Space, Crazy Circus Music and A Perfect Seventy-Eight Degrees

Space, Crazy Circus Music and A Perfect Seventy-Eight Degrees

I  was going to dive into to my Friday post but my brain is under attack by such noise, I can hardly explain…

I’m in the roller rink for Friday practice. All the skaters are doing beautiful thing with their dance and artistic routines. And yes, any comments about derby will be removed. Anyway, the music today is especially bad. It sounds like an old-fashioned circus. I expect Emmet Kelly and a band of clowns and elephants and dancing bears on skates to come flooding out of the back room any minute.

Dude, dancing bears. I have this poster in my house. The real one.

Dude, dancing bears. I have this poster in my house. The real one.

When we arrived the music (on a circus organ) was “Morning After, ” in some sort of polka or maybe fox trot or even an upbeat cha cha beat. Yes, that song, the one Debbie Boon sang to in the original Poseidon Adventure (1972 with Gene Hackman and Shelly Winters.) Imagine that song upbeat and in a crazy circus organ out of American Horror Story, or worse a Stephen King novel, or more like, well, an alternate or parallel universe. Holy crap this record is bad. No wonder young skaters aren’t joining the sport. Thank goodness the only thing with the old organ music is the American Dance. Yes, boys and girls, this is why your sport isn’t in the Olympics yet. It isn’t the skating – it is the music. Hell upside down. Now a version of “The Stripper” is playing that I have no words to describe. This is the Muzak they play in Hell.

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OK, back to our previously programmed blog post…

My sixteen year old Clara was talking about the Universe and space earlier today. She can’t get her mind around the fact that the Universe is expanding. But where is it expanding to? Where it come from? What was before the big bang, and before then, and before then? Then she told me about someone who created a photo of the entire Milk Way using millions of images of the Milky Way. It is all mind-boggling.

Then consider the fact that we’re looking at flickering stars billions of miles away. Then consider that someone might be out there looking back at our flickering star (the Sun) and wondering if anyone is out there. Think about it.

It is almost too much to get your brain around. We know so little about our own solar neighborhood. Only in the past hundred years have we managed to fly, and communicate with wires, then wirelessly, then we got cat memes. Actually cat memes aren’t new. But back to space, please.

Pre 1920 Cat Meme. Seriously, I kid you not. Cat memes aren't new. People have been creating them since ancient times. Think about it.

Pre 1920 Cat Meme. Cat memes aren’t new. People have been creating cute cat drawings and memes since ancient times.

Where was I? Oh right, physics, super colliders, and even some quantum physics. Stay with me. This isn’t leading anywhere, but stay with me.

I mentioned to my child that I’d read somewhere that some scientists thought they might be able to get to a parallel universe. The headline was, “Large Hadron Collider ‘Could Be About To Find A Parallel Universe.” Look it up. And if you ever get the chance to visit a Super Collider DO IT. I have and it is super interesting.

So the child asked me what exactly again was a parallel universe.

From Wikipedia: A parallel universe is a hypothetical self-contained separate reality co-existing with one’s own. A specific group of parallel universes is called a “multiverse”, although this term can also be used to describe the possible parallel universes that constitute reality.

Yes, you can be two places at once.

Or as they say in Firesign Theater How Can You Be in Two Places at Once When You’re Not Anywhere at All.

Or another bit I swiped off of the Internet, “But, according to quantum mechanics, microscopic systems can be in two or more places at the same time, a principle called superposition (also called quantum weirdness – no explanation needed). Atoms and electrons can be in two places at once.”

I explained it the best I could in the best mom terms I could. It made more sense than what I’m writing here, but then again, when I’m driving in my car I’m not listening to crazy insane circus organ skate music.

What I didn’t explain to my daughter or anyone else, was that I had been in that somewhere else parallel universe – recently.

Then our conversation changed a bit.

“Being a Vampire is like living in a parallel universe. Tell me again why we can’t let anyone know about us?” My daughter has asked me this a lot.

“Because darling child, we must let them think they are on the top of the food chain. You know what they do to their own kind who are different. You know about the Vampire Hunters. You know the history.”

She shrugged and told me about her English class. Then we listened to music.

My mind went back to the night before.

I was in bed, my arms and legs wrapped around my husband, or I thought it was my husband. I assumed it was my husband. I was hot. I don’t think I’d ever been so hot.

We both opened our eyes at the same time.

“Juliette?” I knew the voice but it wasn’t my husband.

“Pleasant?” It was indeed my old flame Pleasant Van Dusen and he was burning hot. Not burning hot as in that kind of burning hot, but temperature wise hot.

Remember we’re Vampires and run at a cool 78 degrees farenheit. He was burning up at 98.5 degrees give or take a few.

He gave me a weak smile. “Happy Birthday honey.” Then he wiped the sweat off of his forehead. “What is going on? I can’t cool down.”

I rolled away from him. We were naked. Oh my goodness. The room looked unfamiliar but it was in a style that we both would have picked out. Modern with a touch of 80’s – and I mean 1880’s.

“My heart feels like it is beating out of my chest. Feel it.” He said this as he grabbed my hand and put it on his chest.

“It feels like a regular person Pleasant. It feels like…oh my God. Sit up. Look in the mirror.”

We sat up and looked at the mirror on the wall across from the bed. Our images showed up sharp and clear. We both smiled, uncomfortable grins. No fangs. Hot skin. Hearts beating fast. No fangs.

“Dear God, Pleasant, we aren’t Vampires anymore.”

“No. Juliette no.” The panic in his voice was frightening. Pleasant never panicked.

We’d been transformed. Both of us had been Vampires from the day we were born as rare Vampire babies but now…now…now…we were not.

And we were together. The rings on our left fingers matched in design. A portrait of our wedding was on the night table. We gazed out the window. Two moons. That could only mean one thing – an alternate universe.

I got out of bed. Pulling on a pink silk robe (I would have never chosen pink), I opened the bedroom door. Then everything grew dark. Next I opened my eyes and I was back in bed, my arms wrapped around my husband Teddy. He was a cool 78, exactly like a healthy Vampire should be. I was exactly with the man I should have been with.

My phone vibrated. I answered. It was Pleasant. “Are you a Vampire Juliette?”

“Yes. You?”

“Yes, are you with your husband?”

“Yes, are you with your wife?”

“Yes. What happened?”

“Alternate or parallel universe. We must have hit some sort of time warp or black hole, or I don’t know.”

“Are you cold.”

“Yes, thank goodness. You?”

“Yes, I’m cool.”

“Juliette, I gotta go. I’ll call you.”

“Sure, take care. Be careful.”

“You too. You too Juliette.”

And that was it. We were one of them if only for a moment. It was life as it would have been if we’d been regular “normal” people. But we aren’t.

I didn’t tell my child. I had no idea if our Regular Human versions ended up in our beds with our spouses. I didn’t ask. I don’t want to know.

I feel hot.

I feel hot.

 

I’ll continue to talk science with my kids. We will continue to speculate. But sometimes, just sometimes, it is good not to mention those time warps that happen when we least expect it.

So I guess, the only thing to say is to stay curious, stay cautious, and stay cool. And that my friends is the only point to this story.

And like I always say, take with your kids. Talk with them. Explore with them. Discuss with them.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

First posted in October 2015. My kids are now away in college and are not doing competitive skating anymore, but I still talk to them ALL THE TIME. Well that, and send them funny texts every single day.

Businessmen, Handsome Gen X

Vampires, Werewolves, Ghosts and Pluto. The brilliant logic of youth.

Vampires, Werewolves, Ghosts and Pluto. The brilliant logic of youth.

My son asked me “If there are vampires, werewolves, ghosts and people who are not exactly human and we don’t even know what they are, then why can’t Pluto be a planet? It has 5 moons.”

I said “I think it has something to do with it’s orbit.”

“You gotta dance your own dance mom.” he said. “Pluto dances it’s own dance.”

I love that kid.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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Pluto on Pluto

First posted July 2012

Cat-ur-day: Comets, Giant Space Cats and Vampires in Space

It’s Cat-ur-day! I’m getting ready for a road trip and busy as a Vampire can be, but I haven’t forgotten you! Here is a favorite from 2014 – with pictures no less.

Comets, Giant Space Cats and Vampires in Space

I’ve posted a lot of amazing and astounding photos of space on my blog so get ready for more… brace yourself…

Scientists were surprised when Rosetta found parking was scarce on the Comet 67p. BUT the one who was really surprised was GIANT SPACE CAT.

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As so-called creatures of the night Vampires have always loved comets.

A few years back I’d go out in front of my house every single night and watch Hale Bopp. Unfortunately a nut job cult hijacked the even… a lot of weird sick things like that were happening around that time. But anyway it was beautiful and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of it.

This isn’t my house but it is Hale Bopp. I don’t live anywhere near this place.

Over the centuries some cultures have feared comets but there isn’t anything to fear (aside from giant space cats.)

Mark Twain was born and died in years of Halley’s Comet. So did Nigel the ghost. I didn’t even see it in 1986 except for a faint faint faint little blip in the sky and I’m still not sure if I really saw it. But the idea of it was so magical and wonderful.

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My post is more random than the sightings of comets so just stick with me.

I’m amazed that the landing of Rosetta on a COMET – a REAL COMET – wasn’t bigger news. That is so amazing. We’re just sort of sitting out here on our own in space. Nobody visits. We’re all alone and we can’t leave. We think about it. We write books and make movies about it.

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We make a lot of movies and books about it – a lot is simply brilliant and inspires us to look beyond our own planet. Unfortunately most is really bad.

Really? Sin in Space?

Really? Sin in Space?

Even Gorn will have to agree with me on that.

My name is Gorn and I always agree with Juliette.

My name is Gorn and I always agree with Juliette.

That said, one of the most brilliant examples of Vampires in Space – the ultimate is Amish Vampires in Space. I kid you not.

This is so AWESOME

This is so AWESOME

Anyway, I’m just using this as an excuse to share the GIANT SPACE CAT and some other silly stuff with you. Have fun and keep looking to the stars.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

50 Mysteries and Mysterious Questions: Is anybody out there?

Saturday is HERE again!

I’m happy to announce a new question series and the opportunity for YOU to answer new polls about interesting and mysterious mysteries.

50 Mysteries and Mysterious Questions

For the first one, since this is last minute, and because of a recent weird story about Area 51, and the fact that we’ve really messed things up here on planet earth, is about life in other parts of the universe.

This first one is rough (aren’t they all) but stay with me.

And YES there will be CATS and VAMPIRES too.

Is anybody out there? Ask Joe Elliot. I bet he knows. Hey, if I was an alien from another planet I’d come the extra light years to see Def Leppard live.

But back to the real story…

Straight from the headlines today: 640K people want to raid Area 51 to ‘see them aliens’

Apparently a Facebook group has organized this event to take place, and of course it is a fake, but it wouldn’t have surprised me if it was real. People are weird. People are stupid. Do you REALLY think the government would keep space aliens and their ships in a place everyone knows about.

Silly stuff aside, do you think we’re alone in the universe?

My last post mentioned Star Trek and Star Wars. For centuries humans have imagined traveling to the stars and finding life on other planets. It is in our DNA. I’ve even written several science fiction stories for the WPaD publications.

The idea of life on other planets inspires art. You have to love the pulp science fiction art or something is seriously wrong with you.

The thought of other life in the universe also inspires hope.

When Galileo Galilei said the Earth was not the center of the universe, but revolved around the sun there was an uproar of the highest order. In 1632 the Pope was offended by such radical views. Galileo was threatened, the safety of his beloved children was threatened and he was put under house arrest. This was tragic. Unfortunately this kind of crap is still going on.

The middle finger from Galileo’s right hand, is currently on exhibition at the Museo Galileo in Florence, Italy. No doubt that is a sly way to say “F you” to everyone who doubted him and caused him so much harm.

Galileo’s eldest daughter Virginia changed her name to Marie Celeste when she became a nun. Celeste means heavenly, or look up in the sky and gaze upon the beauty of the stars.

By the way, I will be covering the mystery of the Mary Celeste in a later post.

Here on Vampiremaman.com I’ve followed in the steps of both Galileo and Carl Sagan by covering important stories about life on other planets.

When the Voyager, with the golden disc detailing human life left our solar system it was a huge deal. Now anyone or anything can find it and know who we are, and where we are. Of course the fact that Chuck Berry is on it is a sure fire way to get folks to our planet. Roll over Beethoven and send me to the planet Earth!

 

One morning a few years ago I heard on the news that there is no methane on Mars.

“No farts,” said my son.

“No boys on Mars.” said my daughter.

“What no cats?” I said that, knowing it wasn’t true. There have to be cats on Mars. We have proof from The Opportunity Rover on Mars!

You can also count on the fact that there are Vampires on Mars as well.

And speaking of mysteries on Mars and Earth. Another one has just been solved.

Mystery Solved!

 

I’d hate to think that we are alone in the universe. I find that thought extremely sad.

We’ve been to the moon. We’ve sent small probes like the Voyager outside of our solar system.

Many people claim that we’ve had visitors from other planets. Some even think that we originally came from another planet (I don’t think so. We’re so messed up and weird that I don’t think we would have come from somewhere else unless we were booted out for being assholes.)

Yes, as odd as we are, there is goodness here. There is beauty. There is Yosemite. Come visit us alien folks. I’ll smoke some ribs and put the beer on ice. Like Fox Moller, I want to believe.

She blinded me with science

So ANSWER THE POLL and leave comments below. Let’s talk about this. Help solve this mystery.

 

Come back next week for another Mysterious Mystery Question. Happy Caturday!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Burning Question #49: Planet Poochie

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Pluto.

Once upon a time there were NINE planets orbiting around our the Sun. All but Mercury and Venus have planets. That is right folks, Mercury and Venus do not have moons. And two planets have dogs. Earth and Pluto.

PlutoMeme5

Pluto on Pluto

Which brings us to a question. Yes, it is time for the 49th of 50 Burning Questions!

Until recently we had NINE, count em, NINE planets in our solar system. Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto.

Then somebody got a bee in their bonnet (or up their ass) and said Pluto was NOT a planet. Pluto is small and at the edge of the solar system – our last planet. It has an irregular rotation pattern around the sun. It is just an odd little rock out there in space. But it has moons. Yes, even tiny Pluto has moons.

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We only have one moon rotating around Earth but Pluto, bless it’s little celestial heart has FIVE MOONS. Five, count the: Styx, Nix, Kerberos, Hydra, and Charon.

Pluto (minor planet designation: 134340 Pluto) is a dwarf planet in the Kuiper belt, a ring of bodies beyond Neptune.

But in August 2006 the International Astronomical Union (IAU) downgraded the status of Pluto to that of “dwarf planet.” This means that from they only considered the rocky worlds of the inner Solar System and the gas giants of the outer system planets.

Well screw that, right Pluto?

Plutodog

Kids all over this Earth of our were outraged. What? Pluto IS a Planet they cried.

But a band of scientists said, no. NO. Well, maybe. NO. We all say NO.
It makes me think of that song that isn’t really related to this but maybe.

But not really. But it sucked. But were they right? Was that irregular orbit and small size worthy of being a planet along with gassy giants and a beautiful watery planet called Earth? Was it? Or is Pluto just a dog?

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Now Pluto is back on the up and up and by most considered a planet again. Some just call it a Dwarf Planet, but hey, who says size matters. Pluto has moons and an atmosphere. It might have space dogs living on it for all we know. We really don’t know a lot about it.

plutovstyson

One of the most charming things about Pluto is that there is a shape on it that could either be a heart, or Micky’s dog Pluto.

Pluto is extremely small. Take a look at this comparison of Pluto, Earth, and our Moon. Wow.

1024px-Pluto,_Earth_&_Moon_size_comparison

So rather than have me continue on this rather dry, and silly conversation, you need to just answer the question.

Burning Question #49: Is Pluto a Planet?

 

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Feel free to add more to the conversation in the comments below. Talk about anything you want including planets, space travel, science fiction, Vampires, ghosts, rocket ships, your latest romance, love letters, cats, your favorite Disney characters, or anything you want. Let’s get this party rolling.

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And I’ll see you next Saturday for the final, the 50th, Burning Question.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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Burning Question #46: Eclipse

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Are you going to watch the eclipse Sunday night? Seriously folks, this is not trick. That is the Burning Question this week.

Yes, this week is Burning Question #46. Yes, 46 out of 50 Burning Questions.

Did any of you see the FULL the Solar Eclipse in September, 2018? I camping with friends in Lincoln City, Oregon when I saw it. The FULL SOLAR ECLIPSE. Wow. It was take-your-breath-away spectacular. Since I was a child I’ve been trying to see every lunar eclipse I can. The one coming up this weekend is no exception.

“A full 62 luxurious minutes of totality,” says Sky and Telescope Magazine.

“The Only Total Lunar Eclipse of 2019,” promises NASA.

“This full moon will appear to be one of the largest of 2019,” reports Space.com.

North and South America will get the best view of the super “blood moon,” but you might get a good view in Europe and Africa as well. Check your local sky charts and news.

A total lunar eclipse is what happens when Earth aligns up just right with the moon and blocks the sun’s light our little cheese orb (the moon.) That causes a LUNAR ECLIPSE. Look it up on SPACE.com or one of the other science sites for more technical information.

Yes, I can tell you everything you want to know about Werewolves (but I won’t) but I can’t tell you everything about a lunar eclipse. What I can tell you is that is will be AMAZING and more fun than a lot of things. AND it will be RED. I don’t know why but the moon will turn RED.

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  • At 9:30 p.m. ET on Sunday, the moon will start to creep into the part of Earth’s shadow known as the penumbra. Not much darkening will be visible yet, according to NASA.
  • By 10:33 p.m. ET, you should see Earth’s shadow start to move across the surface of the moon, growing larger and larger and larger until it completely covers it up.
  • 11:41 p.m. ET will mark the totality of the eclipse, as the moon is fully shaded by Earth. That’s where the “blood” comes in. There’s no violence involved. Instead, the term comes from a reddening of the moon as light leaks around the edge of Earth.
moon babies

This photo is so cute I can hardly stand it.

So I’ll be out on my deck watching the night sky with all of the Vampires, Werewolves, and Ghosts. Where will YOU be?

 

Burning Question #46: Will you seek out the RED MOON? Will you be watching the Lunar Eclipse?

 

I guess you could even consider this experience an extension of your personal space. Get it – SPACE. The MOON. You’re watching it.

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Feel free to leave comments, scientific theories, Werewolf poetry, love letters, your own eclipse stories, or whatever you want to say. Seriously, feel free. Please. Say something. Join the party. I’ll bring beer. Craft beer. And I have cats.

I know, I sound like an idiot but I love an eclipse and I’m really tired right now. I’ll be better tomorrow. I wish you all clear skies and an amazing view. Let me know if you saw it.

One more thing: Everyone say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my friend Amelia. My favorite Las Vegas Vampire! Wishing you the best year ever my friend.

And I’ll see you next Saturday for Burning Question #47.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman