The Answer Will Always Be NO (listen to the cat and the Vampire)

The answer will ALWAYS be NO.

nonono

Now, right NOW, go to your Smart Phone. I know you all have the Talking Tom App. Touch the cat’s feet. NO NO NO.

If you don’t have Talking Tom (you should) go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgsZx5EOeAU (or go to the apple store to get it for free.)

There are some questions that only have one answer. That answer is NO.

Below are some of those questions.

 

I want to be a Vampire. Can you tell me how?

NO NO NO

I want to meet Vampires.

NO NO NO

I think I’m a Vampire

NO NO NO (You’d know if you are a Vampire. Just like you’d know if you’re a turtle.)

I’m over 30 and want to still shop in the Juniors section.

NO NO NO OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOO

I want a tattoo of a rat running across my chest.

WTF? Are you kidding me? NO NO NO

Should I buy that Vintage Pinto? It is really cute and gets good mileage.

NO NO NO

Should I get a Pixie cut?

NO NO NO

Should I get another dog (I already have 4).

NO NO NO

When my teens ask “Mom I want to…”:

  1. Dye my hair pink (blue, red, neon yellow etc etc).
  2. Get skull jeans.
  3. Drive YOUR car.
  4. Turn my friends into Vampires
  5. Fall in love before I graduate from college
  6. Get married before I graduate from college
  7. Go back packing in Europe without any adults (you’re only 16)
  8. Go to the concert (fill in the blank for bands) without an adult, and by the way it is in San Francisco and on a Monday night.
  9. Pierce something that is not my ear.
  10. Get gages.
  11. Enter an eating contest.
  12. Have a pet alligator
  13. Get another cat in addition to the two ingrates we already have (NO NO NO)
  14. Get a drum set.
  15. Jump off the Salmon Falls Bridge (Google it).
  16. Date someone more than 2 years older or younger than me.
  17. Read 50 Shades of Gray (that answer applies to everyone).
  18. Read The Bridges of Madison County (that answer applies to everyone).
  19. Skip college.
  20. Drink with my friends – I don’t care if adults are there, the answer is NO!
  21. Smoke Pot (NO NO NO and it doesn’t do anything to Vampires but make them smell bad and it makes everyone else stupid).
  22. Wear red pants.
  23. Bring home donors (aka food – this is a Vampire thing. Don’t suck blood where you sleep.)
  24. Dress all black and gothic (this isn’t Beetlejuice kids).
  25. Keep bats in the attic.
  26. Date someone you (mom & dad) don’t like.
  27. Sit on the roof of our house.
  28. Go to a tanning booth.
  29. Get a grill (ha! Just put that one in to be funny)
  30. Learn to pole dance.
  31. Listen to Rihanna and consider her a role model.
  32. Eat loudly.
  33. Hey mom I’m putting up a Youtube video of me picking my nose.
  34. Sexting.

And the list could go on for about 34,000 more items. NO NO NO.

Listen to the cat.

 

Listen to your mom.

 

Listen to the Vampire.

Now, right NOW, go to your Smart Phone. I know you all have the Talking Tom App. Touch the cat’s feet. NO NO NO.

 

If you don’t have Talking Tom (you should) go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgsZx5EOeAU

talkingtom

10 thoughts on “The Answer Will Always Be NO (listen to the cat and the Vampire)

      • Everyone was fine. Recently my son, who is nine, got up on our roof while I was taking a nap. Imagine my surprise to wake up to the sounds of feet above my head. I was so angry, but managed to keep my cool to discuss the possible consequences of his actions.

  1. Pingback: What I learned from going to a metal concert with my teen | Vampire Maman

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