I’ll See You At WordCamp Sacramento

On September 16-17 I will be attending WORDCAMP SACRAMENTO 2017.

If you’re going to be attending too let me know. I’d love to meet up with you.

WordCamp Sacramento is a casual, locally organized conference happening September 16-17, 2017 that covers everything related to the world’s favorite platform: WordPress. Whether you’re brand new to WordPress, you use it casually, or you’re a seasoned professional, there is something for everyone at every skill level!

In its third year, WordCamp Sacramento is expanding to include a full day Beginner Track teaching attendees how to use WordPress, two mixed tracks of sessions on Saturday, and three mixed tracks of sessions on Sunday.

https://2017.sacramento.wordcamp.org

 

Outtakes (from a parenting/vampire blogger)


These are the recent outtakes (the absolute real reason I’ve started so many blog posts lately and not finished a one, hence all the dead space and reruns.)

THIS

I received my 11th telemarketing weirdo freak call of the day and I tell the guy, “Hey, you know what, go suck your own dick.” He tries to say something. I continue. “And while you’re at it go to a dark room and close the door so nobody can see you. Just do it you fuck head.” Then I turn around and see my daughter’s sports coach looking at me in a somewhat shocked manner.

OR

From the truth is more disgusting than fiction files… this morning a kid in my daughter’s English class accidentally left a window in his car cracked. Someone broke into his car, crapped on the seats, then smeared it all over the car. He had the car towed because he couldn’t drive it. He said he could smell it about five cars down. If the kids who did it are caught they won’t be able to graduate, and if it isn’t a seniors they’ll be kicked out of the school. Ugh. The poor kid with the car can’t figure out who could hate him so much. Of course every kid in the school knows about it now so I’m sure they’ll find the criminal crappers soon.

OR

It is International Women’s Day and….

OR

A question for my advice column: Dear Juliette, an agent requested I send her my vampire romance. I haven’t heard from her in two years. Now what? Do I keep sending it out to agents? Do I self-publish? Do I go back to law school? ~ Writer in Waiting.

OR

My daughter is graduating from high school on June 2. And this is where I started to cry and couldn’t think of anything else to write.

OR

A few weeks ago I went on a high school field trip with two bus loads of advanced art students. It was fun. The kids were great. A crazy guy said one of the girls assaulted him in Golden Gate Park. My mind just went totally and completely blank.

OR

I’ve filled my twitter feed with political rage. Maybe that wasn’t the right branding choice.

OR

St. Patrick’s Day is coming up. Snakes. Ireland. Vampires. Drinking. Small children… Actually, I might have a story here…

OR

The frustrations of training a 13-month old German Shepard Dog. Let’s just start cussing NOW.

OR

Why I HATE Cover Reveals and fifty other ways to offend other bloggers.

OR

I was going through some old photos the other day and I found a couple of CIA Operatives.

OR

I’m not getting enough sleep. I have a lot of demands and shit like that. Seriously, I am not getting enough sleep and I’m losing my mind. Wait, I lost it a long time ago, I think. Maybe…

OR

Why are so many people reading my story The Travelers?  I’ve posted the story quite a few times, but this is the original 2012 post. This is traditionally a Christmas story. But seriously, the traffic for this story has gone through the roof for about six months. I thought people were coming here for love letters. They’re coming here for love letters and THE TRAVELERS. WHO ARE YOU??? I even put a note on the end of the post and nobody will get back to me about it. Please let me know if it is on a story list or what/why/who.

OR

I got nuthin.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

Disgusting Thoughts and Inspiration

I tried to come up with something, not exactly a metaphor, along the lines that if you beat a dead horse long enough you’ll get horse burgers, and a nice horse skin coat. Then it just seemed disgusting. Keep writing, and rewriting, and rewriting.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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Dear Vampire Troll, Get the Hell Outta Here

If you have a blog you’ll get weird messages from weird people. If you blog about Vampires you’ll get exceptionally weird messages. You’ll have more WTF moments than you EVER thought you’d get in a hundred years.

