Having Questions About Vampires?

Answers to stupid questions regular folks ask about Vampires:

No, bats don’t make good pets. They’ll die. Don’t do it.
No, we don’t tear people’s throats out. Think of the mess. And seriously do you rip the door off of your refrigerator every time you get something to eat? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
No, I don’t sleep in a coffin. I really want one of the Sleep Number beds.
Yes, we are sensitive to light. Thank you for asking and pass the sunscreen.
Yes, sometimes we do eat real food (we need fiber just like you).
Yes, we do have paranormal powers. No I won’t tell you about them.
Ask a Werewolf if you want to know about Werewolves.
No, garlic will not kill us.
No, a cross will not burn us.
Yes, fire can kill us. Fire can kill you too.
Yes, if you destroy my heart or cut off my head I’ll die. So will you.
Yes, this is a real Rolex. I purchased it new in 1959.
Yes, cat blood is pretty nasty.
Yes, we do hunt vegans.
No, being a vegan will cause a Vampire to go into a coma for a very long time.
Because you’d kill us.
No, we usually just make them think they did. That’s why people love us and have so many fantasies about us.
No, we can’t have biological children with a regular human.
No, less than 10% of humans turned into vampires survive more than a few weeks. Of that only 5% will make it. 90% die within an hour.
We wear other colors. Not just black.
Yes, we do prefer red wine over white.
No, I won’t answer questions about THAT.
Yes, Werewolf blood does taste sort of like Bourbon.
Yes, we do get married to other Vampires. No we don’t marry regular people (not anymore, it never works out)
No we don’t marry Werewolves. What is wrong with you?
No, I will not show you my teeth.