Never Shout Never – Absolutely Never

Define and Conquer

I’d picked the kids up last week from the roller skating rink and caught a nice break visiting and singing along with them to fun music from the iPod (Never Shout Never, Coffee and Cigarettes. Always fun and inappropriate), when I pull into my driveway and see that black Mercedes parked in front of my house.

In another life, another time, another moment, my heart would have skipped a beat. Everything in my romantic Vampire soul would have cried “Adventure and Romance are MINE”, followed by “Insanity and Trouble” and the urge to RUN, but at this moment, BUSY MOM, just looked and thought “You’ve got to be kidding?”

My kids are already wondering why my mood is gone.

The last time this person was over my husband gave him the “We’re not going to raise our kids in a Vampire Ghetto” talk. Not “Ghetto Talk” but telling this prominent Vampire that we would not be raising our children in a night-time world of Vampires and darkness. We’re modern Vampires. We don’t lurk around shadows. We don’t lurk. We live in a diverse world. And aside from that, my husband used to be a regular human. But that is another blog post up the road somewhere.

He greeted the kids and they ran upstairs with excuses about tons of homework. I greeted Nathaniel Chase with a kiss on his cold cheek. He took my hands in his and told me how lovely I looked. Teddy had already opened a bottle of wine. I headed to the kitchen to get my own glass of wine, with the intention of joining  the men who were deep in discussion about whatever it is men discuss when my brain is full of kids and work and the 50,000 things the average mom has to do each and every single day rain or shine, dark or light.

I was in no hurry to get my own glass. From the corner of my eye, from the kitchen window, I could see the ghost sitting on my back deck reading a large red book. Nathaniel Chase would be too polite to bring up the ghost. Most Vampires are polite to a fault unless provoked (or with their blood relatives). As I poured the wine I wondered what brought Nathaniel here. It was always something that would turn my world upside down. He always wanted something. What would it be this time. Did he still want to know about Jack the Ripper? Did he want to recruit my son into studying with some old musty Vampire in Europe? Did he want to get information about someone? Or did he just plan on bitching about our lifestyle choices?

I glanced out the window at the ghost. He flipped me off and vanished. I thought about Nathaniel, glossy black hair, slate blue eyes and matching sweater and black jeans with a plaid Cashmere scarf hanging around his neck (you know the kind guys wear now). He could have been the front man of a famous band or a CEO of a Fortune 100 company. He could be whatever you wanted him to be. As a Vampire he was that good. Women’s heads would turn but they wouldn’t know if it was because he was dressed so well or if he was handsome or if he was a creature from another realm. All they were really sure of was that they couldn’t resist him. He could work it on men too (we all can). No regular human could resist Nathaniel Chase.

He’d been around for a long time. I suspect at least 400 years but I never asked. I just knew that it was his job, or he thought it his job, to keep track of what other Vampires were doing. I’m a mom, so had too much to deal with right now without being twisted and turned by Nathaniel Chase. And I could resist Nathaniel Chase. I’d been resisting him my entire life.

I’m proud to be whatever I am and have raise my children to do the same but that said…I don’t want my children to grow up feeling as if the world is not theirs. I don’t want them to live in an antique world of darkness, reeking with the smells of dried blood and fear. I don’t want them to feel as if they are monsters or outcasts.

Nathaniel Chase was always watching me since  I was a child. Nothing I ever did was right. Of course girlfriends and I got into all sorts of silly problems but we were just girls. On the other hand my brother Val and I got into some serious trouble on more than one occasion over the years, but we learned from our mistakes. We were serious successful adults now – not the crazy reckless youthful Vampires of old.

I downed my wine, poured another glass, straightened my shoulders and joined my husband Teddy and Nathaniel in the formal living room. I was ready to take whatever crap he wanted to throw at me and I was ready to throw it back. Never again would I let Nathaniel Chase get the best of me.

It took everything I had (and the wine helped) to keep my upper lip from getting a twitch in it. My head was light. I hated confrontation. I didn’t need it right now.

“So what brings you here Nathaniel?” I asked as I pushed a cat off of the chair and sat down. The cat jumped up into Nathaniel’s lap. Traitor.

“My wife and I are moving here in a few months. Our daughter is 3 and our son just had his first birthday. I wanted to ask you about the schools. I hear you’re the go-to source for all things to do with parenting” Nathaniel answered. My husband just smiled.

As we grow up, no matter how long it takes, there comes a time when we realize that we’ve come into our own. I believe that most people are respected and liked and loved far more than they can ever imagine. I don’t always feel like that, believe me, but all reason tells me to just stop thinking and give myself a pat on my back for doing a good job.

We talked for another couple of hours about kids, schools and the joys and challenges of parenting. And all was well in my world, as the tune to Coffee and Cigarettes ran through my head.

wings

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

This was first posted in February 2013

A little different… musings on blogging from the outside

I write a blog from the viewpoint of a suburban working mom who just happens to be a Vampire. Hence, “Musings of a Modern Vampire Mom.”

When I started blogging I had no idea where it would lead or what I’d do with it. I had no idea about the community of other bloggers (I couldn’t even spell squirrel much less know there were squirrel blogs.) Almost 700 posts later – and most of them pretty good and quite entertaining – go explore.

A lot of us who write and draw live in a different world than other people. Our writing brings us and our readers into a different place than other people live – yet others can come in and see our world and experience it in a way they might not understand in “real life.”

From my first memories I’ve always been in a more excentric and different place than others who walk this earth.  I’m off the beaten path but very much in touch with what is going on with everyone else. That isn’t a bad thing. Just a different thing.

As an outsider I am also inside, hiding who and what I am, always observing and watching. Always finding stories and experiences to ponder, rework and share.

I also see the world in a different light than others. It is hard to explain. There are times when I’m at a cocktail party and I can’t relate to anyone in the room. At business meetings my mind is elsewhere. My mind is always elsewhere but always in the present.

If you live on the outside there is always that outside chance that wonderful amazing things will happen. And they do happen – all the time.

People always ask me “how do you do it all?” It might be because I’m doing it just a little bit different and I am just a little bit different. On the other hand, except for when I’m writing this blog I really don’t think much about it – because it is just the way I am.

Plus, a big plus, it doesn’t take much to amuse me. Really.

And to my readers… be the way YOU are. Always, stay true, stay creative and stay curious.

We’re all a little different and a little on the outside of something. Hey, and if we were all the same the world would indeed be a very boring place.

 ~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

VM_hair girl

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/01/09/daily-prompt-outside-2/

Back to School – Tips for the First Week

TeensSchool will start in a few weeks. That is a good thing for teenage girls who always look forward to seeing how the boys have grown over the summer. Skinny kids suddenly, over a few short months, grow tall and muscular. Awkward adolescent faces become angled and handsome. Shoulders grow broad and voices deepen. This includes my 17-year-old son Garrett and his friends – who of course, being Vampires, are exceptionally handsome and strong. It is a wonder to behold – especially for the girls.

And speaking of girls, especially one who doesn’t care what Garrett or his dorky friends look like is his 14-year-old sister Clara who starts high school in two weeks.

Clara and Garrett’s Tips for the First Week of High School

  • Don’t wear all black, head-to-toe flowers, a pink tutu, rabbit costumes or anything else extreme or too weird. First Impressions are EVERYTHING. OK don’t go off on your “self expression” rant. I don’t want to hear it. We’re talking practical truths here. The first day of school is like a job interview for both fellow students and teachers. Clara knows she can’t wear her band shirts with the red and black Zombie blood on them, black jeans and black combat boots (or I won’t let her out of the house). She’ll opt for the black pants and boots with a fashionable flowered tee. Or she’ll wear her denim shorts and black shirt and combat boots or flats. The Zombie shirts and Band shirts will come later. The all black and way too much black eyeliner can be worn later but not the first week. This is real world stuff. Making a good impression on the teachers and everybody else is so important. It isn’t shallow – it is reality (think job interview). By the third week of school go ahead and let your freak flag fly high with pride. By then everybody will love you anyway (for exactly who you are).
  • Freshmen girls – don’t get involved with Junior and Senior boys. Clara (age 14) says first of all they just want to take advantage of you. Garrett (17 and will be a senior) says it makes you look stupid if you’re a senior boy and go after Freshmen girls. End of story. Don’t be stupid. Stay with kids your own age. If I have to explain this one then you ought to consider home schooling or a single sex school.
  • Boys – don’t skip. Just walk.
  • Girls – don’t show off in high heels. Your feet will thank you for wearing your Vans or flats.
  • All kids – the first week of school in a large high school can be tough. Clara is coming from a Middle School with only 33 graduating 8th graders and entering a school with almost 2,500 students. She knows about a dozen of them. So anyway IT IS OK TO ASK FOR HELP. If you can’t find your classroom – ask for help. If you’re lost, confused, frightened, baffled, or totally overwhelmed – ask for help. If you can’t find an answer go to the nearest teacher or to the front office. They can help – and they’ll be glad to help. It is their job. You’d be surprised how many kids feel the same way.
  • Smile (but for Vampire kids make sure not to show your fangs). Smile. Smile. Smile. Everybody likes a smile.
  • Wear sunscreen. Always.
  • Make sure you always have a pen, pencil and pencil sharpener and erasers in your backpack.
  • Don’t let anyone bully you. And don’t bully (or everyone will think you’re an asshole and you don’t want that.)
  • Listen to the teachers.
  • Don’t worry about looking cool. If you worry too much about being cool you’ll look like a dork (to the point where even the dorks think you look stupid).
  • Have fun.
  • Be open to making new friends.
  • Keep an open mind.
  • Brush your teeth and use good personal hygiene (nobody likes to sit next to a stinker)
  • Join clubs. It will be fun and you’ll meet friends. Plus it will keep you connected and look great on a college application.
  • Try to learn something.

Special tips for Vampire Teens:

  • Don’t lunch on your friends – lunch with them.
  • Don’t ever show your fangs.
  • Watch for the Werewolf kids. That means protecting them from any harm. You don’t have to be friends with them but you need to help them out. They can feel isolated and shunned – so just help them out when needed.
  • Don’t fall asleep in class (I guess that goes for all kids, no matter what kind of kid they are).
  • Don’t read your teacher’s minds or do any other paranormal behavior in class. Please, know that your parents are right on this issue.

So have fun. And check out Target for cute binders. We found some great ones yesterday.

And DON'T be like THIS GIRL. Your reputation is everything ladies!

And DON’T be like THIS GIRL. Your reputation is everything ladies!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

My mom blogs about vampires

My mom blogs about vampires

The Secretary

Wonderful Writing Space Ward-20130722-01882

Click on the link above – From my friend, writer and REAL blogger Gina McKnight…

 

 

 

 

If you’re looking for Short Story Sunday or Vampires or Advice on Love, Parenting and other Weird Stuff….Click here, or just explore this blog.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

moth

Frogs, Love and Hell

I believe I’ve used the frog story before, but I shall tell it again.

Put a cold cast iron skillet on a cold burner on your stove. Gas works best. Place a large, live, cold blooded frog in the center of the skillet. Use a good sized one – 10-12 inches. Turn on the heat ever so low, then gradually turn it up. The frog will sit until it gets blazing hot and it’s feet and belly stick to the cast iron and it is cooked.

Summer-Sun-550This is what happens to people in this heat (we’re expecting over 100 all week and over 110 F on some days). Elderly people and others who are not always aware will sit in the heat like the frog until they cook. They’ll forget to jump out of the pan, or in the case of some folks, forget to turn on the air conditioning or fan. Or they’ll forget to call for help because they won’t realize they need help.

My neighbor and dear friend Kelly came over tonight with a couple of cold drinks (bless her). She isn’t a Vampire like we are. She suspects we’re different but can’t quite put a finger on it. She also has a ghost in her house (yes, that ghost.)

We sat for a while as she told me of her elderly mother and the heat. Her mother forgets to turn on the air conditioner. Her mother obsesses about bad neighbors but will not let her children or helpers put anything over the fence so to keep out the eyes of those bad neighbors. She asked Kelly to come over (it was 110 outside) to cut down a tree. Kelly said no. Her mother doesn’t know what yard the tree is growing in. Kelly tells her not to go outside and check because it is too hot and because she’ll fall and end up in the hospital – again. The same conversation has happened over and over – with a different plant, a hose, a stray cat, an unfamiliar car parked on the street, or something else that Kelly will either have to deal with or talk her way out of.

She wishes her mother would move to a house where she won’t worry about bad trees and bad neighbors and expensive up keep. Kelly has suggested a smaller home near Kelly and the grand kids. It would be nice with all sorts of beautiful features and a lovely garden within walking distance of Kelly’s home. The kids could visit anytime. Her mother refuses. So Kelly must hear about trees and drive to her mom’s to get the mail, and give up her Saturday fun time. Saturday fun time is important for working moms and all moms and busy women who work, and well, it is important for everyone.

She wishes she could travel and do fun things with her mother. She wishes they could talk more of things that are positive and fun – things that are not bodily functions or other unpleasant things that only bring Kelly stress.

Sometimes the heat can suck the fun out of everything. The heat of being a caretaker can do the same. It is exhausting. Especially if the caretaker has children of her own. Kelly told her kids to put her on an ice flow if she ever got to the point where she couldn’t take care of herself. She asked them to shoot her if she ever lost her sense of humor. I gave her a hug. We talked for another house about books we’ve read this summer. We agree that everyone MUST read “Beautiful Ruins.” Then she went home to spend time with her own teenage children (good friends with my kids.)

After slipping on the kitchen floor today on an unknown object and landing on my back, I lay there thinking that I’d better call The Elders. They’re ancient and sometimes don’t use the best judgement.

Eleorna and Tellias, frail and gentle, were fine. Their neighbor had brought over shaved ice flavored with basil and rosemary. God bless him. They remembered to bring their old dog in and give him plenty of water. They didn’t drive today because sometimes they forgot how to turn on the air conditioner and the sun was too bright and they had lost the keys again, so they stayed home. And they turned on the air conditioner in their beautiful 143 year old house and slept in each other’s arms like young lovers.

I’m always afraid that I’ll drop by their house and find nothing but their ashes. I’m afraid someone will take advantage of them. I’m afraid that one day they might be gone and I will have a broken heart that will never go away.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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butterfly

For more on the elders in my life and dealing with the elderly (with humor or not) see the links below:

Lost keys and lies

Every have one of those days when getting out of the house seems nearly impossible?

I couldn’t find my keys this morning and of course I was running late. And no I can’t just change myself into a bat.  That only happens in fiction.

I’m scouring the house but nothing. Then I heard a throat clearing.  I turned around and behind me is the Ghost, damn him, with my keys.

“I believe I have something of yours.” He said that with a nasty curl of his lip then flicked a lock of black hair out of his eyes.

I reached for the keys and they vanished, along with the ghost.

I let out a string of not so nice words (the kind moms pretend not to know) and then tried to sense where he could have gone.

Off of the bookshelf I grabbed the box with all of the spare keys. Does anyone else have keys to cars, doors and safe boxes they don’t even remember?

Anyway I grabbed the spare keys to my car and yelled, “If you don’t give me my keys back I’ll pour a bottle of Pinesol on your grave. I’ll pour a gallon on it.”

Nothing.

“I know where your grave is Nigel. I looked you up. I know all about you.”

I heard a clang as the keys dropped on the tile floor of the kitchen. I picked them up and headed for the front door.

He stood there waiting for me. “How’d you find out where my grave is?”

“I don’t even know your last name. How would I know where your grave is?” I looked at him with such calm as his eyes narrowed and threatened to turn me to ice.

“You’re a Vampire and a liar,” he snarled at me.

“And I’m really good at being both.” Then I smiled and headed out the door.

 Anyway, tell your kids that lies and bad words are not acceptable…of course unless you’re dealing with a ghost.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 cute woman over white