Where’d you hear I was dead?

I was sitting (and still am) at my dining room table with my laptop and overheard my husband on the phone.

“This is Theodore Kings…yes, it’s me Teddy….well I suppose, but no I’m not dead…I haven’t been dead for a long time. Where’d you hear I was dead?….Really?…I married Juliette…Yes, that Juliette… You and Juliette? My wife? Really. No I didn’t know… I wanted to ask you about…”

From there is was all business. I hadn’t thought about him for years. I hadn’t talked to him for at least eighty years if not longer. We’d spent a year on and off, more on, traveling around Europe and ended up in New England. Then we just sort of drifted apart and pst touch, as Vampires tend to do. I had no idea that Teddy knew him.

Anyway, what was I writing about? Huh.

Oh right, we were looking at vacation spots and thinking of either Iceland or Bermuda. Seriously. But we have to go to New Mexico and school and skate schedules have us booked up.

The cat is on the table next to me purring, then I hear a voice asking, “So are you dead?”

I look up to see The Ghost sitting across from me. Yes, that ghost.

“I’m very much alive,” I tell him.

He smiled that nasty shit eating grin of his, “Sort of like those parasites that go dormant for years on end then come to life when they smell blood.”

“Do you need something Nigel?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Not really.”

Tonight his eyes were almost black under his long lashes. He smiled and started to fade out, then reappeared in the chair next to me. He is so annoying.

“Juliette, my dear, you were never a real person were you?”

“No, I was never a real person. I’m one of the lucky 10% of Vampires born this way.”

“Then how can you be undead? I mean you’re a Vampire so you’re supposed to be undead. But you were born alive as a Vampire, so you didn’t die first did you? That wouldn’t make any sense. Then again, I’m a ghost and that never made any sense to me. I was alive and then I was a ghost. And my body is in a box marked with a stone. People still come by and visit there. I’m hardly ever around when they visit. And here we are talking. Fancy that. So what exactly is undead? Isn’t it weird to be a monster? Do you ever feel like a freak of nature?”

“We’re done talking Nigel.”

“You’re done Juliette. I’m just going to hang out for a while. Go back to what you were doing.”

I tried to ignore him and started to look up stuff, you know research on the book I haven’t finished yet.

“Hey, Juliette, mind if I take your car?”

“You’re a ghost. You can’t drive.”

“Just checking to see if you were listening.”

I reached out and touched where his hand was. My palm rested on the table but it made him smile. “I’m listening. It must be difficult to be real and then not real. Teddy had a Hell of a time adjusting. How are you doing with it Nigel?”

“Alright I guess. I need to get out and haunt more but it gets old after a while. Not quite 30 years and I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. Just kidding. It’s fucking great.” He almost spat that out with a ghostly snarl. Not as good as a Vampire would snarl it out but almost.

We sat for a while and listened in to Teddy’s phone call. They were talking about diamonds.

Nigel stood up and straightened his cufflinks. “It was fun. I gotta go.”

“Haunting?”

He smiled. “No, hot date.” Then he vanished with a thin bit of blue smoke like an exotic cigarette, but without the smell.

You can’t always define friendship or connections or old loves or old pals. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? It’s just a thing.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

First published January 2015

Short Story Sunday: Don’t Fall Apart On Me Baby.

Melissa watched Say Yes to the Dress on satellite TV knowing she’d never wear anything strapless. The lace lined sleeves she’d planned would be lined with flesh colored fabric. She switch out her black bejeweled eyepatch for one covered in white lace and pearls. On her hands would be white kidskin gloves, with stuffing where she was missing fingers.

Hers would be the perfect Zombie wedding.

A few weeks ago I’d received a call from my Zombie friends to tell me that they’d purchased a farm up I-5 near Willows.

Melissa and Mike hadn’t always been Zombies. They hadn’t always been a couple. It all started when the two who worked for agricultural lobbies had been attached while on a business trip. They’d been friends but the long hours, and of course the shared experience of turning into Zombies had tightened their bond.

I wrote about them in A Lunch Date With Zombies (click here for that story). I helped stop the spread of their condition thought my own blood. It was a risk on my part. A huge risk. Vampires live a risky existence by default but we don’t like to take risks. We don’t like Zombies either. Seriously who does?

