In most popular Vampire fiction a great deal is made of biting, specifically “the bite.”
When I write about warm blooded folks do I concentrate on their eating habits. I should. I’m surprised nobody has made a movie about someone attacking their coworkers who sit in the adjoining cubicle (or desk) all day gnashing, smacking, loudly crunching, and slurping food ALL DAY LONG. That does not include the unnecessary scraping of a food container with food long after there is nothing left. It does not include the rattling of wrappers. It does not include the overwhelming aromas of tuna or egg salad that make you want to vomit. The loud bite after bite into the apple a day leads to a headache for you that lasts all day long. THAT my friends is a true horror story. Day after day after day after day of noises that make you want to SCREAM before your head explodes.
But of course in popular culture a Vampire is considered far more glamorous than the average cubicle worker. Sure there are some of those Vampires who let blood drip down their chins and make horrible noises, but seriously, we teach our new Vampires, and our children NOT to behave like that – ever.
Anyway, I guess I should end now. The morning is too young, and my day too busy to go into the types of bites one may get from a Vampire – from quick, to lingering on the erotic.
I don’t know what to do about the coworker situation. It all depends on your company culture. You could go to HR (like they’re going to do anything.) You could go to your boss (who won’t do anything.) Or you could write that script to a horror movie and start a new career.
No matter who you are, always be considerate to others. Teach that to your children. Teach it to your employees. Teach it to your spouse. Teach it to yourself.
“The first time I ever went out on my own?” Teddy smiled when I asked him the question. We were out on the deck having cocktails, watching the sunset turn to dark night. “I never told you did I? I was in the country at a huge estate. Max and I had an invitation from the son of the owner. Remember William Howard? We went to the university with him. Anyway, you know how your brother knows everyone and keeps connections with them all. There were over a dozen guests and what seemed like an endless party. I don’t remember sleeping for the first 48 hours. One rainy afternoon I went into the teahouse, out in the woods, just to read and get some time alone. But I wasn’t alone. There she was, Iona Howard, William’s charming sister, sound asleep – out cold. She looked so lovely. I couldn’t resist. Iona had no idea I was there until I’d finished. I posed by the door and then sweetly called her name.”
“You were so sweet Teddy.”
“I still am.” He leaned over and kissed me. “Iona was madly in love with Max but it was my teeth in her neck that afternoon. By the way, don’t mention this…I never told him about it about it.”
I laughed out loud. The secret, even such a minor one, would stay safe with me.
We’re like that, you know, Vampires. We never kiss and tell.
This is often a subject of conversation with vampire teens and adults…“Who would you like to bite most and why?”
So I put the question to you my dear readers. If you are a vampire (or if you aren’t just pretend)…
Who would YOU like to bite the most and why?
Come on…don’t be shy. Who is it? I dare you to tell!
Leave a comment – a name, a few words, a poem, a longing for desire, a joke, a tall tale, a story of love and lust and that lingering taste you dream of at night. A name that stays on your lips but you dare not speak it out loud. Have fun!