Burning Question #24: Reason Enough

The Internet connection at my house is down. Thank you Xfinity for providing equipment that doesn’t work. In the meantime I’m at the local coffee place where there is  a connection. That is why this post is late today – but I’m here. I’m here with your Burning Question. Come rain or snow or no Internet…

Do you ever notice (maybe not if your life isn’t like mine) that when stuff happens, like the Internet going down, it is always when there are deadlines, and a zillion other things that NEED to be done. After I catch up on my work, including blog posts, I will be going home to tie dye tee shirts for a 60’s hippy party tonight. I will also be making a desert. I don’t eat desert but I can make it. I am also a master of tie dye. The interior of my house is also still torn up due to a massive painting/remodel project. I might be a Vampire but I sure as Hell don’t live in a crypt.

Last night I was out with some girlfriends, doing what Vampire girlfriends do, and talking life, and love, and old friends. It always comes back to how some have a charmed existence and others end up living in a crypt, or under the floorboards of an old house. Why is that? Is it fate? Bad choices? Chance? Bad luck? Bad influences? Good Karma? Or is it just the random order of the universe mixed with the glaring look of those cats who we all know really control everything?

Which brings us to Burning Question #24.

Burning Question #24: Does Everything Happen For A Reason?

 

I have a funny, well sort of weird story for you. A few years ago I was out in my yard trying to deal with a yellow jacket nest under the brick walk way that leads up to my front door. A couple of nice men came by to tell me about God and religion and handed me a pamphlet. Their theme that afternoon was “When Bad Things Happen to Good People.” All of the sudden the yellow jackets swarmed us. I was pulling yellow jackets out of the gentlemen’s hair. Then I ran up my front steps and one of the little bastards stung me on the foot. The rest of the story is from my daughter. She said I yelled the biggest F bomb ever. I hear the look on the men’s faces was priceless. Was it meant to be? Preordained? Or was it just a bunch of random stinging assholes?

So you tell me. Seriously, answer the poll. I don’t track this or sell your information. I have shirts to tie dye and other work to do. See you all again soon. I have some dirt on my brothers and I hear Vlad is up to his usual confused silliness.

And by the way, if something bad happens to someone you know, like a death of a loved on, or an illness, or a catastrophic event, whatever you do, DO NOT tell them that it happened for a reason. That is just an asshole move that only someone with a soul of a yellow jacket would say.

xoxo

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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Burning Question #17: What Would a Werewolf Do?

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Looking cute now guys but wait until midnight!

It is time for Burning Question #17.

PLEASE if you land on this page answer the question. It is just a quick no or yes. Oh come on, it will be fun.

Each week we ask and answer one of life’s BURNING QUESTIONS. I know you all have been waiting for this one. 

I’ve written a lot about Werewolves. They’re out there, in our lives, running around under the full moon, keeping us up with their howling, and generally trying to stay out of trouble (believe it or not.)

But even Werewolves have a sense of humor. They can also be obnoxious.

Think about this: when they turn into wolves what happens to their clothing? And when they turn back, well, they’re not dressed.

Burning Question #17: Will a Werewolf moon you on a full moon night?

No wolf here

Lon Chaney looking hot in a suit! Let me know if you decide to drop your drawers.

Famous Monsters of Filmland

Now if this ugly mug doesn’t creep you out… imagine him mooning you! Holy crap. That would make me turn and run.

 

I’ll see you next Saturday for another intellectually challenging Burning Question. Now let’s all sing along with Warren Zevon.

xoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Burning Question #11: I had to ask…yes, it’s about Vampires

Well crap, I accidentally posted this today instead of Saturday so just pretend the weekend is starting early. As an added bonus I’ll post burning question #12 on Saturday. And remember don’t just tell me you like this post, give me an answer. It is fast, painless, and easy.

vampire girls

If you’re here you know this blog is Vampire Maman – Musings of a Modern Vampire Mom. And if you’re here you know it is Saturday and time for the BURNING QUESTION.

Yes, I have to ask this one. 

Everyone has different ideas about Vampires.

Some believe they are evil beings lacking souls and from the depths of Hell (of goodness.) Some believe the Twilight shit and think they are weird old sparkling creatures who stalk high school girls (the whole concept disgusts me, both as a parent and as a woman.) You do know that is fiction don’t you? It is. Get over it.

Some believe they follow ancient blood rituals and live by a strict order set down by ancient laws (I can’t even hardly write that without laughing.) It just doesn’t work for most Vampires.

Some believe they are all like Dracula or the Vampires in the Anne Rice books (all fun and well written, or at least most of them.)

And some… a few, know that Vampires are just like everyone else except we live a long long long time, have a lower body temperature, can see ghosts, drink blood, can be pretty scary if we want, are extra sexy, can get a bit pissy, and are generally good parents, among other things.

And sometimes Vampires are just dried up old assholes who live in crypts and come out at night with their joints creaking as the dust falls off of their jackets and scare the shit out of people. There ARE Vampires like that and they’re pretty disgusting.

Just like normal folks real Vampires come in a lot of flavors.

If you aren’t sure of an answer please feel free to ask questions, or search this blog for answers.

Burning Question #11: Would you willingly become a Vampire?

 

Now that didn’t hurt a bite, I mean bit.

Oh come one, admit it was fun.

I’ll be back next Saturday with Burning Question #12. If you have a burning question you’d like answered let me know. See me on FB or email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail. com

xoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Burning Question #9: Do Ghosts Exist?

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Saturday is here once more and it is time for….

Drum roll please…

The Burning Question.

Each week (until I get to 50) I will be asking a Burning Question. YOU will answer in the super quick yes/no maybe another answer poll below.

Together we will ponder the great questions of the universe. So let’s go…

Burning Question #9: Do Ghosts Exist?

We all have our favorite ghost stories (yes we do.) But i did not ask you if you believe in ghosts. I asked you the more scientific question of their actual existence.

Crazy Ghost Band

As I finish up this post Nigel, The Ghost, stood outside of my window and flipped me off. Yeah right bud and right back at you.

Then again we must not forget the more romantic aspects about ghosts in our culture.

Why yes, this is from the Ghost and Mrs. Muir. Sigh.

Feel free to comment, discuss, or make marks in the comments below. I encourage it.

Ghosts

Thank you, and come back next week for another BURNING QUESTION.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

don't be a ghost

Burning Question #8: A Mysterious Object

Today’s Burning Question is quite a mystery. This object was found by some mysterious Vampires… just kidding it was found by a not so mysterious Vampire, my husband Teddy.

But what is this thing?

Is it an arrowhead or a Christmas Tree? Seriously? What is this thing?

This is a serious question. This is a BURNING QUESTION.

Look at the photos. Is it a tool or a tree?

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A mysterious object. What could it be?

VMTools

Is it a tool? An ancient arrowhead perhaps?

VMTree

Is it a beautiful golden Christmas Tree?

This is the 8th of 50 Burning Questions I’ll be asking you every Saturday until I ask 50 Burning Questions, or run out of things I want to know.

Answer the Poll. A lot of people get to this page and don’t answer a simple question. Your information will not be sold to mysterious political pollsters, or Soviet Style Russians, or to a mysterious coven of weird Vampires.

BURNING QUESTION #8: Is this an Arrowhead or a Christmas Tree?

 

Thank you for answering another Burning Question. Stop by next week for Burning Question #9. And remember if YOU have a burning question let me know. I might feature it one of these weeks right here on Vampiremaman.com

Now everybody get out of your seats and DANCE!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Burning Question #7: Jungle Love

Burning Question #7

It is now time for this week’s BURNING QUESTION. When I get to question #50 we’ll be at the end, or maybe not. Anyhow…

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I was listening to the radio and the Steve Miller song Jungle Love came on and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about Tarzan. It was driving me crazy.

Don’t know much about Tarzan? Here, read this. I took it from Wikipedia. Tarzan (John Clayton, Viscount Greystoke) is a fictional character, an archetypal feral child raised in the African jungle by the Mangani great apes; he later experiences civilization only to largely reject it and return to the wild as a heroic adventurer. Created by Edgar Rice Burroughs, Tarzan first appeared in the novel Tarzan of the Apes (magazine publication 1912, book publication 1914), and subsequently in 25 sequels, several authorized books by other authors, and innumerable works in other media, both authorized and unauthorized.

Needless to say Tarzan took off like hot fudge on ice cream and was made into movies, cartoons, comics, and animated films. Everybody loves a sexy English Jungle guy, raised by apes. What heart isn’t melted by the thought of a wealthy Englishman who grew up as a feral child? Of course I did everything I could do to keep my kids from being feral children but that is another post.

But still, there is a burning unanswered question about Tarzan.

Look at ALL of the photos below of Tarzan. Do you see any trace of a three-day beard, or even overnight beard growth? No you don’t. Neither do I.

 

 

 

So what’s up with Tarzan? He is a hunka hunka burning Jungle Love but no chest hair, no beard, no pit hair. What’s under his loin cloth? OK we won’t go there today, but you know where I’m going with this (maybe you don’t but I’m not going to explain.) If you really want to know ask Jane. We all know she knows what is under his loin cloth.

Tarzan was raised by a bunch of apes after his human parents died. Apes don’t shave. They don’t have tools. They don’t have Amazon Prime so they can’t even order razors online, and if they could they wouldn’t use them to shave their faces.

And who taught Tarzan how to make a loin cloth, and what is that loin cloth made of?

But back to that handsome face… Does he shave? Did he keep his dad’s razor? Seriously the books and movies never mention anyone going potty, so he might be shaving off of the written page, behind the scenes.

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If Tarzan’s parents had left him in the Pacific Northwest or British Columbia he’s be shaving like this guy.

Burning Question #7: Does Tarzan Shave?

So answer the question. Yes or No. Does Tarzan Shave?

 

Now everybody shout out: AAAAAAeeeeeeaaaaaEEEEEaaaaaaaaaaaaaEEEEEaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Now that you’ve answered the Burning Question we’re going to have a sing along. The first song always makes me cry. It is from the Disney Tarzan Movie. It is about Tarzan and his ape mom. OMG my eyes are watering up right now. The second song does not make me get all squishy but sing along anyway. Take it away Phil and Steve.

Did you notice I didn’t even ask about the six pack and I’m not talking about what beer Tarzan drinks.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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