My friend Cody and I drove up from Sacramento to their farm. Melissa and Mike met us on the porch of their farm house. It was lovely. They walked in a slow gait to my car to meet us. Once inside Melissa offered drinks but no food. They’re Zombies, we’re Vampires so we generally eat different things. Don’t say it. Don’t even think it. Vampires do not eat the flesh of humans, brains, or whatever. We drink blood. There is a difference.

But aside from that we’re cool. No pun intended.

Mike and Melissa are doing fine. For her birthday Mike had a beautiful Steampunk style artificial hand made for her. It would outshine anything Luke Skywalker would have had.

They’d had their teeth fixed and learned to use make-up to their advantage. They learned to seem normal again.

Then he proposed to her on day when she was ready to give up. Don’t fall apart on me baby. I love you. We’ll keep it together. Marry me.

And she said yes.

We visited in the lovely home surrounded by walnut trees. I knew there were chewed up bodies buried out in the orchard. I know they picked up transients along the highway – the kind of people who were wondered about but never missed.

The conversation turned to the wedding, and the farm, and their quiet life. And before we left, Cody and I left a small amount of our Vampire blood in a couple of coffee cups in their beautiful refurbished kitchen. Because, while they won’t turn into Vampires, our blood will, you know, keep the Zombie shit at bay. It isn’t a well known fact, and I tend to keep it that way (since Zombies and Men in Black generally don’t read my blog.)

On the way home, Cody, who’d only been a Vampire since 2012, said, “They’ve done well all things considering. Their world was turned upside down, their bodies changed, their brains fucked with…everything. I know how that feels.”

I don’t know what else to say except when your world is falling apart, along with your bodies, you just need to be creative, call your friends, and keep your wits. And your love.

~ End

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Vampire Diary: Eat me up

Dear Diary,

This evening I went to gather my mail at the box at the end of my street. The cats followed me as they always do. In one of the yard I could hear two of my female neighbors. They have no idea that I can hear their conversation.

The one called Karen said, “Vlad is absolutely delicious. I could eat him up.”

The one called Barbara said, “I know. He is so cute.”

The one called Heather who has golden hair and is extremely pregnant just laughed in that mysterious joyful way women laugh. No male has ever understood THAT laugh.

Eat me up. I do not understand anymore than I understand exactly what they mean by cute. But I will try to understand.

Cats are cute. Babies are cute. I am cute. Yet, they also have called me sexy, which I now know means their loins ache to be with me. References to eating me are disturbing, even to a Vampire.

I know that cats and babies are cute but not sexy. But a man with a cat or a baby is sexy. I have two cats. I do not wish to have a baby.

~ Vlad

 

Dear Diary,

I look in the mirror at a dim reflection. As if in a dream I see my reflection. Blue eyes that turn to gray. Golden hair. I see a face that is considered cute. I know I am handsome, and in the relm of beautiful, but this term cute is something I still cannot wrap my brain around. On my chest is a scar near my heart. It is the only mark on my otherwise perfect body.

Usually in Vampires, such as myself, wounds heal and there are no scars. The cause of my scar was no ordinary event.

The year was 1615.

Then all was dark. When I awoke I found myself sealed in the tight walls of a crypt. I could smell the putrefying bodies around me. Through the dark I could see the marble of the walls of my prison. I could not move. The pain in my chest was unlike anything I had ever experienced.

My foes had stabbed me with a stake of rowen wood. A crufix of silver had been placed around my neck. A brand in the shape of a cross had been burned into my forehead. Many of my bones had been broken. Then I fell into a deep sleep of the undead. The stake was cursed with curses of the damned so the scar will always be with me.

I awoke to the sound of a familiar voice calling my name. Then the sound of chisels and hammers. I could not move. The fog of sleep was still upon me. A cold hand touched my face.

I heard a cool familiar voice. “My love. Vlad, I thought I had lost you forever.”

Opening my eyes was no easy task. Before me was my love Gillian, as beautiful as always, but she had changed. Her auburn curls were straight, and loose around her shoulders. She wore a simple black shirt and pants that clung to her legs, and shoes without tops that were held on with her toes. Her toe nails and fingernails were painted purple. What madness was this? But I could not yet speak.

Then from my chest she pulled the stake. I could breath again. I smiled at her and asked if she still wanted to see the Sun King. She frowned.

“Vlad,” she said, “this is the year 2015.”

The shock to my system almost put me into a coma again.

Fortunately my fortunes were saved. Unfortunately my home, my castle, and my army was gone. I found myself in an English crypt, with my lover telling me we were going to fly to California. I did not know California. Fly? I had no idea. I had NO idea. I assumed by fly that she meant flee. Then we get into a car and drive without horses, THEN we go to an airport and get on an airplane. My exterior is calm, but inside I am both amazed and confused.

In 1615 I was attacked by men in a world where the greatest technology was the theories and discoveries of Galileo Galilei, and somewhere in there someone invented the first microscope. Then I wake in a world where people fly, and communicate through tiny boxes rather than speak to each other.

Imagine my confusion. I am not longer the Vampire King. I am Vlad, the cute guy. I am still attempting to adjust to this aspect of my existence.

~ Vlad

 

Dear Diary,

I came from a dark place. Now I look out upon orange trees. Oranges. I told the children in the neighborhood to come pick them and bring the fruit home to their families. Oh the life of the Vampire King giving out food to his people. Sigh. I used to rule a kingdom and lead an army. Now I am the cute guy with the great oranges.

~ Vlad

 

Dear Diary,

Tonight Gillian touched the scar on my chest with her cold fingers, then kissed it with her cold lips.

“When they stabbed you in the heart my love, they also stabbed me in the heart,” she said to me.

“I do not know any longer where I stand in the world,” I told her, “but I know where I stand with you. That is all that matters right now.” Then we made love only as cold undead Vampires can.

I do not tell Gillian my inner thoughts of perhaps once more becoming the Vampire King. I dream of building an empire but how can I do that surrounded by women like Karen, Heather, and Barbara who think I am cute?

They call me. They need me. That is my cats. They are calling. Tomorrow I will plan how to build my Vampire army. Now I must feed the cats and try to figure out what to bring to Heather’s baby shower. Technology I can figure out. Building an empire I can figure out. Modern women and cats – I will never figure them out.

~ Vlad

 

 

 

Vampire Diary: BFF

Dear Diary,

I awoke from a dream of battle and blood, with warlocks and werewolves, to find myself in my bed, with the sound of the doorbell ringing.

My neighbor stood there with a look on his face as if he’d just come from a lost battle.

“Can you pick my daughter and her friends up from school for me? My son was in a car accident and I’m on my way to the hospital.”

How frail the warm blooded humans are. How even now in this so called modern world the fear of injury, illness, and death is still a concern.

A few hours later I drove to the school to wait for the girl called Kaylee and her friends.

I watched the young people march out, shuffling their feet as if a funeral dirge was playing.

I realized they were all carrying huge loads on their backs. They carry books. I this age of everything on a tablet or computer (yes, I know those words) I find this odd. I do not understand. Maybe it is to instill the heavy importance and responsibility of knowledge upon them. Maybe it is to remind them if they do not learn they will carry a weight upon their backs forever.

 

Three girls wait at the designated meeting place. They smile despite the heavy loads they carry.

They start to ask questions. One asks about the car. Yes, it is a Tesla. It is quiet. Yes, your brother will be alright. I do not know that but I wish calm. No, I was doing nothing. Of course I was doing nothing. It is the middle of the day and I am a Vampire.

Then one asks me about my age. They seem to have no boundaries. “Vlad, how old are you?” As one of them asks the question the other two giggle, then all three of the girls giggle. I do not understand.

“I am thirty four.” I lie. Of course I lie. I am a Vampire.

“You look a lot younger,” one girl tells me.

“It is in my blood,” I say.

I do not tell them I was born in the year 1159. I am 856 years old. It seems like so long ago.

I received a call about the boy in the hospital. He would survive. His leg was broken.

Kylee left her keys inside of the house. I tell the girls they can stay at my house until the parents return home.

