushed the snow off of the bear and brushed his fur.

For the rest of the winter the bear kept coming back and sleeping by the fire. Good gig if you can get it. Snow White was especially fond of the bear and would kiss him on his furry face as if he was a large German Shepard Dog.

At this point I don’t know where the mom went. The story never mentions it. I assume she is reading or on the Internet trolling for single middle aged men, or finding out how to get rid of bears.

In the meantime the girls go for a walk in the woods. They see a dwarf with his beard caught under a log. He is cursing up a storm and dropping all sorts of F bombs. Snow White said they must rescue him. He said, “Help me bitches before I die out here.”

Rose Red took out her embroidery scissors and cut his beard. The dwarf was super pissed off and dropped some more F bombs and ran off.

For the next couple of weeks Snow White and Rose Red kept rescuing the dwarf from being carried away by eagles, being eaten by wolves, from being trapped in a hole, from being eaten by squirrels, and all kinds of other life threatening situations.

Each time he left the sisters with curses and threats.

Finally one day he exposed himself to the girls, knocked them down, and threatened to do bodily harm to them. All of the sudden the bear appeared and was ready to kill the dwarf. But Rose Red took out her scissors and slashed the dwarf across the neck and killed him.

The bear turned into a man. A quite handsome man at that. For you see, the dwarf had enchanted the man and turned him into a bear. Why? Because the dwarf was an asshole. So when Rose Red killed the dwarf the enchantment was broken. Who knows the entire woods might have been suddenly populated by people who’d been animals.

Anyway…The bear man ended up marrying Snow White. It turns out (as it always does in these stories) that he had an even more handsome brother, who had a great sense of humor. Rose Red married the brother. And they all lived happily ever after. I’m going to assume they had an awesome uncle who married the mom. The end.

 

 

So that brings us back to the other Snow White. Was her name really Snow White? She might have had pale skin (another reason she was probably a Vampire) but what did people really call her?

 

Burning Question #58: What Was Snow White’s Real Name?

 

 

 

I hope you enjoyed this informative post and PLEASE leave comments below. If you have a different burning question go ahead and ask it. Please say something.

I’ll see you back here next Saturday for another BURNING QUESTION.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Burning Question #57: Bunches of Cats (and dogs)

 

Welcome to Vampire Maman’s BURNING QUESTION. This is YOUR opportunity to answer ALL of the Burning Question of the universe.

 

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Today’s question doesn’t need much of an introduction. Just ANSWER THE POLL. Then leave comments below. Discuss this question or anything else you want or NEED to talk about right now (or later.)

 

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Burning Question #57: If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

 

I forgot all about sea lions. Look they’re piling.

My real goal is to get my two cats to wear cute hats and ring bells for treats. I tried to do that a few times but they were afraid of the bell. I’ll keep trying.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Burning Questions #56: Dancing With The Heavenly Bodies

Welcome to Vampire Maman’s Famous BURNING QUESTIONS.

Get on your dancing shoes (or roller skates) and come with me…

Dancing With the Stars Devil Angels.

This week we’re getting into the realm of Dan Brown. Just kidding, we’re not looking for clues, or even a best seller. We’re just looking for an answer, clues or not. It doesn’t have to even be the right answer, because this is a BURNING QUESTION and there might now even be an answer. Sorry Dan (but I did get ALL of the answers in DiVinci Code because, you know, I’m a Vampire and I’m good at figuring stuff out.)

 

Let’s Get Physical. Maybe not. I hate that song. On the other hand maybe we should get metaphysical, or metaphorical, or just think about something we have no answer for.

From Wikipedia:

How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?” (alternatively “How many angels can stand on the point of a pin?”) is a reductio ad absurdum challenge to medieval scholasticism in general, and its angelology in particular, as represented by figures such as Duns Scotus and Thomas Aquinas. It is first recorded in the 17th century, in the context of Protestant apologetics. It also has been linked to the fall of Constantinople, with the imagery of scholars debating while the Turks besieged the city.[4][5]

In modern usage, the term has lost its theological context and is used as a metaphor for wasting time debating topics of no practical value, or questions whose answers hold no intellectual consequence, while more urgent concerns accumulate.

So let’s waste some time. If you want to get wasted you may do that as well.

BURNING QUESTION #56: How Many Angels Can Dance On The Head Of A Pin

 

 

With all of these great musical bits I forgot a picture of an angel. Who doesn’t like angels. Who doesn’t like angel food cake. Do angels eat angel food cake? Do they eat Devil’s food cake?  That is a Burning Question for another day.

 

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Now for one of my favorite numbers, with or without anyone on the head of a pin. Seriously folks, you can’t get better than Fred and Ginger.

Put your answer on the poll. Don’t worry – nobody is going to take down your information. What the crap would I do with it anyway?

Leave your comments, musings, questions, song suggestions, dance steps, recipes, stories, and whatever you wish in the comments section below.

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Have fun and Diamond Dave and I will see you next week for another BURNING QUESTION.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Burning Question #55: Cleaning House

A while back I decided to post 50 Burning Questions. When that ended I couldn’t figure out what to do next. I tried Cat-ur-day posts. That was fun. Everybody likes cats. I also tried a few other random things. Unfortunately nothing stuck with me. Nothing seemed right, or fun, or funny. Then my dear readers started telling me that they missed the intellectual challenges and brain acrobatics of a new Burning Question each Saturday.

Welcome to An Infinite Amount of Burning Questions.

Well, this kind of sucks… really… keep reading.

My neighbors run their leaf blowers so much that I thought about turning on my shop vac next time I leave the house and just letting it run for the noise. My husband suggested I also run a leaf blower, a chain saw, and a belt sander. Just put them on the deck and turn them on – for hours and hours and hours.

It is Saturday and I’ll be out sweeping (what a novel idea) up leaves, and all of the bark in my yard the deer and turkeys have spread all over the place. Mind you, this is landscaping bark that I put down around plants to make my lawnless front yard look nice. The turkeys have a field day digging in it and throwing it around like so many frat boy topless girl pillow fight fantasy sequences.

Inside the house is another story. About a year ago I got a new vacuum cleaner. It was supposed to be made especially for animal fur. I think it was made for hairless cats, not my  constantly shedding dog and cats. I have to vacuum a minimum every other day to keep it under control, and even then it isn’t quite enough. And don’t tell me that YOU vacuum every single day. I know you don’t. If you do there is something wrong with you.

By the way, my 87 pound German Shepard is deathly afraid of vacuum cleaners. Whenever she sees anyone even move our vacuum cleaner she hides. So much for having a large dog to protect our home. I think the noise hurts her ears – kind of like leaf blowers hurt my soul.

Burning Question #55: If a vacuum cleaner really sucks, is that good?

By the way, I always wear heels when I vacuum (said no woman EVER.)

I’ll be happier with a gin and tonic, sweat pants, and no shoes.

I’ll see you next Saturday for another BURNING QUESTION.

Leave a comment, or a question, or just say hello in the comment section below.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Burning Question #51: What makes you scream?

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Right now I really don’t have time to create cute little sketches (just stupid, messy, lame ones that nobody wants to see) for Saturday, so this week I have another BURNING QUESTION for you.

Yes, the Burning Questions are BACK.

In movies people scream a lot. It just seems weird to me. So being the scientific kind of Vampire I am, I thought I’d take a scientific poll. You may select as many answers as apply.

Burning Question #51: Would you scream if…

Feel free to add your special and personal answer to the comments section below. Are you a screamer? Does everything scare you? Does nothing scare you? Do you scream when you’re happy? Does this make any sense at all? Or do you have something else you want to share with the world. Share it here. Tell a joke. Ask a question. Make a comment.

Have fun. By the way, I am NOT a screamer. Not even when, you know…

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman