A Modern Vampire Mom

After 10 years and almost 2,700 posts later I’m still blogging. Below is my very first Vampire Maman post.

I haven’t become a viral parenting blog influencer. I don’t even think the term “influencer” was out there in 2012. Not being your typical “mommy blogger” I don’t wax and wane on the perks of self care, finding the right yoga pants, or how my children are the cutest.

My youngest was in Middle School when this all started. Looking back I see that Middle School and High School are when parenting gets real. If you look hard enough you’ll find the kids are still precious and cute. If you talk to them you find that they’re a joy. They still need you to help them navigate school, friendships, and fear of the future. Impending adulthood terrifies both parents and teens.

Over the years I hope I’ve been able to get my main message TALK TO YOUR KIDS out there. My second would be to prepare your children for adulthood. One day we all grow up and we all have to fly away out of the nest. Overprotecting a child from the harsh realities of the world is only going to put them in harms way.

So how did I do? My son has now has a Masters degree in Environmental Science and has started a business with friends. We’ll see how it does. I’m super proud of them. My daughter was just excepted into graduate school at USC. They both have good relationships with friends and family. They’re both funny. They talk to their parents. They’re a joy.

I wasn’t just taking care of children. Like many parents these days I was also taking care of the elders of my family. I started writing about Eleora and Tellias, the two ancient Vampires who look as if they are college students, but act like they’re in their late 80’s. They have memory issues, and judgement issues. They need extra help. It is both rewarding and heart breaking.

Other features have come up over the years. Short Story Sunday (Tangled Tales) now features over 200 stories – both mine and guest stories. Burning Questions was a popular series I might have to bring back.

One of the most popular features has been Vlad’s Vampire Diary. Oh my goodness the amount of mail I get about Vlad’s “hotness.” It warms my heart. I also get the same amount about my brother Max.

I’ve brought in all four of my brothers, my friend Austin Durant the Vampire Hunter, and of course Nigel, everyone’s favorite ghost. Werewolves, Zombies, Demons, and other unusual folk have also graced these blog posts.

We’ve talked about love, music, being different, things that happen in the news, school shootings, death, grief, humor, cats, dogs, long hikes, rock concerts, and everything else under the moon.

Many of my favorite posts have been my December/Christmas posts. Christmas and the paranormal go hand in hand. Believe it or not Vampires love holidays, Christmas trees, and the wonders of the bright stars in the night sky.

Most of all I want to talk about parenting. By that I mean deliberate parenting. Talk to your kids. Listen to them. Listen listen listen. Don’t judge. Don’t expect them to be like you. Want them to be better than you. They can and will be better than you if you let them. I’m not a Tiger Mom. I’m a mom who hugs, love, listens, and is aware of what is going on in my child’s life.

I’m not perfect but my kids awesome. But hey, you don’t want perfect kids. Perfection is over rated and boring as hell. What you want is kids who are confident, aware, learn from their mistakes, ask questions, and see the big world around them.

Thank you to all of you who’ve been hanging out with me for the past ten years. I love you all from the deep dark depth of my Vampire heart. To all of you who are new I am glad you’re here.

As I go into the next decade I will adjust to my empty nest life, just as Vlad continues to adjust to the modern world.

I’m glad that I have been able to inspire those with and without children navigate the weirdness and not so weird times in the world in which we live.

Wear a mask. Stay safe. Be kind. Check in on those who be alone or need extra help. Don’t be a dick. Talk to your kids. Kiss a Vampire (you’ll thank me for it later.)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Leave Your Demons At Home

My daughter Clara is up for a few weeks. College is online but she still has her apartment in Southern California. This is just a break. She and her boyfriend drove up without any contact from the outside world except to get gas.

My brother Max has decided to stay with us for a few weeks. I asked him why. He said his house is infested with Demons.

When he got here last night he was beyond distracted. His dogs didn’t seem to care and immediately started playing with our dog. I thought they were all going to knock down every piece of furniture in the house. Between the three of them there is almost four hundred pounds of frolicking dog.

My husband Teddy helped Max bring a few things in from his car and haul them upstairs. I went to the kitchen to fix my eldest brother a nice mug of warm blood with a little bit of ground nutmeg and a dash of Tobasco (don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.)

I heard a scratching at the front door. Thinking it was one of the cats I told Clara to let it in. No sooner had I heard the front deadlock click open I heard Clara yell, “MOM. MOM. MOM. Come here.”

Flopping around in the front entry was a small pale gray Demon trying to unfold a twisted wing. The cats, who are usually game for jumping on any small alien creature ran away. The demon put it’s nasty fang filled face up at us and hissed.

“Holy shit,” I said. “Clara get me a broom.”

The tiny Demon scuttled around hissing and then suddenly stopped and looked up at me. “I’ll give you three wishes if you help me out,” it said with a smile full of sharp pointed teeth.

“I’m a Vampire you moron. Your BS tricks aren’t going to work on me,” I said. “What the crap are you doing here?”

“I came with Max and his damn dogs,” it said in a voice that sounded like a hundred years of chain smoking and cheap whiskey.

“Did Max invite you?”

