There is a certain amount of guilt one feels when you realize that your children are much better people than you will ever be. Then you realize that your parents are much better people than you are, but that is alright because you don’t have to agree with them on anything, ever, because they aren’t you.
This evening I rescued one of my cats from the evils of the basement where he’d been locked all day long. He seemed a bit frantic and crazy, but I knew he wasn’t under the house drinking up all the wine, so at least that was good news.
He’d gone under the house when the painters had come to put up scaffolding. They closed the basement door, underneath the deck, when they did the power washing. Oscar the cat of course, had hidden himself behind the door.
My house is tall, at least three stories. It is a two story home built on a hill. The walls are tall. The roof is extreme. Right now my house looks haunted, which it is not. Sure I have regular visits from ghosts but my house is not haunted. Anyway, it is being painted for the first time in twenty nine years.
I look up at the tall walls and it seems overwhelming, but less so than the walls I keep trying to climb and falling off of. Or the walls that are in my way, topped with razor wire, mad dogs, fiery hoops, and buckets of acid.
Today I finished the last page of a novel.
Today I embarrassed my child. But I was right. But I was wrong. I was being the mother wolf, when I should have been the mother Vampire and just quietly vanished.
Today the sun went down early. I went out to the deck and watched the bats fly overhead in a rare show. Since the drought they don’t come around as often. Maybe the recent rain has made them want to stretch their newly hydrated wings.
Tonight I’ll plan for tomorrow. I will watch the mist come over the lake as the occasional bird wakes and cries out in the night.
Tonight I will embrace the cold darkness. I will celebrate the coming of the cool air and the damp mornings. I will feel and ache in my bones and savor the taste of whatever I make come my way.
It is time for something new.
A change of season.
And a change of heart.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman