Vlad’s Vampire Diary: My, my, my, aye-aye, whoa!

Kissed by a Vampire

Kissed by a Vampire

 

Dear Diary,

Once I was King of the Vampires. There were others who ruled Vampires in other places, but I was the only King. I was not just a ruler but a leader.

My birthday will be this week. When I was king there would be great celebrations. Now the celebration will be small.

I thought of music and turned on the radio. What insanity was this coming from the invisible sound waves into the little box on kitchen counter?

My oldest Vampire friend Randolpho and my Vampire lover Gillian were there. We drank red wine and blood cocktails. They both started to laugh and sing along.

What madness is this, I thought to myself at the crazy insane song playing through the the air by invisible musicians.

My, my, my, aye-aye, whoa!
M-m-m-my Sharona

“What is a sharona?” I asked.

“A woman,” said Randolpho. “She is called Sharona.”

“Sharona is her name?” I asked.

“Yes,” said Randolpho.

“Is she fixing or perhaps building his car?”

“No,” said Gillian.

“He sang  you make my motor run. Twice,” I said.

“It wasn’t a car,” said Randolpho.

“Then I assume he has a cat,” I said.

They both laughed, together, at the same time. I stood wondering what was so funny.

“Don’t even mention My Own Private Idaho to him,” said Randolpho.

“Oh my god,”said Gillian.

Then they started to laugh again.

I gave them a stern scolding. “Do not treat me as if I am a child or an idiot. I was locked in a crypt for three hundred years. I missed three centuries, including the Twentieth Century.”

“You did miss a lot,” said Gillian, who was still laughing at me.

“It is as if, what is the saying, as if I am living on another star,” I said.

“Planet,” said Gillian.

“Plan what? My birthday? That is what we are trying to do,” I said.

“Living on another planet Vlad. Another planet,” said Randolpho.

Then they started to laugh again.

I watched my friends slide to the floor still laughing and lean on each others as tears came down their cheeks.

Gillian looked up at me and said, “You’re so damn cute.”

I give up.

~ Vlad

 

Dear Diary,

The World Series of Baseball started tonight.

I was told not to ask why it is called the World Series and just accept it.

Why do they treat me like this?

I have found that baseball is a calming sport without the lunacy of football or other sports in which the players run around like herds of cattle. There is an individual element in baseball which I like. It is like Vampires. We are individual elements who work magic when with an organized group.

After that we watched baseball we watched ice skating from an event called Skate America. Gillian had recorded the men’s short program. She carefully explained to me that the short program is where them ice skaters do a specific number of elements in a short amount of time. I told her that I know what a short program is. I know what ice skating is. I have even learned how to both ice skate and roller skate in the past five years. I am what is called a fan. I can tell you who Nathan Chen and Jason Brown are. They would both make admirable Vampires.

Football would be better if they used the head of an opponent rather than an odd shaped ball.

Later, after those who say they are my friends had other activities to keep them occupied, I went out to find fresh blood and perhaps someone who would not laugh at everything I say.

At my friend Cassie’s pub I sat at the bar and spoke with Cassie when she was not busy. In the background I could hear the women say to each other as they looked my way, “He is so cute. He is gorgeous. I want some of that.”

I was drinking club soda so I do not think that is what they wanted. In fact, I dare say, I know exactly what they wanted. It made me smile, of course without my fangs.

I overheard someone laugh and call her friend a dork. I turned a smiled. The dork was a pretty young woman with short blonde hair and nice neck showing above a shoulderless sweater. The women all smiled at me. The one they called dork winked. I smiled back. Maybe I would have dork for dinner.

I looked up the meaning of the word dork on my iPhone. I find these phones are extremely useful tools.  

Dork: a silly, out-of-touch person.

I suddenly realized, in my ignorance, that I did not recognize the fact that the women were making jokes with each other.

I looked at Cassie. “Do you think I am a dork?” I asked.

Cassie leaned on the bar and put her face close to mine, “Maybe, a little bit sometimes, but you’re really just cute. You know you’re really cute Vlad.”

“That is what everyone I meet tells me. Yet, cute is what you call a kitten,” I said.

“Sure, and when I’m around you I get that warm and fuzzy kitten feeling.”

I gave her a weak smile. Warm and fuzzy? I did not even ask.

I was once King of the Vampires, feared by many.  It was said by many that even the Devil would not cross my path due to my fearsome and cunning ways. Now I am a warm and fuzzy kitten.

Later in the night I spent more time with the woman who had been called a dork. I found her to be exceptionally smart and witty. She had a laugh that sounded as if she’d been alive for as long as I had. It was full of smoke and gravel. I liked it. I told her about the history of where I came from, which was my history. I did not mention Vampires. She was fascinated, as was I. Then I took enough blood from her beautiful warm neck and left her with sweet dreams. I am a Vampire but I am not a fiend. If one of to be a successful and effective Vampire King one must be fierce but never a fiend.

Her name was Allyson and never did she once call me a dork or laugh at me. With that thought I give a deep sigh.

~ Vlad

 

Dear Diary,

Today is my birthday. I was born October 23, 1343. I am now six hundred and seventy six years old. I do not look a day over thirty two, maybe thirty four. Six hundred is the new thirty. I shall tell Gillian and Randolpho that I too have the ability to master the art of humor. I am not so sure that will satisfy them.

I over heard Randolpho tell Gillian, “It is also Weird Al’s birthday today too. He’ll turn sixty. Can you believe it?”

“Don’t tell Vlad. Oh my god, he’ll be so confused,” said Gillian. Then they both started to laugh hysterically.  I did not ask why or let them know I had heard them make their jokes at my expense.

This Weird Al character is a mere baby. What could he do that would confuse me so? I roll my eyes at their humor at my expense.

Tonight there shall be a party. Gillian and Randolpho told me that all of the plans were in place. They said I should not worry and that it would be fun.

My mind was still on modern music and my attempt to understand the strange words that everyone except me understood. Not only do fashions change over the years but language as well.

Later I asked Gillian, “Why do so many songs speak of women and cars?”

“It is a metaphore Vlad.”

“I see,” I said.  I did not see but I did not say anything.

Then she whispered, “You make my motor run. In fact, I’ll show you right now. Happy Birthday Vlad.”

And yes, so far it has been an extremely happy birthday.

~ Vald

 

 

 

 

This has been the 53rd installment of Vlad’s Vampire Diary. To catch up on all of Vlad’s Vampire Diary entries click here.

Oh, by the way it is also my birthday today!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Tiny Babes, Good Dogs, and Birthdays

Little Willie Sleeps

I believe this is the grave of little Willie Adams who died October 23, 1877, age 4 months, 22 days, in Sacramento, California. This little stone touched me so when we visited the cemetery in 2012 –  and I had no idea when I first saw the stone that the dear child died on this day (which is also my birthday).

It sends a shudder down my spine but at the same time fills my heart that this dear baby was so loved, and after 141 years not forgotten. He was just at that age when babies start to laugh and really see the world around them.

Sweet slumber little Willie. You were loved and I believe the love never dies.

October is an odd month with the Day of the Dead, Halloween, and so many birthdays.

I used to have a tank full of big beautiful fancy gold fish and on my birthday four years ago ALL of the fish died. I imagine they’ll be swimming around over my head on Halloween night.

That same October my Jasmine, the best dog ever crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. I wrote a lot about her and posted a lot of photos of her here. She had my heart and soul. Yes, despite what you hear, which is not true, Vampires do have souls. We have one for our hearts and one for our shadow. Jasmine grabbed the one for my cold unbeating heart.

Jasmine

Jasmine – Best Dog Ever

By the way, today is also Weird Al’s birthday. He turns 59. Happy Birthday Al. The first time I heard him was I believe in 1978. I thought “This guy is nuts. I love it.” Little did I know.

My name is Juliette Kings. I’m married to Theodore Kings (Teddy.) I live near Sacramento. I was born on October 23, 1859. I am a Vampire, but most of all I’m a mom. And of course an artist, a writer, and I hope a good friend.

So I bid you all goodnight and good morning, depending on when you read this. Hugs. Kisses. Happy Birthdays. And remember to hug your dogs, hug your cats and give them lots of under chin rubs, and talk to your kids.

And in this month of October, do not forget those we have lost and loved. Love never dies, even if you’re a Vampire or a dog.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

dogwalk

vlad v

I love you. Juliette drew this.

 

 

 

A Very Vampire Birthday

October 23, 1859

I was born on that day, the last child of a family of interesting characters. Since then I’ve had many adventures both alone and with others.

This day was low key with only the small adventures of daily life.

My mind is full of a busy week ahead. It is full of stories I want to share. It is full of stories I’ll be living. My brain of full of mystery and adventures I have ahead of me. I’m going off into unknown territory. But aren’t we all.

Life is full of adventures. Last night I was telling my mom about all the times I’ve traveled alone and explored unknown placed. I’ve thought of adventures with both friends, and strangers.

This will be a week of adventures both externally and internally. I feel like it is the start of a new chapter. It is the chapter where my character finally comes into her own. There will be surprises for our Heroine Juliette, and in the end of a story sprinkled with humor, romance, and mystery, there will be a grand surprise and plot twists that will absolutely knock you out of your seat.

That isn’t just this blog. That is real life. Live like you create, and create as you wish to live.

Of course, having my faithful readers (all six of you) makes it seem like a party every single day of the year. Thank you.

xoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Oscar the cat enjoying my art

Oscar the cat enjoying my artwork.

 

Jenny Lind, The Feejee Mermaid and a Tale of Curious Young Vampires

Jenny Lind, The Feejee Mermaid and a Tale of Curious Young Vampires

We, my brothers and I,  always thought it was a shame that P.T. Barnum never brought Jenny Lind to California. We would have also like to see the Feejee Mermaid. Of course I wasn’t around when they toured (about 7 or 8 years before I was born) but it would have been fun.

Our parents were puzzled by our fascination with spectacle and oddities. We were supposed to be blending into the background and shadows. We were supposed to be pillars of society.

Instead we had boxes of small skulls we’d collected. We had everything from bats to mice to bobcats to dogs. Max once brought home a skull of a Werewolf that was in mid-transition between human and wolf when it died. The jaw was elongated and the large canines stood out enough to make us squeal in delight the first time we saw it. My mother and father were horrified and took it away from us. I have no idea what they did with it. It was not fitting for proper young Vampires to have such things around.

On my 7th birthday (1866) my brothers (Maxwell, Andrew, Aaron and Valentine) put on a show for me.

My brother Andy has the voice of an angel and so they put him in one of our mother’s evening gowns and put flowers in his hair. He made a perfect Jenny.  My brother Aaron fashioned a Feejee Mermaid for me out of a sturgeon tail and a mummified squirrel he’d found in the attic.

Again, our parents were not amused. Nonetheless they soon realized that they couldn’t stop the curiosity of their children so they went along with our obsessions with curious things. After all, we, being Vampires, were rather curious and frightening to the rest of the world (who had no idea that our lovely, proper family was made up of Vampires.)

This isn’t going to be one of those earth shattering posts that you’ll learn from. I was one of those kids who was drawn anything about ghosts, natural disasters, freaks, old bones, graveyards, dark churches, old attics, strange people who lurked in the shadows and anything I wasn’t supposed to be interested in. I learned to walk silently and listen at doors, windows and around corners. I knew things others did not. I learned about another world that most people never saw. It was a world of secrets and knowledge and strange things. It was a world of power because, yes, knowledge is power, especially to a curious child. And those curious children grow up to be curious adults. And a curious adult is a successful adult. Stay curious. So I guess there is a point to this story – stay curious.

Today is my birthday. I’ve had good and bad and dreadful birthdays. I’m not big on birthdays, at least not mine. The past few months have been so heinously stressful that, well, I’m sure you’ve seen it in the quality or lack of quality in my blog posts (at least those that I’ve written.) But today I woke up in a wonderful mood. I shouldn’t have been in a good mood, being a Vampire who keeps a daytime schedule, but I was and I am. I picked up flowers, had coffee, got a lot of work done, made deals, and found out that there will be a partial lunar eclipse today.

This year isn’t a milestone. It is just a day. But it is my day and I wish to share my good thoughts and good wishes with you.

So stay curious and remember that 23 is a prime number.

Oh also, my daughter shares a birthday with P.T. Barnum. How cool is that?

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

jenny

Jenny Lind

feejee

Feejee Mermaid before old P.T. Barnum dried her up and put her on display.