Ask Juliette: Disgusting Creepers, Twilight, and Fun Movies

Welcome to “Ask Juliette” aka “Ask a Vampire” a not so regular semi-regular feature here at vampiremaman.com. I answer all sorts of questions about life, love, Vampires, parenting, pets, possums, paranormal, wine, cheese, art, and anything else YOU need answers for or help with.

If you have a question leave it in the comment section below or send me an email message at juliettevampiremom @ gmail.com.

So here we go.

 

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The Rude Party Guest

Dear Juliette,

A few months ago while attending a dinner party at a friend’s home I sat next to a man I’d met at previous parties. I’ll call him Mr. D We talked for a while about parenting, social issues, and food. It was nothing but nice polite talk. Later that evening Mr. D told me we had a connection and that he knew we’d been lovers in another life. I smiled politely and went to find my husband. Sure the guy might have been charmed by me, but he was also full of shit. I’m a married woman in my late 50’s. I love my husband, who by the way is sexy and still hot, not that it makes a difference. I wasn’t looking for attention.

My husband had to leave early and Mr. D watched as I kissed my man goodbye. While in the kitchen talking to friends Mr. D came into the room and started rubbing my back. When I stepped away he would step closer again and touch me again. Juliette, this guy is adored by everyone in my friend’s friend group. I wasn’t going to turn around and yell “knock it off.” I was just shocked.

Later when everyone was leaving he  hugged me, kissed me, and grabbed my ass. I was shocked, again. I felt so violated. I made sure he didn’t walk me to my car. When I got home I told my husband about it. He said I should let it go unless it happens again.

I told my grown children and their spouses. They were all shocked. There reaction was shock. It said a lot about how younger generations take this kind of information. I was going to tell my friend who hosted the party but then social distancing started. She works for a hospital on the front line so I didn’t want to bother her. When things get back to normal, as in more parties, do I tell her? If this man ever touches me again I will tell him loudly and clearly that it is NOT acceptable. My husband said he’d also tell the guy it is unacceptable. But, should I tell my friend?

Oh yuck. I am so sorry you have to deal with such a pig. Yes, you should tell your friend. Be calm. Just state the facts. If this man ever touches you again please immediately tell him to stop. Don’t worry about who might hear you. This is unacceptable behavior. Nobody has the right to touch you without your permission, no matter how old you are. It sounds like you have a plan. Stick with it.  

 

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And speaking of disgusting creepers…

Dear Juliette,

I know you are into Vampires, so why do you dislike Twilight so much?

Into Vampires? Yes, you could say that.

So why don’t I like Twilight. Let me count the ways.

First of all the story is fucking stupid and creepy in a gross way.

Second, and the most important reason is that Twilight is a story of an older man taking advantage of an underaged girl. Edward was born in 1901. Bella was born in 1987. Do the math. I don’t care if the guy is a Vampire or looks like he is seventeen. He is a creeper hanging out at a high school and taking advantage of girls. 

Any Vampire who has ANY self-respect would NEVER do something like that. NEVER. 

The Third reason is that Vampires and Werewolves having rumbles in the forest like they’re right out of West Side Story is fucking stupid. 

The Forth reason is obvious. Vampires don’t sparkle.

The Fifth reason, and last I’ll mention today, is the fact that Bella’s father didn’t do shit about his daughter hanging out with Vampires. Give me a break. Any dad who cared would have kicked Edward’s sorry skinny Vampire ass. 

Yes, the Twilight series got a lot of kids to read, but I just wish they’d read something that had better relationship and general life advice. No seventeen year old girl needs to feel like running away with an older man is EVER and answer. It is always the WRONG answer.

 

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Dear Juliette,

What are the best movies you’ve watched during quarantine?

Thank you for asking. I’ve been fortunate so have seen some wonderful films over the past few month. Below is the short list. These are my favorites. 1-4 are movies I’d see again and maybe again.

  1. Searching
  2. The Half of It
  3. Blow the Man Down
  4. Good Boys
  5. Peanut Butter Falcon

Thanks for asking. All are fun and unexpected. The first four are exceptional. Searching will keep you on the edge of your seat, especially if you’re a parent. It kind of ties in with some of the questions asked today.

 

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Stalker in the Making

Dear Juliette,

I went out with a guy I knew in high school. We are in our 20’s now. It wasn’t a romantic date, just catching up – so I thought. Now he leaving me long phone messages, zillions of texts, and telling me that he loves me. I wouldn’t answer him so he texted me and told me he tested positive for Covid-19. Now what?

BLOCK HIM from EVERYTHING. Block him from your phone and ALL social media. Take this seriously. BLOCK HIM. Tell your friends to block him. Tell your friends not to give him ANY information about you. His story about the Covid-19 sounds like a lie because he is mad at you for not calling him back, but don’t take any chances and GET TESTED. 

In the meantime just see people within your bubble until things start to get back to normal. Don’t take any chances. 

 

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Thanks for dropping by. If you have a question about parenting, relationships, vampires, food, books, movies, cats, or anything else leave a comment below or email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail dot com.

To view the Ask Juliette archive CLICK here.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

Juliette’s List of Watch a Million Times Somewhat Romantic Movies

On one especially shitty day in 2012 when the kids and husband were busy I sat alone in the dark and watched The Hangover for the third time. I laughed out loud alone in the dark. Then I felt better. At the time it was a movie I would not let my kids watch, but boy did I feel better.

This is not a list of the most romantic, or the best romance movies. This is a list of the movies that I can see again and again and again because all of them touch something romantic and comforting inside of me. I can relate to all of them.

These are the films I can watch when I’m in a slump, or alone, or just have to get my mind out of a funk. These are movies I love that I can watch over and over and over. Of course all of these have a bit of romance in them. Most have humor as well.

Juliette’s List of Watch a Million Times Romantic Movies

  • The Hangover (2009)
  • Bridesmaids (2011)
  • Made of Honor (2008)
  • Leap Year (2010)
  • The Proposal (2009)
  • 27 Dresses (2008)
  • Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day (2008)
  • Pride & Prejudice (2005)
  • Shrek (2001)
  • Rebecca (1940)
  • Notorious (1946)
  • Casablanca (1942)
  • A Walk in The Clouds (1995)

So what are your Watch A Million Times Romantic movies? Please share. Maybe there is one I haven’t seen yet.

Of course there is a list of movies that aren’t really romances, but that is another post, for another time.

But please – share your favorites. And go ahead and add The Lake House (2006) to my list while you’re at it.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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Halloween Hotties: Jack & Sally

Nightmare Before Christmas is one of our favorite movies. If you like Jack and Sally you’ll like the stories on this blog and the adventures, lives and thoughts of the Modern Vampires – Musings of a Modern Vampire Mom. Check it out – and share it with your friends.

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More posts about my friend Jack CLICK HERE.

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What really scares a Vampire

Aside from something harming our children…there isn’t much that scares a Vampire mom. I’m talking about that raising the hair on the back of your neck creep uncomfortable scare that gives you unreasonable chills. The kind of scare that gives you the Willies. The Heeby Jeebies. The Creeps. The kind of thing that scares the crap out of me.

As Vampires we’re on the top of the food chain so not much scares us. Not Ghosts or Zombies. Not Werewolves or Goblins. Not even Honey Boo Boo’s mother.

Sure I don’t think I could handle a grizzly bear or a grown male Bengal tiger, but I don’t run into those on my daily dog walks. They don’t invade my mind and my imagination in the sense of pure terror. They are natural creatures of the earth.

What scares me, DAMN YOU MR WELLS, is ALIENS. Yes, this Vampire is afraid of the idea of Aliens.

This has been going on since 1898 when H.G. Wells wrote War of the Worlds. Forget the recent crapola movie starring that short guy, this story is thoughtful and SCARY. Read the book or listen to the famous radio program. Anyway the story is simple. Aliens come down from Mars and try to take over Earth. It is horrifying. The very idea that a hostile alien comes from another planet it something too difficult to comprehend.

Funny thing that it came out the year after Dracula (1897) came on the scene. And it was only about 10 years after Jack the Ripper (not fiction) brought some almost fiction like terror and fascination into the public eye (not to mention my brother Val and I know who the killer really was).

Science Fiction is full of all sorts of creepy alien lore. The best thing to come out of that is the covers of old pulp magazines like Amazing Stories, Astounding Science Fiction or Science Fiction & Fantasy.

Amazing Stories Naked people oh no

February 1942 Amazing StoriesAmazing Stories ERB-Amazing stories war of the worldAmazing Stories Vol.5, No.9amazing stories guy with 2 girls

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I love the idea of aliens. I hope ET is out there with his phone. I want Star Trek to be true. I want NASA to come back and I want to see real space exploration. I want the first contact to be like out of a hopeful Spielberg movie. I want it to be magical and good.

But part of me also loves that old-fashioned creep-out factor. Especially in movies.

 

So without more rambling here is:

Vampire Maman’s favorite “Creep Me Out” Space Alien Movies.

The descriptions are short. Google the film titles for more information. Just take my word for it. I’m not a movie reviewer because I get too excited about stuff and write too fast. And the good thing about this list is that you can see most of them with your teens. Family fun for everyone!

Signs

2002

I used to like Mel Gibson until he turned into a complete asshole and now I can’t watch his movies anymore EXCEPT this one. I’ve seen this movie about 6 times and it still gives me the creeps. Basic story line: A man and his children and his brother are trapped in a farmhouse when aliens show up and scare the shit out of everyone. Oh my gosh. This one takes the cake.

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District 9

2009

A brilliant movie about aliens from another world trapped in a refugee camp in South Africa. Not so much for the creep factor but for the “it could happen to any of us.” factor. I came away feeling sad after watching this beautifully done film.

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The War of the Worlds

1953 science fiction film starring Gene Barry and Ann Robinson. It is a loose adaptation of the H. G. Wells classic novel of the same name, and the first of a number of film adaptations based on Wells’ novel. Produced by George Pal and directed by Byron Haskin from a script by Barré Lyndon, it was the first of two adaptations of Wells’ work to be filmed by Pal, and is considered to be one of the great science fiction films of the 1950s. It won an Oscar for its special effects and was later selected for inclusion in the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress. Note: This is from Wikipedia because I have only have a few minutes to write this and so I cheated.

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1956 Version: Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Yes, pod people and everything. See it and be creeped out.

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Note: I didn’t add “Aliens” because the alien bitch isn’t on earth. That is an awesome movie but it didn’t scare me. Grossed me out and made me jump but didn’t creep me out.

 

Other movies about Space or Aliens to take note of:

  • Another Earth
  • Liquid Sky
  • The Man Who Fell To Earth
  • 2001 A Space Odyssey

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Movies that aren’t about Aliens but creep me out:

  • Shallow Grave
  • The Birds
  • The Innocents
  • The Woman in Black

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Movies that SCARE ME MORE THAN ANYTHING. And if Space Aliens ever do have a hostile take-over all movies will be like this and our brains will DIE:

  • Forest Gump
  • Steel Magnolias
  • The Bridges of Madison County

 

So when you look into the night skyjust rememberyou are not alone.