Ask Juliette: Odd Dreams, Relationships, Possums, and a Question About the Vampire King.

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Dear Juliette,
It appears that I have had several dreams of being a vampire however in all my dreams I always simply wake up before another dream of being a vampire in a different time era comes to be there is more tendencies that I tend to have but do not disclose almost all of these however have a blood red moon before I wake I don’t know if you have any insight on this but my dreams are not always the same sometimes I’m a vampire other times a Lycan I feel like something inside is trying to reach out to me…

You might just be having random dreams. We all do. On the other hand you might have a Vampire messing with you. We’ll do that you know – give you dreams. Maybe you remind someone of times gone by. Maybe they have a crush on you. An overly romantic vampire can be more than a pain in the neck; they can mess with your sleep as well. I hope you don’t ever become a Werewolf/Lycan. Oh man, they don’t walk and easy path. Stay away from those wolf-folk. Stay away. If you’re watching a lot of vampire movies or reading a lot of vampire fiction it might be time to give it a break for a bit. On the other hand write it all down. You might have a best seller on your hands.  

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Dear Juliette,
How can I tell if my boyfriend is a troll? He stays up all night pounding on the underside of a bridge asking crossing goats how to become a Vampire… wait. Never mind.

You might consider counseling on your choice of romantic partners. I’m pretty sure the guy is a troll, or at least a creep. Seriously there are a lot of great guys out there who are already Vampires (and they’re totally cold and hot.) And stay away from guys who try to pick up on strange goats.

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Dear Juliette,
When is it time to give up on my art?

Never.

 

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Dear Juliette,
I think possums are cute. Am I weird?

People who don’t like possums are weird. You’re just fine.

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Dear Juliette,
I have to ask you about your posts about Vlad of “Vampire Diary” fame. Is he based on Vlad the Impailer? Is he based on Dracula? Why is he living in surburbia if he is the Vampire King? That doesn’t make sense. He should be in LA or New York City living in a penthouse or a lavish mansion ruling this new Vampire kingdom and followers. I understand that he is sexy and dangerous but why add all of the cuteness. He is a cold powerful Vampire not some guy out of a Nicholas Sparks or Nora Roberts novel. Who is that idiot Randolpho he hangs out with? Just asking for a friend.

Uh hem (that was me clearning my throat.)

No, he is not based on that violent ugly little shit soulless Vlad the Impailer. He is not based on Bram Stoker’s Dracula. He is living in surburbia because it is comfortable and he can have a little peace. He lives in a very nice upper middle class neighborhood with lovely people. He isn’t in LA or New York City because he just wants to be low key for a while. Yes, it would be easy for him to jump right into being Vampire King but he is still trying to navigate living in the 21st Century. Now about the cute thing… Vlad is really cute. He is powerful. He can be quite dangerous and cold. He could be a guy in a Nora Roberts novel but he isn’t. Nicholas Sparks? Maybe not, but hey, Vlad can be a sensitive guy. As for Randolpho…he and Vlad have been friends since childhood. So what if you think he is an idiot. A good friend is a beautiful thing, even if you’re a Vampire. Jeeze, that was weird. Go take a chill pill or something. 

And if you’re reading this and don’t know about Vlad’s Vampire Diary CLICK HERE.

 

Ask Juliette

 

 

 

Ask Juliette (Ask a Vampire) is a somewhat frequent feature on Vampiremaman.com

If you have a question about ANYTHING (Vampires, relationships, parenting, life, weird stuff, etc.) just leave a comment here or email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail. com

Thanks for dropping by and have fun.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Short Story Sunday: Dream a Little Dream…

Damn. What a night. Fighting demons and their fucking friends. Max rarely even thought of using four letter words but tonight was a swear night. Even as an alpha Vampire to top all alpha Vampires he was exhausted, and away from home.

The only saving grace was that he’d been not far from his fiancé’s house by the beach. He looked forward to falling asleep in her arms to the sound of the waves.

She wasn’t home. Damn. He let himself in as the sun started to light up the morning sky. 5:00 a.m. Where was she?

Max stripped off his clothing and threw it into the washing machine. Then he fell onto her bed. Damn it felt good. She said she’d gotten new bedding but this was amazing. He never understood Vampires who slept in coffins and crypts.

Falling into a deep sleep the dreams came in waves…

“I’m smarter than everyone in this room. They’re all idiots,” said Archibald Fontaine.

What is that blow hard doing here? Thought Max. He couldn’t stand the pompous ass. Archi was the last Vampire he’d want in his dreams.

Then Archibald Fontaine leaned forward and kissed Max on the mouth.

Max backed off. “It is over Archi.”

Then he was jolted into a dark passageway. Sadness overwhelmed him. He had never felt so alone. A cat started to follow him, then two, then three, then five.

The dream jumped to another location. This time a house. His house. She lay on his bed in silk tap pants and a silk bra, both in pale pink. He kissed her neck and brushed it with his fangs. He wanted to tell her that he loved her but he didn’t. Or did she want to tell him?

He was at a party. It was the 1916. He heard her voice I haven’t thought about him in years. It was a lie. She thought about him all the time. A wolf howled in the distance. It was a Werewolf.

He sat on a chair pulling off the silk stockings he’d worn the night before. Red peep toe shoes were on the floor in front of him along with a flowered dress.

Max had never worn a dress. Not even on Halloween.

Max opened his eyes and looked into his own face next to him in bed. His eyes were brown, then the color turned to hazel, then back to brown. He smiled at himself and pulled himself close in an embrace.

Then he woke in a jolt. This was too weird. What had those demons done?

Mehitabel stood by the bed. “Hey baby.”

“Hey,” said Max.

He reached out his hand and gently pulled to him. She sat on the edge of the bed and gently kissed him.

“The new bedding is nice. Love the pillows. But oh man, I’m having weird dreams.”

She smiled and stroked his hair. “Memory foam,” she said.

“What?”

“Memory foam. You’re sleeping on my pillow silly.”

Then she undressed and got into bed beside him, but not before she gave him his own pillow.

~ end

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Note: Aside from the occasional rerun all “Short Story Sunday” stories are written quickly over coffee on the Sunday morning they are posted. Coffee + pencil/pen/crayon/keyboard + observation + imagination + inspiration + more coffee + a punch line or twist = a story of somewhat questionable origins and more questionable quality. What jump starts your imagination? 

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Vote TODAY – Everybody

On Tuesday June 5, 2018, I will be working as a Sacramento County Polling Clerk at one of the new voting centers. I’ll be in Orangevale so if you’re in my neck of the woods you might see me.

We are now in fire season here in Northern California. No big fires yet, but they’ll be here soon enough.

I was going to wax and wane poetically about fires that burn in our hearts with desire for love and freedom and dreams that others would take away. Think about how many times a child says she wants to be an artist or writer or doctor or historian or anything and someone says “that is too hard” or “you’ll fail.” How many times have people come up against all odds and had success. Think about that when you vote tomorrow. And you WILL vote (or I will lose all respect for you if you’re an American citizen.)

Anyway, a lot of people, including ALL women had someone before them fighting for that vote. But I won’t go on. The fires burn for education and knowledge. The fires burn for freedom to love. Vote for the fires that burn for the love of your children. Vote for the environment and water issues. Just vote for common sense.

Today you need to VOTE because all of the above. In other parts of the world (not my part of the world) people risk their lives for the right to vote. They die for it. People died for it here too.  So remember them and VOTE.

Plus remember… if you don’t vote you can’t complain about the results.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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Ask Juliette: Boyfriend vs Kids, Dogs vs Cats, Hairy Palms, and Dreams

Ask Juliette (Ask a Vampire – Advice for Everyone) is a regular feature on Vampiremaman.com

The questions come from vampiremaman.com readers. If you have a questions about parenting, Vampires, relationships, dogs, cats, life in general, or anything, just ask and I will do my best to answer. Send your questions of juliettevampiremom @ gmail.com

Vampire Teen

Dear Juliette,

I’m a widow with two great kids ages twelve and fourteen. I have a job I like, own my own home, and I also have a wonderful boyfriend. My boyfriend is wealthy, good-looking, and likes my children. My boyfriend said he would marry me and pay for my children’s college education if I agree to send the children to a prestigious boarding school. He said we deserve our alone time. The school he can get them into is full of alumni who have attended Ivy League colleges, and has high scores for everything. The problem is that my children don’t want to leave me. The eldest, my daughter, has threatened to run away and live with my sister in another state. What should I do?

Dump the boyfriend. You can’t put a price on your children. No boyfriend, girlfriend, or potential spouse is worth trading for time with your kids.

When you choose to have and raise a child (and it is ALWAYS a choice) you sign an unwritten contract to love, provide for, guide, and be there for that child for eighteen years.

Sure you can sell yourself like a whore for money or the love of a man but at what price? Is it worth the price of the love and respect of your children? Is it worth a piece of ass? Is it worth an expensive diamond? Is it worth a guy who doesn’t respect your role as a parent? Is losing your children worth your “alone time”?

I never understand why some people insist on getting involved with people who either don’t like their kids, or have kids they don’t like. If you don’t want to be around someone’s children then don’t date them. And DON’T for God’s sake marry them.

Sure I’m being harsh and hard lined but these are children we’re talking about. CHILDREN.

Your children are only children for a short time. Treasure that time. You will never have it again. Once they are grown that is it. I’m not saying that you can’t have your own life and interests, but just don’t do it at the expense of the most precious and valuable thing you will ever have – your relationship with your children.

This is Oscar. He is my cat. He is really cute.

This is Oscar. He is my cat. He is really cute.

 

Dear Juliette,

Which do you like better, dogs or cats? What do Vampires like the best.

I’m more of a cat person but I adore them both. I have two cats and a dog. Oh my heart goes flutter when I think of them, even when they are doing bad and annoying things. I love both. I can’t imagine life without them.

As for Vampires…we’re just like regular people in that we each have our own preferences. For the most part Vampires like both dogs and cats. I mean, who wouldn’t? Right?

 

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Dear Juliette,

My boyfriend has hair on the palms of his hands.

Well crap. That isn’t good.

 

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Dear Juliette,

Is it ever too late to follow your dreams?

Absolutely not. Unless you’re following my dreams. But seriously, it is never too late to follow your dreams, get an education, write a book, fall in love, or do anything you think you’ll enjoy or be good at. Don’t take NO for an answer, even if the world tells you NO. Eventually you’ll get a YES, even if it is just from a cranky old opinionated Vampire like me.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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Vampire Maman’s Guide to Dream Interpretation

At the end of my street is a woodland that ends in bluffs overlooking a lake. On one end one can see the towers of Folsom Prison. If you walk a bit down the trail you can see the Mormon Temple. At night it looks like the Eifel Tower in Paris.

Most Vampires avoid both prisons and churches (I use that term for all places of worship.)

If we go in a church we’re usually drawn in by the music, hiding out or drawn in by someone of strong will.

I had a dream that my friend Amelia and I were inside of the Mormon Temple exploring on our own. I’ve been there so I have a visual, but I wasn’t exploring the first time – the real-time. I was on a tour, as a guest, when the building first opened (another story for another time.)

It was lovely and a bit confusing. I have to admit that I like exploring old Catholic churches full of statues of saints the best. Of course the ultimate is getting into the hidden areas of the Vatican. Oh have I got stories for you about that. Dan Brown – give me a call if you’re reading this. Yes, Vampires love the Vatican.

Amelia has always been the explorer – more than most Vampires. Granted we go in and out of buildings and places as we more or less please, but Amelia is the master. Name a place and she has been there, unseen. No, really, name a restricted place. Amelia has been there. Ask her about the Knights Templars. I dare you.

But my adventure was just a dream, however real it seemed.

For some reason, when schedules change, I dream vivid dreams. I can’t sleep either.

My brother Max came this morning at 3:00 a.m. and picked up my kids for a trip to the coast. Just the weekend, but I couldn’t sleep, except to have strange dreams. Granted my sleep schedule is already messed up. You know, people think being a Vampire is easy but it isn’t. Not at all.

So that got me to thinking about the meaning of dreams. And that led to a list.

Vampire Maman’s Guide to Dream Interpretation

What you dream about and what it means (in italics.)

Cats: Something good is about to happen.

Blood: Either you’re thirsty or somebody is in big trouble.

Church outside: You are utterly alone.

Church inside: Feeling caution.

Cake: Cake.

Driving: Trying to resolve childhood issues.

Driving fast: Trying to resolve adult issues.

Vanishing road: You are afraid of everything and feeling out of control.

Airplanes: Black crows or grackles. 

Rockets: Toothpaste.

Wolves: Sex with someone you don’t really like but are attracted to.

