Just talking about teens (Boys are Stupid: Part 28)

Girl Child (age 16): I’d hate myself if I was a teenage boy. I am so glad I’m a girl. If you’re a boy you’re expected to act cool, drop F bombs a hundred times a day, say the N word a hundred times a day for no reason because they think they’re cool but they’re a bunch of stupid little boys, you stink all the time, if you get near another guy and give him a bro hug you have to say “No homo.” Boys are so insecure. Then they go home and be perfect little clean mouthed little polite mommy’s boys.

Man Child (age 19): We’re not all like that and the rest grow out of it. Most of us grow out of it.

Girl Child: Sure, you and my guy friends. But the rest of the guys. They’re all a bunch of F boys. They posture like a bunch of monkeys. I feel sorry for you.

As a mom I just listen. Girls swoon over the Man-child. The Girl-child is going to break hearts. They are both going to grow up and realize that they were on the right track – more than either of their parents (or at least more than I was.)

Some of you might be horrified but all kids talk like this, at least the ones I know. They talk about life and love and what they see and hear at school.

Then I watch them both sit in the cool dining room with the shades drawn, working on school work for fall. They’ll laugh together until their sides split, then they’ll study and study and study. I’m not helicopter parent – they do this on their own.

For all parents of young children my advice would be to guide your kids. Talk to them. Encourage them to be curious. Teach them study skills. And let them know that at a certain age that it is on them to work for their future. Let them know that they should be kids, but prepare them to be adults.

Sure they’ll make mistakes. How else can one learn?

I let them speak their minds around me too. I don’t want them ever to be afraid to speak or feel they have to have secrets.

But I swear, being around teens is like a 24/7 comedy club. I have to write this stuff down as they say it, or record it.

Oh well. Just thinking out loud.

So your assignment for this week is to hug your kids, listen to them, laugh with them and love them. And tell them not to be jerks or try not to offend everyone they see. It isn’t cool. It is just stupid.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman




Art, Cats, and Charming Boys

Oscar and Art

Yesterday I was sorting out old art and reorganizing portfolios. I came across pieces I’d completely forgotten about. Dozens of finely drawn pen and ink drawings filled my brain with memories of another time.

More than anything, the experience brought up memories of another me, back when I was the same age as my children or not much older.

What surprised me the most is how good much of the artwork was. I’d forgotten myself over the years. I’d forgotten who I was. Maybe who I was meant to be.

But we keep moving forward. The key is only to take things of value with us. I don’t just mean physical things, but our passions as well. Those core things that make us who and what we are.

So while I was musing and pondering the cat decided I’d made him a new bed. For it you are a cat the world is your bed. No, not the world, but the entire universe is your bed. Oscar was quite comfortable to explore the artwork, rub his face on it, bat at it with his paw, then take a nap on it. Cats know who they are. No need to muse or ponder or think in any way shape or form.

Later that night I noticed a strange jumble of dishes in the dishwasher. It was as if Picasso had come to the house and loaded it up.

I questioned the loader of dishes. “Garrett you need to learn how to load a dishwasher.”

He smiled, “don’t hate on me Mom.”

Eye roll from Mom.

“Your roommates will hate you next year. You know they will each and every time they have to rearrange the dishes.”

“I’m a Vampire. I don’t eat that much.”

“That was not my point.”

“I’ll do other things so they can clean up the kitchen.”

“You have that all worked out?”

“Of course I do.”

“Charm and good looks will only get you so far dear boy.”

Then the cat came down and Garrett scooped the furry beast into his arms. “I don’t know mom. Charm and good looks seems to work for this guy.”

He had a point.

Have a good weekend everyone and keep cool. Hug your kids. Laugh with them. Talk with them. And hug your cat too. 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Oscar the cat enjoying my art

Personal Style vs Costumes…or…You’re not wearing that are you?

This afternoon my son Garrett and his best buddy Randy came in and plopped down in front of the TV.

I had to see this. Randy wore orange plaid pants, a brown vest and white tee. He had a neon green and yellow friendship bracelet one of the girls had made him on one wrist. He also had an old silver pocket watch with the chain showing. My own son was in black jeans, a white shirt with pearlized snaps and an old bolo tie with bowling motif slide.  They both have shaggy longish hair. Randy’s is blonde and thick. Garret’s is deep brown and glossy.

I thought of the old term “Fops and Dandies.” That’s my boys.

I had to smile. They have the personalities to get away with dressing like that in high school. The girls flock around them in droves. The other guys give them good-natured laughs. Of course everyone likes them. They’re Vampires – people can’t help it.

Yesterday they’d been in the usual teen uniform of tee-shirt and jeans. Who knows what they’ll wear tomorrow.

All things are going well with the Vampire kids this season. The drama of Middle School is over. High School has arrived.

I’m pretty easy about the dress code we impose on our kids. I know, I should say they need to express themselves and let their freak flags fly but not with how they look.

They are allowed a lot of creativity but there are some rules.

  • They have to be clean.
  • They can’t dress like slobs.
  • Clothing has to fit well – nothing oversized, no sagging, no overly baggy tees and nothing too tight!
  • If you wear leggings your shirt has to cover your butt.
  • You can’t wear Halloween costumes everyday.
  • No facial hair
  • No Mohawks or shaved heads etc
  • Only Clara gets pierced ears and nail polish
  • No slutty clothes
  • All black is ok but not every single day
  • Wear a style not a costume.
  • And that is what it comes down to is not to look like you’re wearing a costume.
  • Don’t dress to piss people off.
  • Follow the school dress code.
  • Try to look good. Cause if you look good you’ll feel good. Trust me on this one. I’m right – because I’m the mom.

I had a lot of fun dressing them as babies so they learned early on how to put an outfit together.

Over the summer Garrett and  Randy (both 17) developed a bad case of baby hamsters on their chins and other weird fuzz. Teddy (dad) told Garrett that he had to get rid of it by the time school started.

“You’re such a Victorian,” Garrett told his dad. Garrett often says that half kidding half not.

“You look stupid. Shave it off before school.” said Teddy.

“But Dad…”

“What next? This isn’t Duck Dynasty.  No hamsters on your face. End of discussion.”

“What about…”

“When you graduate from high school you can wear a red lined opera cape and a beard down to your navel for all I care but not as long as you’re living under this roof.”

When the kids were younger they’d suggest living in a tent in the backyard when their dad said something they didn’t agree on, but it never lasted more than a few hours.  Anyway….

As we all know Modern Vampire teens need to blend in, but still keep a good sense of style. They need to be attractive and appealing to others. It is just the way things are. For Vampire teens it is more a matter of survival plus it makes life a whole lot easier.

We talked a bit about college applications (they both sent in theirs this week with a small fortune in fees) and vintage clothing shops and how much they like their Economics and Math teachers. They talked about going out Friday night with the girls for a hunt. Looks like the year so far is relatively drama free and fun. The perfect senior year!

They’re good kids, even for Vampires. Especially for Vampires. But I have to admit it will take a while for me to get used to those orange plaid pants.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Dandy Les_Incroyables

Bedbug, Freeze Out, Hardscrabble – teenage boys in love

Bed Bug, Bedbug, Freeze Out, Hardscrabble,


Sea Maiden

Poseidon’s loyal helper

Sailor’s guardian angel

Violet beauty

I looked at the note on yellow lined paper written in black Sharpie that I found in the dryer. Fragments of the musings of a 16 year old boy.

The first line is names of a town not far from where we live, founded during the California gold rush. The rest of it is taken from Greek Mythology. I knew what it was.

It is Ione. His long time friend Ione. Once a funny little fair haired girl, now a leggy and shapely blonde of 16. She is also, like my son, a Vampire.

I unfolded the note more, crisp from the dryer and still warm.

I have known you forever

Since our time began

As babies

Then children of the night

As teens

Now growing into adulthood

Our hearts

Our minds

Our future

Am I to be with you?

My mythical love

My desire

My chance

A kiss from you

And I would be

Happy forever



So far, aside from the occasional glances at Vampire girls and life long friendships, he has never set his heart on one, especially not one in his tight-knit social circle of “The Vs” as they call themselves.

Ione is quiet and funny and smart. But don’t piss her off because she isn’t one to forgive or forget anything. She also sees herself in some mythical role as avenging angel, taking on the cause of the bullied, down trodden and anyone in her opinion who has been treated unjustly.

Most people see her sort of an exceptionally smart, brilliant dumb-blonde. Smart and goofy. Sort of like my son’s best friend Randy.

I was ready to pocket the note when Garrett came into the laundry room and said “Give me that.”

“I didn’t know you liked her that way,” I said.

“It isn’t what you think.”

“Did you write it for Randy?”

“No. Don’t’ say anything Mom. It isn’t anything.”

“OK.” I smiled.

And then he smiled the shy way 16 year old boys do.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman







And thank you Amelia my fellow Vampire Maman, you know why.

And yes, Ione is the name of a real town that used to called interesting names back in the day. 

Boy talk

It’s Friday night and the girl child said she doesn’t want to skate, as usual, tonight because “all of the drama”. Everyone including most of her best friends will be there but you know, part of growing up is beings tire enough to take a break from it all (all the drama)

The conversation ended up as a study on Middle School boys.

According to my 13 year old expert boys are clueless.

I told her to give the boys a break because they’re so confused by their feelings and the scary mysterious creatures called GIRLS that they don’t know how to react.

Yesterday they knew they liked video games and trucks and Slurpees. They knew why they liked those things. Life was easy. Then they started to like girls and they didn’t know why.

Girls were a complete mystery. Girls they’d know since kindergarten suddenly were tall with breasts and long blonde hair (the kind a guy wants to touch). Girls are smart and they travel in packs. A boy thinks “I know why I love Slurpees but I don’t know why I like girls”.

Then the girl child speaks of skinny arms, cracking voices and general clueless behavior.

According to the expert boys like the wrong girls, they are clueless and a few are actually cute. There is hope. High School will be better.

She rolls her eyes at her girl crazy older brother the romantic. Yes, there will be a string of broken hearts – even for the Vampire boys.

Happy Friday,
Juliette aka Vampire Maman

The Most Frightening Thing In The World!!!!


I had the best intentions of posting a bevy of wonderful Halloween postings. I had plans for scary stories, Vampire tales, Halloween crafts, more cocktails and movies reviews…


Unfortunately like a lot of working moms I ran out of time.


So I was thinking “What to most adults is the most FRIGHTENING thing in the world?”


Answer: A 13 year old girl


Last night my own 13 year old girl (8th grade) started to do her own musings.


She said:


“You know what I can’t stand? Stupid people. They drive me crazy. It isn’t like there is anything wrong with them. They’re just stupid.”




“You know those boys who think they’re all that and God’s gift to women. They’re just fat, stupid, stinky boys. I just want to tell them get over yourself, you’re nothing special. When they get into high school with all of those mature buffed boys they’ll realize that they’re nothing.”




“I can tell you already who will be the first one to be arrested and the first one to get pregnant in my class.”




“I don’t know why anyone smokes. It just makes you look stupid, ruins your skin, stinks and gives you cat butt mouth. And it’s expensive. Why is smoking even legal?”




“Would you mind if I went to Princeton? It is a good school isn’t it?”




And all of that comes from my sweet, well adjusted, wonderful, kind, lovely 13 year old girl.


She also asks (almost daily) why there are still countries where girls don’t get an education. She asks why in some places girls are married off to men they don’t love. She asks why girls aren’t valued in some parts of the world. I try to give her answers but it just pisses me off too.


She also gets upset when she sees kids bullied and stands up for them when she can. She will also stand by her opinion and even if she gets into trouble I’m proud of her for standing up for what she believes is right.


I’m glad she sees the “big picture”.


And I’m glad that I know, deep down in my heart, that she’ll never marry a stupid boy. She’ll find herself a smart one!