It’s my novel and I’ll cry if I want to (a Vampire’s guide to writing that book)

How to Write A Novel

HA, like you’d really want to hear about it from me – A Vampire Mommy Blogger.

Take that back. I’m a parenting blogger NOT a mommy blogger.

OK back to novel writing.

I’ll give it to you in one of my famous and popular bulleted lists.

• Don’t just sit down at your writing machine cold. Guaranteed writer’s block. This is for novels, not for blogs. With blogs we’re all Vampires – cold but not unfeeling and anyway it is an entirely different animal.
• NUMBER ONE MOST IMPORTANT: Come up with great characters. If the characters are compelling and real they can sit in a room with nothing but a couch and a cat for five days and still turn into a best selling novel. Undeveloped characters are BORING.
• Have a back-story for your characters even if you don’t use it in your book.
• THINK ABOUT YOUR BOOK when you’re not at your writing machine.  Go over it in your head when you are driving, in the shower, gardening, cleaning house, at work (when you’re not wasting time on Facebook or Twitter) or anywhere. Think about it until it is REAL.
• Tell a trusted friend your story. If they give you the deer in the headlights look go back and rewrite. If they want to hear more then write more.
• Early in the process – write an outline. You don’t have to stick with it but try to write one down. Then write up some options.
• It is ok to rewrite things over and over. It is ok to rework things over and over. It is ok.
• This is YOUR book and YOUR story. Don’t worry about genres. Don’t worry about what is on the bestseller lists. Don’t worry about what the folks in your writing group think. Don’t worry about what your family will think.
•  If you self publish fork out the extra money for a good cover. Please nothing will turn your readers (and me) off more than a cover that looks like a 6th grader did it (unless you really are 11 years old). Hire a professional.
• Worried about offending someone? Don’t. No matter what you do someone will be offended.
• Have fun. Do this for you.
• Relax.
• About Fan Fiction. Please don’t do it. Use your own stories.
• And remember writing a novel IS a lot of work. It takes time. It is a craft.
• Don’t feel as if you need to rush it (no matter what your girlfriend, boyfriend, mom, husband says)
• Don’t’ use overly fancy contrived language. It will suck if you do.
• Your novel doesn’t need to be deep or meaningful. Really.
• Don’t Panic!!!!!
• Read. The books you read don’t have to be like your novel. Sometimes it is better if they aren’t like YOUR book. Just read. Take my word on it. And even if you aren’t writing a novel you need to read.
• Tell your kids what you’re doing. They’ll be so proud of you.
• Keep your cat off of the keyboard.
• You don’t need to bleed or give blood – just write. WRITE.
• PLEASE be objective and read it over and over and over. Is it as good as the kind of books you like to read?
• Write it like you feel it! (Thank you Paul)
• Believe that you CAN write that novel. You’re good. You can do it.

I’ve been working on several books for several years…more than several years. Two are 90% done. Two are about half finished.  All are much better than any writing you’ve seen on this speed writing blog. Do I need to finish them us? Why of course I do. Will I find the time? I have no idea but I would like to finish at least two, maybe three before the kids start college so I’d better get to work.

One is a fantasy/technology/romance, one is a thriller, one is murder mystery involving the Ghost (but I’m not in it, just the Ghost), and one that is going to put me on the bestseller list longer than Dan Brown. NONE are about Vampires. At least four more are in the works as well. I need to get organized (something which generally goes against my nature.)

You might think I’m totally unqualified to write on this subject BUT I read a lot and I hate to waste my time on 400 pages of bad storytelling. An editor can help with bad writing but NOTHING can help bad storytelling. But hey, you’re not here to learn about writing are you? You’re here to maybe get a laugh and learn about silly Vampires.

You can find my short stories on Amazon in some of the WPaD anthologies written under a few other names (I’ll post on that in one of my summer reading list posts or you can search this blog).

In the meantime I’ll keep blogging about parenting the Modern Vampire way.

And keep singing: It’s my novel and I’ll write if I want to.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman (and novelist)