A Lunch Date With Zombies

A Lunch Date With Zombies

Fridays are usually my lunch hunt date. I switched things up this week and took Cody, my young “Vampire in Training” out with me today.

Lunch dates are fun ways for Vampires to hunt right out in the open. They involve fun, flirting, a bit of seduction and just enough blood to get you going for the weekend ahead. And regular humans never even suspect. They just leave the situation feeling warm and fuzzy, a little tired, and they think they’ve, well, you know.

Cody and I had arranged to meet an old friend of mine at my office with an associate of his. They were Lobbyist for the farming industry (after all we’re in the State Capitol and in the largest agricultural state).  Mike and Melissa. I’m in public relations and do work for them from time to time.

Cody is shy by nature, a sweet likeable young man, but when it comes to hunting he is extremely shy. Most new Vampires can’t wait to get hunting, but with Cody it is more of a sweet romance, rather than just taking what one wants.

So to make a short story long, a guy in a suit shows up at the door. He looks like he’s been to hell and back then I recognize him as Mike. Behind him is Melissa, who is usually the perkiest blonde I’ve ever met, looking ashen and un-perkey.

I wonder if someone died, then realize, somebody has. They don’t smell right. They don’t look right. My stomach turns. Even Cody is picking up on something.

I step back.

“Juliette” says Mike “You have to help us.”

He puts his hand on my arm and I immediately feel it – ZOMBIES.

Funny, likable and extremely smart Mike, a sixth generation California farmer, graduate of UCD (THE Farm School) and successful advocate for the farmer is now…for all practical purposes DEAD.

And don’t give me any crap about being a Vampire. My flesh isn’t rotting and I’m not craving human brains for lunch. Plus I know where my soul is.

I’m confused. Both Mike and Melissa look good, all things considering.

Plus I thought all the Zombies had been confined to a compound in the Mojave Desert outside of Barstow.

“We’ve taken massive amounts of antibiotics to help prevent the rot and we’ve been drinking a lot of embalming fluid. That keeps the smell off and slows down the rot.” Mike told us.

The pair was driving across the Imperial Valley when they were stopped at a roadblock. Little did they know what seemed to be police were actually rogue Zombies.  Later that night they were picked up by the authorities and brought to the super secret Area Z, where Zombies are kept to be monitored and studied.

I thought of long afternoons with Mike and how sweet his blood tasted. I thought of the slow seductions and languid after glows. Now here he was, doing everything he could to keep his skin from falling off in sheets. Holy crap, this was bad.

“What do you need?” I asked.

Mike put a hand to his face, adjusting his left eye back into the socket. “I want you to turn us into Vampires.”

OK, this is where the sound effects do a screeching halt. The very idea of a Zombie is revolting but putting my lips on the flesh of a Zombie and sharing blood. Putrid rotting blood.

“Has this ever been done?” Asked Cody.

“No, or at least never that I’ve heard of.” I said. “So much could go wrong.”

“Nothing could be worse than it is already.” Melissa wailed and watched as her thumbnail fell to the floor along with the tip of her thumb.

I thought about it for a moment then spoke in secret to Cody. I had an idea. If it worked we’d be heroes. If it didn’t we’d have to kill the Zombies, no matter that they were our friends.

I took Cody into the small kitchen area of the office where we bit into our wrists and let our own Vampire blood drain into two coffee cups.

The Zombies drank and before our eyes their skin went from gray to the color of their former living flesh (peaches & cream and coffee & cream – Vampires always think of everyone in terms of food, we can’t help it).

“I won’t turn you, not yet, but see if this helps. Don’t tell a soul, or anyone without a soul. Don’t tell anyone or I will hunt you down and kill you myself. Do you understand?”

They said they understood. I thought my stomach was going to drop out and my head would explode as they left the building.

Cody was about to speak when I told him. “The same goes to you Cody. If you tell a soul I will kill you and it won’t be fast or painless.”

“Got it.” Said Cody. I thought of my favorite movie line and said to Cody. “This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

Cody smiled.  Then and there I knew he’d make a great Vampire.

I’ll keep you posted on Mike and Melissa – when and if I hear anything.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Note: Yes, you might have seen this post before. We can’t forget our Zombie friends. They might be falling apart but we still love them.

 

Special Delivery

crowletter

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scratch, scratch, scratch on my front door.

“Garrett, let the cat in before she destroys the front door,” I yelled at my son.

About a minute later I heard, “Mom, come to the door.”

My darling 19-year-old stood on the front porch looking at a glossy black crow holding a letter. “I tried to take it from him but he won’t let me have it.”

I approached the bird. “Is this for me?” I took the letter and the crow let go. “Thank you. Who is this from dear bird?”

The crow let out a loud rough rasping crow noise that sounded like “open it”,  and then he flew away.

The envelope was heavy, like an old calf skin vellum that had been through a long journey. The paper was discolored with stains from weather. No surprise coming from a crow. A heavy wax seal covered the back flap. There was no initial or mark on the smooth read seal. How odd.

“It smells like a cat box mixed with patchouli,” said Garrett.

“Who knows how long that crow had it.”

“Open it Mom.”

And so I popped the seal and opened the envelope and pulled out a letter on fine writing paper. A thin spidery hand, written with a fountain pen, formed the words of an old friend.

August 14, 2015

My Dearest Juliette,

As you know, your friends Michael and Melissa have come to stay with me for a while. I was glad to take them in after you’d told me about them. Life on the run was literally making them fall apart. Oh how my heart breaks for these two young people and their unfortunate bout with Zombieism. 

The cool coastal air has a positive effect on the Zombies. They spend each morning on the beach walking, and even swimming in the cold water. I think the saltwater soothes their bodies and spirits. I sometimes wonder if the fish help pick off dead bits. But that is a somewhat personal question to ask.

Melissa lost an eye. The poor girl had been covering her face with a patch. Actually it was quite lovely. She’d glued on Czech crystals in what is called an aurora borealis. But you know that my dear since your child is involved in roller skating. She’d also added some aquamarine colored stones that complimented her remaining eye.

After searching my collection of glass eyes I found two possible fits. One was blue like hers, the other was a lovely golden brown. She decided to used the brown eye, as the other, the blue one had a vertical slit pupil. I can understand her wanting to keep her humanity in tact. As the saying goes: the eyes are the mirror to the soul.

A friend of mine, a talented ceramic artist, created a glove out of buttery soft leather with three new fingers. Because of the glaze used Melissa can paint the nails of her new fingers the same color as her old fingers. You know, her real flesh fingers.

I was initially surprised, and somewhat delighted, to find that these two Zombies not only have their souls intact, but they have their wits.

Michael wasn’t hit by the virus as badly as Melissa. Unfortunately his yearning for brains and internal organs is a problem. He craves human liver and spleens. He dreams of sausages made of human intestines. It isn’t just the consumption but the act of rippling flesh that is almost sexual in nature to him. He asks us to lock him up when he feels the desire to cause damage to another creature.

Fortunately the tonic I’ve been making for the two Zombies has been keeping both their bodies and spirits intact. Upon threat of death (ironic isn’t it) I have told them to keep it a secret. I would hate to think the government and the officials and scientists at Area Z would start to come after us as well. The fewer people who know Vampires really exist the better.

But back to tonic, your recipe was most excellent, but I do believe I’ve improved on it. Along with the few drops of Vampire blood, and the herbs, I added some kale and nectarines. I just blend it up like a smoothie with a lot of ice. In fact, it works so well that Melissa’s hair is growing in thick, and Michael no longer has those holes in his shoulder and neck. The skin over his ribs has also grown back and is a normal color (no longer green.)

Since the rotting has stopped and the regeneration of flesh seems to be a success, the pair has been getting out more. Last night they went to see a movie at our local theater. There are only two screens in our small town but they were happy with any choice, rather than the lack of choice. In fact they appreciate the little things so much. What makes them most sad is the loss of their work, of their identity as professionals at the top of their fields. He has started blogging and she has written a few articles for journals. Unfortunately they live in fear of being found by the authorities. 

The Zombies often speak fondly of you and Cody. How is young Cody by the way. By golly, he was one of the most successful young Vampires I’ve ever known. The transition was without a hitch. Have him call me sometime.

On a good note, my Zombies are amused at the locals around here calling me Dorian, you know, after Dorian Gray from the Oscar Wilde story. I never age, so they joke that I must have a dreadful painting hidden away in my house. I just tell them that I’m lucky. I think they know that something is up – that I am different. But different is the norm up here along the coast. Even the Selkies just shrug it off and interact with the locals much more than their European cousins.

