Even Vampires have “those days”

gothicI’ve gone from just being tired and overwhelmed to just being pissed off.  I’m going to whine and be self-indulgent, so if you just want to skim over this or come back tomorrow I understand. Or better yet, look through my old posts – some are quite amusing.


I wonder if that is a busy mom thing or just a Juliette thing.


I can’t direct that feeling to my children who are pretty self-sufficient. They take care of themselves for the most part – but they still need me all of my time even if they won’t admit it to their friends.


My husband is going through some battles of his own. And there are all of those others who need my time and attention – I’m the caretaker who didn’t really sign up for the job. I love them all but I need my own time.


As I’m writing this someone called to ask me about how to use the Internet and why they’re blocked out of their accounts and what to do when a password won’t work. That happens a lot. Honestly I do not have “Tech Support” written on my forehead with a thick black Sharpie but sometimes it seems like it.  You’d think Vampires would be pretty computer savvy but noooooooo, they aren’t, or some of them aren’t and unfortunately they call me when they have problems. Or sometimes I just get questions about where to buy cheap flip-flops or what to do with capers or how to get Goblin smells out of basements or what I’m wearing to the next Vampire Masquerade.


Costumes from last year...
Costumes from last year…

I haven’t even thought of the Masquerade for this year. I told my husband that we should just go as Clark Gable and Carole Lombard and he said, “Gable had bad breath.” That was a NO from him. So we’ll figure out something else. Too bad because I was looking forward to wearing a blonde wig. 


Sometimes one has to just shut out the world, in a corner of a yard, on a walk in the woods or even hidden in a bathroom. I have a friend who used to tell her family she had stomach problems. She’d go into the bathroom with a book or stack of magazines and a bottle of vodka and stay for 20 or 30 minutes with the fan on so nobody would bother her.  No husband yelling, “honey”, no kids pounding on the door or sticking little fingers under it. Just the hum of the bathroom fan blowing off the stresses of life. Hey, whatever works.


A Vampire needs to eat so I’d made a lunch date with my favorite lunch date Jack, the handsome attorney and old pal who now knows I’m a Vampire and doesn’t care. I get what I want and he gets what he wants. That is I get lunch and he gets a feeling of warm and fuzzy goodness that lasts for several weeks. It is a nice symbiotic relationship.


Jack met me at my office, a Queen Ann style Victorian downtown that my brother purchased in the 1880’s. Nobody was there except us.


As always it was good to see him. Slipping his arm around my waist he pulled me close and into a kiss. No small talk today, thank goodness. I quickly undid the buttons of his shirt and slipped it off of his shoulders then pulled his undershirt over his head. My hands went over his bare chest. He pushed me onto the couch. I wrapped my leg around him to keep us from falling.


With one hand on the back of his neck and one entwined in his hair I sank my fangs into his neck, closed my eyes and got lost in the moment. It was intoxicating in that slow delicious way that makes one want to float to the ceiling. Instead Jack passed out on top of me and when I let go he rolled to the floor with a loud thud. Thank goodness nobody else was in the building.


I sat on the floor next to Jack; eyes closed and just let it all roll off of me. I didn’t check on Jack. I knew he was fine. He’d just have to sleep it off. I didn’t call home. I didn’t check my messages. I didn’t do anything.  I just let my body and mind turn to jelly as I drifted off in a catnap half between reality and the land of dreams.  The taste of his blood was like the after taste of a good deep bodied red wine. My mine drifted to a cool fall day in the foothills wine tasting with friends. I though of lying naked in a field under a full moon with the warm summer air on my body, my husband Teddy… And then my phone rang.


“Mom, can Randy and Ian stay the night? And can we go to the night slides at Sun Splash?”


I had to smile. My teenage son Garret was on the line. I answered yes to everything. It is summer and these boys have been working hard on college applications and summer jobs.

“Garret honey, have you boys eaten anything?” I had to ask because I’m his mom.


“Ian’s neighbors were playing D&D. We slipped over there for a bite. They’re fun people. Didn’t even suspect we were Vampires or anything. Just thought we’d stopped by to play a bit.”


Good boys. They’ve learned well the ways of the Vampire. Always keep a smile on the face of the folks you dine on.


I put down my phone and rubbed Jack’s shoulders. He was still asleep. I closed my eyes for another second or two and then heard the front door open, then a loud thud, dragging sounds and uneven footsteps. What in the world? I wasn’t expecting anyone or anything that afternoon?


Quietly getting up I made my way to the top of the stairs; fangs out and ready to go. At the bottom of the stairs stood Mike and Melissa, my old friends in the agriculture business, both looking, well, quite awful.

Damn it. Just what I didn’t need. Zombies.

Mike looked up with his one good eye and gasped, “We need your help.”

I’m sure he did. Gosh darn it. I really don’t have time for this, but what could I do?


Hope you all have a stress free week.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Cheers!A little housekeeping business:

Click here for the back story on those Zombies.

Click here and here and here for more background on Jack.

I want to thank all of my regular (and not so regular) readers for not being trolls. I love you!

Trolls are those people who make stupid and snarky comments I have to remove. Other descriptive words for them are haters, assholes and stalkers. I get Trolls in other online places I visit but THIS place is, I hope, safe for all who come here. So, for example, if I write about how I like bats please don’t tell me you think bats are creepy and dirty. Write your own blog post. Or better yet, just go away. And leave other bloggers alone too.

One more note…

The conversations with the teens yesterday was all about the new song from Panic! at the Disco (for those who don’t know Panic! At the Disco is the name of a band). We also discussed Fall Out Boy. One MUST include Fall Out Boy.

Panic! At The Disco with lead singer Brendon Urie (lead vocals, guitar, piano) and Spencer Smith (drums) and bassist Dallon Weekes.  

They’re all talented, way too good-looking and if you’re reading this Brendon Urie and Spencer Smith – Vampire Maman and Clara will be in Las Vegas this weekend visiting friends and we’d love say HI if you’re not too busy.

Yes, this band has brought class and style into the lives of my teens. Thanks guys! Now I don’t have to listen to the crap most kids listen to on top 40 radio stations.

And YES we adore Fall Out Boy too. We’ll be at the concert in San Francisco to see all of you.

And for my readers – this isn’t the crap you hear on top 40 pop radio.

And why yes, I know my blog is full of typos. I have a really short attention span, I didn’t learn to spell as a child, I don’t pay attention, and I try to go back and fix my mistakes.




  1. I hope you get some time to recharge soon. The kids will be back in school in a few weeks. Enjoy Las Vegas.

  2. “I just let my body and mind turn to jelly as I drifted off in a catnap half between reality and the land of dreams.” With this you’ve reminded me that such a state is even possible … and that it’s well worth seeking out.

    I hope you get more such moments soon.

  3. Zombies? I thought it was bad enough having those guys who try to sell replacement windows coming to my door unannounced. I feel much better now. Thank you. (great post, as always!)

  4. Many attackers of all shapes and descriptions. Many are just in bad moods with their noses put out of joint over petty things. I prefer small children ~ at least when they are throwing a tantrum, it is obvious and not subsumed into self-righteousness! Be well!

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