Silent Noises

The only noise

Is the clock

Almost as old as I am

From 1876

Still running like new,

And the sounds of random


In the distance,

A cat eating,

An owl outside,

The tap tap tapping

Of my keyboard,

No sounds from

Others in my house,

Slumbering quietly,


And cold


With quiet dreams,

As only



Will have.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman





She Taunts Me – Sleep, Ghosts, and Vampires


It is like the ghost that haunts me

Only worse.

The ghost will listen to me.

Sleep never does.

She taunts me

Like a woman who wants to seduce my husband.

She gives him slumbers so peaceful

So silent and lovely.

She taunts me and pulls my dreams to tattered bits

Then keeps me awake for days on end.

My slumbers end in a dark prison room

Always cold

Always alone

Always awake.

We’re not  friends Sleep and I.

I used to think it was my nocturnal nature,

But now I know it is because

Sleep hates me for something I did

In the past 

And fired up her jealous heart

To the point where she is only thinking of revenge.


I fixed a pot of coffee,

As Nigel the Ghost said, “Sleep doesn’t give a crap what you do Vampire. You’re too busy and you drink too much coffee.”

Maybe so but I’m not going to admit anything to a ghost.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman



Vampire Maman’s Guide to Dream Interpretation

At the end of my street is a woodland that ends in bluffs overlooking a lake. On one end one can see the towers of Folsom Prison. If you walk a bit down the trail you can see the Mormon Temple. At night it looks like the Eifel Tower in Paris.

Most Vampires avoid both prisons and churches (I use that term for all places of worship.)

If we go in a church we’re usually drawn in by the music, hiding out or drawn in by someone of strong will.

I had a dream that my friend Amelia and I were inside of the Mormon Temple exploring on our own. I’ve been there so I have a visual, but I wasn’t exploring the first time – the real-time. I was on a tour, as a guest, when the building first opened (another story for another time.)

It was lovely and a bit confusing. I have to admit that I like exploring old Catholic churches full of statues of saints the best. Of course the ultimate is getting into the hidden areas of the Vatican. Oh have I got stories for you about that. Dan Brown – give me a call if you’re reading this. Yes, Vampires love the Vatican.

Amelia has always been the explorer – more than most Vampires. Granted we go in and out of buildings and places as we more or less please, but Amelia is the master. Name a place and she has been there, unseen. No, really, name a restricted place. Amelia has been there. Ask her about the Knights Templars. I dare you.

But my adventure was just a dream, however real it seemed.

For some reason, when schedules change, I dream vivid dreams. I can’t sleep either.

My brother Max came this morning at 3:00 a.m. and picked up my kids for a trip to the coast. Just the weekend, but I couldn’t sleep, except to have strange dreams. Granted my sleep schedule is already messed up. You know, people think being a Vampire is easy but it isn’t. Not at all.

So that got me to thinking about the meaning of dreams. And that led to a list.

Vampire Maman’s Guide to Dream Interpretation

What you dream about and what it means (in italics.)

Cats: Something good is about to happen.

Blood: Either you’re thirsty or somebody is in big trouble.

Church outside: You are utterly alone.

Church inside: Feeling caution.

Cake: Cake.

Driving: Trying to resolve childhood issues.

Driving fast: Trying to resolve adult issues.

Vanishing road: You are afraid of everything and feeling out of control.

Airplanes: Black crows or grackles. 

Rockets: Toothpaste.

Wolves: Sex with someone you don’t really like but are attracted to.

Sex: Unresolved issues with the artistic side of your brain.

Sex with a stranger: Unresolved issues with disappointment.

Red: A color.

Blue: Another color.

Orange: A longing for Halloween.

Political conversations: You’re truly sick and need help.

Wine: Wine.

Broken glass: Broken dreams and self loathing.

Birds: Birds.

Bats: Feeling of being both cute and ugly at the same time.

Trains: Change.

Train travel: Sex.

Childhood: The need for cake. Maybe pie. Cookies will do in a pinch.

School: Fear.

Militant Vegans: Small barking dogs.

Roses: Beauty and pain.

Beer: Fear of hot weather.

Witches: You are being watched.


