Mom mom mom mom mom

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Even when your kids move out, when they’re adults, when they’re feeling independent, even when they know everything, and even when they think you’re old…they still need you. That’s a good thing. Be cool. Be in touch. Be a parent.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

It isn’t all about the blood. Parenting and Vampires.

It isn’t all about the blood. I’m not a food blogger.

I do blog about parenting and Vampires. That is exactly what I do.

I explain the basics in my “about me” page. Click here to read it.

Why it works. Vampires and Parenting. Because I’m both. You might be both. You might not be either. But I have learned from my years on earth, and learned from my mistakes, and from making deliberate decisions about how I raised my children.

Being a parent, of any kind, required attention. It requires ALL of one’s attention. It requires thought. It requires compassion. It requires courage. It definitely requires humor.  The same goes with being a Vampire.

I don’t read parenting books. Most are smug perfect self-serving. I never use the term “mommy blogger.” Just put a wooden stake through my heart. Seriously, there are some good books, and funny books about parenting. Just be careful. There is a lot of crap out there. It is better to find a blogger you can relate to (not just me, there are plenty of other great parenting bloggers out there.)

Parenting books assume that we all live in some flavorless world where all rules apply to all children and all parents. Every child is different. Every family is different. We can relate through Werewolves, Zombies, Ghosts, and Selkies. Each has their own set of issues they have to deal with. Each parent has their own set of issues to deal with – believe me, things get real when you have children, but it isn’t as if they weren’t already real, and difficult, and challenging.

What IS the same is the need for a kid is to be loved and understood. Talk to your children, even about uncomfortable things like sex, drugs, and being an asshole. Talk to them about school and their friends. Don’t take a grunt for an answer. Let me repeat that: DO NOT TAKE A GRUNT or a one word answer. Engage your child and make them talk to you. Start early, but if you didn’t it is never too late to start (even if your child is an adult.)

It doesn’t have to be all serious. It is your moral obligation to bring humor into your child’s life. That includes the worst puns and word play you can come up with – as if your life depended on it. It makes you fast. Fast is good.

And about that blood… I can tell you where the sales are. But sometimes it is really nice to go out to eat. Even a kid will tell you that. As Vampires we have to teach our children how to be responsible when it comes to obtaining blood. We teach them to respect and protect their donors. We teach them discretion. And no, I’m not spilling the beans on this in such a public forum and going into lurid details.

Being a Vampire isn’t all about blood and converting other people into Vampires. Well, no it isn’t but it is a huge part of who we are.

Converting someone, changing them, switching them over, or whatever you want to call it, isn’t something to be taken lightly. It isn’t like religion where you have an option to have a change of heart later. It isn’t like a superficial body modification like a tattoo or hair style. It isn’t a lifestyle. It is a drastic physiological change. Only about 10% of people who undergo the conversion are going to die – right away. Of course that depends on who  is converting and who is being converted. My track record is 100% and I’ve never lost a soul (literally lost someone’s soul and ended up with one of those dark soulless beings that none of us like to be around.) I don’t do this unless I’m 100% sure, and even then, not  very often.

Bringing a new Vampire into the world carries with it a tremendous responsibility that must be taken seriously by all of our kind.

And if the one who turned you into a Vampire is a dick that doesn’t mean that you have to be a dick. Break the cycle. Remove the dicks from your life. The same goes for parents: you don’t have to be around dicks or expose your kids to dicks. There is no place for them in your life.

Ask yourself:

Why do I want to convert this person? Is it for personal gain? Will they be good at it. Do they want it? Are they an asshole? Will they freak out? Do they understand what they are going to risk? Do they understand what they will gain. Do they understand what they will lose?

What does that have to do with being a parent?

Bringing a child into the world is also a tremendous responsibility that unfortunately many “parents” take lightly. Maybe lightly is the wrong word. They bring a child into the world with no thoughts whatsoever about how they’ll raise it. Not a thought. You have seven or eight months to think about it before the big day comes. You’d better get busy.

Having a child is never an accident (yes, there are those rare cases but that is RARE.) Yes, one can become pregnant by not using birth control (a choice.) One can keep a child they have no love for (a choice.) There is always a choice. Do I sound harsh? Of course I do. I am harsh. We’re talking about a new child and a life here, who doesn’t deserve to be an afterthought, or worse. So buck it up cupcake and be an adult and be a real parent. That goes for fathers too. Don’t be a dick – be a dad.

Your parenting style is up to you, not a book. It isn’t up to me. I just ask that you take it seriously. You have the life of another person in your hands. Take it seriously.

Learn from your mistakes. Teach your kids so they won’t make the same mistakes you did. It is ok to break a cycle of disfunction.

If you want to be a parent look to people who have great kids. Don’t take advice from people who have rotten kids or people who constantly complain about their kids. This aren’t the good parents.

Yes, I’m feeling harsh. In a world where politicians are saying it is ok for men to molest teenagers, harassed and rape, and all the while claim that they are religious. Yes, the Church of Assholes is alive and well.

I’m proud to say that my husband, the father of my children, refuses to watch any movie directed by Roman Polanski or Woody Allen. This isn’t anything new. If you want to protect your children teach them about people who have no respect for children or anyone else. Warn them that predators aren’t always things that lurk in the deep dark woods, or under floor boards. They might not drink your blood but they sure as hell will try to steal your innocence and your soul.

Talk with your kids. Not to them, but with them. And listen to them. Don’t judge until you’ve listened. Don’t judge them – period. Even Vampires don’t do that.

Love your children unconditionally. Protect them. Teach them. Hug them. Be present. Be THERE.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

mother daughter discovery

 

pepper2017

NanoPoblano 2017 #NanoPoblano #NanoPoblano2017

 

 

 

Musings on Parenting – My heart and soul as a parent

We’ve been having a lot of Halloween fun with “Halloween Hotties” and other spooky and silly Vampire fun but today I want to get back to my core as a parent. Below is my famous list of what I feel, and now know is my ultimate parenting advice and musings. It is what I believe and what I practice. It is my heart and soul as a parent.

Juliette’s Ultimate Musings on Parenting (for Vampires, Werewolves and ALL Regular Humans)

I’m an artist to the core of my soul.  I’m a curious collector of oddities (both objects, experiences and people). I read. I discover. I write. I design. I act. I live as I wish (well, I pretend I do). And I use the word “I” a lot, or at least I used to.

Then I met a remarkable man who thought I was funny and a bit odd and a lot sexy and smart and ….I liked him a lot too because he was smart and sexy.

And that would have been fine to have stayed that way…

Until we had a child.

I never knew I could love as much as this. Both the man and the child. I never knew we could love as much.

I never knew what an amazing journey parenthood would be.

When you bring a baby or child home, whether you give birth to it or adopt it or foster or live with any child, you bring home the entire universe in a kid sized package. And something you’re never told…You NEVER know who you’re bringing home with you.

Your child is not your clone. Your child is someone with their own will and their own view – right from the start.

Throw out the baby and child care books because this little person is going to prove they’re ALL WRONG. And you’ll have more fun than you EVER imagined.

So what does a woman who muses on mom stuff teach the children in her life? 

  • Teach your children, no matter who your children are, or will become, to treasure acts of kindness.
  • Teach them that if they speak rudely to another child, they will forget it in a minute, and the other child will remember it for a lifetime.
  • Teach them the value of life and the value of love.
  • Teach them not to lie. Lies are worse than snakes – they always come back and bite you in the butt and they contain poison.
  • Teach them to learn from their mistakes.
  • Teach them to learn from the mistakes of others (if more people did that there WOULD be world peace).
  • Teach them that they ARE going to make mistakes – big ones – and that you’re always there for them (you’d better be there for them).
  • Teach them to be tough. Tough mentally and physically. We’re not living in la la land folks.
  • Tech them to love learning. Learning is a lifelong process. Like my dad used to say “If you stop learning you might as well be dead.” 
  • Teach them to play, and to keep playing even as adults.
  • Teach them to love and respect nature for it will always be a joy and they will always be amazed.
  • Teach them that it is their responsibility to take care of their environment.
  • Teach them that ignorance is a vice and knowledge is a virtue. Knowledge is power.
  • Teach them the value of friendship. Friendship is not a contest. Friendship is a lazy ride on a raft down the river. You laugh, you rescue each other, you talk until the stars come out, and you remember that trip forever, not expecting anything but to be able to be yourself, without judgement, and to not have the pressure of  judging your friend.
  • Teach them life without a sense of humor is, well, a humorless life. Who needs that?
  • Teach them to tell someone else something good about themselves every single day and MEAN IT. While your at it don’t forget hugs.
  • Teach them to smile (but don’t show your fangs). Smile a lot.
  • Teach them to pay if forward.
  • Teach them that their opinions are valued.
  • Teach them to have an active imagination – especially as they grow older.
  • Teach them that READING will take them everywhere. People who read are interesting. People who don’t…well, we need to encourage them to start.
  • Teach them that people who aren’t like them are interesting. If we were all the same the world would be a very boring place.
  • And last of all teach them that they are ultimately responsible for their own actions and the consequences. Period. No exceptions. None. That’s it. 

Hugs and thanks for visiting.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

My mom blogs about vampires

My mom blogs about vampires

Why I don’t use parental control software

For those who are new to this blog…

Vampire Maman 101

  • Talk with your kids
  • Keep the lines of communication open
  • Be the PARENT
  • Show that your trust them
  • Show that they can trust you
  • TALK WITH THEM 
  • Listen to them
  • Laugh with your kids
  • Tell them you love them

And sometimes we get into issues with Vampires, ghosts, poetry, books and other things but this isn’t one of those posts.

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Why I don’t use parental control software

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Your kids and the Internet

The BEST resource is the FBI: http://www.fbi.gov/stats-services/publications/parent-guide. They cover exactly what I’m covering here but not in such an emotional way (ranting I think is the term I’m looking for). Check this link. Read the article. See if they’ll come out to your school. 

 Now if you want MY view (Vampire Maman) keep reading.

 

Why I don’t use parental controls on my home computers.

I am not one of those over protective parents who monitors every move, thought and action my child takes. I want them to learn how to make responsible choices and know there are consequences to their choices – that includes the Internet.

  • From an early age my kids have learned that we can TRUST each other. Sure we all have our secrets. BUT we’ve talked about the Internet from the time they were toddlers. We’ve sat together at the computer and shared.
  • Most kids are not looking for porn and they are uncomfortable with it. They’ll tell you that they are as frustrated as you are when they do a search for an English paper or history project and come up with pornography. So you tell them to just close it up. Bing seems to be the worst at bringing up porn images so we use Google and other search images. So yes, sometimes the image controls are in order if the kids keep getting nasty images.
  • I’ve used the blocking function on Bing on MY computer. I swear, one day I looked up images for “mom” and you wouldn’t believe what I found. YUCK.
  • If your kids are doing research for school half the stuff they look for won’t come up if you have parental controls on your computer. Most controls are stupid – they mean well but they can’t tell the difference between a breast on a porn site and a recipe for chicken. It makes it extremely frustrating for kids.

My kids have discovered the world on the Internet. And they share it with me. They’ve found music that isn’t on the radio. They’ve found artists. They’ve found stuff so funny we almost pee our pants. They find podcasts and news and stories. They’ve found blogs and games and fashion. They’ve found so much that has made them think.  And we SHARE and laugh and wonder and discuss what we see.

If the controls were always set there is so much I would have missed out on (that is a very selfish thing to say – but yes, I use my kids to find cool stuff.)

  • So if you’re afraid? That is OK. We’re all afraid – that is part of being a parent.

Talk to your kids about the Internet. Talk to them about creepers. TALK TO THEM. Just like you should be talking to them about SEX and DRUGS and ALCOHOL and THE IMPORTANCE of a GOOD EDUCATION and SELF IMAGE.

I swear to God what is wrong with some people? What is so scary about talking to your kids?

Go on the Internet WITH your kids.  Know what they’re looking at. Share with them. Laugh with them. Learn with them.

And this isn’t just with the Internet – do it with everything.

Honestly, if you’re going to have kids SHARE with them. It isn’t all about babies and cuteness and the right stroller. Like puppies and kittens they grow up and honestly, I think they’re more fun when they’re older. PLUS it is your responsibility to be an involved parent (or you might as well not have kids). And I’m not sorry to be so blunt. If your going to call yourself a parent then BE a parent.

And don’t say you don’t have time. 99% of my mom friends work full-time and do ALL that I mentioned above. No excuses. These are your kids and you only get one shot at it.

Consequences if kids misuse the Internet: Discuss this with your child/teen.

  • Check with your school and local laws. If they cyber-bully, post anything about sex (including but on exclusive to photos) or do equally stupid things they could get suspended from school or worse.
  • Tell your kids if they do stupid things they’ll be grounded forever or at least until they’re 30 and/or prove they are smart enough to know better.
  • If anyone takes a photos of your child it will be posted. Even if their “best” friend says it won’t be posted it will. Kids – just say NO to photos. Don’t get undressed in front of anyone. Don’t lift your shirt. Don’t have sex with stupid boys (or girls) who take photos. Don’t put yourself in a stupid situation unless you really want everyone to immediately know you’re stupid. Tell THAT to your kids. Do it NOW – TODAY. TELL THEM. Don’t threaten them – just tell them that if they do any of that the entire world will know how STUPID they are.
  • If they use the Internet to look up porn and racists things and violent horrible things then you need to sit them down and talk to them. Sometimes they think awful things are funny and it isn’t funny – they need to know. Don’t yell at them or threaten – just talk to them and tell them why it isn’t a good idea. What you tell them is up to your and your beliefs. Yes, I’ve had to do this. Their dad had to do this and DAD wasn’t as nice as I was about it.
  • And you know what? You are the parent so YOU can take away the phone and the computer. You are in control as long as they live under your roof.

Things I would have missed if my kids couldn’t freely roam the Internet:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQO-aOdJLiw

http://sacramentozoo.blogspot.com/

http://www.fueledbyramen.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ejc9GrooSKg

http://www.modcloth.com/

http://www.petplace.com/dog-videos/wombat-belly-rubs.aspx?source=bookmark

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Deliberate Parenting

Don’t parent with your eyes closed. Don’t wake up surprised one day when it is too late.

I raised my kids deliberately. I raised them not to be bully bait. I raised them to be confident. I raised them to fly with their own wings and pursue their own interests. I raised them to think. I raised them to see the big picture. I raised them not to be stupid or sheltered. I raised them to question what they hear and see – even if they see and hear it from me. I raised them to realize that one day they’ll have to make it on their own and that they’ll have to fight tooth and claw.

They know how to come to their own conclusions. They know that reputation is everything. They know that being fair and good and standing up for what is right and good is everything.

They’ll be far better people than I will ever be.

They aren’t perfect, but at least they have a chance.

I don’t always agree with them but at least we discuss it and as a parent I have the last word, period.

And they still cuddle with me and need me. We’ll always have fun.

Don’t parent by accident. Do it deliberately.

I’ll say it is important for your Vampire kid, but it is important for all kids, even Werewolves and especially regular human kids.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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