Sex: Unresolved issues with the artistic side of your brain.

Sex with a stranger: Unresolved issues with disappointment.

Red: A color.

Blue: Another color.

Orange: A longing for Halloween.

Political conversations: You’re truly sick and need help.

Wine: Wine.

Broken glass: Broken dreams and self loathing.

Birds: Birds.

Bats: Feeling of being both cute and ugly at the same time.

Trains: Change.

Train travel: Sex.

Childhood: The need for cake. Maybe pie. Cookies will do in a pinch.

School: Fear.

Militant Vegans: Small barking dogs.

Roses: Beauty and pain.

Beer: Fear of hot weather.

Witches: You are being watched.

 

To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t believe in dream interpretation but please, go ahead and study my list. I’m concerned for the well-being of all and want everyone to feel good. Yes, look into my eyes. See the hazel waves of the ocean lulling you into relaxation. You’re in your happy spot. You feel calm. You feel the cool ocean breeze surround you in love. You want my teeth on your neck. Relax, close your eyes, sleep and when you wake… I will be gone.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

Bad Dogs

A few nights ago…

I was camping in the Arizona desert with a few friends under the dark sky with stars unlike what we see at home.

Sleep, as always, was somewhere else. I always figure Sleep is hanging out at a bar somewhere flirting with a beautiful blonde and not thinking of me. He doesn’t care.

But, that said, for a few fleeting moments I fell into a slumber. I dreamed of two men with long brooms sweeping in a world made of blue light. Then the blue changed to black and white, like a vintage cartoon, and I watched a small naked man climb on rocks. He turned from a cave man type character to a Japanese man, then he morphed into a wolf.

I woke and went outside under the stars. In the distance someone was setting off bottle rockets of green and red. If I’d been at home I would have been in fear of fire but not here.

Walking away from the tents I stood listening to the sounds of the night. I could hear trains in the distance and the sound of the wind in the trees.

Four figures approached me from out of almost nowhere.

Oh crap. Werewolves.

Half human, half wolf, they circled me with low growls, showing huge teeth.

“Hey, guys, what’s up?” I said that to them trying to be cool and defuse any potential trouble.

“Vampire you are not wanted here,” growled one of the Werewolves. The voice was hardly human.

“You will be our feast tonight,” said another.

“Really? Stop the dramatics. You have to know Vampires are not worth the effort. If you kill me there is a 80% chance I’ll turn to dust. If I don’t turn to dust I won’t taste good. I haven’t fed on prey in a couple of days so I’m going to be kind of dry. Plus I’m tired and cranky which will add a bitter taste to my flesh like you can’t even imagine.”

The largest wolf man, obviously the leader growled out a response. “We will eat you alive. First we will eat your limbs, then rip open your belly and eat all but your heart, then we will eat off your face. And last we will eat your beating heart before it turns to dust.”

“Right now my heart isn’t beating much… but listen guys, my friends at home raise their own sheep. They have freezers full of good stuff for those night time cravings. There is no reason for this kind of behavior. I mean, can’t you go find some rattlesnakes or something?”

They didn’t back down. I showed them my fangs. The group backed off. I was no longer a woman in jeans, a tank top and flip flops, but a powerful force to be reckoned with. You know, I was just being myself.

And I don’t know why, but I yelled, “BAD DOG.”

All the sudden them all stopped and put back their ears. Their tails tucked. They whimpered and backed off.

“BAD DOG,” I yelled again. Pulling together all of my energy I put feelings of guilt into their canine filled heads. I channeled my own dog (the best dog in the world.) My dog is the Queen of Guild. We never dare say “bad dog” to her.

The Werewolves, uprighted themselves and morphed before my eyes back into humans. Yes, it is an ugly disgusting process. If you ever have to make the choice between becoming a Werewolf or a Vampire, pick the Vampire.

They stood like guilty children. Then they walked away, naked, into the night.

Well, that was exceptionally weird.

Now I’m home. Home sweet home. I’m still recovering from some road born bad blood illness. Exhausted from 24/7 activity and driving. Popular culture is wrong – Vampires DO get tired.

I hear my teenage children moving upstairs. They sleep so much. And I think of future posts for this blog. And drink coffee. Lots of coffee.

I’ll have to call my friend Adam the Werewolf and see what he thinks of my desert friends.

Oh well.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman