Burning Question #44: 2019 Resolutions

Get it together Gentlemen!

Happy New Year. It is now 2019 and time for Burning Question #44.

Every January 1st people resolve to get organized, lose weight, learn to sing, be a better parent, become a Vampire, write that novel, blog every single friggin day, write poetry more, or do SOMETHING they’ve been putting off. It is called RESOLUTIONS.

The other day a friend of mine told me that she does unresolutions. She gets rid of something. This year she decided not to wear skirts for work anymore. Last year it was to get rid of pantyhose. Another year she got rid of something else she didn’t like to do.

Burning Question #44: Do you have any resolutions for 2019?

Note: YOU, yes YOU, can click as many answers as you want on this poll. Don’t feel like you have to limit yourself.

 

Are you going to cook more meals at home in 2019?

But seriously, did you make any resolutions for 2019? What do you plan on doing or not doing? Do you care? Let us know. Leave a comment below. Leave a bunch of comments. Do whatever you want. You can’t even leave an unrelated comment. I don’t care (yes I do. I want you to leave a comment.)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

Burning Question #43: Humor me

Wow. Burning Question #43 is upon us. And I have NOTHING to add to this except some memes that have nothing to do with this. But maybe they do…

So you run into a Vampire in a dark alley. It’s fangs are out. You aren’t wearing a scarf. Then it tells you a joke. Do you laugh?

Burning Question #43: Do Vampires Have a Biting Sense of Humor?

Thanks for answering the poll. Feel free to leave comments about humor, Vampires, wombats, or anything you want.

I know, I know, I usually try to write something funny, but it is just one of those days. It isn’t bad… I just can’t think of anything today.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Burning Question #20: Observe the Flirt

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It is now time for me to tease you with another Burning Question!

I like my men to be confident, smart, and flirty.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

But some people have a less than lovely view of flirts. They have a somewhat vile view of flirts.

Some believe flirts hurt.

From the Royal Path of Life (1883)

Flirting is a horrid outrage upon the most holy and exalted feelings of the human soul, and the most sacred and important relation of life. It is a vulgarism and wickedness to be compared only to blasphemy. It had, and still has, its origin in the basest lust. The refined soul is always disgusted with it.

You can read the entire text at the end of this post – AFTER you click your answer on the poll. It is from my own copy of the highly entertaining and educational publication.

If the passage above is true then my husband Teddy, who also happens to be a Vampire, and an outrageous flirt would be considered a crass unrefined soul. That makes me so sad. Even now he flirts. If he walks into a room he can make any woman feel beautiful. He can make any man laugh. He is charming and such a flirt. Is that wrong?

But what about when flirting is mean spirited. Maybe it isn’t really flirting, or is it? That is the burning question.

Some think it should be an Olympic sport. In that case I’d have a case full of medals. My husband would have a warehouse full.

So I’ll put it to you…

Burning Question #20: Is Flirting a Good Thing?

 

If you have an opinion or statement, or want to flirt with me or anyone else around here please leave a comment. It would be fabulous and delightful.

xoxo

I’ll see you next Saturday for the next BURNING QUESTION.

In the meantime, I wouldn’t recommend you flirt with disaster but if you must, you must.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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Thought so…

I was my mail box and overheard two men walking by.

Guy 1: Look at all those chickens.

About a second passes.

Guy 2: Did I hear you say chickens?

Guy 1: Oh. I meant turkeys.

Guy 2: Thought so.

Laughing.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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Midweek Summer Reading: Tropical Treats that will have you laughing out loud

Today I’m taking you to Florida for two of my favorite books. Both will take you on a wild ride with characters you’ll never forget.

Favorite is an understatement. I’ve read one of them four times and plan to read it again this summer. The other is a book I discovered in 2013 and might also add that to my reading list again.

Warning: These are both laugh out loud, pee your pants, spit out your coffee funny.

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As a parent I knew all about the fun books for younger readers by Carl Hiaasen – Chomp, Holes, Hoot, and Scat. I had no idea he also wrote even  more books for adults.

Bad Monkey
by Car Hiaasen

Andrew Yancy-late of the Miami Police and soon-to-be-late of the Monroe County sheriff’s office-has a human arm in his freezer. There’s a logical (Hiaasenian) explanation for that, but not for how and why it parted from its shadowy owner. Yancy thinks the boating-accident/shark-luncheon explanation is full of holes, and if he can prove murder, the sheriff might rescue him from his grisly Health Inspector gig (it’s not called the roach patrol for nothing).

But first-this being Hiaasen country-Yancy must negotiate an obstacle course of wildly unpredictable events with a crew of even more wildly unpredictable characters, including his just-ex lover, a hot-blooded fugitive from Kansas; the twitchy widow of the frozen arm; two avariciously optimistic real-estate speculators; the Bahamian voodoo witch known as the Dragon Queen, whose suitors are blinded unto death by her peculiar charms; Yancy’s new true love, a kinky coroner; and the eponymous bad monkey-who just may be one of Carl Hiaasen’s greatest characters.

 

Where is Joe Merchant
By Jimmy Buffett

I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH.

Where is Joe Merchant? That’s what his sister, Trevor Kane, the hemorrhoid-ointment heiress, wants to know. For Desdemona, Merchant is the missing link in her ongoing communications with space aliens. Tabloid journalist Rudy Breno only cares that Merchant gets bigger headlines than Elvis. And for renegade seaplane pilot Frank Bama, the mystery of the presumed-dead-but-often-sighted rock star is turning his life upside down.

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Now all you need to do for a perfect summer reading experience is to sit back on the deck with a Margarita, or an ice cold beer, and escape with Carl Hiaasen and Jimmy Buffett.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Burning Question #16: In Honor of the 2018 World Cup

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Women’s Team USA wins GOLD 2015

American’s are protective of their sports. They’re sort of protective over Canadian sports too. But hey, what do I know.

This is the list of sports I watch live and in person:

  • Artistic Roller Skating
  • Baseball – Go Giants. OMG they have the most beautiful ball park in the world.
  • Basketball – I’ve kind of given up on the Kings, but the draft pick just happened and you never know.

And what I’ll watch on TV:

  • Ice Skating
  • Ice Hockey – GO LAS VEGAS
  • Baseball
  • Olympics stuff, odds and ends like three minutes of the Scottish Games, Lumberjack Games, Naked and Afraid, Dog shows, Triple Crown Horse racing, etc.

I also like to listen to baseball on the radio. There is something so soothing about it.

BUT…

We’re (USA) just isn’t a soccer kind of place. Our Football is well…FOOTBALL. I don’t watch THAT either.

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My brother Aaron’s kids played soccer when they were small. We went to all of the games. It was great fun. They graduated up to other sports when they got older.

I’ve played soccer. It is hecka fun to play. I’m good at it. I never had the opportunity to be on the team.

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Is it ballet or is it soccer? This guy knows the real answer.

It isn’t as if I don’t like soccer. I just don’t have any feelings for it. I’ll glance at a baseball game, or even football in a bar but I won’t glance at soccer. OK if cats are playing I’ll glance at it.

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I’ll watch anything with a cat.

And that brings us to the World Cup Game which is famous for wild fans, South African’s with weird horns, and all kinds of crazy shit. It is pandemonium unlike anything even Pablo Sandoval could ever imagine.

Which brings us to a question that many a suburban dad asks…

Burning Question #16: Is Soccer a Real Sport? 

 

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Yes, it is a sport! Ice cream and Jello shots for everyone.

Why soccer this week? The original Burning Question #16 was a scrape the bottom of the barrel silly post about Werewolves. That one might resurface as Burning Question #37. My darling husband said, “You can’t ask that.” Oh ye of little faith in my readers. So HE came up with this question about soccer. Blame it on Teddy. He’s a Vampire so you can blame a multitude of things on him. Please, feel free.

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Excuse me but all of this silly talk about soccer is going to make my head explode. Cheap laughs woman. Just cheap laughs is all you care about. For God’s sake ask them about Werewolves.

I have to admit that the parks, once completely filled with children playing soccer, are now filling up with Lacrosse players. My kids roller skate and surf. I just walk around the park with the dog. But that said, soccer is pretty popular and there is always talk of a pro team coming to town. But would anyone go watch? Maybe. Maybe sort of not. Is it a sport? A real sport?

If you haven’t already, please click on your answer on the poll. Spout out your opinions in the comments below but don’t be too mean or snotty. If you have a suggestion for a burning question let me know. You know how to reach me (look on my about page if you don’t.)

Have fun. Play hard. Stay cool.

For more Burning Questions CLICK HERE.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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After Circe turned the men into swine they found themselves quite bored. To pass the time they invented soccer. But is it really a sport?