Ask Juliette: Odd Dreams, Relationships, Possums, and a Question About the Vampire King.

crowletter

Dear Juliette,
It appears that I have had several dreams of being a vampire however in all my dreams I always simply wake up before another dream of being a vampire in a different time era comes to be there is more tendencies that I tend to have but do not disclose almost all of these however have a blood red moon before I wake I don’t know if you have any insight on this but my dreams are not always the same sometimes I’m a vampire other times a Lycan I feel like something inside is trying to reach out to me…

You might just be having random dreams. We all do. On the other hand you might have a Vampire messing with you. We’ll do that you know – give you dreams. Maybe you remind someone of times gone by. Maybe they have a crush on you. An overly romantic vampire can be more than a pain in the neck; they can mess with your sleep as well. I hope you don’t ever become a Werewolf/Lycan. Oh man, they don’t walk and easy path. Stay away from those wolf-folk. Stay away. If you’re watching a lot of vampire movies or reading a lot of vampire fiction it might be time to give it a break for a bit. On the other hand write it all down. You might have a best seller on your hands.  

design

Dear Juliette,
How can I tell if my boyfriend is a troll? He stays up all night pounding on the underside of a bridge asking crossing goats how to become a Vampire… wait. Never mind.

You might consider counseling on your choice of romantic partners. I’m pretty sure the guy is a troll, or at least a creep. Seriously there are a lot of great guys out there who are already Vampires (and they’re totally cold and hot.) And stay away from guys who try to pick up on strange goats.

design

Dear Juliette,
When is it time to give up on my art?

Never.

 

design

Dear Juliette,
I think possums are cute. Am I weird?

People who don’t like possums are weird. You’re just fine.

design

Dear Juliette,
I have to ask you about your posts about Vlad of “Vampire Diary” fame. Is he based on Vlad the Impailer? Is he based on Dracula? Why is he living in surburbia if he is the Vampire King? That doesn’t make sense. He should be in LA or New York City living in a penthouse or a lavish mansion ruling this new Vampire kingdom and followers. I understand that he is sexy and dangerous but why add all of the cuteness. He is a cold powerful Vampire not some guy out of a Nicholas Sparks or Nora Roberts novel. Who is that idiot Randolpho he hangs out with? Just asking for a friend.

Uh hem (that was me clearning my throat.)

No, he is not based on that violent ugly little shit soulless Vlad the Impailer. He is not based on Bram Stoker’s Dracula. He is living in surburbia because it is comfortable and he can have a little peace. He lives in a very nice upper middle class neighborhood with lovely people. He isn’t in LA or New York City because he just wants to be low key for a while. Yes, it would be easy for him to jump right into being Vampire King but he is still trying to navigate living in the 21st Century. Now about the cute thing… Vlad is really cute. He is powerful. He can be quite dangerous and cold. He could be a guy in a Nora Roberts novel but he isn’t. Nicholas Sparks? Maybe not, but hey, Vlad can be a sensitive guy. As for Randolpho…he and Vlad have been friends since childhood. So what if you think he is an idiot. A good friend is a beautiful thing, even if you’re a Vampire. Jeeze, that was weird. Go take a chill pill or something. 

And if you’re reading this and don’t know about Vlad’s Vampire Diary CLICK HERE.

 

Ask Juliette

 

 

 

Ask Juliette (Ask a Vampire) is a somewhat frequent feature on Vampiremaman.com

If you have a question about ANYTHING (Vampires, relationships, parenting, life, weird stuff, etc.) just leave a comment here or email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail. com

Thanks for dropping by and have fun.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dating A Dead Guy (or friends don’t fix up friends even when they’re sober)

I was visiting with a single friend of mine today and she said something interesting.

“Desdemona wanted to fix me up with her friend Jacko. The guy has no job, no ambition, lives with Desdemona and her husband, and has nothing in common with me.”

I had to smile in amusement. Desdemona equates a man with a pulse, and single status, and maybe a penis, as the someone who would be a great match for any of her friends. Those are the only three requirements. When I was single, way back when, she did the same with me. It drove me nuts. No I never met any of the guys.

She’d also leave out whether the guy was a Vampire, a Werewolf, a Zombie, a regular guy, or a serial killer. Things like job status, education, interests, personality, health. looks, and having a sense of humor, or even being remotely interesting would be pushed aside. All she would see was two people who she thought needed to be married. It didn’t matter who they married. That wasn’t important.

Friends don’t let friends hook each other up. Sure you can have a party and invite single people who might like each other but PLEASE don’t be a matchmaker for your friends.

This is nothing more than a short public relations message from me.

If you absolutely NEED to fix up friends ask yourself the following questions:

  • Does that person have a pulse?
  • Do they have a descrenable personality?
  • Do they live with their parents?
  • Do they have income?
  • Is it legal?
  • Do they like dogs and cats?
  • Do they read? Can they read?
  • Do they have any common interests?
  • Are they matched physically? Yes, you don’t want to match a couple who is on the opposite ends of the looks chart. It might sound shallow but I’m just being real.
  • Are they a Vampire (assuming your friend is)
  • Would they make a good Vampire or want to ever be one?
  • What about religion. That can get ugly.
  • Are they prone to joining cults?
  • What are their political views?
  • Do they go out in the sunlight?
  • Does one of your friends have a weird habit or trait that your other friend might find too weird or offensive.
  • If they get together and break up will you lose two friend? Will you lose even one friend?

This isn’t rocket science. Think before you match up your adult friends. It is offensive when to try to match up friends or family members with a dud.

THINK. 

Again… this has been a pubic service announcement from Vampiremaman.com

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Ask Juliette: Popular Culture Edition

Ask Juliette

Ask Juliette (or Ask a Vampire) is a semi-regular feature here at Vampiremaman.com

If you have a question you NEED to have answered, about anything send it to juliettevampiremom at gmail dot com, or put it in the comments here and I’ll answer it on the next Ask Juliette post.

So here we go. I have a lot of small ones this week.

butterfly-clipart

Why don’t you like the violin player Lindsey Stirling. I think she is awesome.

Good, then YOU listen to her play her magical violin. I don’t know, I just find her extremely annoying and rather weird. If you like her than by all means I’m not going to stop you. Have fun.

butterfly-clipart

 Why didn’t anyone in your family watch the Grammy Awards this year?

Because it is the same old shit every single year. There are so many talented and fantastic, and original artists who NEVER get recognized. I get tired of the Pink, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Jay-Z, and the rest of the “popular” artists. And I didn’t even mention my shock that the horrible Imagine Dragons song “Thunder” was nominated for anything. Really guys? You can do better than THAT. You used to be brilliant. What the F happened there?

butterfly-clipart

What movie do you want to win Best Picture at the Oscars?

Unlike the Grammy Awards, I approve of the Oscar nominations. Of course, since Sacramento is my hometown, and I loved the movie, I’d love to see Lady Bird get as many awards as possible. I’d loved that Get Out was recognized. The rest of the films are all deserving. This is one of those years when the choice will be hard, but no matter who wins it will be ok.

butterfly-clipart

Why don’t you like red pants?

We’ve gone over this before. Only small children (under ten years of age) and really old people (over eighty) should be allowed to wear red pants. Grown men should NEVER wear red pants, especially guys over thirty. So why don’t I like them? Because red pants look stupid on most people.

butterfly-clipart

What if your favorite Vampire movie?

Nosferatu (1922) because it is so weird and creepy. As a rule I don’t like Vampire movies. I think my next three picks would have to be Love at First Bite, Interview With A Vampire, and of course The Lost Boys.

347,875 views

butterfly-clipart

How do Vampires find food? It isn’t like you can just go to the grocery store.

Food is all around up. Most of us these days don’t depend on lurking around bedrooms, unless of course we’re invited. We find food at bars, and clubs. We find it at cultural events. Art events are awesome for food, as are concerts.

Most of us have several regular donors we go to. They might not know that they have their own Vampire, but they do. In return for being a regular we give them a certain amount of protection and favors.

Of course we get blood in bottles. Yes we do. And sometimes we DO eat real food. Just stay away from baked goods, sweets, and keep it simple but full of flavor. Poultry doesn’t set well with most Vampires. All things in moderation.

I get a lot of questions about this because everyone is fascinated with what we eat. Seriously folks it isn’t that interesting, but I’ll do more future posts on it.

butterfly-clipart

What would your exotic support animal would you want to take on a plane?

A fresh water otter. If not that a large goat.

sea-otter-pup-300

Alright that is all for now. Vlad’s Vampire Diary is coming up next. And remember if you have any questions about Vampires, relationships, fashion, paranormal stuff, books, following your dreams, anyone I talk about on this blog, parenting, kids, school, travel, cats, ghosts, or anything else you have just “Ask Juliette.”

xoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Juliette (Ask A Vampire): Advice for Everyone

Advice for Everyone

Dear Juliette (Ask A Vampire) is a regular Thursday feature on Vampiremaman.com

These are real questions from real readers. If you need advice or just have an interesting question send it to: juliettevampiremom@gmail.com

v_swirl

Dear Juliette,

My mother in law is constantly pushing her parenting opinions on me and basically telling me how to raise my children. And while I know she has good intentions, it is becoming overwhelming and putting a strain on my family. Juliette, how would you handle a situation like this?

~ Frustrated Mom

 

Dear Frustrated Mom,

Nothing is worse than a meddling Mother-in-law and power plays that exist with in-laws.

Let her know that you believe that every family is different with their own flow. You are raising your kids how they need to be raised. Just short of telling Granny to take a chill pill, let her know that a Grandma’s role is to have fun with their grandkids. Your job is to raise those kids. Tell her that you’re doing a great job and your kids are happy. Period.

#1 You need your husband to back you up. He needs to tell his mom that you’re doing great and that your kids are doing great. She needs to hear it from him. She needs to hear it often until she stops giving unwanted advice. You’re his wife and the mother of his children. That means that YOU and your kids are his first priority and you are where his loyalty should be.

And your kids are doing great. Tell her how much they like school, how much they like their friends, how cute they are, and about all of the positive things they do. Don’t give her any negative bits to latch onto.

If it gets to be too much then see less of her. On a personal note: When my kids were small a relative or two tried to give unwanted critical advice. My husband threatened to cut them off completely. It worked. 

If your MIL is saying things to your kids, then your husband needs to tell her to stop NOW. Also have a conservation with your children about any relatives who try to interfere with your family. Let your kids know that every family is different and you do things your own way. Talk to them about how some people can’t help but compare families – and how that doesn’t make sense.

Or do what I’d do and just tell them that Grandma is nuts!

Wishing you the best. Your kids smart and cute and well-adjusted. MIL should be proud of you.

~ Juliette

 

vswirl2

 

Dear Juliette,

Do vampires need vaccines, or do they get immunity from their food?

~ Feeling Sharp

 

Dear Feeling Sharp,

Vampires DO NOT need vaccines. That said, all regular not undead and living humans DO need vaccines. That goes for Werewolves too (and they need their rabies shots and heart worm medications.)

~ Juliette

 

v_swirl

 

Dear Juliette,

Is it ok to bite your ex?

~ Hungry

 

Dear Hungry,

Go for it.

~ Juliette

 

v_swirl

Dear Juliette,

What is the best way to hide a body?

~ Wondering

 

Dear Wondering,

Cook it up and feed it to the coyotes. Crush any left over bones. Drive out into the desert in the middle of the night and throw the teeth onto the highway.

~ Juliette

 

vswirl2

 

Dear Juliette,

I am a Vampire and the man I love is a Vampire Hunter. Though I know he no longer wishes to kill me and is growing feelings for me, how can we have a normal relationship, when we’re so different? And what’s more, how can we be together when the bonding of humans and Unfortunate Souls is punishable by death? I’m starting to think things will never work out…

~ Unfortunate in Love

 

Dear Unfortunate in Love,

When dating someone from another culture things can get tricky. Sometimes things that seem charming and different at first end up being annoying. Sometimes the culture clashes can have unwanted and tragic consequences. It is never easy.

Dating a Vampire Hunter is well, to be honest with you, never a good idea. Even living with a normal warm blooded person is problematic.

In my circle/culture it isn’t so cut and dry. We tend to try to stay out of the bedrooms of others. There are Vampire Hunters who are total assholes who can’t see the difference between Vampire groups. You obviously don’t want to get involved with one of them. Then there are the Vampire Hunters who we work with – they do our dirty work for us. They can be nice guys but I’m not sold on trusting any of them. Anyway, either way, oh man, it is a bad idea.

It seems you come from a place where things are a little bit stricter. Death for sleeping with a Vampire Hunter – that is harsh, but I understand why the rule is there.

So where does that leave you? Look at the consequences and what could happen. If you still feel this guy is worth it have an honest conversation with him. Discuss the consequences. Is it worth it? Do you have enough in common, and enough shared dreams to build a future together?

Also discuss if moving is an option for him? Can the two of you go to, say Iceland, or Sacramento, or someplace where it is ok to find love and more diversity. Have you discussed an occupation change with your Vampire Hunter? Maybe he can hunt someone else, or get his MBA and work for a big tech company.

And don’t forget that real human men grow old. His life span is going to be a lot shorter than yours. And as he grows old he will change – and you will not. Can you deal with that?

No matter what choice you make, please be careful. Follow your heart, but don’t go into it blindly.

~ Juliette

 

vswirl2

Dear Juliette,

I once felt a hand on my shoulder in a house where there was suicide (though there is significant evidence to support a murder). When I turned, there was no one there. I later learned that the place where I was standing was the victim’s favorite place in the house because you could smell the Bougainvillea and honeysuckle through the kitchen window.
Many years later, I was on a Ouija board and was asking about the event. When I asked the spirit to identify itself, it repeatedly gave me the “R….R….R.” The victim’s name was Reid Richard Russell. How can I be sure that the spirit was actually Mr. Russell himself?

~ Mr. N

 

Dear Mr. N,

That is some pretty creepy stuff.

I went to the source on this one and asked a real ghost about your question. The following is his response.

“It could have been him but it could have been someone else just screwing with you from the other side. Either way it was murder.”

~ Juliette

 

v_swirl

 

Dear Juliette,

Do you miss the beach?

~ Sandy

 

Dear Sandy,

I’m going to assume you mean the ocean beach, specifically in my case the Pacific Ocean, and not a lake or river beach.

Yes. I do miss the beach a great deal. I haven’t been there for almost a year. What the Hell is wrong with me?

The photos below are of my last beach visit at Point Reyes National Seashore. The photos were taken near the lighthouse. I miss the beach. Let’s go.

~ Juliette

IMG_0113

IMG_0116

 

Things you need to do with your teen

Things you need to do with your teen.

You know right off the bat I’m going to talk about talking with your teen. TALK WITH YOUR TEEN. DO IT. NOW.

 

fruit bat cutie

Right off the bat…

 

Movies you need to see with your teen:

Lost Boys

Click on the movie titles above for information about the movie (and so you’ll see the right movie)

 

Must do things  to do with your teen:

  • Take your teen to a concert. Not something YOU want to see. Not something you THINK will be culturally enriching. Take them to see a band THEY listen to. Go to a smaller venue. Listen to the music before you go. You might like it. You might like it a lot. Click HERE for guidelines. Click HERE too and HERE.

Night Riots at 2015 Warped Tour - Mountain View, CA. Yes, I was there. It was awesome. I am the coolest mom ever.

Night Riots at 2015 Warped Tour – Mountain View, CA. Yes, I was there. It was awesome. I am the coolest mom ever.

  • Take your teen to Van’s Warped Tour. If you’re the parent who buys the ticket you get in free. What a deal. I saw seven bands that I liked. There were dozens more.
Never Shout Never Posters. Go Chris Drew.

Never Shout Never Posters. Go Chris Drew.

  • Take you teen to the an orchestra concert. Even if you don’t have a major Symphony or Philharmonic orchestra in your area, most communities have excellent community groups. Many high schools and colleges have orchestras. Take advantage of this wonderful opportunity and GO. Yes, this is the cultural education. You’ll have fun.
  • Go to the zoo. Zoos aren’t just for little kids.
  • Take your teen to a vintage clothing store and try stuff on – both of you. Boys and girls. Rock the vintage stuff.
  • Tell your teenager a bad joke every single day. Laugh out loud. Pretty soon they’ll be laughing along with you.
  • By the time our children get to high school and college the family pets are ancient senior citizens. Keep the love going but make sure you are there for your kids when the four-legged members of your family move on. It sucks but it seems like most teens live with ancient pets – well-loved ancient pets.
  • Cook with your teen, even if you’re a Vampire. When they get into college their roommates will love them if they can cook. Everyone loves a good cook.
  • Go for walks at least twice a week. It gives you a chance to talk and spend some quiet time together. No phones.
  • Go to a baseball game. Any team will do – professional, high school, college, T-ball. It is all fun.
  • Go roller skating.

 

Talk to your teen about:

  • Sex (if you aren’t responsible enough to use protection you are not responsible enough to have sex. Sex is normal but just because you are physically able to do it you might not be emotionally ready. High School is a fun time – don’t complicate it with sex. Yes, the conversation is easy. Don’t lecture, just discuss and let them know they can come to you and trust you for good fact based answers)
  • Birth Control (Don’t be silly, cover your Willy. AND ALWAYS use birth control. Even if your kid is not sexually active have this conversation because when they go off to college they WILL become sexually active and they need to know how to be smart about it.)
  • Diet: Eat right. Don’t pack on the pounds with the Starbucks Ultra Thick Carmel Chocolate Mocha Bomb every single day.
  • History: You don’t know where you are going until you know where you’ve been. Talk about your history, your Uncle Duff’s history, George Washington, or anything that has happened before the year your child was born. Tell them about the old days before personal computers and copiers and cable TV. Tell them about MTV when they actually played music. Tell them about seeing The Rolling Stones in concert when Keith Richards was hot (they won’t believe you so you’ll have to show them photos.)
Unknown-1

Yes, this is Keith before he died and came back as himself.

 

Watch silly YouTube videos with your teenager.

I suggest:

  • SMOSH Teleporting Fat Guy
  • Anything with cute animals
  • Famous Rap Battles of History
  • Short horror films
  • Make-up tutorials
  • More cute animals
  • Music your teen likes
  • Music you like

 

Alright, that should have filled up your brain and your time. I’ll have more later.

What would you add to the list? What do you and the teens in your life do together? Let us know.

Have fun

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman