I’m gonna run to you, but maybe later after I take care of some mom stuff

Why do we like songs that nobody understands?

Blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce
Another runner in the night

I know you thought it was wrapped up like a douche another rumor in the night.

For years (I might have mentioned this one before) I thought Bryan Adams was singing

I’m going to write to you.

It made sense to me. There was no email or internet back then. There were no cell phones. One would be lucky to have an answering machine on their home phone. I wrote a lot of letters. I send a lot of cards and post cards. And I had no idea what the title of the song is “I’m going to run to you.”

I’m gonna run to you
I’m gonna run to you
‘Cause when the feelin’s right I’m gonna run all night
I’m gonna run to you

About two years ago my husband told me the truth about the song 1984 song.

By the way Bryan Adams was born in 1959 so that would have made him ten years old in the Summer of 69. That would make him the same age as Nigel the Ghost, that is if Nigel was alive. I guess it would still make Nigel the same age even as a ghost. So do you age a ghost from the day it becomes a ghost or from the day it is born as a physical person? Anyway, I’m glad to hear that our Canadian friend Mr. Adams is still alive and well and singing, even if his lyrics are different than mine.

People like a lot of things that nobody understands, or at least I don’t understand.

Some things I don’t understand:

  • Zac Efron Movies
  • Bob Dylan
  • Small yapping dogs
  • Most currently popular female singers.
  • Sometimes my husband
  • Badly written fantasy novels
  • Mystery/Crime stories told by cats and barnyard animals
  • Crime/Mystery novels written by older men where all women get their crotches waxed and like to have sex 15 times a day.

My kids, who are almost adults, or more or less adults, think they understand everything, but are still willing to admit things they don’t understand. Yes, there are stupid questions, but I’ve tried to teach them to ask questions. I never asked questions when I was a child. I lived in a clueless world of my own ignorance. I still do.

But let’s put that aside. I was going to write about EMPTY NEST, or give it another attempt again, today, but I keep getting distracted, or don’t want to write about it.

Knowing your kids are going to be GROWN UP SOON is more frightening that any horror movie. It is also exciting. It is like jumping off of a cliff into a dark canyon without a light. There is that logistical panic of figuring out how far away they’ll be living. There is that panic about new friends who are also young adults and having no control over it. No control. Maybe not control, but it is no control.

And you wonder if they’ll get the lyrics right or if they’ll start singing the wrong words for years before they know the right words. And sometimes it doesn’t matter if the words are wrong because their lyrics are more fun, or make more sense.

And sometimes you have to smile because you know they’ll go out into the world and tell everyone, “my mom writes about Vampires.”

That’s it for today. Now I have to go see my mom who sometimes wonders how all of her children turned out so weird, and odd, and interesting, and… honestly I have no idea what she thinks.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom

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I got stuck in traffic and I left my phone at home. This is what happens. By the way, I’m Mom mom mom mom mom mom mom. I DID remember to bring the dog.

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But wait, it gets better.

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Yes, I got there. All is well.

Seriously, I couldn’t make this stuff up.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Venting about parenting and giving it a score

We’re going to talk about MOM stuff today. You know, motherhood, children, babies, and all that kind of, dare I say, Mommy Blogger stuff.

Babies and Toddlers

First let’s all go way back to when our kids were babies. Some of you might even have babies, or will have babies in the future.

I saw a Pampers Diaper commercial recently that absolutely horrified me. Yes, and you’re right – not much horrifies a Vampire…but this did.

A small boy child toddler type is running in a full droopy diaper. Gross.

Then it shows a baby running in a Pampers Diaper. He isn’t all droopy butted. Yes his diaper is full of urine but he is happy. Gross and happy.

Alright, all of you moms out there, raise your hand if you would let your child walk around with half a gallon of pee in his pants because you know he was feeling dry and not drooping.

I want a diaper that keeps a child dry and does not leak. I don’t want to keep my child in that disgusting full diaper while the child happily plays – as the advertisement suggests.

I can’t even imagine leaving any child of mine in a diaper with pee, or heaven forbid, poop in it.

Dear Pampers Marketing Department,

A baby with a diaper full of pee is not cute. You are disgusting.

~ Juliette Kings aka Vampire Maman (parenting expert and internationally known parenting blogger)

Score: Pampers -10 for that one.

 

Nothing says GROW UP like being a PARENT

For parents of Middle School kids and Teens, please remember that YOUR bad behavior influences your kids. They see what you do and who you spend your time with, and I think you know where this is going.

I spent a lot of my youth in a total disaster zone, well not completely, but I made some bad choices. I am no longer making those choices. I am a parent. I am an adult. I have children.

Having a child, no matter your age, you financial circumstances, you education, or your paranormal affiliation, makes you an adult. If you have a child you are an adult, so act like one.

I don’t need to explain the party till you drop behavior, or hanging out with your stoner friends that go way back to high school, or being stupid, or bringing home man after man, or marrying some girl young enough to be your daughter, or doing all sorts of stupid selfish things. If you have children they come first. That is what adults do. Period.

It is your job to teach your children to be responsible adults one day. It is your responsibility to make sure you children are more successful and better adjusted than you ever were. It is your responsibility to make sure your children don’t make half the mistakes you do. Sure they’ll make mistakes, but don’t teach then by example how to do it. For God’s sake be a good example.

Score: Adults 10, Acting Like Kids -10

 

Helicopters Do Not Belong Around Your Kids. They’ll Get Caught in The Blades.

I’m joined to the hip with my kids. We’re close. We’re scary close. BUT I am the parent. And like I’ve said, my job is to prepare my children for adulthood. That does not mean calling the school all the time and micromanaging my high school and college aged children. They need to learn to work out problems on their own.

Parenting is like war. You only bring out the big guns when things are serious. Otherwise be peaceful. Let your kids learn how to figure out their problems.

Your job is to talk to them and help them figure it out. Don’t always just throw advice out – spend time listening to them. Then give them the tools THEY need to take care of the problems. Your job is to drive them to the hospital if they get hurt. Your job is to give out hugs. Your job is to teach them to be adults and solve their own problems.

Yes, if there is a major problem like horrible bullies, sexual predators, violence, bigotry, and other vile matters, by all means be the total wolf mother and step in. But for the everyday crap, stand back and let your kid handle it. Be there for back-up. Be the pit crew. Be the coach.

And whatever you do, don’t be that parent who stands up at school meetings and asks questions just to show everyone how brilliant YOU think YOUR CHILD is. It is so unflattering and does a disservice to your child.

And never go up to the high school office and yell about stupid small stuff because every single teacher and kid in the school will hear about it.

Remember, none of us exists at the center of the universe, especially you and your child.

Score: Rational Parents 10, Helicopter Parents 3.5

 

Conclusion

In the meantime teach your kids not to be an old judgmental, grumpy, obnoxious, and worked up Vampires like me.

I’m working as a polling clerk in tomorrow’s election so I’ll be back on Wednesday. If you’re in a voting state on June 7 make sure you vote (and vote often HA HA HA). But seriously vote, and the nice people at your polling place will give you a sticker. I bet they’ll give your kid a sticker too.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Home for the Holidays (and quiet conversations)

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I went upstairs to my son’s room.

“What’s up?”

“Love you mom.”

“Love you too. What did you need?”

“Nothing. Just wanted to tell you that I love you.”

 

School is out for holidays.

I have a house full of my own two plus their friends who come in and out like my cats (which means constantly.)

We’ve looked at wombat videos, played Christmas music and taken walks in the cold while looking at Christmas lights. Most of all we’ve just spent time being together. Even for creatures who can, if left alone, be extremely solitary we still seek each other out.

Last night we met with friends under a chandelier, around a pool table and a Christmas tree with friends young and old. That is a wide range of ages in my social circle. Kids were back from college, on break from high school, and there were new friends romantic and otherwise.

Watching the younger folks talk and gather in their own circles is always wonderful, their faces bright in the winter night. If one of us who are older step in they don’t mind. We’re all family and we’re all friends. That is just the way we roll.

Garrett’s best friend Randy spent the night with us. The two young men sent me funny texts and photos all night. I have to admit that I’m the one who started it. After Garrett’s last text (just to tell me that he loves me) I went back downstairs to my cats and a nice glass of wine waiting in the kitchen.

Randy followed me downstairs. He was wearing a black sweatshirt and jeans, which is unusually plain for Randy. My young blonde friend is usually wearing plaid pants in  blinding loud color, vests, hats, scarves, assorted watches of both the wrist and pocket kind, and either boots or flip flops.

“Juliette, do you mind if I use you as a reference?”

“I’d love to. But I thought you were working for Vincent Hayes.”

“I was, but the guy is so weird.”

“Weird like how?”

“He thinks he is Christopher Lee or something. Seriously creepy. The guy needs to get into the 21st Century. Then he gives me a bad time for not acting like a serious Vampire. So I ask him what he means and he gives me a big talk about how I’m too happy. Then he like goes off on how I like to surf, and he doesn’t like the girls I hang out with, and he thinks I dress too flashy. I did a good job for him. I was the best assistant he ever had, but man, the guy is such a crypt keeper.”

“I understand,” I told him. I do understand. I can’t imagine working for Creepy Vince or even spending  an hour with the old bastard.

“I think I can get on in the college bookstore. They’ll work around my classes too.”

“Sounds like a plan. You can always use me as a reference Randy. Anytime.”

“Um, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure. What’s up?”

Randy hesitated and pushed his blonde hair out of his face. In a few months this man-child, who not so long ago was a tiny little boy, will be twenty years old.

“You know how I always, like, watch people and make observations. So I wrote a book about a guy in college who watches people, and he is a Vampire, but not creepy. But like us. Then he meets a girl, and she is a Vampire too but it isn’t weird, just sort of funny. Could you read it and let me know what you think?”

“I’d be honored Randy. I’m so proud of you,” I told my young friend and gave him a hug.

“Be honest with me about it. Don’t just be polite. OK?”

“OK.”

We spoke more of writing and his dreams. Then he told me about his music classes and sang a few songs to me he’d written. Then he asked me about my writing. I shared thoughts and gave him and update on my projects.

I don’t mean to sound like a cliché but it seems like yesterday when this child was playing in the dirt with Garrett pretending like they were Werewolves. Now they are adults.

The holidays bring a lot of things, but the thing I love most is that they bring people together, be it loud nights, or quiet conversations.

Anyway, that is it. Wishing you all quiet times and fun times, not just now but for 2016 and well, forever.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

Tofu, Vampires and Growing Up

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Yes, they might be in college and living on their own but they are still kids.

My child Garrett, and his roommates Layla, Bailey, Randy and now Austin, are going to have a dinner party this weekend to celebrate the new school year. Yes, there are five of them now. Austin just moved into a space the size of a closet as the fifth roomie.

So what is on the menu I asked? There are three Vampires, a Werewolf, and now Austin who is just a regular guy.

I had to ask, as a concerned parent, about Austin. Garrett said he was cool. His great great Uncle Bill is a Vampire so Austin is ok. Bill used to babysit him when he was a kid. He took Austin to Europe for a month after he graduated from high school. Austin knows Vampires.

Anyway, so what’s for dinner?

Tofu? Maybe. They’ll figure it out.

That is the wonderful thing about being nineteen is that you have to figure out almost everything, even though you think you know everything already.

But it is a good thing Mom is still there to answer any questions.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman