Losing your happy



I had to bring the Elders back to my house for the next two days because of “issues” at their home.

I’d thought it would be a pleasant afternoon, but it wasn’t.

Eleora wasn’t her usually happy self. Tellias was moody.

They just sit. I speak. They answer like moody teens with monosyllabic mubblings.

Then they start to complain. Not about me, but about everything. I will not let them watch the debates tonight. That will make all of us grouchy.

Then they smile and thank me for letting them stay over.

Maybe it is just me today with plans made, that are now unmade.

“Did you get a tree up yet?”

“NO,” they say in unison. They say they have no friends so they won’t be putting up a tree. I tell them that they are being silly. Then they start to complain about my brother Val who lives with them part of the time.

I asked them about Val and they shrug.

“Where’d you lose your happy?”

They glare at me.

Ancient Vampires are a lot like ancient regular people.

Maybe it isn’t them. Maybe it is me. Maybe a little bit of both. Maybe we’re all just out of sorts. Maybe it is them. Maybe I just need to take a walk.

I look out the window hoping The Ghost is out there. No such luck. At least he would have been a distraction.

The cat comes in and they light up like Christmas trees. Oh the cat. Then Clara comes home from school. She is sixteen. They light up. Everyone is happy.

They’re tired of me. Sometimes I feel like the novelty wore off a hundred years ago.

I made a place on the couch between Eleora and Tellias and sat. I put a blanket over our legs and the cats began to pile on, purring and kneading with their paws.. Then we watched the debates and talked through it all. Maybe it was worth watching something that could be potentially weirder than three Vampires sitting on a couch in the light of a Christmas tree watching Republican Debates. I mean really, what could be weirder? OK I can think of a lot of things.


Then again, we’re all together. What could be better.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman





Quiet times with a friend (and Vampires)

I was standing in line to get coffee with my friend Matthew (Vampire and former shadow creeper). He doesn’t say much. Old fashioned Vampires like Matthew tend to be quiet and sometime unsure themselves outside of bedrooms and other dark places. I’m trying to get him out more.

A couple of women glance over and smile. Yes, he is quite handsome and has that thing that Vampire men have that attracts people. He glances back and one says, “You’re really handsome.”

He told her, in a quiet voice,”you are so sweet.” As he said that his hand took the back of my sweater in an iron death grip. That was fear – a fear of intimacy. Oh boy. I still need to do a lot of work with dear Matthew.

Here is a guy who doesn’t think twice about making love to a woman in the privacy of her bedroom and practically drain all the blood out of her body but he gets shy in public, during the day, doing regular sorts of things – like coffee and flirting.

I guess a lot of us do that in certain situations. Of course we do. Even Vampires get caught off guard.

Matthew never says much. I know he has had some anxiety lately about just about everything.

I thought of my brother who would have left with names and phone numbers.

Matthew and I talked about our kids (his loud funny son, my two loud funny offspring) and the school year so far. So far so good.

Anyway, sometimes in our hectic life it is nice to just spend an hour having coffee with a friend. Maybe by the end of the week we’ll be in dark alleyways and walking down trails stalking night bikers. We might be at bars or art events or just out, but sometimes… in-between, we just need to be.

I write a lot about the quiet times because those times are precious and nice. Just like friends are precious and nice.

Does anyone know of a nice single Vampire lady? I know a nice guy.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman





Why something simple like hanging a spoon off your nose is so important (to a Vampire teen)

Since the invention of metal spoons humans have been hanging spoons off of their noses. Really. I kid you not.

My son Garrett (17) told me that most of his regular human friends and their families hang spoons off of their noses. They do it at birthdays, around the table at major holidays, in study groups and anytime there is a gathering with food and friends. They hang spoons.

“I can’t do it mom,” my son told me with a sad frustrated look.

“What’s going on?” His father had come into the room.

“Why can’t Vampires hang spoons off of noses?”

“Is that important?” Whoops Dad you said the wrong thing.

“I’m sick of not being able to do things that my friends do. I’m tried of not fitting in.”

Neither my husband or I even asked our son to list those things that Vampire teens can’t do.  Being popular, smart and exceptionally good looking wasn’t a comfort. Sometimes it is those small things that make one fit in.

“Show me the nose thing,” said Dad.

Garrett put a spoon up to his nose. He tilted his head back and carefully slid the spoon to the tip of his nose. The spoon fell to the floor. “Everyone I know can do this, except my Vampire friends. I’m tired of being a freak.”

I could have said it is just a spoon on the nose, but I knew it was more than that.

“Did you breath on it?” Asked my husband.

“It won’t work. Our breath is cold. Our noses are cold. The texture of our skin is all off. And I’ve tried everything. It isn’t a silver thing. Stainless and plastic doesn’t work either.”

I looked at my sad men and knew that as usual that Mom would save the day. I turned on the kettle and as the steam came out I put the spoon under the hot damp air. Then I put it on my nose and it stayed.

“You can make hot breath. Now hang yourself a spoon.”

And so they did – they hung spoons off of their noses.


This article was first posted back in March 2013 – but with Thanksgiving coming up… a big spoon-off-the-nose-hanging time for a lot of families. Have fun. Hope you enjoyed this. I’ll return shortly with new stuff.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

For more on hanging spoons click here. http://www.wikihow.com/Hang-a-Spoon-from-Your-Nose


old spoons