The one called Emily asked, “What’s for dinner?”

I just smiled.

~ Vlad

 

 

Dear Diary,

I think about yesterday. What they call teenagers did not exist when I was young. We were children, then we were not. At their age I was already dictating political strategy, planning battles, and plotting to take over the kingdom.

The girls asked me what I did when I was their age. At the age of sixteen I starting to take out foes and taking my place as the future Vampire King. Long hours were spent in the great library and with scribes. Most people lived in ignorance, like animals, or worse, for animals knew their place. Animals had a sense of instinct that kept them safe. Humans were weak. I learned to use that weakness to my advantage, yet I soon grew weary of that game, but I digress.

When I a young man there were girls, beautiful girls, the same age as my young friends.

They did not dress as they do today with skinny jeans and tight tee shirts. When I was a young man it was not so easy to see the shape of a female form. They were hidden behind long almost shapeless dresses. Yes, the girls of my youth were beautiful beyond belief. They were the girls of MY youth.

I remember passing by as mothers would take their daughters aside. “Do not look at him,” they would say in whispered hisses. “He will suck out your soul and take your virtue.”

I laugh. I would never suck out their souls.

Some of the girls, the smart ones, would come to me, sometimes alone, sometimes with a young man. I would change them to be like me – a Vampire. It was fun, until it wasn’t.

There were many girls but none took my heart. I was a Vampire Prince. My heart was cold and as hard as a diamond, but as fragile as glass. I would watch others in love. They were fools. They were weak. They were idiots.

Two hundred years later my priorities changed when I met… I still will not say her name…

One of the modern girls, the one called Olivia said to me, “You ought to marry Gillian.”

I came out of my dark thoughts. Gillian is my lover. She too is a Vampire.

“Why?” I asked.

“You’re gorgeous together.”

“Is that a foundation for a marriage?”

“Hell yeah,” said the girl called Kylee, and they all laughed. They would not stop laughing. I was in Hell.

“You’re so funny Vlad,” said the one called Emily. Then they laughed again.

I do not understand what they call funny.

Kylee asks, “How long have you known Gillian?”

“We’ve been friends for a long time, since we were your age,” I said. That so much is true. Not lovers, but friends from when we were young. “She was not my, what do you say, my girlfriend, until recently.”

I was riding through the woods on the way to my uncle’s house to kill him and impale his head on a pole. But I was sidetracked. I heard a scream. A scream of a girl or a woman. Ahead of me, on the road, were two men and a girl bound by the wrists.

She ran towards me crying for help. One of the men grabbed her by the neck and threw her to the ground. He kicked her, then turned to me.

I got off my steed and confronted the men. They drew swords. I held out my hands. “Now sirs, be at peace.” I smiled at them. They dropped their swords. Then I ripped out their throats and tore out the heart of the man who had kicked the girl. I drank my fill of their blood, then moved to the girl.

She sat up defiantly, but had fear in her eyes. Her face was bruised. I held out my hand.

“Take my hand. I will not hurt you,” I told her. I helped her up, then I kissed her.

“You said you would not hurt me.”

“It was just a kiss. I am so sorry my lady,” I said with slight sarcasm in my voice.

“I am not sorry and neither are you. You taste like blood but you kiss nicely. I know who you are. You are the Vampire Prince,” she said.

“You are not afraid of me?” I asked her because she showed no fear.

“I am afraid of many things, but you and death are not among my fears,” she said.

She told me that the men were taking her to be the bride of a well-born man. She was sixteen years of age. The man was twenty-four. He was a man of wealth and power but she did not want him. She said she did not want any man as a husband.

“Then what will you do? Become a nun or a witch?” I asked.

“No,” she told me, “I cannot answer you. I do not have an answer, but it is not a wife, a nun, or a witch. I will not live a life where I am locked away or answering to any power, be it man or spirit. I will be my own woman.”

I had never heard such a thing from a mortal female. I liked this girl.

“Would you like to be a Vampire like me? I can do that?”

“Why would you do that Vampire Prince?”

“You are smart. I need smart friends like you. If you become a Vampire you will not grow old. You will not die on me. We will always be friends. I will never force you to engage with any man you do not wish to be with. I will not force myself upon you. You will be your own woman.”

