Delivered To Your Door

January 4, 2018 by Juliette Kings

Delivered to your door…

I looked at the muscular, almost beautiful, naked body on the bed and the folded up sheriffs’ uniform on the chair. The badge seemed to sparkle saying “look at me, look at me.” A white and pink orchid flower was behind his ear.

Holy crap, this wasn’t how I’d planned on starting out my week.

I was reading on my deck, a glass of wine in my hand, my eyes closed for just a second…

I was three years old and someone was throwing me up in the air and I laughed so hard I could hardly breathe.

His hands are warm and I cling to him to put my ear next to his chest and hear his heart. I hold him tight feeling the heat radiate from his body. I keep laughing. He is so different from everyone else I know.

Thirteen years later, he takes my hands, I laugh. Then my best girlfriend says “He’ll marry me and I’ll be his wife forever.” No way would she get the most handsome man in the world to marry her. I laughed in her face and everyone yelled Happy New Year. Someone lit up lights to spell out 1865. We were in California and in love with men we have silly school girl crushes on. Who cared about the war? We were safe.

I woke in a cold sweat, on the back deck, my book on the ground, the cat staring at me. I heard my son’s voice.

“Mom, Uncle Val is on the phone.” My son Garrett stood at the sliding glass door holding my phone out at arms length.

My brother Valentine, 13 months my senior said I have to come right now. It was an emergency. Nobody else could come. None of our three older brothers could make it. Everyone else had suddenly vanished off the face of the earth.

I arrived at the farm house, my two teens in tow, slamming the door as hard as I could when I got out of the car.

I’m usually pretty calm but I lit into my brother when I saw him walking towards us. “Nobody ever consults with me. I’m the one with the kids and the husband and my own business. I’m on fucking call 24/7 for everyone in this family and nobody ever asks me what I want or need. Nobody.”

“Are you done?” Val asked this in an uncharacteristically sarcastic tone.

“No. What is going on?”

My brother scowled at me and shook his head. “Why are you yelling?”

I went into the house leaving him in the yard. I could hear my son saying “Bad day to mess with my mom.”

Dealing with the sick and elderly is something we do. We do it for love or obligation or family bonds or whatever the reason it is usually on autopilot fueled by guilt and frustration. I’m so saint but sometimes I want to play that saint card so much it hurts.

Eleora stood at the door in a yellow bikini top and a tie-dye skirt, her brown curls done up in red bows. She fluttered around then kissed me on each cheek. Tellias gave me a big hug. He was wearing a green shirt with yellow parrots embroidered on the back. A patch on the front said Dave in large script letters. His white blonde hair was pulled back with a green ribbon.

They look like they’re 19 or 20 years old but they’re ancient – two of the most ancient Vampires known. They were pioneers and founders of the Modern Vampire movement. It is hard to see them like this. It literally breaks my heart.

Steel guitars were hissing away on a scratched up old record playing on a wind up phonograph in the corner.

“We can’t find the car keys,” said Tellias.

“We’re being tropical tonight,” said Eleora as she danced around and put an orchid flower behind my ear.

I was ready to scream. “Again? Where did you last have them?” I asked slowly and calmly.

“If we knew that we’d be driving,” said Tellias, as he took the ribbon out of his hair and shook it out on his shoulders.

“We’d take a road trip to Montana and Maine and Michigan and Maui!” Eleora sang as she danced around again.

“How long have the keys been gone?” I asked.

“Two or three weeks. Val won’t let us use his car,” Tellias said.

“He says we drive too creatively,” Eleora giggled.

“Yes, he said we drive too creatively,” added Tellias.

“Creatively,” said Eleora, this time more seriously.

“Creatively. That was a nice way to put it,” I said more to myself than to the Elders. “What about food? Is Val bringing you food?”

Tellias patted my hand. “Val has been a darling but we like delivery. We call and they come to the house. Amazing. We should have done that a long time ago.”

Delivery? What in the world were they doing? I looked at the hanging chandelier in the entryway. “Nice fixture. Is it new?”

“A couple of nice men came and installed it,” Tellias told me. “It should last for years. The old one was fitted for gas and ugly. Remember?”

“We had them for lunch,” Eleora proudly told me.

“You shouldn’t do that. They’re help,” I told them.

Eleora just smiled. “We liked them Juliette. We wanted them to stay.”

“Are they still here?” I asked not knowing if I wanted to know the answer.

Tellias answered this time. “No, they left. Then we called the County Sheriffs and asked them to come out. We said someone tried to break in. Eleora sounded scared. They sent two good-looking strong young men right to our door.”

“Right to our door. Good looking healthy young men,” Eleora echoed.

I glanced out the window and saw the black and white car on the side of the house. Oh no.

“Where are they?” I asked trying not to panic.

They both looked to the ceiling. I ran up the stairs.

In a bedroom done in high Victorian style, I found a golden haired well-built man face down and naked on the bed. His uniform was neatly folded in a chair. He was alive but in a deep sleep. The name badge was Murphy, as in Officer Murphy.

Another handsome muscular young man was in the next bedroom over, shirtless on his back, asleep. I noticed a wedding ring on his finger. The name badge on his shirt had the name Garcia. His sleeping eyes moved a little under long dark eyelashes.

I called down the stairs. “How long have you had these guys here?”

“Since yesterday. We jammed the GPS on their car.”

I sat down on the top step, almost in tears. They couldn’t find their car keys but they could jam a GPS signal. I thought about the guy with the wedding ring. His wife must be sick wondering where he is.

In most popular novels ancient Vampires are powerful creatures of the night. In my life they are silly creatures that forget all rules about consequences or right and wrong. They act like senile teenagers, with occasional flashes to the wise, powerful leaders they once were.

Tellias sat down next to me. “We thought about keeping them for a while. Then you and Val wouldn’t have to worry about us.”

Eleora slid down on the other side and stroked my face with a cool hand. “Why are you so upset? Everything will be fine. It always is.”

We dressed the nice handsome patrol officers and positioned them in less provocative poses. An hour later another patrol car and an ambulance arrived. Two officers had become ill with an unexplained illness. Not knowing what to do a young couple took them in to their home. All was well. The officers recovered with no memory of what happened. Both mentioned an overwhelming calm and sense of well-being. Imagine that.

Tellias took my hand, like he did when I was a child. “Juliette, my dear child, we weren’t going to turn those young men into Vampires. You know we wouldn’t do that.”

“I just worry about you two,” I told him.

“You care too much for those Regular Humans,” said Eleora. “You have to distance yourself.”

“I’m married to a man who used to be a Regular Human,” I said quietly, but ready to scream.

Tellias squeezed my hand again. “And if it wasn’t for Eleora and me he would be dead.”

I went back to the bedroom where the married officer had been. Years ago my husband lay in that bed, a phantom between two worlds, that of the humans of the light and those of us who favor the dark. An unwanted conversion that had turned those warm hands cold forever, but given me…

“Mom?”

I looked over to kids standing next to me. A 14 year old daughter and a 17 year old son. They shouldn’t have to see all this, but I don’t believe in sheltering them. I never have.

I guess I should do my famous parenting blogger bullet points but there is no point in this story. It is just one of those things, on one of those nights.

Yes, you might have read this before but hey, I’m on the road right now with Teddy. I’ll have all kinds of adventures to share when I return. This was first published in 2014 (I think, the kids are 18 and 21 now, so it was a while ago.).

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Delivered to Your Door

September 24, 2017 by Juliette Kings

Delivered to your door…

Holy crap, this wasn’t how I’d planned on starting out my week.

I was three years old and he someone throwing me up in the air and I laughed so hard I could hardly breathe.

I woke in a cold sweat from my dream, on the back deck, my book on the ground, the cat staring at me. I heard my son’s voice.

“Mom, Uncle Val is on the phone.” My son Garrett stood at the sliding glass door holding my phone out at arms length.

I arrived at the farm house, my two teens in tow, slamming the door as hard as I could when I got out of the car.

“Are you done?” Val asked this in an uncharacteristically sarcastic tone.

“No. What is going on?”

My brother scowled at me and shook his head. “Why are you yelling?”

I went into the house leaving him in the yard. I could hear my son saying “Bad day to mess with my mom.”

Steel guitars were hissing away on a scratched up old record playing on a wind up phonograph in the corner.

“We can’t find the car keys,” said Tellias.

“We’re being tropical tonight,” said Eleora as she danced around and put an orchid flower behind my ear.

I was ready to scream. “Again? Where did you last have them?” I asked slowly and calmly.

“If we knew that we’d be driving,” said Tellias, as he took the ribbon out of his hair and shook it out on his shoulders.

“We’d take a road trip to Montana and Maine and Michigan and Maui!” Eleora sang as she danced around again.

“How long have the keys been gone?” I asked.

“Two or three weeks. Val won’t let us use his car,” Tellias said.

“He says we drive too creatively,” Eleora giggled.

“Yes, he said we drive too creatively,” added Tellias.

“Creatively,” said Eleora, this time more seriously.

“Creatively. That was a nice way to put it,” I said more to myself than to the Elders. “What about food? Is Val bringing you food?”

Tellias patted my hand. “Val has been a darling but we like delivery. We call and they come to the house. Amazing. We should have done that a long time ago.”

Delivery? What in the world were they doing? I looked at the hanging chandelier in the entryway. “Nice fixture. Is it new?”

“A couple of nice men came and installed it,” Tellias told me. “It should last for years. The old one was fitted for gas and ugly. Remember?”

“We had them for lunch,” Eleora proudly told me.

“You shouldn’t do that. They’re help,” I told them.

Eleora just smiled. “We liked them Juliette. We wanted them to stay.”

“Are they still here?” I asked not knowing if I wanted to know the answer.

“Right to our door. Good looking healthy young men,” Eleora echoed.

I glanced out the window and saw the black and white car on the side of the house. Oh no.

“Where are they?” I asked trying not to panic.

They both looked to the ceiling. I ran up the stairs.

I called down the stairs. “How long have you had these guys here?”

“Since yesterday. We jammed the GPS on their car.”

Tellias sat down next to me. “We thought about keeping them for a while. Then you and Val wouldn’t have to worry about us.”

Eleora slid down on the other side and stroked my face with a cool hand. “Why are you so upset? Everything will be fine. It always is.”

Tellias took my hand, like he did when I was a child. “Juliette, my dear child, we weren’t going to turn those young men into Vampires. You know we wouldn’t do that.”

“I just worry about you two,” I told him.

“You care too much for those Regular Humans,” said Eleora. “You have to distance yourself.”

“I’m married to a man who used to be a Regular Human,” I said quietly, but ready to scream.

Tellias squeezed my hand again. “And if it wasn’t for Eleora and me he would be dead.”

“Mom?”

I looked over to kids standing next to me. A 14 year old daughter and a 17 year old son. They shouldn’t have to see all this, but I don’t believe in sheltering them. I never have.

I guess I should do my famous parenting blogger bullet points but there is no point in this story. It is just one of those things, on one of those nights.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Note: This was first posted in 2013. My kids are older now (18 and 21.) Eleora and Tellias are still getting visits from Murphy and Garcia. Sigh.

I want you so bad my fangs hurt (and more historically accurate tales of Camelot)

September 19, 2017 by Juliette Kings

“I want you so bad my fangs hurt.”

I whipped around feeling cold breath on my neck. Smiling behind me was non other than my old boyfriend Pleasant Van Dousen. Yes, HE is the one I made that meme about. Yes, this one. Even after all these years, more unpleasant memories to want to remember, and the fact that we’re both happily and faithfully married, I still got a little bit of a thrill out of it.

Anyway, this isn’t about this. It is about history, and setting the record straight. It is about reunions. It is about sharing experiences. It is about the Knights of the Round Table before you learned it all from Monty Python. It is about old people and how you need to get their stories down and treasure their stories because when they’re gone so is any trace of the history they take with them.

Over the past four months I’ve been in the throes of planning a reunion for the Vampires of my youth (1870’s.) My old friend Amelia, a charming and stylish Vampire now living in Las Vegas, came up and stayed with me for the week. While she was here we stopped by to see the Ancient Vampires Eleora and Tellias.

Apparently we were not the only ones. Pleasant also stopped by. Amelia was even nice to him, something which surprised the jeebers out of me. Stranger things have happened.

We sat on the back porch of the large old Victorian farm house chatting over glasses of iced Poet’s Blood with sprigs of mint and sweet basil. Our hosts Tellias and Eleora are over 2,000 years old but they look like they are nineteen or twenty years old. Tellias wore an old Bob Seager tour shirt from the 1980’s over black tuxedo pants. Eleora was in an old faded sundress made of a print with monkeys and tropical flowers on hit. She’d pinned the straps with safety pins. They both wore yellow flip flops.

We were just chatting about people we used to know, or still know, or want to know better, or want to be rid of. Then Pleasant said, “Tellias, Eleora, I heard recently that you two were close with Merlin, the Wizard in the Court of King Arthur.”

Tellias leaned back in his chair and smiled a sly Vampire smile. “The thing is Pleasant, Merlin wasn’t much of a Wizard. In fact he wasn’t a Wizard at all.”

Pleasant looked surprised, as did the rest of us. “Was he a Vampire, like us?”

“Heaven’s no,” said Tellias. “Merlin was a time traveler. Or maybe still is. He still pops in occasionally, though it has been about sixty years.”

“Sixty five,” said Eleora. “Sixty five long years without a word. No word at all. Not a one.”

“But how…” started Amelia.

Tellias leaned forward and gave all of us a long look. “Technology. He bowled them over with simple technology. You’d be amazed at what folks in the dark ages thought of a man with a simple hand held flash light full of D batteries. Or music coming from a smart phone stuck in a tree.”

“But what about Excalibur?” asked Pleasant. “How did Arthur get the sword out of the stone? Didn’t Merlin have something to do with that?”

“A few sprays of WD40. It was a no brainer,” said Tellias. “You know what else?”

“Pray tell Tellias,” said Pleasant.

“He had a taser, and a laser pointer, and a Zippo lighter. The Knights of the Round Table went nuts. They had no idea they were being fooled by a handsome sleight of hand artist with a seductive voice and skills that would have made Houdini proud.”

“He fooled them with all kinds of things.” said Eleora.

“All kinds of things,” said Tellias.

“A bag full of things we take for granted,” said Eleora.

“Things we take for granted,” said Tellias, “but seemed positively magical in the Dark Ages.”

“Positively magic,” said Eleora.

“But,” said Pleasant, “what about the Lady of the Lake?”

“That was me,” said Eleora with a coquettish grin.

“You know how she loves to swim,” said Tellias. “Can’t keep my gal out of the water. She love to swim.”

“I love it,” said Eleora.

“What about the rest of the Camelot group?” I asked.

“Arthur was a good King, but his personal life was out of control. He was swayed too much on his emotions. He trusted everyone,” said Tellias.

“He was sexy as hell. I have no idea why Guinevere cheated on him so much,” said Eleora.

“She was in an arranged marriage my dear,” said Tellias. “Remember it wasn’t love at first night as it was with us Eleora.”

“Love at first sight. Every single night with you Tellias is love at first sight,” said Eleora.

Tellias blew her a kiss from across the room and continued, “Guinevere didn’t go to a convent either after her affair with Lancelot.”

“Where’d she go?” Asked Pleasant.

Tellias shrugged his shoulders. “She hooked up with the pilot of the time machine, a guy named Frank. They’re both still out there. Somewhere. I don’t know. I saw them at one of Scott and Zelda’s parties back in the 20’s. Don’t know where they went from there.”

Pleasant looked surprised. “What about Lancelot?”

“Sir Lancelot du Lac, now he was a piece of work. He was worse than Casanova. Couldn’t keep it in his tights. It wasn’t just the queen. He’d see a pretty face, or any half way decent face that was female and he’d go nuts. It didn’t matter if she was married or not,” said Tellias.

“Once Lancelot came up behind me and guess what he said to me,” said Eleora.

“What did he say?” said Pleasant.

“He said I want you so bad my fangs hurt. And that was when he was with Gwen. Yes, he was a Vampire. Tellias and I turned him.”

I was shocked. “You two never told me that. Where is he now?”

“Nowhere,” said Tellias. “He was an unfortunate victim of the Spanish Inquisition.”

“So sad. So sad it was. Positively tragic,” said Eleora.

On that somber note we turned our conversation beck to Time Travelers, old friends, and our plans for the week.

As night turned into dawn we shared hugs and promised we’d be back soon.

On the drive back to my house, while Amelia talked about Merlin’s use of simple technology, I thought about my own past. I thought about how it had always been love at first sight with my husband Teddy, when I knew what love at first sight was. I thought about all of the Vampire men who’d attempted to take a piece of my heart, along with my body. Then I said, “What are you wearing to the party tonight? I’m going to wear my black dress with the low back.”

Amelia answered, “Color. Juliette you need more color. I’m wearing blue and silver.”

And she did and she was absolutely beautiful, more than any princess or queen who ever lived. Even in Camelot.

Of course, as usual I wore black. I always wear black.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Cleopatra

January 26, 2017 by Juliette Kings

“Come quick, come quick,” whispered the voice on my phone.

“What is it? Tell me,” I said trying to get information.

“I can’t find her. Come quick.” The caller hung up.

I was in the park, walking an unruly 12 month old German Shepard. The dog was pulling all over the place. My big pouch of a purse was flipped in front of me making me feel like a contestant on Naked and Afraid (except with clothes.) While my 85 pound girl-dog pup took every opportunity to cover herself with mud, I juggled my phone, the leash, my coffee, and my sanity.

I had texts from my 20-year-old son about his anger over environmental issues. Another text came from my 17-year-old daughter asking if I’d throw some stuff in the wash for her.

When I arrived home the dog walked to the middle of the street and waited? For what? A white van came down the street (a narrow private road with seven houses.) I gently guided Alice the dog to the driveway. The van was from Apple Maps. So next time anyone looks up my street they’ll see a large black German Shepard standing in the middle of the road. Sigh.

After gathering together a few things I drove to the farm by the river where Tellias and Eleora, the ancient ones live. Tellias was waiting for me on the front porch of the Queen Ann style mansion. He wore overalls, a white old fashioned tuxedo shirt, and had put his pale blonde hair up in a man-bun held in place with a couple of No. 2 pencils. As always he wore yellow flip flops.

Tellias took my hands and kissed my cheeks and forehead. His pretty face looks all of nineteen but Tellias is over 2,000 years old. He only looks young.

“I’ve lost her Juliette. I looked all over and I can’t find her,” he told me.

“When did you last see her?” I asked.

“I fell asleep, and when I woke she was gone. Her favorite bag is still here so I know she didn’t run off with another man.”

“Eleora would never run off with another man. Think where she could be. Did she take the car?”

“The cars and truck are here. But he could have picked her up…”

“Stop,” I told him. “No more crazy talk about imaginary lovers. Did you check the basement and all of the out buildings?”

He scowled. “Of course I did. But… she talked about going swimming. The river…”

I drove the truck along the levee as Tellias called out for Eleora.

The song Cleopatra by the Lumineers was on the radio.

Tellias hummed along, then he stopped and just listened. When it was over he looked at me as if he was going to cry. “Juliette,” he said, “that is the saddest song I’ve ever heard.”

“Do you want me to turn it off?” I asked. He didn’t answer and called out the window again.

I saw egrets and hawks fly over the water. My stomach started to cramp up with the thought of Eleora being trapped somewhere in the currents.

“I knew her,” said Tellias.

“Knew who?” I asked.

“Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt. I knew her when I was young. I mean young in the same way that you’re young.”

“You knew Cleopatra?”

“Yes, I just said that. It was when I was traveling with Mark Antony, not the singer, but the Roman General. Mark told her that I couldn’t die. She wanted him to prove it. He refused. It was all rather odd, but after that we were great friends, or so they thought,” Tellias told me. “Cleopatra was lovely in a strange sort of way, but I was done with it. It was at that point where I was tired of being the magical pretty boy with skin like ice, and the power to drain a man of his blood, or whatever. I was tired of reading minds and being shown off. She thought if I drank her blood it would give her mystical powers. I told her no. I was tired of it. Tired in sort of the same way I’m tired now. Where is she? There’s a turn around by the old slough, remember you used to go there when you were a child with your brothers. You would play pretend adventures for hours.”

I kept driving and Tellias kept talking.

“I went back to Britain where I’d left Eleora. We were both alone, children of the shadows who danced in both light and dark, without parents, or allegiance to anyone. There were groups of Vampires with Kings, and masters, but Eleora’s spirit was too free to be part of some Vampire court. She wasn’t one to follow rules or bow down to anyone. Some tried over the years but nobody could capture her spirit. We were the first Modern Vampires before the word modern even existed. We were the first. Now we’re just a couple of old fools.”

“You’re not an old fool,” I said.

He rolled his eyes at me. Then he said, “Turn left. I see her.”

Eleora sat on a log overlooking a pond, in a foggy field that was what remained of a long dead pear orchard. She turned and waved. She looked like any other young woman in a short leather skirt, tights, and a black lace bra. Her wet hair fell in loose curls down her back.

Tellias ran to her and held her in his arms, and covered her with kisses.

She’d gone for a walk and left her phone at home. Then she went for a swim and forgot to put her shirt back on. Then she sat and thought about everything she’d done over the centuries. She tried to remember her parents but nothing came into her head. She didn’t remember her brothers or sisters, but she thought she might have some. She wondered if they were still alive. She thought about the days when she and Tellias had great parties at their now silent home. She sat and thought about things and forgot that six hours had passed.

We took her home. Tellias got her cleaned up while I made warm mulled blood with wine and orange peel.

“We’re very old. Very very old,” said Tellias as he walked me to the door.

“Then I will love you all the more,” I said. “You’re not going anywhere. Not you. Not Eleora.”

“I don’t plan on it,” he said and gave me a kiss, and an ice cold hug. Then I drove through the fog, back to my own house, and my large black dog.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Cleopatra
by Waterhouse

Baggage (and Ancient Vampires)

December 1, 2015 by Juliette Kings

This morning I stopped by the orchard surrounded farm house by the river. It is the home of the ancient Vampires, Tellias and Eleora.

Sometimes they forget necessary things, like where their car is parked, or food. I’m usually the one who checks on them. I’m the one who visits for no reason. Despite the fact that they look like they’re maybe nineteen or twenty years old they are starting to act their age, which is ancient.

I parked next to my brother Val’s car.

Tellias met me at the door. He wore an old cardigan that looked like he’d dug it out of Mr. Roger’s grave. That was paired by a pair of black dress slacks and yellow flip flops. He kissed my cheek and taking my hand led me in. “We never see you anymore Juliette.”

“You saw me on Thanksgiving. That was less than a week ago.”

“Before then,” he said. Before I could say anything back Tellias changed the subject. “I’ve been looking for my large brown suit case. Do you know where it is? It has straps.”

Eleora came dancing into the room twirling a long red skirt and wearing a lacy white blouse with a black bra underneath. It was a new look for her.

“It has six straps,” said Eleora

“Exactly six,” said Tellias

“Are you going somewhere?” I had to ask.

“No,” said Tellias.

“Do you have it?” Eleora asked as she put her arm through mine.

“Why do you need it?” I asked.

“I think Val has it,” said Tellias.

“I don’t have it,” said Val.

“Juliette used it when we went to Chicago,” Tellias said looking back at me.

I glared back at him. “That was eighty years ago. I don’t have it. You know I hate hauling around large bags.”

Tellias shot back at me. “Look for it. Maybe it is in your closet. You know what a mess your closets are. I bet you don’t even know what is in them.”

“My closets aren’t that messy,” I said.

“Check your closets,” said Eleora.

“Check under your beds too. I’m sure you have it. And don’t forget to take out all of those hair pins of yours,” said Tellias.

“I don’t use hair pins,” I said.

“Somebody does. You were the last to use it. I remember your hair was long. You wore it in a bun on the top of your head. It was all the style,” said Tellias.

Val was about to say something and I slid my finger across my throat. Time to stop.

“I think Lola has it,” said Eleora.

“Stop. Enough with the suit case,” I snapped

Someone started to speak.

“Enough,” I said.

Lola came through the door.

“Lola, do you have that big brown suit case?” Tellias asked.

“The one with the straps,” said Eleora.

“Six straps,” said Tellias.

“Stop,” I yelled.

“Six straps. It is brown leather,” said Eleora.

Lola tilted her pretty head. “Are you going somewhere?”

“No,” said Tellias. “Do you know where the suit case is?”

“Don’t answer them Lola,” I said.

She smiled and kissed Tellias on the cheek. Next she took Eleora by the hand and twirled her around. Lola is about a thousand years younger than Tellias and Eleora and about six hundred years older than me. She still looks like a stunning women in her mid-twenties. I love my great great great great grandmama Lola.

“How are my favorite Vampires today?” Lola asked the elders.

“We’re fine,” said Tellias. “Don’t try to change the subject and don’t treat us like children. We’re old, not stupid.”

Eleora kept twirling and dancing around the room.

“Keep up that attitude and you won’t be my favorite anymore,” said Lola. “Now, to change the subject my darlings, we all need to go to Andrew’s Christmas concert together. We’ll caravan. We’ll stay the night.”

My brother Andy is a singer, mostly opera but he’ll sing anything. Anyway, he does a popular Christmas concert every year in San Francisco. I’d be more excited but the prospect of driving with the constant nonsense of three ancient Vampires and… well everyone else … it was enough to make my head spin. “Sure, that would be great Lola,” I said.

“Juliette should drive one of the cars. She never gets lost,” said Eleora, who was still twirling.

“She always knows the way,” said Tellias.

“Unlike Val and Teddy. They drive too fast,” said Eleora stopping her dance.

“Like they’re crazy,” said Tellias.

“Crazy fast,” said Eleora.

“They’re Hell on wheels,” said Tellias.

“Absolute Hell,” said Eleora.

“Enough already,” I snapped. I called Andy. “We’re all coming to the concert. All of us.”

Andy was overjoyed. As we worked out the details Tellias attempted to get the phone out of my hand. “No, you’re not going to ask him about the suitcase.”

“Ask Andrew if he is going to sing Santa Clause is Coming to Town. I know all the words to that one,” called out Eleora.

“I need to talk to him,” said Tellias grabbing the phone. “Andy, dear, what was your recipe for mulled blood. I need the spice mix.”

Tellias gave the phone back to me with a smirk. “I didn’t ask him about the suit case. If we knew where it was we could use it on this trip. We’ll all be staying overnight.”

I rolled my eyes.

“One of you must have it,” said Tellias.

Eleora opened her eyes wide. “The big brown one? It is in the closet, in the blue bedroom.”

“Thank you darling,” said Tellias with a smile.

“You’re welcome dear,” said Eleora.

So I’ll give you an update and let you know how the concert goes.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

An Outing With Ancient Vampires and Art

September 9, 2015 by Juliette Kings

Lack of sleep weighs heavy on even the most seasoned blogger/vampire. I’ll get this down, with the help of many cups of coffee, because it is about those who always seem to be tired – our old, elderly, senior folk. Or this could be anyone who needs a bit of extra help and respect.

I’d told Eleora and Tellias, who are quite old, that I’d take them to the Chalk it Up Art Festival on Saturday. Tellias asked twice what the event was. He has been to the event twice before so I suppose forgetting twice made some sort of sense.

I stopped to pick up the Eleora and Tellias on Saturday morning to bring them to the art event in a downtown park.

Tellias greeted me on the farmhouse porch with a serious look on his face. He was wearing worn out overalls with no shirt, and of course his usual yellow flip flops.

“We can’t go,” he said.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Eleora doesn’t want to go. She said it won’t be any fun with her.”

“She always has fun.”

“Eleora can’t be left alone so I can’t go.”

“How about John next door,” I said, “he is always glad to come sit with her or let her read in his kitchen.”

Tellias let a quiet hiss out from between his teeth. “You know Juliette. You know about John.”

“I know he’d do anything for you.” John, now in his early sixties, had known Eleora and Tellias since he was a baby.

“John is in love with Eleora,” Tellias hissed out the words showing his fangs.

“John has always been in love with her. Everyone is in love with her. I’m getting her and we are going.”

“You never listen to me.”

“I listen to everything you say. You sound like you look, like a teenager,” I said to him. Tellias is ancient but he looks like he is about nineteen years old. His pretty face pressed into a scowl as he brushed his white blonde hair out of his face.

“You have no idea Juliette. Just because I’m old doesn’t mean I don’t know what goes on in the world.”

I went upstairs to check on Eleora. She sat on her bed wearing a worn out house dress and a stretched out sweater covered with pills and old beading.

“Get dressed sweetie,” I said, “we’re going out.”

She held out a hand, then let it drop on her lap. “I’d just be in the way.”

“You won’t be in the way. Come on.”

Her closet was a strange mish mash of clothes that couldn’t have ever matched. After digging around for a few minutes I found a short pink shift dress, a light white cotton blouse and a pair of black leggings. Luckily Eleora is cute enough that anything she wears looks fashionable, or just quirky. After threatening to force her to get dressed, I brushed her long chestnut colored curls into a messy bun on top of her head. On top of it all I found pink crystal earrings and a pink bow for her hair.

“You look lovely. Let’s go my dear. We’ll have a good time.”

“You won’t. I’ll be a burden.”

“You’ll have fun.”

“I’ll be too hot. I’ll get too much sun. You know I’m an old Vampire. I’m very old. Very very very old. I’ll frighten people.”

“You look like a beautiful 20 year old girl.”

“I feel like a mummy. No, I can’t go. I don’t want to ruin your fun.”

After I finally got Eleora downstairs, I convinced Tellias to put on something neater than overalls. He came back in jeans and a black tee shirt. He’d tied his hair back with a black ribbon.

“We don’t want to ruin your fun,” said Tellias.

“No we don’t. We’re old and this is a young person’s event,” said Eleora.

“Stop it. This event is for everyone. Now get in the car. You’re going to have fun even if it kills you.”

“We’re already dead,” said Eleora.

I rolled my eyes.

“We love you Juliette. We appreciate everything you do for us,” said Tellias.

“Yes, we do. We appreciate everything,” said Eleora.

“Everything,” said Tellias.

“Yes, everything,” said Eleora.

We met the rest of the family at the park. Eleora and Tellias shared an old-fashioned parasol as they walked around looking at the artists draw in chalk on the sidewalk. Bands played while small children danced. Dogs walked along side their owners, looking bored and wishing for more interesting things to sniff.

I kept an eye on the elders just in case they wandered off. From time to time they’d stop and talk. Then they’d steal a kiss. To everyone else they looked like a darling young couple. I saw a frail old couple who still lived off of love and dreams.

You know, some people might seem old and silly but you must appreciate them. Just today Queen Elizabeth celebrates 62 years as queen. Nobody discounts her. So don’t discount our seniors who have seen so much and done so much.

Tellias grew up in the Roman Empire, before the birth of Christ. Eleora was around even longer, in times when the stars still held magic and the Roman’s hadn’t discovered the British Isles yet. They hold centuries of knowledge and experience.

My job is to take them to see chalk art. I make sure they don’t lose their car keys. I remind them to eat. I try to keep them active in body and soul.

Isn’t that what we should all do?

If you know anyone who needs to get out – take them. Every city has art festivals, flower shows, theaters, parks and places to go and see things. Even the zoo.

Needless to say the Chalk it Up Art Festival in Sacramento over Labor Day weekend was a great success. Here are some photos of this year’s art.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman