Snow White is a 19th-century German fairy tale by the The Brothers Grimm. It was first published in 1812. The German title was Sneewittchen with translates to Snow White.

Snow White might also have been a Vampire due to the choice of putting her in a glass coffin out in the middle of the woods, but that is neither here nor there. We also might consider the question “When was the war of 1812?”

Everyone know the story of Snow White. Yes, there was another earlier story called Snow White and Rose Red. It was a favorite of mine when I was a child.

So gather round children and I will tell you the tale.

Once upon a time there were two sisters named Snow White and Rose Red. Snow White had pale blonde hair. She was quiet and reserved. Rose Red had dark hair and was more outspoken and told it like it was.

They lived in the woods with their mother. Who knows where their dad was. Nobody in these stories ever comes from a two parent home.

One winter night there was a knock on the door. Rose Red opened the door and saw a half frozen bear. Being the animal loving girl she was, Rose Red let the bear into the house and told it to sit by the fire. The sisters brushed the snow off of the bear and brushed his fur.

For the rest of the winter the bear kept coming back and sleeping by the fire. Good gig if you can get it. Snow White was especially fond of the bear and would kiss him on his furry face as if he was a large German Shepard Dog.

At this point I don’t know where the mom went. The story never mentions it. I assume she is reading or on the Internet trolling for single middle aged men, or finding out how to get rid of bears.

In the meantime the girls go for a walk in the woods. They see a dwarf with his beard caught under a log. He is cursing up a storm and dropping all sorts of F bombs. Snow White said they must rescue him. He said, “Help me bitches before I die out here.”

Rose Red took out her embroidery scissors and cut his beard. The dwarf was super pissed off and dropped some more F bombs and ran off.

For the next couple of weeks Snow White and Rose Red kept rescuing the dwarf from being carried away by eagles, being eaten by wolves, from being trapped in a hole, from being eaten by squirrels, and all kinds of other life threatening situations.

Each time he left the sisters with curses and threats.

Finally one day he exposed himself to the girls, knocked them down, and threatened to do bodily harm to them. All of the sudden the bear appeared and was ready to kill the dwarf. But Rose Red took out her scissors and slashed the dwarf across the neck and killed him.

The bear turned into a man. A quite handsome man at that. For you see, the dwarf had enchanted the man and turned him into a bear. Why? Because the dwarf was an asshole. So when Rose Red killed the dwarf the enchantment was broken. Who knows the entire woods might have been suddenly populated by people who’d been animals.

Anyway…The bear man ended up marrying Snow White. It turns out (as it always does in these stories) that he had an even more handsome brother, who had a great sense of humor. Rose Red married the brother. And they all lived happily ever after. I’m going to assume they had an awesome uncle who married the mom. The end.

So that brings us back to the other Snow White. Was her name really Snow White? She might have had pale skin (another reason she was probably a Vampire) but what did people really call her?

Burning Question #58: What Was Snow White’s Real Name?

I hope you enjoyed this informative post and PLEASE leave comments below. If you have a different burning question go ahead and ask it. Please say something.

I’ll see you back here next Saturday for another BURNING QUESTION.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman