I am dead tired. No pun intended here.
Even Vampires get the blues.
After a whirl wind couple of months with work, kids, school, the husband, elders, family, friends…and I’m in the middle, the key to it all – suddenly it all stops.
There is nothing to do. Nobody needs me. Not for the next few days.
Of course I have a thousand things I need to do and WANT to do, but I feel nothing for it. I feel frozen up with nothing.
I haven’t been here due to being on the road, but my muse has also abandoned me. I have deadlines that I’m missing because I can’t come up with a story or write on the work that I’ve already done. It is good work that I don’t want to screw up with my melancholia.
I think of writers and artists who write when they’re suffering for their art. Oh please, I don’t do that.
The dog needs me. She always does. We’ll paint our nails. I’ll organize my office. I’ll give her a bath.
I’ll go out to a seedy neighborhood bar and find the neck of a roughly handsome guy who smells of pot and beer and fresh mowed grass. He’ll never know the girl in the short sun dress is a Vampire mom who lives in a neighborhood he’d never live in. He’ll be a nice guy with maybe some nice ink and I’ll chat and give him sweet dreams leaving him less a couple pints of blood. I’ve played that one out before when I’m alone and feeling at a loss of everything. Thank God for neighborhood bars.
I’ll walk home through the dark, hit the parkways with the oak forests and bats who will follow me. I’ll see the deer run through the dark night and the eyes of coyotes and raccoons. Possums will watch along with bobcats. No human will see me, the girl in the sundress who is really a 154 year old Vampire mom.
I’ll watch a movie on TV or read. Maybe I’ll call a friend. Maybe not. Or just watch the sunrise and wonder where my ghost has gone. Even my ghost isn’t around.
My brother Val calls this brain fever when I get like this. I say it sucks (there again, no puns intended.)
I just looked up and hope to see a faint outline of a ghost out the window. No such luck. But a cat just came up and rubbed against my leg. It’s a start. He meows and says “Life is good when I’m around because I have a small brain and I’m cute.”
So I shall try to muse without a muse and shake myself out of my own shadow.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman