I will be with you…

I will be with you even when we fall apart and our body parts trail behind us…and there is nothing left except our love.

~ From a Zombie Love Letter

The Art of Writing Love Letters is Alive and Well (even for Zombies and Ghosts)

In honor of Valentine’s Day I’m posting my most popular love and romance bits today. Enjoy. xoxoxox

Vampire Maman

letters

My brother Val always says “love isn’t a physical thing. It is a meeting of souls. Be it friendship or romantic lovers, it is something we can write about and dream about, but we can never truly explain or define it.”

The Art of Writing Love Letters is Alive and Well (even for Zombies & Ghosts)

The most popular post on this blog is “How to respond to a love letter.”  Really. Seriously, go on Google and look up how to respond to a love letter and it will bring you right back here. Out of the zillion or so things I’ve written on just about every subject everything always circles around back to LOVE.

That is proof that the art of letter writing is not completely dead (YES – real scientific proof)AND romance is still alive and well.

Everyone writes love letters. And that means YOU

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A Lunch Date With Zombies

A Lunch Date With Zombies

Fridays are usually my lunch hunt date. I switched things up this week and took Cody, my young “Vampire in Training” out with me on Monday.

Lunch dates are fun ways for Vampires to hunt right out in the open. They involve fun, flirting, a bit of seduction and just enough blood to get you going for the weekend ahead. And regular humans never even suspect. They just leave the situation feeling warm and fuzzy, a little tired, and they think they’ve, well, you know.

Cody and I had arranged to meet an old friend of mine at my office with an associate of his. They were Lobbyist for the farming industry (after all we’re in the State Capitol and in the largest agricultural state).  Mike and Melissa. I’m in public relations and do work for them from time to time.

Cody is shy by nature, a sweet likeable young man, but when it comes to hunting he is extremely shy. Most new Vampires can’t wait to get hunting, but with Cody it is more of a sweet romance, rather than just taking what one wants.

So to make a short story long, a guy in a suit shows up at the door. He looks like he’s been to hell and back then I recognize him as Mike. Behind him is Melissa, who is usually the perkiest blonde I’ve ever met, looking ashen and un-perkey.

I wonder if someone died, then realize, somebody has. They don’t smell right. They don’t look right. My stomach turns. Even Cody is picking up on something.

I step back.

“Juliette” says Mike “You have to help us.”

He puts his hand on my arm and I immediately feel it – ZOMBIES.

Funny, likable and extremely smart Mike, a sixth generation California farmer, graduate of UCD (THE Farm School) and successful advocate for the farmer is now…for all practical purposes DEAD.

And don’t give me any crap about being a Vampire. My flesh isn’t rotting and I’m not craving human brains for lunch. Plus I know where my soul is.

I’m confused. Both Mike and Melissa look good, all things considering.

Plus I thought all the Zombies had been confined to a compound in the Mojave Desert outside of Barstow.

“We’ve taken massive amounts of antibiotics to help prevent the rot and we’ve been drinking a lot of embalming fluid. That keeps the smell off and slows down the rot.” Mike told us.

The pair was driving across the Imperial Valley when they were stopped at a roadblock. Little did they know what seemed to be police were actually rogue Zombies.  Later that night they were picked up by the authorities and brought to the super secret Area Z, where Zombies are kept to be monitored and studied.

I thought of long afternoons with Mike and how sweet his blood tasted. I thought of the slow seductions and languid after glows. Now here he was, doing everything he could to keep his skin from falling off in sheets. Holy crap, this was bad.

“What do you need?” I asked.

Mike put a hand to his face, adjusting his left eye back into the socket. “I want you to turn us into Vampires.”

OK, this is where the sound effects do a screeching halt. The very idea of a Zombie is revolting but putting my lips on the flesh of a Zombie and sharing blood. Putrid rotting blood.

“Has this ever been done?” Asked Cody.

“No, or at least never that I’ve heard of.” I said. “So much could go wrong.”

“Nothing could be worse than it is already.” Melissa wailed and watched as her thumbnail fell to the floor along with the tip of her thumb.

I thought about it for a moment then spoke in secret to Cody. I had an idea. If it worked we’d be heroes. If it didn’t we’d have to kill the Zombies, no matter that they were our friends.

I took Cody into the small kitchen area of the office where we bit into our wrists and let our own Vampire blood drain into two coffee cups.

The Zombies drank and before our eyes their skin went from gray to the color of their former living flesh (peaches & cream and coffee & cream – Vampires always think of everyone in terms of food, we can’t help it).

“I won’t turn you, not yet, but see if this helps. Don’t tell a soul, or anyone without a soul. Don’t tell anyone or I will hunt you down and kill you myself. Do you understand?”

They said they understood. I thought my stomach was going to drop out and my head would explode as they left the building.

Cody was about to speak when I told him. “The same goes to you Cody. If you tell a soul I will kill you and it won’t be fast or painless.”

“Got it.” Said Cody. I thought of my favorite movie line and said to Cody. “This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

Cody smiled.  Then and there I knew he’d make a great Vampire.

I’ll keep you posted on Mike and Melissa – when and if I hear anything.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Note: Yes, you might have seen this post before. Happy Halloween. We can’t forget our Zombie friends tonight. They might be falling apart but we still love them.

 

zombie baby and cat


 

 

The Art of Writing Love Letters is Alive and Well (even for Zombies and Ghosts)

letters

My brother Val always says “love isn’t a physical thing. It is a meeting of souls. Be it friendship or romantic lovers, it is something we can write about and dream about, but we can never truly explain or define it.”

The Art of Writing Love Letters is Alive and Well (even for Zombies & Ghosts)

The most popular post on this blog is “How to respond to a love letter.”  Really. Seriously, go on Google and look up how to respond to a love letter and it will bring you right back here. Out of the zillion or so things I’ve written on just about every subject everything always circles around back to LOVE.

That is proof that the art of letter writing is not completely dead (YES – real scientific proof) AND romance is still alive and well.

Everyone writes love letters. And that means YOU. Below are some examples to inspire you and get you going.

 

For Modern Royalty and Princesses

Let me undress you my love and rid you of your fashionable dress. Let me unroll your stockings one by one. Let me slip off your panties and bra so carefully. And when you’re all mine naked and beautiful, let me cover you with frumpy pastel colored grandma clothing and ugly hats forever.

kiss snow white

For Werewolves

I lay my hands on your hot bare skin, damp with the sweat of our love, and feel the fur grow under my fingers.  Run in the woods with me my love and let me hear your howl in the moonlight. Be the father of my cubs and the alpha of my pack.  Your large paws and dark eyes excite me.  I sniff you and your scent intoxicates me.  Both the man and beast in you make me love you even more.

blue eyed adam

For Zombies

Know that I love you for more than just your brains. When I first saw you staggering across the street, the wild look in your one remaining eye, the slight half jagged lipped smile, the slow groan, the matted hair and I knew you were the girl for me.

I will be with you even when we fall apart and our body parts trail behind us…and there is nothing left except our love.

zombiesinlove

For Vampires

In the shadows you bring dark light and the slow beating of your heart. I live for your cool touch, your lips on my neck, fangs lightly teasing me. You’re my heart and soul. You are my shadow. You are my love. You are the one I will spend centuries with sharing wine and blood and passion.

k_1

For Regular Humans

You’re cute. I like being with you. I love you.  xoxoxoxox.  I can’t get enough of you. Light my fire or even my BBQ Grill – I’m easy. Love you sweetie pie!

S030946

For Ghosts

In life love was just a dream like mist or a phantom.

Now it is real even though nothing else is.

Through the centuries we drifted,

Only to meet at night, haunting the truth and reality of life,

To find love in death and tragedy,

And hope that will never make sense,

But it is ours and ours alone.

You haunt me to my very soul,

The spirit of our love lives anew.

 

Everybody likes a little romance. Come back for more at Vampire Maman.

Everybody likes a little romance. Come back for more at Vampire Maman.

 

Now, don’t be shy, get out your pen, your pad, your smart phone, your crayon or pencil and write a letter to the one you love.

xoxoxoxox

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Note: Yes I have posted this one before. My brain is full today (or maybe empty.)

letter_flowers

Special Delivery

crowletter

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scratch, scratch, scratch on my front door.

“Garrett, let the cat in before she destroys the front door,” I yelled at my son.

About a minute later I heard, “Mom, come to the door.”

My darling 19-year-old stood on the front porch looking at a glossy black crow holding a letter. “I tried to take it from him but he won’t let me have it.”

I approached the bird. “Is this for me?” I took the letter and the crow let go. “Thank you. Who is this from dear bird?”

The crow let out a loud rough rasping crow noise that sounded like “open it”,  and then he flew away.

The envelope was heavy, like an old calf skin vellum that had been through a long journey. The paper was discolored with stains from weather. No surprise coming from a crow. A heavy wax seal covered the back flap. There was no initial or mark on the smooth read seal. How odd.

“It smells like a cat box mixed with patchouli,” said Garrett.

“Who knows how long that crow had it.”

“Open it Mom.”

And so I popped the seal and opened the envelope and pulled out a letter on fine writing paper. A thin spidery hand, written with a fountain pen, formed the words of an old friend.

August 14, 2015

My Dearest Juliette,

As you know, your friends Michael and Melissa have come to stay with me for a while. I was glad to take them in after you’d told me about them. Life on the run was literally making them fall apart. Oh how my heart breaks for these two young people and their unfortunate bout with Zombieism. 

The cool coastal air has a positive effect on the Zombies. They spend each morning on the beach walking, and even swimming in the cold water. I think the saltwater soothes their bodies and spirits. I sometimes wonder if the fish help pick off dead bits. But that is a somewhat personal question to ask.

Melissa lost an eye. The poor girl had been covering her face with a patch. Actually it was quite lovely. She’d glued on Czech crystals in what is called an aurora borealis. But you know that my dear since your child is involved in roller skating. She’d also added some aquamarine colored stones that complimented her remaining eye.

After searching my collection of glass eyes I found two possible fits. One was blue like hers, the other was a lovely golden brown. She decided to used the brown eye, as the other, the blue one had a vertical slit pupil. I can understand her wanting to keep her humanity in tact. As the saying goes: the eyes are the mirror to the soul.

A friend of mine, a talented ceramic artist, created a glove out of buttery soft leather with three new fingers. Because of the glaze used Melissa can paint the nails of her new fingers the same color as her old fingers. You know, her real flesh fingers.

I was initially surprised, and somewhat delighted, to find that these two Zombies not only have their souls intact, but they have their wits.

Michael wasn’t hit by the virus as badly as Melissa. Unfortunately his yearning for brains and internal organs is a problem. He craves human liver and spleens. He dreams of sausages made of human intestines. It isn’t just the consumption but the act of rippling flesh that is almost sexual in nature to him. He asks us to lock him up when he feels the desire to cause damage to another creature.

Fortunately the tonic I’ve been making for the two Zombies has been keeping both their bodies and spirits intact. Upon threat of death (ironic isn’t it) I have told them to keep it a secret. I would hate to think the government and the officials and scientists at Area Z would start to come after us as well. The fewer people who know Vampires really exist the better.

But back to tonic, your recipe was most excellent, but I do believe I’ve improved on it. Along with the few drops of Vampire blood, and the herbs, I added some kale and nectarines. I just blend it up like a smoothie with a lot of ice. In fact, it works so well that Melissa’s hair is growing in thick, and Michael no longer has those holes in his shoulder and neck. The skin over his ribs has also grown back and is a normal color (no longer green.)

Since the rotting has stopped and the regeneration of flesh seems to be a success, the pair has been getting out more. Last night they went to see a movie at our local theater. There are only two screens in our small town but they were happy with any choice, rather than the lack of choice. In fact they appreciate the little things so much. What makes them most sad is the loss of their work, of their identity as professionals at the top of their fields. He has started blogging and she has written a few articles for journals. Unfortunately they live in fear of being found by the authorities. 

The Zombies often speak fondly of you and Cody. How is young Cody by the way. By golly, he was one of the most successful young Vampires I’ve ever known. The transition was without a hitch. Have him call me sometime.

On a good note, my Zombies are amused at the locals around here calling me Dorian, you know, after Dorian Gray from the Oscar Wilde story. I never age, so they joke that I must have a dreadful painting hidden away in my house. I just tell them that I’m lucky. I think they know that something is up – that I am different. But different is the norm up here along the coast. Even the Selkies just shrug it off and interact with the locals much more than their European cousins.

By the way, your brother Max stayed for a couple of nights last week. He was visiting his Selki friend. I find it odd but refreshing to find such deep and lasting friendships exist. I remember when they were both young. Ahhh it is sweet and thank goodness they never had the urge to become romantically involved. I don’t believe their hearts would have lasted entwined together. 

Wishing the best to you and your family.

Love always,

Your friend,

Aloysius

 

Garrett looked at me with one of those weird expressions young men get then they feel left out of the loop. “Mom, Zombies are real? Why didn’t you ever tell me.”

“It is a delicate subject. Zombies are so horrible and disgusting and oh so rare. Mike and Melissa were friends. I couldn’t not help them. We, as a community, as Vampires, sometimes must help those who live in secret, and in turn they help us. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“Don’t judge?”

“Yes, kind of sort of. Don’t judge. Exactly. I knew I raised you right.”

“Love you Mom.”

“Love you too Garrett, more than anything.”

 

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

Avoid Bad Blood (and other New Year’s Resolutions)

New Year Resolutions for Vampires

  • Avoid bad blood of all forms
  • Drink more fresh blood
  • Seek out organic blood when you can
  • Embrace your inner shadow
  • Bring your thoughts into the future
  • Embrace the 21st Century
  • Get enough sleep
  • Try making friends outside of your normal circle (like a Werewolf or a Ghost)
  • Help Vampires in Need – those who are clueless or new at this.

 

New Year Resolutions for Werewolves

  • You’re not a dog. Don’t sniff butt. Don’t see yourself short.
  • Run proudly even when the moon isn’t full.
  • Keep that fur conditioned.
  • Go ahead and let that pretty girl scratch your belly.

 

New Year Resolutions for Silly Vampire Wannabees

  • Don’t.
  • Don’t even think about it.
  • Don’t go there.

New Year Resolutions for Zombies

  • Don’t lose your head
  • Try not to shuffle your feet so much
  • Remember not to mumble
  • For an vegetarian option try roasted cauliflower drizzled with a little balsamic vinegar instead of brains

New Year Resolutions for Regular Humans

  • Do not under any circumstances fall in love with a Vampire
  • Stay healthy and active
  • Eat your vegetables every single day
  • If you are going to get a pet adopt a shelter or rescue animal.

 

New Year Resolutions for Parents (of all kinds)

  • Talk with your kids.
  • LISTEN to your kids.
  • Have dinner with your children.
  • Tell your children that you love them every single day.
  • Stand up for your kids.
  • Be aware of what they’re doing.
  • Don’t just lecture – discuss issues. They will be open for discussion. They hate being lectured.
  • Spend quality time with your kids – just hanging out together.
  • Tell them that they are doing good. They need to hear that.

 

Wishing all of you a happy 2015! May it be a bright, creative and peaceful year for all.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman