My Own Vampire Maman

She walked into the crowded bar as if she owned the place. I waved. She flashed me a dazzling smile and walked my way.

Black jeans, a dusty plum-colored coat over a white dress shirt she borrowed from her man, buttons open to give a hint of a promise of something soft and lace covered, the most darling gray boots with buckles and heels, a gray and blue scarf, and a black messenger bag with a tiny gold bat pin attached to it. Her nails are covered in glossy gray varnish as perfect as perfect can be, set off  a perfect dark fire opal on her right hand. Loose dark brown chestnut colored ringlets cascading down her back. Perfect smoky eyes as gray as a winter sky shot with blue and a slight hint of pink lip-gloss on cupid kissed lips. She could be somewhere between 25 and 35 but it doesn’t matter. She is perfect. Every male head in the place turns. My mom just walked into the room.

She walked to the bar where I sat nursing a gin and tonic. She didn’t need to pull up a stool – four were immediately offered to her. She grabbed one a few places down and sat it next to me. Her arm went around my waist and squeezed. All was right in the world. Mom was here.

She still calls me her baby. I still call her my Maman.

She picks something off of my sweater. She liked my hair. My nail color made my hands look dirty. Was Teddy home. Was Clara at class tonight? I looked tired. Was I getting enough sleep? Was I spending all my time catering to my children? Was I working on my novels? Was I planning my winter and spring gardens?

My dad with at my brother Aaron’s house. It was a big girl night out.

She scanned the room and said, “we won’t go out hungry tonight.”

No we wouldn’t.

I put my hands in my lap, then decided to ignore her comment about my nail color. I liked the color even though I doubt if I’d wear it again.

We spoke quietly, our heads together. A man asked if we were sisters. My mom said we were.

He was in his early thirties. Blonde hair, green eyes, button down shirt. Cute bordering on handsome. My mom is 388 years old.

She whispered something in his ear and put her hand on his shoulder. He smiled. He was hers for the night if she wanted him. That isn’t what she said to him, but she can make anyone feel good. She said there was a girl in the bar who liked him, the pretty girl who is never the prettiest in the room and never the one who gets picked first. The girl was smart and funny and sexy and a little different. He’d pick her tonight and in a few months time he’d pick her forever. My maman has a talent for facilitating happily ever after events. How Vampires got the bad rap I’ll never know (actually I do but that’s another blog post) but we’re quite the romantics and lovers.

Her wedding ring was on a cord around her neck, hidden under her shirt. It was funny considering we spent most of the evening talking about my dad. She said she wanted to spend the week with my daughter.

She said she’d planted the pansies I’d given her.  Hers were doing great but mine were still smallish. I told her that was because she loved her plants more than mine. She laughed.  She had some bulbs in the car for me. I told her that I’d give them lots of love.

We were like any other mother and daughter meeting in the evening. Except we were out for blood. But that’s ok with us.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Short Story Sunday: Night Call

Max pulled off his shirt and looked in the mirror.

“Damn,” he said to himself.

It wasn’t that he was incredibly good looking, which he was. It wasn’t the defined six pack and the perfect pecs, or even the amazing biceps, or the sexy forearms, or even the perfect broad shoulders.

It was the deep scratches, ugly bites, and large scrapes. There were also a couple of shallow stab wounds. All were either circled in red, or a putrid green.

He’d gone to what he thought was a typical call to help out some pretty clueless and helpless overly Gothic Vampires, and ended up in a nightmare.

The two Gothic Vampires were sitting in his living room watching “Long Shot” on Netflix, and drinking wine laced with Poet’s Blood.

Max looked in the mirror at his teeth. Thank goodness nobody had hit him in the mouth. He couldn’t risk losing a fang. Fangs took forever to grow back, not to mention the excruciating pain of it all.

What Max thought would be a routine call ended up being a three hour ordeal with not only Vampire Hunters but with a couple of random Demons who were lurking around for left overs.

After taking a shower and putting salve on his wounds, Max put on a soft sweatshirt and went to see his guests.

A small woman dressed in black lace, and a slim young looking man with long dark hair and a velvet jacket, sat close to each other on his couch.

They thanked Max for saving him. They were good kids, only about fifty years old. He was glad to have saved them from evil.

“I’ll send a security crew out to your home to make sure you have a good video system in and the right kind of locks and alarms. I also know a Witch who can do some spells to help. I know, you might not like Witches but the one I know does low level spells to give Vampire Hunters painful hives and blindness if they try to enter your home. It works like a charm.”

Max sat down and poured himself some wine, minus the blood.

Then they all watched Shitt$ Creek and laughed, knowing that tomorrow would be a new night, and that they were safe… at least for now.

~ end

Stay safe. Get your shots. Wear a mask. Be kind. Don’t be a dick. Check in on those who are alone or might need extra help. Talk to your kids. Hug a dog. And kiss a Vampire (you’ll thank me for it later.)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

A Modern Vampire Mom

After 10 years and almost 2,700 posts later I’m still blogging. Below is my very first Vampire Maman post.

I haven’t become a viral parenting blog influencer. I don’t even think the term “influencer” was out there in 2012. Not being your typical “mommy blogger” I don’t wax and wane on the perks of self care, finding the right yoga pants, or how my children are the cutest.

My youngest was in Middle School when this all started. Looking back I see that Middle School and High School are when parenting gets real. If you look hard enough you’ll find the kids are still precious and cute. If you talk to them you find that they’re a joy. They still need you to help them navigate school, friendships, and fear of the future. Impending adulthood terrifies both parents and teens.

Over the years I hope I’ve been able to get my main message TALK TO YOUR KIDS out there. My second would be to prepare your children for adulthood. One day we all grow up and we all have to fly away out of the nest. Overprotecting a child from the harsh realities of the world is only going to put them in harms way.

So how did I do? My son has now has a Masters degree in Environmental Science and has started a business with friends. We’ll see how it does. I’m super proud of them. My daughter was just excepted into graduate school at USC. They both have good relationships with friends and family. They’re both funny. They talk to their parents. They’re a joy.

I wasn’t just taking care of children. Like many parents these days I was also taking care of the elders of my family. I started writing about Eleora and Tellias, the two ancient Vampires who look as if they are college students, but act like they’re in their late 80’s. They have memory issues, and judgement issues. They need extra help. It is both rewarding and heart breaking.

Other features have come up over the years. Short Story Sunday (Tangled Tales) now features over 200 stories – both mine and guest stories. Burning Questions was a popular series I might have to bring back.

One of the most popular features has been Vlad’s Vampire Diary. Oh my goodness the amount of mail I get about Vlad’s “hotness.” It warms my heart. I also get the same amount about my brother Max.

I’ve brought in all four of my brothers, my friend Austin Durant the Vampire Hunter, and of course Nigel, everyone’s favorite ghost. Werewolves, Zombies, Demons, and other unusual folk have also graced these blog posts.

We’ve talked about love, music, being different, things that happen in the news, school shootings, death, grief, humor, cats, dogs, long hikes, rock concerts, and everything else under the moon.

Many of my favorite posts have been my December/Christmas posts. Christmas and the paranormal go hand in hand. Believe it or not Vampires love holidays, Christmas trees, and the wonders of the bright stars in the night sky.

Most of all I want to talk about parenting. By that I mean deliberate parenting. Talk to your kids. Listen to them. Listen listen listen. Don’t judge. Don’t expect them to be like you. Want them to be better than you. They can and will be better than you if you let them. I’m not a Tiger Mom. I’m a mom who hugs, love, listens, and is aware of what is going on in my child’s life.

I’m not perfect but my kids awesome. But hey, you don’t want perfect kids. Perfection is over rated and boring as hell. What you want is kids who are confident, aware, learn from their mistakes, ask questions, and see the big world around them.

Thank you to all of you who’ve been hanging out with me for the past ten years. I love you all from the deep dark depth of my Vampire heart. To all of you who are new I am glad you’re here.

As I go into the next decade I will adjust to my empty nest life, just as Vlad continues to adjust to the modern world.

I’m glad that I have been able to inspire those with and without children navigate the weirdness and not so weird times in the world in which we live.

Wear a mask. Stay safe. Be kind. Check in on those who be alone or need extra help. Don’t be a dick. Talk to your kids. Kiss a Vampire (you’ll thank me for it later.)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Meetings

I’ve been waiting 40 minutes for a Zoom call. The message on the screen says “Waiting for the host to start this meeting”. I have a feeling I’ve wasted my morning waiting. Because aside from the meeting I put everything else on hold this morning. It isn’t much different than real life I guess. I think of one time when I was a child and waiting with my father for him to meet someone.

We stood outside in the fog. I held his hand and quietly wondered how long we’d be there before we could go out to the stables and see a new litter of puppies. I thought about how wonderful it would be to be like my brothers and get to wear trousers all of the time. I thought about how men never wore skirts, well, except in pictures in books of men who lived in exotic places. Men in exotic places wore whatever they wanted to. Then again there was my parent’s friend Glorianna who was a man but nobody knew it except a few close friends. As children we were sworn to secrecy not to tell anyone that our beautiful friend did not look like other women under her skirts. I didn’t care because I loved the pretty Vampire lady who had an infectious laugh like a man twice her size.

So my dad and I waited and waited and waited. He checked his pocket watch a zillion times. I wondered if he was feeling as if he wanted to let his fangs come out but as a child I never asked such things. As an adult I don’t ask such things. Anyway, after an hour we left. The puppies were precious black and white shepard/hearding type dogs. I would have loved to have taken one home but they were all spoken for.

In 1869 we didn’t have cell phones, or any phones to call people with. We didn’t have computers. We didn’t have electricity. Everything was written down and sent by messengers, or at least that is how my parents and their associates did business and social interactions.

These days Zoom and texts are the new normal. On the other hand I did get to see puppies this weekend. Maybe I’ll post photos later this week.

I’ll be down in Southern California visiting my kids. I’m excited. I hope to have posts from the road.

Stay safe. Wear a mask. Be kind. Don’t be a dick. Talk to your kids. Hug your dogs and cats. Check in on those who are elderly or who need a little extra help. Kiss a Vampire (you’ll thank me for that one later.)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

25 Burning Questions I can’t, don’t want to answer, or will not answer.

I’ve been seriously thinking about starting up the ever so popular Burning Questions series on this blog again. For those of you who are new here, it is where I ask a question and YOU answer.

In the meantime here are Twenty Five Burning Questions I can’t answer, don’t want to answer, or will not answer.

Why would anyone marry someone with children who don’t like them?

Why would anyone marry something with children they don’t like?

Why would anyone marry someone with children who don’t like them?

Why would you marry someone who doesn’t like your kids?

Why won’t you turn me into a vampire? 

Why would anyone who wants children marry someone who doesn’t?

Why would someone who doesn’t want children marry someone who wants children?

Why do people adopt animals with no intention on keeping them forever?

Why do people treat children badly just because the parents are assholes?

What Hogwarts house do you belong to?

What would your Superpower be?

Batman or Superman?

Why don’t your socks match?

Where do socks go after you put them in the dryer?

What is the deal with middle aged men and their leaf blowers?

What is it with some politician’s wives and daughters and the obsessions with wearing 7-8 inch hooker heels?

Don’t men realize how stupid and pathetic they look with their much younger trophy wives?

Don’t trophy wives realize how stupid and pathetic everyone thinks they are?

Why do dogs beg to out to pee in the middle of the night in the rain then refuse to pee?

Why are cats such assholes?

Why are some people afraid to talk to their children?

Why does the media think precocious brats are cute? 

What the fuck is wrong with people who say, “everything happens for a reason?”

Why do you blog about Vampires?

Why do you capitalize Vampire on this blog?

What if your child was gay?

As you can tell some of these questions have answers. Think about it, especially if you’ve been reading my blog for a while. I take parenting seriously. If your kids don’t come first then why did you have them in the first place? Everyone has to be selfish but not at the expense of your children. If you want to fuck up your kids it isn’t your business – it is their business and they will hate you forever for it. They might not tell you but they will. That’s all. Yes, I’m an old judgmental Vampire, but this is my blog and my kids turned out great and so I can write what I want.

Stay safe. Wear your mask. Be kind. Help and check in on those who are elderly or might need extra help. Talk to your kids. Hug your dog. Let your cat in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out. And most important of all…kiss a Vampire.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

.

Juliette’s Book Club: Hooked From The Start

This isn’t about a book I’m reading. It is a shameless plug for a book I wrote. From time to time I write under the name Marla Todd. It is the name I usually use for mainstream non-paranormal and non-vampire style of stories. Check it out. Leave a review. Tell your friends about it. You might even thank me for it later.

Exceptional Liars: A Novel by Marla Todd

Five Star Reviews:
Ever wish you could leave your life behind and just disappear?

That’s what main character Liz Hobbs does in Exceptional Liars. And I was hooked from the start.

Liz has a dysfunctional childhood, and then later in life gets trapped in an abusive marriage. She’s on the brink of self-destruction when she’s kidnapped by a murderous rapist and presumed dead, given a second chance at life.

A chance escape and rediscover who she really is.

With the help of a smart and edgy lawyer, Alex Goldstein, Liz does exactly that- flees her traumatic past and starts over with a new identity. But that’s just the beginning for Liz, as her journey is chock full of heart-pumping escapes, romantic ventures, and calls so close, you’ll be hanging by the edge of your seat.

The characters are riveting, the scenery beautifully painted, and the plot so shockingly brilliant that author Marla Todd leaves you craving more.

If you ever take a chance on a book, this is the one to do it with. You will not regret it. Highly recommended. Bravo to the author! Can’t wait to read more of her work. 5 stars!

I love it when reviewers can write about my books better than I can. Seriously for anyone who writes describing your own books is not an easy task.

Official Description: Alex Goldstein has a thriving law practice with his wife Tasha Alexander. Life is is good. Well, except for the fact that he drinks too much, and his wife regularly cheats on him. To keep his mind off of his problems Alex writes about by serial killers. His most recent obsession is The Killer of Virtue.


Liz Hobbs is born into a large family of sneaky manipulative children where their unhealthy fear of God ranks second to the fear of their narcissistic parents. Unfortunately she falls in love with Greg Atkinson who is far more sneaky and manipulative than any of them.


Liz ends up in the Law office of Alexander and Goldstein. Alex helps her build a new life as his own life falls apart.
Exceptional Liars is a roller coaster ride of a book – full of unexpected twists and turns, witty dialogue and interesting characters.


Warning: Violence, adult situations, swear words

I might be ready to do a free give-away soon for electronic copies so stay tuned. If not it is a cheap thrill download on Amazon and will help send my offspring through graduate school so she can make this sorry world of ours a better place. This book is also available in a beautiful softbound (paperback) addition. Click here for the link.