Male Bonding (a family story)
Hot flashes. Andy’s girlfriend had been having horrible hot flashes. When you date Vampire women you don’t have to worry about that. On the other hand Vampire women were, well, a bit cold. He laughter at his own joke. Damn, there was nothing sexier than a smart middle-aged woman.
Unfortunately Shawna of the Hot Flashes wasn’t at his house this weekend. This was a weekend of male bonding. This was a weekend of cold powerful Vampire testosterone.
Coffee – check. Bacon – check. Cats fed – check. A man screaming…
Was that glass breaking? Someone yelled, “HEY. What the crap?”
Andy ran upstairs to find his nephew Garrett in the hallway. They look at each others with wide eyes and ran together into the bedroom room his other nephew Logan was in.
Wild colors spun around the bed – a crazy halo of nasty creatures with big eyes and transparent wings.
Logan lay on the bed batting his hands at the onslaught.
“Stop. NOW,” yelled Andy.
The creatures stopped mid-air and lined up on the footboard of the bed. They crossed their little legs and smoothed out their skirts. One of them giggled. Andy gave her a death look then she slapped her hand over her mouth and snorted. Then they all started to giggle.
“Damn Fairies.”
The night before they’d gone out to a rave the night before. His sister would kill him for bringing her almost nineteen year old son along but he’d take his chances. The kids needed a night of dancing, booze and blood. Logan, at the ripe old age of twenty-four was an experienced Vampire and officially an adult. Sure, his mom would be pissed off too but Andy really didn’t care. The boys needed to live and be men – Vampire men.
All females had been banned from the house that weekend. Sure it had been tempting to bring a few home last night but Andy had resisted.
Now he stood in front of a line of sixteen giggling little sickening sweet females, with glossimer wings no less.
“Ladies, you need to go,” said Andy.
“Andy, you’re so cute when you’re angry,” said one of the fairies, a lovely vision in a yellow dress.
“Sing us a song Andy,” said the one wearing pink.
“And coffee,” said the one in sparkling white.
“No coffee,” said Andy.
“Coffee,” they all screeched and then swirled around Logan again trying to bite him with their sharp little teeth. Andy and Garrett jumped in trying to knock the fairies away but they continued to bite and scratch.
Andy threw up his hands, “FINE but you have to share cups.”
The fairies stopped and flew downstairs to the kitchen.
Andy looked at his nephews, “I hate fairies.”
“They seem to like you,” said Logan who was inspecting the scratches on his arms.
“Lucky me,” said Andy.
Downstairs they found the fairies drinking coffee out of antique Dresden china cups.
“If any of those cups are broken there will be consequences. Do you understand ladies?”
The fairies scowled at him in unison. Then they demanded bacon and cookies. He didn’t have any cookies so they got apples. Damn fairies.
As the guys settled down for basketball Andy set the fairies up in his office. They all sat in front of his computer screen yelling in their high little voices, “The Notebook. Play the Notebook.”
It was always The Notebook.
Back in the den with baseball was on Logan looked up at his uncle. “So Andy, what’s the deal with the fairies?”
“I don’t know. They like me. Don’t ask me why.”
So much for being the big macho alpha Vampire male. On the other hand girls liked hanging out with him. His nephews should be so lucky…well, maybe.