She looked at me in a funny way and squinted her eyes.

“Let us do this then,” she said.

Before we left I ripped the heads off of the dead men, then put the heads in the road as a warning to anyone who passed. I remember laughing at the thought of the next rider who came along. For some reason that does not seem funny anymore. I have changed. I do not know why.

And that was how I met Gillian. We stayed friends for centuries. Then I was locked away for three hundred years, only to be rescued two years ago, then my friend Gillian sought me out. Then we became lovers, for the first time. We never were before. I no longer put heads on posts, and I rarely tear out hearts, but I have fallen in love with Gillian. I would kill for her again if anyone did her harm.

~ Vlad

 

 

Dear Diary,

I woke in the morning with a cat on my chest. The small one was curled on my side. They were warm like small children covered with fur and vibrations.

I lay in the darkness, the curtains drawn against the sunlight. I could hear hawks and turkeys outside. A dog barked. I could hear an air oh plane in the sky.

Closing my eyes I thought more of my youth. How different it was than it is for the young people with the heavy weights of knowledge on their backs.

They speak of things I do not understand. I will learn.

I asked Gillian what BFF was. She smiled and kissed my cheek.

“Best friends forever.”

That is something I understand.

~ Vlad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vampire Diary: Embroiled in a Dream (and still cute)

Dear Diary,

The cat asked to go out tonight. I told her no. She cursed my soul with a horrible wail. I told her I wasn’t sure I have a soul. She then hissed at me and ran away.

An hour later she crawled in my lap and purred.

I do not understand this creature.

~ Vlad

_____________________

Dear Diary,

Tonight I would hunt and take the night as the Vampire Lord.

As I walked down the street, past strands of twinkling white lights hanging in the windows and trees, I observed bars and other businesses are full of people who mingle and talk.

At one time people bowed down to me as I passed due to my power and fear. Now women smile and giggle and tell me I am cute. Cute?

As a former Vampire King I do not have to depend on “cute” to find my prey.

I set my eyes on a young woman. I lock eyes with her and she comes to me. She is mine.

A cold hand grabs my shoulder just enough for me to turn.

There stands a man, another Vampire. He has the audacity to stop and speak to me.

“She’s mine. I’m her Vampire,” he says to me.

“Yours?”

“I’m her Vampire. You know, man. I am her Vampire. There are plenty of women here. You’re scary attractive. Take your pick, but don’t take my ladies.”

“Scary attractive?” I didn’t see anyone running away or hear screaming.

“Dude. You’re perfect. You have that California blonde beach guy look. Women love that.”

I had no idea what he was talking about. “What do you know of being a Vampire?” I asked.

“I was born this way,” he said almost in a whisper. The look on his face changed almost to recognition. Then he whispered a swear word under his breath and took the woman (who did not hear us) by the arm. “Come on Lilly. I want to show you something.”

I stood with rage in my heart, but never showed emotion on my face.

In the back office I nearly drained an attractive bartender of blood. In the days of my past glory I would have just left her, but instead I called the pub manager to say the poor girl had fainted. Oh how things have changed. I would have killed her in the past but now Vampires see humans as renewable resources.

My completion was one of the rare offspring of our kind. They scare me in their urge to mingle with humankind. They have no respect for the traditions of old. I do not understand them.

~ Vlad

_______________________

Dear Diary,

I was embroiled in a dream of a living man. I was alive again. Warm blood surged through my veins. Warm flesh covered my bones. I raised my hands up to the sunlight and laughed. My hair was bleached almost white from the summer sun on the water. Suddenly something rough slid across my face…

I woke in a panic.

The cat was licking my face.

Gillian smiled at my expense. My own Vampire lover had come to my bed earlier in the night.

Putting my hand to her cheek I asked, “Do you remember when you turned into a Vampire?”

“Of course. Nobody ever forgets.”

“How old were you?”

“Seventeen. And you my love?”

“Twenty. It was the eve of my marriage to a princess.”

“You didn’t marry her did you?”

“No. years later I married a Vampire. It was 1623. But that was a long time ago.”

“I remember. I didn’t know you then but everyone was talking about it.”

Then I told Gillian about the Vampire I’d met the night before.

She sat up in bed and stared at me.

“What? Do you think I’m cute too?”

Gillain’s eyes narrowed. “You were married to his Grandmother. She is going to be so pissed when she finds out you’re in town.”

I should have stayed in Europe but the castle is only rubble and there is no place for a Vampire King.

~ Vlad

____________________

Dear Diary,

I have brooded for three nights. Gillian became angered and left. I can’t find my cat.

~ Vlad

______________________

Dear Diary,

The doorbell rang. I went to answer. Standing on my front porch was a small child holding my cat.

“This is your cat,” said the small child.

I could smell her blood. I put my hand on the edge of the door so I wouldn’t fall over. I realized I hadn’t eaten in days.

I took the purring cat from the child’s arms. “Thank you dear child.” Out of my pocket I pulled an ancient coin from my old country. I put it in her small hand and closed her fingers around it.”

The tiny girl looked at the coin with a face of a king on one side and a raven on the other. Then she looked up at me. “The man on the coin looks like you.”

At one time that coin, a simple copper  and silver disc, would bring fear into the heart of a living man. Now it brought delight to the eyes of a child.

I smiled and thanked for again for bringing back the cat. I watched her walk down my walkway then the child turned and grinned, then said, “my mom thinks you’re cute.”

More cute? I just don’t understand.

~ Vlad

blue cat

There has to be an app for that… Teens, Communication and Modern Vampire Parenting

vm_keyboard

It was a dark stormy night and five Vampires were on their way to the Apple Store at the Galleria (a huge mall.) I hope I can say “Apple” here without having to describe our adventure as “Going to the all white computer shoppe.” We went to look at Macs for Matthew.

Matthew said he would just stay at home and go online. I told him he HAD to go out. He HAD to go out with his teenage son and my teenage son and their friend Randy. If Matthew is to live in the modern world and have a well adjusted son he can’t continue to live in the shadows. That is exactly what he is, or was – a Shadow Creeper. He was one of those old-fashioned Vampires who thinks we’re all still living in a Victorian Costume drama (but not fun like the new Penny Dreadful show.)

Let me give you a little background (do a search and you’ll find more.) A few years back Matthew’s wife was killed by Vampire hunters – stay with me on this – so he was left with a son in a very modern world. He needed help. I help new and old Vampires become Modern Vampires. Plus Matthew’s son Josh is friends with my son Garrett. Josh is a completely Modern Vampire teen. Click here for more background. It is a really lovely and bitter sweet story.

After everyone was buckled in my car and the perfect music mix was found, I told Matthew that I have something in the slow cooker at home if he wanted to come over later. He gave me one of those WTF looks. I gave him a “you’re the creeper here not me,” look.

On occasion we (Modern Vampires) do cook. We eat “real” food. I mean, can you live on just one thing? sure you could but variety is the spice of life, and I’m not just talking different blood types or booze.

Matthew never says much. I can’t get my Modern Vampire men to shut up but Matthew is the silent type, all brooding like he is trying to make women call him Heathcliff and be swept away on some dark moor where he can bite their necks and make love to them and … just poke my eyes out with a stick right now. The guy is handsome enough but the attitude is archaic at best. And no, this time old-fashioned is not charming.

Just getting Matthew to go out wearing something that is more current than 1897 is almost impossible. At least he could move up to the 1950’s. And no I’m not talking really wonderful turned hip 1897. I’m taking ancestor clothing – right out of the crypt suits all faded black and gross despite the perfect cut and beautiful fabric. Tonight, thank goodness, he was wearing black pants with a striped button down shirt and a gray sports jacket. No tie tonight.

Earlier I’d asked my husband Teddy if he wanted to come along. Well, first I asked him if he wanted to work with Matthew. Teddy just laughed and said “This one is yours my dear.” Gee thanks honey.

I explained to dear Teddy that Matthew had spent far too many night looking into dead eyes and dead souls. Matthew lived in a world where the damned watched and waited for his every move. Teddy just gave me a sideways look and said, “he’s just socially awkward.”

