Ask Juliette: Time Vampires, Cold Vampires, Homebody Werewolves, and More Vampires.

Ask Juliette (or Ask a Vampire) is a semi-regular feature here at

If you have a question you NEED to have answered, about anything send it to juliettevampiremom at gmail dot com, or put it in the comments here and I’ll answer it on the next Ask Juliette post.

So here we go.


How do I handle Time Vampires?

These are not Vampires like our kind. These are Vampires who suck away valuable time. I run a vintage clothing store. The majority of the people who come in our friendly and fun. However at least once a day I get, a Time Vampire visitor – that horrid person who stands around and talks and talks and talks and talks about nothing. I don’t want to be rude because the other customers in the store will see me being rude. Short a breaking their necks or slapping them upside the head when the other customers are looking how do I handle a Time Vampire?

As a Vampire I know, contrary to popular opinion, that we don’t have all the time in the world.

I could go into the psychology of those who talk too much but that would be an entire book. We’re talking about YOUR TIME and YOUR BUSINESS, not to mention your other customers who might be put off by the Time Vampire.

I have a few suggestions. If any of my readers have other suggestions please feel free to leave those suggestions in the comments section.

  • Ask a question you know the Time Vampire can’t answer. If that doesn’t shut them down them tell they that you’ve enjoyed visiting but you are extremely busy with some business deadlines – and that isn’t a lie. You have a business to run. Start walking towards the door and gently lead them out.
  • Tell them that you have a task to do, such as an important phone call, or get some shipments out.
  • Tell them that while their story is interesting you’re extremely busy with some alterations or other task. Yes, this is a variation on the above answer.
  • Pretend to faint.
  • Go to the bathroom.
  • Pretend your phone, which is on silent vibrate, needs answering because you have a very important call.
  • Tell them you have to see to other customers, then go say hello to the other customers.
  • This is a difficult one. If you are too firm, or show any negativity, the Time Vampire could give you a bad Yelp review, or tell all of her friends that she thinks you are rude.


Why do you always capitalize the words Vampire, Werewolf, Ghosts, and other monster names. This is English not German.

Because this is MY Vampire blog and as the writer I can do whatever I want. The capitalization is a sign of respect, as well as a way of emphasizing the importance of the title. By the way, I don’t always consider them monsters. Being different does not equal a monster. Beside that in an alternate universe this might very well be written in German.

What do I say when someone who is not a Vampire comments on how cold I am?

Just smile, without your fangs of course, and say, “Cold hands, warm heart.”

red heart

I’m an Urban Werewolf. I live in the city. I support local small businesses. I bike to work. I recycle. I go to the local farmer’s market for most of my fresh produce. I use reusable grocery bags. I’m part of my community. As a Werewolf I feel uncomfortable running around the streets and alleys on a full moon night in wolf form. I’d rather transition at home and avoid the full moon. Is it ok?

Yes, it is more than OK. Stock the fridge ahead of time with your favorite Werewolf treats. Curl up on the couch, and binge watch a new Netflix show.
The advantages are endless. You don’t have to worry about transitioning back to your human form naked and in public. You don’t have to scare anyone. You don’t need to get dirt in your fur. It is a win/win situation all around.


I’ve been a Vampire for about ten years. My family is still freaked out about it. Is my family too sensitive?



Thank you for dropping by. If you have a question that you don’t have an answer for (about anything, including parenting, relationships, Vampires, cats, or whatever) leave your question in the comments section here OR email me at juliettevampiremom  @  gmail .com

And if this isn’t already too much fun, make sure you check out the new Saturday post Burning Questions. Number 3 of 50 burning questions will be featured this coming Saturday. Read it. Ponder it. Then add your answer to the poll.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman



Teens First Jobs and Work Ethics – Rules for All Teens (Vampires or Not)

My 16 year old Garrett just got his first job. It isn’t much of a job, just helping out at a Vintage Clothing/Tea shop, but it is a start. He helps clean up a few hours a week, helps with inventory, and helps customers when he can. He likes it because he gets to wear some of the cool old vests and hats.

Be it a funky shop, fast food, undertaker or other business, your teen needs to know how important it is to be a good worker.  Do a good job and you’ll get something of value aside from a paycheck – a good reference for the future. In this economy nobody can afford to be the one who gets fired or in the next round of lay offs.

I own a business (with a regular person). Yes, while some Vampires do have enormous trust funds etc etc etc, we do have regular jobs. At one time our little public relations business was much larger and I was more involved.

I had one employee, I’ll call Doris, who was a hard worker and generally did a good job. But she had a sense of entitlement and needed constant praise. She thought she needed “rewards”. She was given high scores for her work and the highest raises we could give. She was allowed to come and go as she pleased, come in when she wanted, talk hour + long walks, take lunch whenever she wanted, go to appointments, take vacation days when she wanted, use the internet for whatever (including online dating) but she still complained that she wasn’t appreciated. My other employees never complained. It wore my Vampire nerves and nearly drove my partner crazy. Eventually, when business slowed we had to let this employee go. We gave her 3 months pay and a bonus plus medical and she almost seemed happy to go. But I was always puzzled by her total blindness to all of her perks and benefits she got from us. My partner tried to figure out what would make Dois happy. Doris  made the other employees unhappy with her complaining and they couldn’t figure it out either. We were all just happy to have the business.

Our business is now smaller and we get more done and have more business, and work less. We’re a good team and happy.

Of course then there was my friend Kelly who had an employee who tried to pay his coworkers to do his work for him. He was fired. Well for that and for a lot of other things. Kelly and I also traded stories of people who were compulsive liars, would fake injuries on the job and were just lazy.

We also talked about how many really GREAT workers we’ve known over the years. More good than not. Sure we’ve had a few bad bosses but most had been OK.

We see all kinds in business, and the point of this is that we don’t want our kids to be like Doris or like the lazy player boy.

Teaching any kid, Vampire, Werewolf or Regular Human a work ethic is something every parent should put at the top of their list.

First Job Rules for All Teens:

  • Get to work on time! Don’t be late.
  • Don’t complain.
  • Don’t feel entitled – nobody owes you anything.
  • Don’t expect perks at your first job.
  • Be happy for any perks you get and say THANK YOU.
  • You’re on the job to work – not socialize.
  • Don’t take advantage of your boss – even if the other kids are doing it.
  • Don’t complain (I know, this is the second time I’ve listed that).
  • Rather than complain – make friendly constructive suggestions.
  • Sometime, just for a change, tell your boss “THANK YOU”.
  • Smile.
  • Follow instructions.
  • Be a team player.
  • Don’t brown nose.
  • Be happy you have a job. Appreciate what you DO have.
  • And if you don’t like then look for another job. You’ll find one. It isn’t easy, but you’ll find something better.
  • Most of all STAY IN SCHOOL.

Of course for Vampire and Werewolves…don’t snack on your coworkers at lunch breaks.  NO! Absolutely do not do it! Work and food don’t mix.

Good luck to all!

~ Juliette