Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom?

She was the wife of a ship captain. He sailed out of San Francisco in the 1850’s, from a bay so full of ships that there was barely room to maneuver. The first time she saw him…she missed her boat because her phone kept dinging.

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Walking away I pulled my hood up over her head to guard from the biting cold wind and rain. I walked down the street wanting to be anywhere but the court house. I was tired of waiting and waiting and waiting. What did they do behind those closed doors? Why did every single blessed thing take so long. I just wanted to go home and read a good book by the fire and watch the rain. I wanted to be with my children. I wanted it to be summer and meet my girlfriends after work for drinks at one of their favorite places by the river and watch the young testosterone laden assholes showing off in their ski boats and smell the mix of wild flowers, red wine…rewrite. 

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He came by in a tight fitting black tee and jeans that actually were from this century. He was a Roman god, a movie star, a gracefully aging male model. Women turned to look at him. But it just seemed that the high maintence ones edging on middle age who who flocked around him like groupies. Was it the money, his good looks? He was different with them. All flattery and dazzling toothpaste commercial smiles. Then I realized that he was just like them. Birds preening, always doing the mating dance. He should have been in the court of Louis the 14th. He should have been a fop and a dandy in velvets and heels. But with his build he should have been a Viking with his golden hair in braids and the biggest horns on his head with the biggest ship in the fleet, the biggest, well, the biggest everything. He was a professional show off. P.T. Barnum would have marketed Sammy as “The Perfect Male.”

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Nigel continued to rattle on. “I bet Sammy has black satin sheets in his bachelor pad. I bet he has a water bed. Does anyone have those anymore? I remember half the girls I dated had them. They used the excuse it was easier to move. Right. Always gave me a backache. I hated those things. Man, you don’t want to be in one of those things with a hangover. It’s like being seasick only worse. Death is easier than a hangover in a water bed. Believe me, I know first hand, and death is much much easier. I’ll tell you a bucket on the side of the bed wasn’t for bailing out water. What was that store that sold waterbeds, Night Comfort. The guy had commercials on late night TV and read letters from inmates at Folsom Prison who were dreaming about when they got out with their old ladies and their trusty waterbed. Ohhhhhh baby. Ray, I think his name was Ray, or maybe Chuck but I forgot what his last name is. And what sort of grown man calls himself Sammy? Sam maybe or Samuel but Sammy? Come on, you call a 4 year old or a dog Sammy but not a grown man. I thought he’d grown out of that once he got to Stanford.”

I turned around and glared at Nigel. If he wasn’t already dead I would have considered killing him.

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By the way November is National Novel Writing Month… I am working on a novel or two, or three, but sometimes I get distracted.

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~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

What really scares a Vampire

Aside from something harming our children…there isn’t much that scares a Vampire mom. I’m talking about that raising the hair on the back of your neck creep uncomfortable scare that gives you unreasonable chills. The kind of scare that gives you the Willies. The Heeby Jeebies. The Creeps. The kind of thing that scares the crap out of me.

As Vampires we’re on the top of the food chain so not much scares us. Not Ghosts or Zombies. Not Werewolves or Goblins. Not even Honey Boo Boo’s mother.

Sure I don’t think I could handle a grizzly bear or a grown male Bengal tiger, but I don’t run into those on my daily dog walks. They don’t invade my mind and my imagination in the sense of pure terror. They are natural creatures of the earth.

What scares me, DAMN YOU MR WELLS, is ALIENS. Yes, this Vampire is afraid of the idea of Aliens.

This has been going on since 1898 when H.G. Wells wrote War of the Worlds. Forget the recent crapola movie starring that short guy, this story is thoughtful and SCARY. Read the book or listen to the famous radio program. Anyway the story is simple. Aliens come down from Mars and try to take over Earth. It is horrifying. The very idea that a hostile alien comes from another planet it something too difficult to comprehend.

Funny thing that it came out the year after Dracula (1897) came on the scene. And it was only about 10 years after Jack the Ripper (not fiction) brought some almost fiction like terror and fascination into the public eye (not to mention my brother Val and I know who the killer really was).

Science Fiction is full of all sorts of creepy alien lore. The best thing to come out of that is the covers of old pulp magazines like Amazing Stories, Astounding Science Fiction or Science Fiction & Fantasy.

Amazing Stories Naked people oh no

February 1942 Amazing StoriesAmazing Stories ERB-Amazing stories war of the worldAmazing Stories Vol.5, No.9amazing stories guy with 2 girls

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I love the idea of aliens. I hope ET is out there with his phone. I want Star Trek to be true. I want NASA to come back and I want to see real space exploration. I want the first contact to be like out of a hopeful Spielberg movie. I want it to be magical and good.

But part of me also loves that old-fashioned creep-out factor. Especially in movies.

 

So without more rambling here is:

Vampire Maman’s favorite “Creep Me Out” Space Alien Movies.

The descriptions are short. Google the film titles for more information. Just take my word for it. I’m not a movie reviewer because I get too excited about stuff and write too fast. And the good thing about this list is that you can see most of them with your teens. Family fun for everyone!

Signs

2002

I used to like Mel Gibson until he turned into a complete asshole and now I can’t watch his movies anymore EXCEPT this one. I’ve seen this movie about 6 times and it still gives me the creeps. Basic story line: A man and his children and his brother are trapped in a farmhouse when aliens show up and scare the shit out of everyone. Oh my gosh. This one takes the cake.

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District 9

2009

A brilliant movie about aliens from another world trapped in a refugee camp in South Africa. Not so much for the creep factor but for the “it could happen to any of us.” factor. I came away feeling sad after watching this beautifully done film.

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The War of the Worlds

1953 science fiction film starring Gene Barry and Ann Robinson. It is a loose adaptation of the H. G. Wells classic novel of the same name, and the first of a number of film adaptations based on Wells’ novel. Produced by George Pal and directed by Byron Haskin from a script by Barré Lyndon, it was the first of two adaptations of Wells’ work to be filmed by Pal, and is considered to be one of the great science fiction films of the 1950s. It won an Oscar for its special effects and was later selected for inclusion in the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress. Note: This is from Wikipedia because I have only have a few minutes to write this and so I cheated.

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1956 Version: Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Yes, pod people and everything. See it and be creeped out.

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Note: I didn’t add “Aliens” because the alien bitch isn’t on earth. That is an awesome movie but it didn’t scare me. Grossed me out and made me jump but didn’t creep me out.

 

Other movies about Space or Aliens to take note of:

  • Another Earth
  • Liquid Sky
  • The Man Who Fell To Earth
  • 2001 A Space Odyssey

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Movies that aren’t about Aliens but creep me out:

  • Shallow Grave
  • The Birds
  • The Innocents
  • The Woman in Black

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Movies that SCARE ME MORE THAN ANYTHING. And if Space Aliens ever do have a hostile take-over all movies will be like this and our brains will DIE:

  • Forest Gump
  • Steel Magnolias
  • The Bridges of Madison County

 

So when you look into the night skyjust rememberyou are not alone.