Dear Parent Who Isn’t There,
This is to both mothers and fathers. You know who you are.
Some of you left your current spouse to marry someone who doesn’t like your kid by the first marriage. You have new kids who are more important. You don’t care if you blow off important events with your first kids. They’re older now anyway so you don’t care. You’re basically selfish and immature so you don’t care.
Some of you never married the mother/father of your child so that child doesn’t really matter to you. You didn’t ask to be a parent. It was an accident. Oh give me a break. You had sex, you made a child, grow up and deal with it.
Some of you are just shit heads who can’t take responsibility. Your “freedom” is more important than your own children. By “freedom” we all know that means a girlfriend/boyfriend, drugs, alcohol, finding yourself (whatever the Hell that means), immaturity, the inability to care for anyone but yourself, your stupidity, your narcissistic small-minded ways.
Some of you have problems like a bad temper or jealously or just let your hate for the mother/father of your child to blind any tiny bit of love you might have for your child. Get help. Fix it. Deal with it. Your child needs you.
The sad thing is, or maybe it isn’t so sad (it is wonderful), is that a lot of people out there care about and even love your child. These are people you don’t know for the most part (because you aren’t in your child’s life.)
There are men your son looks up to. Men who are examples to your son. Men who aren’t you.
They talk with your son about cars and sports and LIFE. They talk to him about what matters. They teach him how to be a real man. A real man is someone who is there for his children. They spend time with your son. Time you never seem to have.
A real man is there for his daughter. He teaches her to be strong. He protects her. He laughs and jokes with her. He is THERE for his child (all of his children.)
There are women who also talk to your kid about sports and cars and other things and give your kids hugs and encouragement, just like a REAL mom. You don’t know these women. They are out there caring about your kid even though they aren’t related to you. They aren’t sleeping with your ex. They’re just people who care because your kid is special (even though you don’t care) and even though you don’t see it they do. They don’t need a reason to care – they’re just good people (normal people.)
There are people out there cheering for your child at sports, school, music and other events. There are people helping your child with homework. There are people who tell your child “you are always welcome in my home.” There are people who invite your child along to museums, sporting events, and concerts. They take walks with your kid and teach your kids how to do things. They listen to music with your child. There are people who do things with your child because you won’t. You have better things to do. You have a life. You’re happy without your kids. You’re an asshole.
To the parent who cancels out time and time again at the last minute because “something came up” – your child is smarter than that. They know you’re a liar. They know you don’t put them first. So let someone else, someone who cares spend time with your child. It hurts your child and they never forget. So don’t expect them to be around when you are old and need help. Don’t call them selfish. You did this to yourself.
There are adults who take time to talk with your child because you won’t. You aren’t there. Your kid doesn’t even know you. You’re gone. You’re nowhere. You are nobody.
Thank goodness your child has someone who cares – at least one parent, or grandparent or other relative/guardian. But your kid also has a lot of adult friends who care.
So screw you deadbeat parents of the world. Fuck all of you dead-beat assholes. It is your loss. You’ll die alone in your own self-made selfish world.
And one day an old man will get a visit from a younger man. And the younger man will give the old man a hug and say, “You were the closest thing I ever had to a dad.”
Thank you out there to every one who is “the closest thing.” All kids should be so lucky.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman