Reveries on Love

Some find love early, and some find it later. It isn’t that one is better than another. It just is. No amount of fate or the cosmic belief in soul mates will speed up or slow it down.

So much of finding that one person is a matter of accident. I should hope a happy accident. It is all timing, and lack of timing. It is a matter of right place, right time. Or it could be a matter of wrong place and wrong time.

Timing is everything. It has to be the right time for both.

Or there is that fear of saying what you feel. If you say it they might leave. If you don’t they might leave. Yet, if you say nothing the answer will always be no.

Friendship turns into passion. Passion turns into the kind of friendship that lasts a lifetime and forges a partnership. Or passion goes out like the fire that started it, leaving a cold damp spot where as you sift though wet ashes.

I don’t believe there is one love for everyone. There could be many, but like I said before, timing is everything. It isn’t something to mourn. There are others. Or in those rare cases years later you might just find yourself with your old friend just at the right time and just in the right place.

As a parent I hope my kids, who are in their twenties, don’t go through the somewhat sorted romantic adventures, misadventures, missed boats, wrong signals, and other pitfalls of romantic relationships that their father and I went through. Then again it is too late already for that. While my daughter is with her perfect match and living with him now, her elder brother is trying to figure out what he keeps doing wrong.

I tell him that it isn’t all him. I tell him he dodged a bullet in some cases. I tell him not to stress, or dwell on it. I tell him that broken hearts are easily fixed by just realizing that some people are just assholes and they don’t deserve his love. I don’t think he is doing anything wrong except being attracted to the wrong women. At least he has the sense to cut his losses and get out early when it is obvious that it just isn’t going to work, or that she’ll never be in love with him, or grow to be his best friend.

I tell both of my children not to be rescuers. The broken must fix themselves. You can’t fix someone. You can’t fundamentally change who someone is. Likewise if someone tries to fix you or change you that is a clear signal to run, change your number, and get them the hell out of your life.

I love my children with a love I never thought existed. I also love their father because he is their father, and my best friend, and my partner. Yes, it was love at first sight with that man. It happens. It really happens.

If you’re looking for love, take a break. Take a breath. Enjoy your friends, your family, and your pets. Also believe that one day you’ll say hello, spark up a conversation, make a friend, don’t expect anything, let go of old and outdate preconceived notions, and you never know… you never know.

Stay safe, wear a mask, get vaccinated, don’t listen to conspiracy theories (except to get a good laugh out of them), be kind, don’t be a dick, talk to your kids, and check in on those who might be alone or need extra help.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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