By the way, your brother Max stayed for a couple of nights last week. He was visiting his Selki friend. I find it odd but refreshing to find such deep and lasting friendships exist. I remember when they were both young. Ahhh it is sweet and thank goodness they never had the urge to become romantically involved. I don’t believe their hearts would have lasted entwined together. 

Wishing the best to you and your family.

Love always,

Your friend,

Aloysius

 

Garrett looked at me with one of those weird expressions young men get then they feel left out of the loop. “Mom, Zombies are real? Why didn’t you ever tell me.”

“It is a delicate subject. Zombies are so horrible and disgusting and oh so rare. Mike and Melissa were friends. I couldn’t not help them. We, as a community, as Vampires, sometimes must help those who live in secret, and in turn they help us. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“Don’t judge?”

“Yes, kind of sort of. Don’t judge. Exactly. I knew I raised you right.”

“Love you Mom.”

“Love you too Garrett, more than anything.”

 

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

Zombie Days

It is one thing to lose your keys but when body parts start to vanish life just sucks. That is what Melissa was thinking at the moment. Being a Zombie sucked big time.

When she was 14 she’d read The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant. Covenant had Leprosy. It was awful. His world was turned upside down and he more or less lost everything. In a weird twist he was transported into a fantasy world where he was whole, at least in body. It wasn’t an easy series to read and it wasn’t happy. It was just weird to Melissa then because she wasn’t a fantasy fan. Now she was a zombie, and not a fan of that either.

It would be nice to blink and be in a fantasy world. Better yet be back in her normal world with her normal job and her normal boyfriend. Unfortunately she was in some sort of fantasy nightmare that was real life. It didn’t make sense. She looked down and then picked a finger nail up off the ground. Crap, even professional nail glue wouldn’t keep them on.

Michael wasn’t her boyfriend back before the Zombie days. He was just a guy who was a friend she’d work with occasionally. Her real boyfriend was… she had to pause to think hard. Memories were fading. She thought of old film archives of disintegrating film. It was like that. Nate. The boyfriend was Nate. He was tall and funny and perfect. He was a brain surgeon. The irony didn’t escape Melissa on that one. Her stomach grumbled. Brains.

Nobody ever expects to go on a simple business trip and at the end of the day becoming a zombie. It was just a simple stop to see what had been caught under that car. They thought it was a tumbleweed. It was Zombies.

Men in Black, Area Z (top-secret Zombie internment camp), an escape, help from some unlikely friends and now they were in a remote cabin in the woods. They could wait it out. They were already dead. The dead can wait forever.

Given the choice she would have chosen to become a Vampire. Even a Werewolf would have been better. She liked dogs. She liked running in the woods. Even a Ghost would be good if you had to be dead. Anything was better than being a Zombie.

Sitting at an old roll top desk, Melissa penned a letter to a friend. She might decide to send it or maybe not. As she wrote her skin made skid marks on the paper in a pinkish gray line. If she squinted she could pretend it was fairy dust. At least she could still hold a pen and write in something that resembled her once beautiful handwriting.

She wrote of Michael, her companion and now Zombie lover.

“I know he is the one. I know it in my heart of hearts that no longer beats. I know it every time he moans and shuffles towards me. I know it when he tries to look presentable and human. He does it just for me. He makes me laugh so I won’t cry. He stuffs the fingers of my gloves where I no longer have my own fingers. He tells me I’m still beautiful.”

A sticky tear of something green trickled down her face. Maybe she’d pick some wild flowers and cheer up their space. She looked out the window at the sound of a truck. She could see two men inside, sitting in the front seat with crisp clean uniforms. They were from the Forest Service. She smiled. Finally lunch had arrived.

Short Story Sunday: A Lunch Date With Zombies

A little over a year ago I posted about an experience my friend Cody and I had. Since I’ve been too swamped to come up with a new short story for today…here is one of my favorite tall tales (and of course, as always, completely true)…

A Lunch Date With Zombies

Fridays are usually my lunch hunt date. I switched things up this week and took Cody, my young “Vampire in Training” out with me on Thursday.

Lunch dates are fun ways for Vampires to hunt right out in the open. They involve fun, flirting, a bit of seduction and just enough blood to get you going for the weekend ahead. And regular humans never even suspect. They just leave the situation feeling warm and fuzzy, a little tired, and they think they’ve, well, you know.

Cody and I had arranged to meet an old friend of mine at my office with an associate of his. They were Lobbyist for the farming industry (after all we’re in the State Capitol and in the largest agricultural state).  Mike and Melissa. I’m in public relations and do work for them from time to time.

Cody is shy by nature, a sweet likeable young man, but when it comes to hunting he is extremely shy. Most new Vampires can’t wait to get hunting, but with Cody it is more of a sweet romance, rather than just taking what one wants.

So to make a short story long, a guy in a suit shows up at the door. He looks like he’s been to hell and back then I recognize him as Mike. Behind him is Melissa, who is usually the perkiest blonde I’ve ever met, looking ashen and un-perkey.

I wonder if someone died, then realize, somebody has. They don’t smell right. They don’t look right. My stomach turns. Even Cody is picking up on something.

I step back.

“Juliette” says Mike “You have to help us.”

He puts his hand on my arm and I immediately feel it – ZOMBIES.

Funny, likable and extremely smart Mike, a sixth generation California farmer, graduate of UCD (THE Farm School) and successful advocate for the farmer is now…for all practical purposes DEAD.

And don’t give me any crap about being a Vampire. My flesh isn’t rotting and I’m not craving human brains for lunch. Plus I know where my soul is.

I’m confused. Both Mike and Melissa look good, all things considering.

Plus I thought all the Zombies had been confined to a compound in the Mojave Desert outside of Barstow.

“We’ve taken massive amounts of antibiotics to help prevent the rot and we’ve been drinking a lot of embalming fluid. That keeps the smell off and slows down the rot.” Mike told us.

The pair was driving across the Imperial Valley when they were stopped at a roadblock. Little did they know what seemed to be police were actually rogue Zombies.  Later that night they were picked up by the authorities and brought to the super secret Area Z, where Zombies are kept to be monitored and studied.

I thought of long afternoons with Mike and how sweet his blood tasted. I thought of the slow seductions and languid after glows. Now here he was, doing everything he could to keep his skin from falling off in sheets. Holy crap, this was bad.

“What do you need?” I asked.

Mike put a hand to his face, adjusting his left eye back into the socket. “I want you to turn us into Vampires.”

OK, this is where the sound effects do a screeching halt. The very idea of a Zombie is revolting but putting my lips on the flesh of a Zombie and sharing blood. Putrid rotting blood.

“Has this ever been done?” Asked Cody.

“No, or at least never that I’ve heard of.” I said. “So much could go wrong.”

“Nothing could be worse than it is already.” Melissa wailed and watched as her thumbnail fell to the floor along with the tip of her thumb.

I thought about it for a moment then spoke in secret to Cody. I had an idea. If it worked we’d be heroes. If it didn’t we’d have to kill the Zombies, no matter that they were our friends.

I took Cody into the small kitchen area of the office where we bit into our wrists and let our own Vampire blood drain into two coffee cups.

The Zombies drank and before our eyes their skin went from gray to the color of their former living flesh (peaches & cream and coffee & cream – Vampires always think of everyone in terms of food, we can’t help it).

“I won’t turn you, not yet, but see if this helps. Don’t tell a soul, or anyone without a soul. Don’t tell anyone or I will hunt you down and kill you myself. Do you understand?”

They said they understood. I thought my stomach was going to drop out and my head would explode as they left the building.

Cody was about to speak when I told him. “The same goes to you Cody. If you tell a soul I will kill you and it won’t be fast or painless.”

“Got it.” Said Cody. I thought of my favorite movie line and said to Cody. “This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

Cody smiled.  Then and there I knew he’d make a great Vampire.

I’ll keep you posted on Mike and Melissa – when and if I hear anything.

——————————————————

Zombies are always on the back of our minds. For more information about Zombies go the OFFICIAL US Government Web Site (Center for Disease Control). Really, yes, this is a REAL government site. Good stuff.

http://www.cdc.gov/phpr/zombies_novella.htm

More from Short Story Sunday

Short Story Sunday is a regular feature on Vampiremaman.com.
Expect the unexpected … and a lot of fun! Click on the title to go to the story.