The Demon rolled it’s shoulders and tried to stand up straight. “No he didn’t invite me. Nobody ever invites me anywhere. I hid in the glove box. Why the hell do you think I’m so twisted up.”

By then Clara had come back with the broom. She looked at the Demon in disgust and started hitting it. I opened the door and it managed to fly out, but not without the cats running after it.

Clara and I heard a blood curdling scream then silence. Outside in the front yard the cats stood staring at a dark burned spot on the decorative bark in my front yard.

“Good kitties,” said. Clara ran into the kitchen for cat treats.

Out at Max’s car I said, loud enough for Demons to hear, but not loud enough for my neighbors to hear, “if there are any Demons in this car you’d better leave now or you’re as good as fucking dead.”

There was silence for a few seconds, the the smell of sulfur came through the air. The back passenger door opened and a blur of several more small Demons flew out and off into the sky.

Once I was back in the house I told my brother and husband about the encounter. They acted clueless as usual. Seriously, I wish they’d both take these things more seriously and not wait until there is an infestation.

And that is my life today. I might get out into the garden, or visit more with Clara. We might all watch a movie. There is also the second As We Were blog post to finish up and cue up for tomorrow. Clara is studying. Max and Teddy are on the deck shooting the breeze.

Until then, keep fighting off those Demons. Stay inside, stay home, social distance, wear a mask, wash your hands, be smart, be safe, be friendly, be polite, be caring. Call, email, or FaceTime those who might need extra help or just need to hear a friendly voice.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman




Parenting Young Adult Vampires – Quick Notes

vampire teens

Even after your kids are grown, or in this case sort-of-grown, you still worry about them.

They graduate from high school, turn eighteen, vote, drive, get jobs, go to college, and they’re adults.

Sort of.

They’re also maybe drinking, having sex, forming strong opinions, dabbling in drugs, staying out late, and exploring the dark side of culture.

They’re exploring all sides of culture. That could be a good thing. A mighty good thing.

And if they’re Vampire kids you have a whole other thing to deal with.

It is one thing if your younger child starts to hunt a little on their own, but it is a whole new game when a young Vampire turns into an adult.

This isn’t something you can push off on the old traditions. Our old timers didn’t make the rules in the 1950’s. They made the rules in the 1750’s, and those rules don’t work anymore. Just like with any other parent you need to keep up with your kids, be open and honest, and teach them the rules of the 21st Century Vampire.

Your young adult children are going to start collecting their own sets of donors. Make sure they choose wisely. Guide them. By guiding I don’t mean vague references like “don’t  pick criminals,” or “watch for people with Hep C.” They need to pick safe donors. Safe means people with calm personalities. That means people who live private lives. It means people who can mentally and physically withstand being a donor.

You also need to continue to talk with your kids and be open with them. Donors are not friends. They are not serious lovers. They are not someone you will fall in love with. Sure you can care. Of course you SHOULD care, but not in a romantic way. Never get involved romantically with a donor. Also do not turn your donors into Vampires. Do not EVER let your donor know you’re a Vampire. These are tough conversations you need to have with your young adult children.

Encourage them to attend seminars about avoiding, and dealing with Vampire Hunters. They have enough going on with trying to find jobs, go to school, and juggle their activities, and start to live on their own, without having to deal with someone trying to put a stake through their heart, or worse. Make sure their only heartbreak is the kind they sing about in pop songs, not literally having their heart ripped from their body.

Vampire Teens Rock

This is just a quick thought for today. Just a reminder. I’ll go into more depth on the subject later.

In the meantime, no matter how old or young they are, talk to your kids. Talk with them, not at them. Listen to them. Engage them. Laugh with them. Share with them. Learn from them. Yes, learn from them – you’d be surprised what they can teach you.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Vampire mom


Even Vampires have “those days”

gothicI’ve gone from just being tired and overwhelmed to just being pissed off.  I’m going to whine and be self-indulgent, so if you just want to skim over this or come back tomorrow I understand. Or better yet, look through my old posts – some are quite amusing.


I wonder if that is a busy mom thing or just a Juliette thing.


I can’t direct that feeling to my children who are pretty self-sufficient. They take care of themselves for the most part – but they still need me all of my time even if they won’t admit it to their friends.


My husband is going through some battles of his own. And there are all of those others who need my time and attention – I’m the caretaker who didn’t really sign up for the job. I love them all but I need my own time.


As I’m writing this someone called to ask me about how to use the Internet and why they’re blocked out of their accounts and what to do when a password won’t work. That happens a lot. Honestly I do not have “Tech Support” written on my forehead with a thick black Sharpie but sometimes it seems like it.  You’d think Vampires would be pretty computer savvy but noooooooo, they aren’t, or some of them aren’t and unfortunately they call me when they have problems. Or sometimes I just get questions about where to buy cheap flip-flops or what to do with capers or how to get Goblin smells out of basements or what I’m wearing to the next Vampire Masquerade.


Costumes from last year...

Costumes from last year…

I haven’t even thought of the Masquerade for this year. I told my husband that we should just go as Clark Gable and Carole Lombard and he said, “Gable had bad breath.” That was a NO from him. So we’ll figure out something else. Too bad because I was looking forward to wearing a blonde wig. 


Sometimes one has to just shut out the world, in a corner of a yard, on a walk in the woods or even hidden in a bathroom. I have a friend who used to tell her family she had stomach problems. She’d go into the bathroom with a book or stack of magazines and a bottle of vodka and stay for 20 or 30 minutes with the fan on so nobody would bother her.  No husband yelling, “honey”, no kids pounding on the door or sticking little fingers under it. Just the hum of the bathroom fan blowing off the stresses of life. Hey, whatever works.


A Vampire needs to eat so I’d made a lunch date with my favorite lunch date Jack, the handsome attorney and old pal who now knows I’m a Vampire and doesn’t care. I get what I want and he gets what he wants. That is I get lunch and he gets a feeling of warm and fuzzy goodness that lasts for several weeks. It is a nice symbiotic relationship.


Jack met me at my office, a Queen Ann style Victorian downtown that my brother purchased in the 1880’s. Nobody was there except us.


As always it was good to see him. Slipping his arm around my waist he pulled me close and into a kiss. No small talk today, thank goodness. I quickly undid the buttons of his shirt and slipped it off of his shoulders then pulled his undershirt over his head. My hands went over his bare chest. He pushed me onto the couch. I wrapped my leg around him to keep us from falling.


With one hand on the back of his neck and one entwined in his hair I sank my fangs into his neck, closed my eyes and got lost in the moment. It was intoxicating in that slow delicious way that makes one want to float to the ceiling. Instead Jack passed out on top of me and when I let go he rolled to the floor with a loud thud. Thank goodness nobody else was in the building.


I sat on the floor next to Jack; eyes closed and just let it all roll off of me. I didn’t check on Jack. I knew he was fine. He’d just have to sleep it off. I didn’t call home. I didn’t check my messages. I didn’t do anything.  I just let my body and mind turn to jelly as I drifted off in a catnap half between reality and the land of dreams.  The taste of his blood was like the after taste of a good deep bodied red wine. My mine drifted to a cool fall day in the foothills wine tasting with friends. I though of lying naked in a field under a full moon with the warm summer air on my body, my husband Teddy… And then my phone rang.


“Mom, can Randy and Ian stay the night? And can we go to the night slides at Sun Splash?”


I had to smile. My teenage son Garret was on the line. I answered yes to everything. It is summer and these boys have been working hard on college applications and summer jobs.

“Garret honey, have you boys eaten anything?” I had to ask because I’m his mom.


“Ian’s neighbors were playing D&D. We slipped over there for a bite. They’re fun people. Didn’t even suspect we were Vampires or anything. Just thought we’d stopped by to play a bit.”


Good boys. They’ve learned well the ways of the Vampire. Always keep a smile on the face of the folks you dine on.


I put down my phone and rubbed Jack’s shoulders. He was still asleep. I closed my eyes for another second or two and then heard the front door open, then a loud thud, dragging sounds and uneven footsteps. What in the world? I wasn’t expecting anyone or anything that afternoon?


Quietly getting up I made my way to the top of the stairs; fangs out and ready to go. At the bottom of the stairs stood Mike and Melissa, my old friends in the agriculture business, both looking, well, quite awful.

Damn it. Just what I didn’t need. Zombies.

Mike looked up with his one good eye and gasped, “We need your help.”

I’m sure he did. Gosh darn it. I really don’t have time for this, but what could I do?


Hope you all have a stress free week.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Cheers!A little housekeeping business:

Click here for the back story on those Zombies.

Click here and here and here for more background on Jack.

I want to thank all of my regular (and not so regular) readers for not being trolls. I love you!

Trolls are those people who make stupid and snarky comments I have to remove. Other descriptive words for them are haters, assholes and stalkers. I get Trolls in other online places I visit but THIS place is, I hope, safe for all who come here. So, for example, if I write about how I like bats please don’t tell me you think bats are creepy and dirty. Write your own blog post. Or better yet, just go away. And leave other bloggers alone too.

One more note…

The conversations with the teens yesterday was all about the new song from Panic! at the Disco (for those who don’t know Panic! At the Disco is the name of a band). We also discussed Fall Out Boy. One MUST include Fall Out Boy.

Panic! At The Disco with lead singer Brendon Urie (lead vocals, guitar, piano) and Spencer Smith (drums) and bassist Dallon Weekes.  

They’re all talented, way too good-looking and if you’re reading this Brendon Urie and Spencer Smith – Vampire Maman and Clara will be in Las Vegas this weekend visiting friends and we’d love say HI if you’re not too busy.

Yes, this band has brought class and style into the lives of my teens. Thanks guys! Now I don’t have to listen to the crap most kids listen to on top 40 radio stations.

And YES we adore Fall Out Boy too. We’ll be at the concert in San Francisco to see all of you.

And for my readers – this isn’t the crap you hear on top 40 pop radio.

And why yes, I know my blog is full of typos. I have a really short attention span, I didn’t learn to spell as a child, I don’t pay attention, and I try to go back and fix my mistakes.