To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t believe in dream interpretation but please, go ahead and study my list. I’m concerned for the well-being of all and want everyone to feel good. Yes, look into my eyes. See the hazel waves of the ocean lulling you into relaxation. You’re in your happy spot. You feel calm. You feel the cool ocean breeze surround you in love. You want my teeth on your neck. Relax, close your eyes, sleep and when you wake… I will be gone.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman






You always remember your first time…

You always remember your first time…


“The first time I ever went out on my own?” Teddy smiled when I asked him the question. We were out on the deck having cocktails, watching the sunset turn to dark night. “I never told you did I? I was in the country at a huge estate. Max and I had an invitation from the son of the owner. Remember William Howard? We went to the university with him. Anyway, you know how your brother knows everyone and keeps connections with them all. There were over a dozen guests and what seemed like an endless party. I don’t remember sleeping for the first 48 hours. One rainy afternoon I went into the teahouse, out in the woods, just to read and get some time alone. But I wasn’t alone. There she was, Iona Howard, William’s charming sister, sound asleep – out cold. She looked so lovely. I couldn’t resist. Iona had no idea I was there until I’d finished. I posed by the door and then sweetly called her name.”

“You were so sweet Teddy.”

“I still am.” He leaned over and kissed me. “Iona was madly in love with Max but it was my teeth in her neck that afternoon. By the way, don’t mention this…I never told him about it about it.”

I laughed out loud. The secret, even such a minor one, would stay safe with me.

We’re like that, you know, Vampires. We never kiss and tell.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman




Patron Saint of a Quiet Mind

School is almost out for the year. One child has graduated and the other still has a week to go. No vacation for me on the horizon. The morning brings getting the wee teenage child out of bed and then getting myself ready for a full day of work.

That is with no sleep. Not at night. Not in the day. Sleep and I are not friends. Sleep ignores me, making me feel like some cast off lover that waits in the wings for the day when nobody else is available to share his bed.

Teens sleep as if they’re drugged in deep slumbers. It takes a monumental effort to get them up in the morning. I am awake but dreaming of sleep.

I’m not Catholic but I hear there are many saints with vague references to dreams and sleeping disorders. No such luck for Vampires. Yes, it’s complicated when we can’t sleep. Hell, it’s complicated for anyone.

If suddenly sleep came with great dark wings and embraced me I’d give him a piece of my mind about his recent behavior. It isn’t just sleep that I need but a quiet mind.

But no matter how many deserts I cross or mountains I climb or mom things I have to do…alas, having a quiet mind is not on my list, nor is sleep, at least not until tonight when I will try once more to not complain and be a saint (like all good moms.) Saint Juliette of the Quiet Mind.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

My clock is a little off… musings on sleep, time and creativity.

silver watch


It is said that we all have an internal clock. I know I do. The problem is that my life goes by a different schedule or no schedule.

Plus sleep is a problem. Sleep is like a spirit who doesn’t like me, or at least have a love hate relationship with me. Sleep is a friend with benefits (we used to call it a F____ Buddy) who torments us with a promise of love then yanks it back. Sleep throws rocks at my window one day begging for me to let him in. Then he won’t show up for weeks. Sleep is not my friend. I know, I know, I have to just get over it. Plus the day/night/Vampire thing is a bitch if you want to live in the regular world, which if you have kids, is something you need to do. I mean, I know you know what I mean.

But forget Sleep. He’s a bastard and we don’t need to talk about him right now.

My cats keep a rigid internal clock. They are up in the wee hours before dawn. They let me know that 5:00 am, before the sun comes up, is time for breakfast. It is then that my own clock sets in and creativity flows the best. It is a new day without the distractions from the world around me. It is the time before I start wondering why I’m up during the day instead of the night. It is before the time I have to get my teens ready for school (oh the drama of it all.) It is a time when my Vampire husband is tending to his own business. It is a time when it is my time alone, with just my thoughts and the cats.

All parents need this time alone. Your kids need it too. We all have our prime time. Our time for creativity, our time for work, our down time, our up time, our own clocks… even if the clocks are a little off.

Yes my clock is a little off, but then again, I’m a little off too. But that isn’t a good thing or a bad thing. It’s just a thing.

And so is coffee, which I need badly right now.

Wishing you all a good week. Expect more on high school, ancient vampires and other quite unexpected adventures and musings in the coming days.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman