Ask Juliette: Becoming A Vampire

Ask Juliette is a semi-regular (usually Thursday) feature here on Vampiremaman dot com. If you have questions about relationships, parenting, Vampires, the Paranormal World, Halloween, gardening, pets, art, or just about anything feel free to ask. Send your questions in the comments here or email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail dot com.
I have only one question/answer this week and it is about Vampires.

Dearest Juliette,

Recently, a friend of mine has unfortunately been changed as a Vampire without their consent. We are attempting to help him make his transition smoother and I was curious, as you are an expert on this topic, what advice you may have for me as I work to keep him safe.

Lydia Brown
Dear Lydia,

I am always shocked and saddened when I hear of something like this. It is morally and ethically wrong for any Vampire to turn someone else into a Vampire without their consent. It is a violation of everything we (Modern Vampires) believe in. Unfortunately there are plenty of Rogue Vampires, Shadow Creepers, and Ghouls out there to make a mess of things for unfortunate souls who happen to cross their paths. On a good note, just be glad your friend was turned into a Vampire and NOT a Zombie.

Thank the stars or whatever you pray to that your friend survived. Only about 10% of people survive the process and become Vampires.

Here is what you need to do for your friend:

1. Food.

Don’t let your friend go around trying to bite necks and end up with an embarrassing mess. One needs to start on wrists. But in all seriousness, start out with blood from other sources. Medical supply establishments and blood banks seem obvious but we have our own sources. If you have a Dave’s Bottle Shop in your area they always have a good variety of blood in the back. If you show up with your friend they’ll know right away he is a Vampire and help you out.

Your friend will be able to eat a limited amount of regular food BUT it is limited. No sugar, no fast food, no carbs, no bakery products at all, no fruit smoothies, no chips, or Hot Cheetos, or milk.

What won’t make your friend sick (usually, sometimes, maybe) is dark leafy green vegetables, red wine, most booze, olives, meat, etc. Stay away from chicken or most poultry at first.

2. Find other Vampires (not the creepy types either)

Your friend will know when they see another Vampire. They just do. Reach out and find out who can help. Most of us will. We understand. We want everyone in our community to be a success.

3. Light and Dark

Vampires tend to be light sensitive, even if they have dark skin. Wear sunglasses, sunscreen, and hats all year, rain or shine.

4. Vampire “powers.”

Your friend will notice that he can concentrate on a person and make them sleep, or stop, or all kinds of stuff. At first it will be awkward, but it takes practice. I can take down a Vampire hunter with a lock of an eye, but I’ve been doing this for 157 years. This is where other Vampires can help. Just think of the master and “Grasshopper.”

5. Don’t let ANYONE know you’re a Vampire.

Keep it to yourself. Keep your fangs in. Don’t be creepy. If you’re a Vampire you’ll live a long time but you aren’t immortal. You can be killed. And you won’t last long if you go around bragging, or even hinting.

6. You can have a normal life as a Vampire.

Seriously, you can. Read this blog. You’ll see. It isn’t a bad life.

7. Vampires can see Ghosts and other “different” folks.

Don’t freak out if your friends starts to say he sees Ghosts, Demons, Pixies, and other interesting characters. He does not have to talk to them, look at them, or socialize with them. Most of them are up to no good. If he ignores them they will usually go away.

8. Everything else (the myths)

As for stuff like garlic, holy water, mirrors and such – most of that stuff is kind of untrue. Modern mirrors show our reflection, but others will see our reflection blurry, unless we lock eyes in the mirror with them. It’s kind of hard to explain. Tell your friend to give it a try and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

The garlic thing has always been a myth. But honestly who wants to go to bed with someone with a huge string of garlic around his or her neck? Nobody. Holy water and church stuff – all I have to say is that we’re not welcome, but we like the music so you just might find us sitting in the back of the church, especially around holidays. If that is your friend’s thing them tell him to go for it.

And best of all Vampires do not have to sleep in crypts, coffins, or holes in the ground. Your own bed is just fine.

I hope this helped. I can’t stress enough the fact that you need to find other Vampires who can show him the ways of our people. You can still be friends with him. He’ll appreciate that more than you’ll even know.

Keep me posted on how he is doing.


Good luck,
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Short Story Sunday: Sunday Morning Coffee

Andrew stood in the doorway with a cup of coffee in each hand.

“Rise and shine,” he said to the darkened living room.

On the couch lay his friend John, arms and legs around a woman who was laying on top of John. John said he was in love with this one. God knows how many times Andrew had heard John say that. At least she was like them. What was her name? Olive? Yolanda? Olivia. Her name was Olivia. Like in “Twelfth Night.” Olivia.

Andrew liked Olivia, in her little black dress and her dishwater blonde hair that came down to her waist. The girl could talk and certainly made everyone laugh with her stories and commentaries. She was pretty too. A smart pretty girl was just what John needed. It was what most guys needed for that matter.  John had done well considering he was such a jerk most of the time.

Olivia opened one eye, then the other and smiled. “Good morning sweetheart,” she said to Andy as she crawled off of John. “Let him sleep for a while. He needs it.”

She came up to Andrew, taking one of the cups of coffee from his hand. “Thank you. I really need it this morning.”

“So I take it you haven’t been a Vampire for centuries,” asked Andrew. “I don’t mean to be rude. You just have a freshness to you.”

“1982, a year after I graduated from college. I’d been fired from three jobs. My love life sucked. I hated my life. Then I went out one night and met a guy. It wasn’t like a guy I would sleep with. We just talked. He offered me a job. Then he offered me something else. And that is how I became a Vampire and became the confident successful woman I am today. How about you?”

“I was born into it.”

“Wow, that is so rare.”

“Exactly. I know,” said Andrew. He liked Olivia. Doing the math in his head he figured she was maybe 55 or 56 years old. Oh so young.

He asked her about her life and listened over multiple cups of coffee as she told him her tale. She’d grown up the seventh of nine children in Philadelphia. Her parents were good people but like so many of their generation they’d smoked themselves to death. Her brothers and sisters dispersed. She went to California for college then floundered. One night, at a dark low point her life, she met an interesting man who turned her into a Vampire. From there she moved to Alaska, then ended up in Seattle and eventually back to Northern California.

“I bought the winery before it was overly popular. The owner was retiring and so now I have a hundred and three acres of grapes, an a nice little winery. I even design my own labels,” she told him.

Like most with most Vampires, being self-employed is usually the best route to go.

“How’d you meet John?” Andrew had to ask. He’d been friends with John since they were kids. He’d been the one to convert him into a Vampire in 1872.

“At a party. As soon as I saw him I knew there was something special about him. Of course the fact that we’re both Vampires is a big plus. Do you mind if I use your shower? I have some more clothes in the car.”

Andrew showed her one of the guest rooms with its own bath. As he walked back downstairs he thought about Olivia. Nothing about this woman was mysterious. She was an open book.

After a few minutes she came back downstairs wrapped in a towel. Her hair was dry.

“Um, Andrew, there is blood all over the shower stall. The drain looks kind of clogged. Do you have another bathroom I can use.”

“Sorry, try the bathroom at the end of the hall. You’ll like it better. I have a towel warmer in there.”

“Thanks,” she said. And with a wink and a smile Olivia ran back up the stairs.

Olivia certainly was cute. He hoped it would work out between her and John.

In the meantime, he grabbed a bucket and the mom, along with a gallon of bleach. It was a good dinner party last night. He couldn’t wait until the next one.