“Matthew is a Vampire of an old order,” said I.

“The guy is weird,” said Teddy.

The boys were laughing nonstop from the time we got in the car until we got to the mall. You gotta love teenagers for breaking up a dark dank mood.

We walked through Pottery Barn on the way to the main mall. Matthew perked up a bit. The female clerks all eyed him – the couldn’t help it. No woman can resist a Vampire, even a quiet type like my friend. He asked if we could come back later for some goblets and a few throw pillows in gray and black that caught his eye. Yes, there was hope!

As usual the Apple store was packed. Nice young helpers were there with smiles and unlimited knowledge. The boys were in teenage heaven. Matthew was well, uncomfortable to say the least. The presence of so many regular hot blooded humans was more than the old Vampire could deal with. I took him by the arm and was ready to take him out of the store when an employee came by and asked us if we needed help.

The kid, a twenty something young man, was all happy to help us. I touched his arm and said, “My friend needs a laptop. Help him out.”

I watched as the young man (named Corey) helped Matthew, weaving a web of magic mixed with technology. It wasn’t a sales pitch, it was just sharing of information. I could sense Matthew’s discomfort but at the same time he was mesmerized by what he was seeing and hearing.

When we were ready to go Matthew told me that he had no idea how useful a computer could be for a Vampire. Then he gave me a rare smile and said, “I wish I could keep track and contact with all of the people who’ve taken interest in me tonight.” That was just about everyone in the store. Like I’ve said before, Vampires, especially Vampire men get a lot of attention when they go out in public. You don’t know why you’re so attracted to that guy but you are.

I mentioned there was an app for that. He didn’t get my joke. I wasn’t going to tell him twice. Not tonight at least.

On the way out he was more comfortable and absolutely charming in Pottery Barn. The Vampire was in his homebody element. He ended up coming home with a new laptop, four beautiful pillows, twelve goblets in two different patterns and I believe five phone numbers from women who couldn’t resist his quiet awkward sexy charm. Excuse me while I laugh after writing that last sentence.

I asked him if he’d talked to his son Josh much about modern life among the non-Vampire population.

Matthew said “He doesn’t say much to me.” I knew they had a close quiet home life with little talking. More than anything Josh had been teaching his father. There still was a lot Matthew could teach Josh. Heck, the guy is almost 300 years old – that is a lot of experience even if it is mostly in the dark. On the other hand, Matthew was in the dark about so many things. He was uncomfortable with so many things.

I keep stressing to Matthew that he has to talk with Josh about any subject that comes up. Since I got a jump start on subjects like sex, drugs, reputation, college, work, hard work, relationships, responsibilities of Modern Vampires, money, communication, courtesy and grace, getting along, friendship and fashion sense, I don’t have a lot of parenting items to discuss. Not today at least. Our little world here at Vampire Maman is quiet. With Mother’s Day coming up and all I can honestly say that I’ve done a good job. We don’t have screaming matches with teens in my house, well except for yelling GET UP NOW in the morning.

So right… if you have younger children get a jump start on those subjects. You should never be uncomfortable talking to your children – especially about sex, drugs, reputation and other social issues. Tell them the truth. Be blunt where you need to. Tell them about consequences – and I mean long term consequences to things they do now. It is ok to scare the shit out of them sometimes – if it is the truth.

They’re your kids and you are in charge. There is no reason to squirm.

If you have teens surprise them with your straight talk. They’ll be shocked but after that more than likely they’ll respect you for it as long as you’re open for discussion.

Even quiet types can find ways to express themselves. I mean it. They really can. There’s an app for that. HA.

As Matthew and Josh left my house later that evening I yelled out to the them, “Hey Matthew, Happy Mother’s Day.”

He turned back and smiled then put his arm around his son and laughed.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

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More news…

For Mother’s Day I’m taking a car load of teens to see Twenty One Pilots. Fun. I’ll sing along to House of Gold. More on that. Maybe I’ll LIVE post from my magic little white box (aka my kind of smart phone) to the blog here.

 

We all have our teaching moments… everyday should be like that or at least a learning moment: http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_writing_challenge/student-teacher/