I recently received another one of THESE:

I turn to a vampire any time i want to. i become a vampire because of how people treat me, this world is a wicked world and not fair to any body. at the snack of my finger things are made happened. am now a powerful man and no one step on me without an apology goes free. i turn to human being also at any time i want to. and am one of the most dreaded man in my country. i become a vampire through the help of my friend who introduce me into a vampire kingdom by given me their email. if you want to become a powerful vampire kindly contact the vampire kingdom on their email

Following this lovely message was an email address.

Hey, Internet spamming trolls, or weird Vampire wanna-bees, don’t leave me this shit. You know who you are. I’ll delete it. I’ll have a low opinion for you that only someone who lives for centuries can have. You’re a troll. A TROLL. Get the Hell outta here. And while you’re at it leave my friends alone too.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Ode to an unfinished story…with a minimum of bad words

Contrary to popular opinion Vampires don’t always have their shit together.

Between having a large puppy, and last weekend’s trip it looks like someone broke into my home…no take that back. The front entry way and living room looks like something off of one of those hoarders shows.

Then there is the writing. I have a fantasy story to finish. I was told I couldn’t use bad words and now I’m at a loss because I’m a foul mouthed writer. I’m a foul mouthed mom. I try to stay clean. I stay clean around my LDS friends, and my neighbors. I stay clean around my children’s educators. That is about it. I’m trying. Even now I’m trying.

So I’m going to finish up this story before the end of the month. It is about a guy who holds a high position. He drinks cocktails. He sleeps around. He had a dwarf and an elf as his right and left hand advisors. He is a God. Everybody likes him but damn it, he has a job to do. In the meantime somebody steals something from him, someone else does something profound, it touches the main guy’s heart, and he decides to take a chill pill and bring more beauty to the world in which he is responsible for. On the other hand I might drastically change that story.

I like writing about gods. I did it with my story about Hermes Ode to a Greek God. By the way I wrote that gem in about two hours. I said I write fast. I never said I write well.

To add to that story is a novel I’m revising. I have a deadline for that as well. At one point one chapter had more fucks in it than the HBO series Deadwood.

I also have two blog posts in the work and I’m behind on “Girl In The Woods,” serial novel. To my readers: the next section is in bad need of editing. I hope to have you something this coming Friday, even if it is small. See the sidebar, or click here to start from the beginning.

I know, I know, you came here for Vampires.

Yesterday I had a “lunch date” with my friend Jack. I always bring him pomegranate juice and cookies, just like when he donates to the blood bank. Aside from having great blood, the man always smells nice. I don’t know exactly what it is. Some people just smell good, and I’m not talking about food smells. We all know that the best perfume any girl could wear to attract guys would be bacon scented, or maybe beer, but that isn’t it. Some people just smell good.

Tuesday. It is Tuesday. I have work to do.

Oh, one more thing. Don’t forget that every (almost every) Thursday features my ever so popular advice column, “Ask Juliette, or Ask a Vampire.” Send me your questions about relationships, parenting, Vampires, paranormal stuff, politics, gardening, or anything else that is burning up your brain. I’ll do my best to answer. Send your questions to juliettevampiremom @ gmail. com (yes there are extra spaces in there to ward off the trolls.)

Ok, I have stuff to do. Stories to finish. I hope.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Antique Pocket Watch With A Heart

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/unfinished/

Scary Halloween Colors

This morning I’m playing around with colors before I get some serious (HA HA HA) writing done.

So what do you think of my new scary Halloween theme colors? Hey, don’t laugh. Halloween will be here before you know it.

This blog started out with a black background. I changed it a few years ago. Like hair color and nail color I figured I could still change it whenever I wanted, and what better time than fall and Halloween time!

I’ll be playing around some more, soon, maybe, maybe not.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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