Answers about Vampires – Summer Edition

Got a question about Vampires? I have some answers.

• Because Vampire men refuse to wear spandex bodysuits.
• Let me put it this way…they won’t shave or wax their body hair to wear spandex. Plus (if you’re a prude leave now) can you imagine finding your hot Vampire Super Hero and trying to get him out of tights in a sexy way. It isn’t going to happen.
• Because Vampire women won’t let them (this can be the answer for almost all questions about Vampires.)
• Yes, we do buy sunscreen by the gallon.
• Yes, we all swim.
• Well, no we don’t always wear swim suits because it is usually dark. Why do you ask?
• The six California universities with the most Vampire students are: Stanford, UCB, UCLA, CSUS, UCSC and UCSB. No, I won’t tell you where my son is applying (that is another blog post because this is the summer of college applications. Oh boy,)
• No, I can’t tell you that.
• Yes, I know the answer but I won’t tell you.
• NO.
• No, we don’t turn to dust without air conditioning.
• Why yes, I do believe a Vampire would make a good Starfleet Captain. Really. I’m not joking around here
• No, it was Keseberg. None of us were there. But my Dad met Keseberg a few years later and said he could tell the man had murdered for human flesh and then for the sheer joy of it.
• Yes, we do wear masks from time to time but only at fancy parties. And yes, there are a lot of fancy parties.
• It is as easy and painless as a kiss – that is if you do it right.
• A kiss is never painless unless you break a heart or kiss the wrong person.
• My fingernails are not black unless I paint them that way or slam them in the door.
• Yes, when we find a mate we stay with them forever. That is why a lot of us never marry.
• Because they would kill us.
• Stop asking.
• Synthetic blood? I don’t think so. On the other hand, who doesn’t like that bright orange artificial cheese flavor?
• Yes, like I said before, Vampires swim. Of course we swim. You can swim but you can’t hide!
• Favorite summer shows? AGT, Copper, Next Food TV Star, Burn Notice…and movies and of course Oddities. You gotta love Oddities. Vampires love movies but we like just about everything. Just like Regular Humans. No accounting for taste but who gives a rip.
• So people won’t know we’re Vampires. And no they don’t have to be yellow, but yellow is fun.
• No, only in bad British Vampire movies. Yes, I’m sure on that one. Absolutely sure.
• There are more Vampire Hunters during the summer because the pansy ass woosie boys are afraid of the fog. Go figure.

Have fun and stay curious.

Juliette aka Vampire Maman