It was after closing time at Cassie’s bar. I’d helped her and her crew clean up. After all I am a Vampire so I am naturally awake after 2:00 pm.
The night had been busy, as Diego, Cassie’s friend and chef had won and award for his cooking. Randolpho, my love Gillian, and I had been there to help him celebrate. I do not eat much food, as I am a Vampire, but I could appreciate the wonderful aromas and the few bites I did take. The bites of the food. I also appreciated the bites I took from a few people who were there that evening, which were also quite tasty, but they will only remember the charming good looking blond man they had the good fortune to converse with.
Christmas music was playing in the background.
“Hark the Harold. Who is the Harold?” I asked Randolpho.
“Oh Vlad, we go over this every holiday season. Herald. As in messenger,” said Randolpho.
“Oh,” I said,” That Herald and not Harold. You remember I was locked in a crypt for 300 years and have only been out since 2014. English is not my first language and the English I knew is no longer relevant. “
“Herald is old word,” said Randolpho, who I know was thinking of rolling his eyes but thought better of it.
“Randolpho, you know, I did not learn English until the 1660’s and even then I did not speak it much. Remember we did not live in England.”
“True” said Randolpho, “but it is where you met Gillian.”
“We spoke in the language of love,” I said. Yes, indeed.
At that point Gillian walked up and put her arm around my waist, and put her lips on mine. Merry Christmas to me.
Over the past few years in Modern America I have adjusted to the holiday traditions. One tradition is reading a poem called Account of a Visit from St. Nicholas written in 1823, when I was locked in a crypt so this is a NEW poem to me. It was attributed to a man named Clemet Clarke Moore which is neither here nor there. I wrote my own version which I feel fits my Yuletide celebration much better.
The Night Before Yuletide by Vlad Winter (Former King of Vampires)
‘Twas the night before Yuletide and just me and my cats.
Not a creature was stirring not even the bats;
The neck bones were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that a Werewolf soon would be there;
Randolpho was snuggled all cold in his bed,
With visions of Cassie danced in his head,
And Gillian in her lace bra
And I dressed in naught
Despite we were Vampires
We would be hot.
When out on the lawn there arose such a howl,
I sprang from the bed to see who punctured a bowel.
Away to the window I quickly did dash,
Tore open the blinds without smashing the glass.
The moon shining down on my succulent plants
Made me realize that I was not wearing my pants,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
Krampus with such shock on his old face, oh so dear.
I pulled on my Vampire pants,
I knew apologized quickly to that old Krampus.
More rapid than Banshees his dark steeds they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Midnight! now, Bloodless! now, Darkness and Wizard,
On, Brimstone! on Demon! on, Stinger and Blizzard!
To the top of the trees! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! Please do not fall.”
As the horned steeds flew up in the shadowy wind,
When they met with a Banshee screaming to no end,
So up to the house-top the dark beasts they flew,
With the sleigh full of nightmares, and Krampus too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard in the maw,
The clawing and scratching of each hairy paw.
I swore under my breath and was turning around,
Down the chimney Krampus came with his red devil hound.
He was dressed all in leather, from his head to his foot,
And his long tongue hanging down and covered with soot;
A bag of bad children he had flung on his back,
I knew the old Demon would not take no flack.
His eyes — how they glowed! his teeth how crooked!
His cheeks were like scales, his nose oh so hooked!
His droll gaping mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as black as coal.
The stump of a bone he held tight in his teeth,
And his stench it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a thin face and a gaunt ugly frame,
That shook, when he laughed like a drunken old dame.
He was skinny and tight, a right sour old elf,
And I screamed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A twitch of his eye and gesture so rude,
He mouthed out the words you had better be good.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And petted my cats; then turned with a jerk,
And putting his hand up to give me the finger
And giving a nod and growled out in anger.
He sprang to his wagon, to his beasts gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like tercile and gristle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
Hide your children from Krampus, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!
It is raining tonight but no matter what is falling from the sky tomorrow I will put lights and decorations on my house, and on all of the trees in my front yard. I will also put up a Yule tree and decorate it with silver webs and silken bats, and all other sorts of ornamentation.
With that I will say GOOD-NIGHT, and spend the rest of the evening with Gillian, dreaming of Vampire delights, and holiday good will.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman