A kiss…

You can’t suck the soul from a ghost because a ghost is nothing but a soul. A nasty, annoying, tormented soul that will make you go insane. That is why I hate ghosts.

Sucking souls is nasty business anyway – something to be avoided except in extreme situations.

But kissing is always fun…especially if you’re a Vampire.

My brother Max is still visiting from lands far away, taking a break from the violence and stress of his occupation. He is also recovering from a broken heart. Dear, misguided, Max, the man with lips that any woman (except me, his sister) would be crazy not to want.

We stood on my deck watching the stars when he looked out into the woods. He squinted his eyes which was odd considering he has excellent night vision. “Juliette, there is a ghost behind your house.”

The ghost looked up from his book and gave us the finger.

“Hey ghost, want to meet my brother?” I yelled.

“Screw you Vampire.” He yelled back, then smiled a wicked mean and nasty smile.

My brother looked shocked. Vampires hate ghosts and have as little to do with them as possible. I still instinctively don’t like ghosts but have developed sort of a relationship with this ghost based on mutual disrespect and a bond formed by being a different being in a world where everyone else is “normal”.

The ghost was suddenly closer. “So this is the great hunter. Your heart is broken. You know there are only two cures for that one.”

Anger flashed in Max’s eyes but he said nothing. The ghost continued. “You could go out and let out your blood lust and kill something. But I don’t recommend that. The second and most effective cure is long hot passionate kisses with a woman with fire in her soul.” Then he started to laugh. “You Vampires are pathetic. Your entire culture is based on neck biting and kissing and physical attraction, yet when your heart is broken you seem so shocked. You can handle anything except your own hearts.”

But the ghost was right our culture is based on neck biting and wrist biting and the fine art of the kiss. Without the kiss we’d be lowly predators. We’ve taken our blood gathering to a higher level, to something both Vampire and donor find quite wonderful.

Forget the Vampire stuff, a kiss will cure a multitude of ills, from a mother comforting a child, to a broken-hearted Vampire warrior.

The ghost faded away and I looked at my brother. “Maybe the ghost is right, a kiss and a night of passion might be the cure or at least help you feel better.”

“Maybe.” He said that downing his glass of wine and staring off into the dark. “I remember the time Teddy told me he’d kissed you for the first time. I’d never seen him so happy. I’m glad you finally married him.”

“So am I, so am I. You know Max, your time will come. Your true Vampire love is out there somewhere.”

My brother smiled and gave my hand a gentle squeeze then kissed me on the cheek.

Sweet dreams to all –

Juliette aka Vampire Maman

This was first posted in January 2013. Yes, we’re in rerun mode because Vampire Maman is occupied with other things. I hope this Romance/Valentine inspired post made you smile. Wishing you a whole lot of kisses. xoxoxo Juliette.

And don’t forget to check out my previous post I wrote for The Evil Squirrel’s Nest Contest (had to include a unicorn, a possum and a squirrel.)

Answers about Vampires – Summer Edition

Got a question about Vampires? I have some answers.

  • Because Vampire men refuse to wear spandex bodysuits.
  • Let me put it this way…they won’t shave or wax their body hair to wear spandex. Plus (if you’re a prude leave now) can you imagine finding your hot Vampire Super Hero and trying to get him out of tights in a sexy way. It isn’t going to happen.
  • Because Vampire women won’t let them (this can be the answer for almost all questions about Vampires.)
  • Yes, we do buy sunscreen by the gallon.
  • Yes, we all swim.
  • Well, no we don’t always wear swim suits because it is usually dark. Why do you ask?
  • The six California universities with the most Vampire students are: Stanford, UCB, UCLA, CSUS, UCSC and UCSB. No, I won’t tell you where my son is applying (that is another blog post because this is the summer of college applications. Oh boy,)
  • No, I can’t tell you that.
  • Yes, I know the answer but I won’t tell you.
  • NO.
  • No, we don’t turn to dust without air conditioning.
  • Why yes, I do believe a Vampire would make a good Starfleet Captain. Really. I’m not joking around here
  • No, it was Keseberg. None of us were there. But my Dad met Keseberg a few years later and said he could tell the man had murdered for human flesh and then for the sheer joy of it.
  • Yes, we do wear masks from time to time but only at fancy parties. And yes, there are a lot of fancy parties.
  • It is as easy and painless as a kiss – that is if you do it right.
  • A kiss is never painless unless you break a heart or kiss the wrong person.
  • My fingernails are not black unless I paint them that way or slam them in the door.
  • Yes, when we find a mate we stay with them forever. That is why a lot of us never marry.
  • Because they would kill us.
  • Stop asking.
  • Synthetic blood? I don’t think so. On the other hand, who doesn’t like that bright orange artificial cheese flavor?
  • Yes, like I said before, Vampires swim. Of course we swim. You can swim but you can’t hide!
  • Favorite summer shows? AGT, Copper, Next Food TV Star, Burn Notice…and movies and of course Oddities. You gotta love Oddities. Vampires love movies but we like just about everything. Just like Regular Humans. No accounting for taste but who gives a rip.
  • So people won’t know we’re Vampires. And no they don’t have to be yellow, but yellow is fun.
  • No, only in bad British Vampire movies. Yes, I’m sure on that one. Absolutely sure.
  • There are more Vampire Hunters during the summer because the pansy ass woosie boys are afraid of the fog. Go figure.

Have fun and stay curious.

Juliette aka Vampire Maman

I love summer. Especially spending time in my night garden!

I love summer. Especially spending time in my night garden!

For more questions about Vampires answered click here and here and here.
And the answer will always be NO.