Metaphysical musings and a visit from the ghost…or what creeps out a vampire part 348.

This afternoon as I drove to pick Clara up from school I passed the tattoo shop where last year a man beat his wife to death with a baseball bat. I can’t get the image of the police tape and the morgue van out of my head.

One of the two main streets in our neck of the woods is an unfortunate but interesting blend of auto repair shops, bars, an abundance of tattoo parlors, small restaurants, a newspaper, pizza places, recycle shacks, self storage, fishing supply stores and a dive rock and roll bar and of course a Wal-Mart. In the early mornings the recycle guys are out picking cans and bottles. The homeless people are waking up. The donut shops are opening. The area is semi rural still so there are a lot of places to set up a hobo camp. Most of them are mentally ill. I have no idea where they came from. Back behind it all are nice neighborhoods that don’t have anything to do with the main street, or at least pretend not to. Or we just laugh about it and call it “character.” A little WT character if you ask me. Oh well.

Someone once described this small stretch of road to me as “quaint” and “small town.” It is the next community over where the shops are nicer and the violent crime rate is higher. Go figure. 

I’m not in a “I hate people” mood today, because despite the rampant ignorance and violence and hate in most parts of the world most people here are OK. I have to admit that I’m in sort of a blah mood but not an “I hate fill-in-the-blank” mood.

My Friday lunch date had to cancel on me today. I always look forward to my Friday lunch dates, as you well know. Anyway, I settled on the owner of a metaphysical book store. We first chatted about the amazing new releases. i smiled and never uttered a word that I think it is all New Age bull shit. Then again he had no idea that one of his favorite customers is a 154 year old Vampire. Oh well. So lunch was type O+ with a hint of local marijuana that I could have done without. But the guy is a sweetheart and my go-to source when I don’t really feel like a hard core hunt. The energy is always weird for me. I feel like a creeper when I go see my crystal singing friend. He is so sweet and I’m not sharing his vibe.

But on a good note,  if he suspects anything he won’t bring out his baseball bat. I know, I know, I know that was in bad taste.

I stopped in front of the school and texted a few friends with invitations. This weekend, this long weekend, I just want to spend with my own kind. I want to get out of the heat and the blinding light of summer. I want to sleep all day.

Clara had a good week, it was low key. There were a few rants about high school both about the other kids and the teachers. We listened. She talked. Her brother took her out for hunt to make her feel better. Teens don’t always want to go out with their parents when it comes to hunts. I don’t blame them, as long as I know where they are.

Wait… excuse me for a minute…

I felt a cold blast of air and looked to see two ice blue eyes and a shock of black hair falling across the left one. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and sat across from me. One never knows when a ghost will show up.

“You know, you ought not to write such glum posts,” he said with a serious look that turned into a snarky smile.

I sat up and rolled my shoulders. “It has been a long day Nigel and I’m not sure I’m even going to post this.”

“You know, Juliette, Vampire, sometimes I feel as if I am centuries older than you are.”

I am exactly a century older than the ghost.

“Do you need something Nigel?” I caught his eyes in mine, but without the effect I have on Regular Humans.

“I’m a ghost. i don’t need anything. But you need sleep and a maybe a vacation. Or… What did you do for lunch today? You’re always happy after your Friday lunch dates.”

I told him out the metaphysical guy and the scent of sandalwood candles and pot and wind chimes and some sort of weird wooden flute music playing in the background. I told him how it made me want to crawl out of my skin into the darkest place I could find.

He laughed.

I had to smile. “Some things dear ghost are even weird for a Vampire.”

We sat looking each other in the eye with some unspoken language between those who live in the shadows. Then I had an idea.

“Nigel,” I said, “Halloween will be here soon, help me with ideas.”

” I’ll come as a dead guy.” Then he laughed and vanished into thin wisp of cold smoke as blue as his eyes.


Have a good long weekend everyone,

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman






Meanwhile…lurking under my house…

When you hear a lot of yelling and banging around under the house you know A) the dog has a skunk or B) the dog has a raccoon.

Clara had down outside to get something from under the house. We call it a basement. It is sort of a basement room where we store things like camping gear and gardening stuff. We live on a hill so we go down out the back sliding glass door to the deck, down about 20 stairs to the next deck and then a few steps down underneath the stairs to a door that goes into “the basement”.

Garrett and I ran out to see what it was. Thank goodness I didn’t smell skunk (the dog has already been sprayed 4 times.)

“What the Effing Fudge is that?” My 16-year-old Garrett said as he ran in behind me. (yes, my kids were taught not to be like their mom and try not to use bad language).

I stood in shock and disgust. What I didn’t expect was C) Goblins.

A Goblin changeling sat hunched in the far corner under the house between the camping gear and the cases of wine. It looked at me with tiny black rat eyes and rubbery greenish gray skin stretched over its bony frame. A white belly protruded like a bloated bullfrog. Long stringy blonde hair covered its head.  The same color as my daughter’s hair, only matted and oily. Long stick like fingers tipped with dirty broken claws pointed at my child.  A low growl came from between tiny pointed teeth.

Clara stood there with a shovel in her hands, her fangs out and ready to fight.

The Goblin wanted Clara, my beautiful daughter.  No, let me reword that. It wanted to be my daughter. It wanted to replace my child and send Clara off to be either a slave or more likely the bride of a Goblin Prince. I could see it taking on Clara’s features at it snarled at us from the dark corner.

“Damn it” I said. “Garrett go get your dad and tell him we have Goblins under the house.”

If you’re a regular human you can become a Vampire, a Werewolf or heaven forbid a Ghost. But you can’t become a Goblin. Goblins are an entirely different creature. They aren’t human or any subspecies or mutation of human. They’re just Goblins. Nasty, stinky, horrible, putrid, ugly, vile, soulless Goblins.

They aren’t like the sexy goblin king in Labyrinth (David Bowie). They’re more like the horrible Goblins in the beautiful Maurice Sendak book “Outside Over There” only worse. A thousand times worse.

If only they were like The Goblin King in Labyrinth I’d be spending a lot of time with Goblins. But they’re not. They’re horrible. I hate Goblins.

Goblins steal away what others love. They’ll take your dogs, your cats, your horses. They’ll take the photos out of frames, your family albums, your music collection. But worst of all they’ll try to take your children and replace them with a changeling – a goblin who will take the form of your child but is really a vile creature that has no soul.

I nudged in front of my daughter. “Get back. Don’t go near it.”

More running down the steps from upstairs inside. Garrett yelled “Look Dad, they’re by the Orange trees.”

I was watching the Goblin in the corner with a pitchfork. I could hear Teddy and Garrett dragging something or somebody onto our deck.

I took the shovel from Clara and wacked the Goblin changeling on the head. “Stay or I’ll smash your head in.”

Teddy was holding a grown female Goblin. She was dressed in a silly looking outfit as if she was trying to channel a munchkin out of the movie Wizard of Oz. Garrett held a slightly uglier, smaller male version wearing a red velvet suit shrink wrapped over it’s gourd shaped body.

“Keep your nasty vermin from my family,” my husband said to the over dressed creature.

“Goblins don’t want Vampire children.”

“Then what is THAT?” Said my husband motioning towards the changeling who had just poked its head out from the basement door.

“I didn’t know you were Vampires?” The Goblin had a half grin on its face. Goblins are horrible liars.

Teddy gave the Goblin a shake. “If you touch any of the regular humans, Werewolves or Vampires around here there will be Hell to pay. Do you understand?”

The Goblins shook their heads yes.

“I’m so sorry for the mistake. I don’t want to upset the Vampire community. You know how we admire and respect you. I’ll mail you a bill for removing the changeling.”

“We’re not paying for anything. You either remove that thing or I’m killing it.” Teddy was livid by then

The changeling yelped and ran back under the house.

After about 20 minutes the Goblins were gone. It will take another week to get all of the smell out from under the house. I swept away their ugly clawed footprints.

Regular people rarely see Goblins. Like other creatures of the night they hide and cloak themselves in the dark. Horrible horrible things!

We went inside and called, emailed and texted everyone we knew and told them to watch out.  Goblins are vermin like rats – really really bad rats.

Teddy and I had a long discussion with our kids about Goblins. They’d never seen them close up like that before. I was proud of them for handling themselves so well. Clara was Skyping all of her friends telling them how UGLY the thing was.

I reported the incident to the Circle and took a deep breath. The Circle is our own enforcement group and sort of acts as animal control for Goblins and the like.

I came back downstairs to my kitchen and poured a glass of wine.  I knew the Goblin would have never have taken Clara. Goblins are too stupid and weak to take Vampire children. In fact, they’re too stupid to take just about any child. But one must always be careful.


The ghost waited outside on the deck. I went outside to see if he wanted anything.

He gave me a sly smile as he leaned against the deck rail. “Now you have something to hate even more than ghosts.” He spoke to me in his usually somewhat snarky tone.

“I’ve always hated goblins more than ghosts.” That was true, and I’d never lie to the ghost.

“I suppose it is the level of sophistication a ghost brings to the party.”

I rolled my eyes and tried to hold back a smile.



Happy Friday everyone and have a good weekend. And do you know where your kids are? You’d better.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman




Musings on Sleep, Jealousy and Ghosts


It is like the ghost that haunts me

Only worse.

The ghost will listen to me.

Sleep never does.

She taunts me

Like a woman who wants to seduce my husband.

She gives him slumbers so peaceful

So silent and lovely.

She taunts me and pulls my dreams to tattered bits

Then keeps me awake for days on end.

My slumbers end in a dark prison room

Always cold

Always alone

Always awake.

We’re not  friends Sleep and I.

I used to think it was my nocturnal nature,

But now I know it is because

Sleep hates me for something I did

In the past 

And fired up her jealous heart

To the point where she is only thinking of revenge.


I fixed a pot of coffee,

As the ghost said “Sleep doesn’t give a crap what you do Vampire. You’re too busy and you drink too much coffee.”

Maybe so but I’m not going to admit anything to a ghost.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Coming soon my BEST lists of 2012 which might not seem that good but I liked them.

dark room

The Road to Hell (a visit from my ghost)

The storm outside has calmed down for a while so I went outside to see if any trees had come down or other damage.

The ghost was out back pacing in the field. I kept my eye on him, not wanting him to see me but at the same time wanting to flip him off. I could feel my upper lip involuntarily twitching as I tried not to show my fangs.

He suddenly turned and glared at me, then looked away.

Something was bothering him. A ghost bothered? I guess. I can’t figure out the strange black suited bastard who materializes in and out of my life with insults and jabs.

“What is wrong with you?” I asked the apparition.

He slowly turned my way and with icy eyes and a cold steady voice said “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions and lined with family members cheering you on.”

“I see.” I said, not really seeing.

“Appreciate what you have Vampire. Human families are out of control and totally screwed. They go through life blindly hurting. They raise their children so haphazardly they have no right to call themselves parents. The children grow up to be dysfunctional people who never realize how screwed up they are or how they screw up the lives of others. It is a total disaster. What I would have given to have been an only child and an orphan.” He looked at me out of sad eyes, ran his hand through his shaggy black hair and vanished into the drizzle.

I had no answer for the ghost. I usually don’t.

Field with deer

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman