Vampire Diary

Dear Diary,

I am plagued by the attentions of silly teenaged girls. How can I explain to them that I only look young?

They tell me I’m cute and hot. I don’t understand.

How do they know I’m a Vampire?



Dear Diary,

A cat has moved into my house. It expects things from me. I’m not sure what to do.

If the cat is cute and I am cute…I’m confused.




Dear Diary,

After a night of debauchery and blood I arrived home to find the cat waiting for me. It demanded food. I don’t understand modern cats.




Dear Diary,

After 500 years I found my wife. She no longer acknowledges our union. She thinks I’m dead. At 650 years she is still beautiful. I saw her with another Vampire. He wore plaid. I think he might be a Scott but maybe not. Everyone wears plaid. Everything is cute or hot.

I don’t understand.




Dear Diary,

I went for a walk in the woods tonight, followed by a band of giggling young girls. I don’t understand how they can know what I am. It must be a genetic mutation on their part. They should fear me. Now they want to date me. For God’s sake I’m almost 700 years old. What would we talk about?

My decision to come out into the light and into the world has been difficult. I was once a Vampire Prince. I am still a Vampire Prince.

Why is everyone wearing plaid?

My cat is hungry again. Then she will want to go outside, and inside, and outside, and inside, and outside, and inside. I don’t understand.

Until tomorrow…


So you’ve fallen in love with a Vampire…

traditional vampire


Falling in love with a Vampire can suck. It bites. Vampires will leave you cold and in the dark. A Vampire lover will leave you drained and feeling dead inside.

All puns aside, it isn’t a good idea. For the most part, ok for all part, Vampires are cold-blooded predators. Sure we’re sweet and charming and fun to be around, but the embrace of a Vampire is dangerous place to trust your heart and soul. Well, of course unless you ARE a Vampire then the arms of a Vampire is the perfect place to be.

If you’re alive, I mean, a Regular Human, and if you’re lucky, a Vampire lover will leave you feeling the most alive you’ve ever felt. You’ll feel like you want to live forever. Your Vampire lover will fascinate you in every way imaginable.

Proceed with caution, for that good feeling will become like the highest high you’ve ever felt. The cold touch of your Vampire lover will be like the worst of the worst of addictive drugs. It will be both the beginning and the end of you. Then again, sometimes it can be just a normal strange relationship. It depends on how strong both parties are and what the end game is for both parties.


A couple of years ago my son, then 16, wrote the following:


One day we’ll part,

In different worlds,

Not so different,

Not the same,

You’ll have change,

I will stay the same,

You’ll have wonder,

I will stay the same,

You’ll have wisdom,

I will see the wonders of the ages,

Except that I will miss you,

My heart a broken mess.


Kind of breaks your heart. I mean, it broke my heart.

Vampires also become attached to humans, especially the young and new. We love knowing that things will change. We won’t change much but everyone else does.

There are those who keep their hearts cold to the warm-blooded kin, but that makes for a dull existence lacking the richness one gets from the company of others who are different and alive (so to speak.)

Sometimes we just can’t help it. I mean, can anyone help who they fall in love with? My own brother Andy spent 40 years with a woman who died a natural death, old for her time. She never allowed him to change her. He never left her. She knew the risks but also the rewards of loving a Vampire. Andy still speaks of her. It is heart breaking but at the same time, I am rewarded in the knowledge that they found real love. But what the found was rare. It was rare for anyone.

Then again, let me muse here a bit, falling in love with a Vampire carries risk. Let me tell you the risks.

  • Vampires rarely return the love
  • Vampires see you as a food source
  • Vampires take what they want, when they want
  • Vampires don’t always give back
  • Vampires are temperamental and moody
  • Vampires have friends you won’t be safe around
  • Vampires don’t willingly let you into their world
  • You will always be an outsider
  • You might die in the arms of your lover from blood loss, or alone in a back alley.
  • And you could return undead, without a soul of your own, a shadow in the dark.
  • Or you could end up like your Vampire lover and be part of his/her life for centuries, but that rarely happens. Rarely. More than likely you’ll still get dumped and find yourself in a strange world all alone. It is just all in a day’s work for a Vampire.


Most who fall for a child of the night don’t even know it. We haunt the day but come alive at night. We’re the ultimate romantics and party animals. What is there not to love. 99.9% of the time a Vampire won’t give away her secret. A Vampire will never tell you what he is. But I suppose to some extent a lot of relationships are like that.

I guess it could be worse. You could fall in love with a Werewolf, or even worse…a Ghost.

Love with your heart, freely and truly but please, be careful. Be smart. Be alive.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman