Vampire Hunters, Parenting, and 2017

This December was a season of parties for us. While at one I ran into Austin Durant. Professor Doctor Durant to some. Austin Durant sometimes Asshole Vampire Hunter to me. OK, he is usually a good guy. He only goes after those nasty soulless types who lurk around like something out of a B horror movie. I’ve helped him out a few times. Sometimes it takes a Vampire to rid a building of Vampires.

He asked what I was up to. I mentioned that my kids talked me into taking a yoga class with them.

Austin looked surprised. “Vampires do yoga?”

I was a little insulted by his response. “I’m not one of those shadow creeping Vampires who crawls around in rafters and under floor boards waiting to drag home prey for their nasty dark lord and master. Think about that next time you want me to crawl under a house for you. Come on Austin, I need to stretch and relax just like everyone else. Everyone normal else. You need to stretch your imagination a little bit Austin.”

2016 brought all sorts of ugly things. I don’t even want to think of it anymore. Luckily I can usually get over stuff. I can put things behind me. When one is my age (157), one must learn to put things behind and let them go, or you might as well crawl under the floor boards.

So what will be above the floor boards in 2017? I don’t know. I started sharing my parenting thoughts, and stories about my kids when the youngest was in seventh grade, and the oldest was in high school. Now the youngest is a senior in high school, and the oldest is in his third year of college. That said, I will always be the mom. I will always be here for my kids. I’ll always be here for my readers seeking thoughts on parenting. I’ve done a pretty good job if I may say so myself.

The kids are getting older and so are the seniors in my life. The ancient Vampires still need help and love, and watching after… just in case, if you know what I mean.

I promise more short stories and tall tales. I’ll keep giving out advice – both solicited and unsolicited. I’ll keep you posted on all of the Vampire activities in my neck of the woods. That also includes Werewolves, Ghosts, and God knows what else (for example Zombies.)

So Austin fills up our wine glasses and asks, “Why do you help me? I’m a Vampire Hunter.”

I smiled, showing just a bit of fang in the room lit only by Christmas lights. “First of all you’re a piss poor Vampire Hunter. Secondly, you only go after nasty husks of Vampires who lack souls or purpose. You only go after those who can’t feel love, or empathy, or joy of any kind. That my friend is why. You do our dirty work for us. You know we don’t want those nasty creatures around anymore than you do.”

Then I downed my glass of wine and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Then just for fun I kissed his neck, with just a tiny nip. Austin laughed uncomfortably and said, “I love you too Juliette.”

Happy New Year everyone. My best advice would be to turn off the news, only read fiction, and fight for your right to be who you are.

xoxoxo

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

P.S. Click here for more about Austin Durant who is usually just around for Short Story Sunday. 

 

 

Vampire Diary: Resolutions

Dear Diary,

The diamond earrings went over well today. My Gillian is a happy Vampire. If Gillian is happy then I am happy. A Merry Christmas to me.

~ Vlad

 

_____________

 

Dear Diary,

What is all of this end of the year commotion? It is as if humanity wishes to forget the mistakes of the previous year and try to wash themselves clean. What strange rituals they will perform on midnight January 1st I do not know. Six hundred years ago I would have been able to tell you but now… now anything is possible.

~ Vlad

 

_____________

 

Dear Diary,

Tonight I walked along the streets past bars and clubs watching the people who stood in the doorways and sidewalks. Women and men smiled at me. I smiled back. The thrill of the hunt is almost as good as that first taste of blood on my tongue. Unlike the cat who uses her claws, I seduce my prey like a lover.

A young woman with a round face and long eyelashes asked me in a pretty voice what my New Year’s Resolutions were going to be?

Resolutions? This must be like a vow knights would take to keep their honor for the year. Honor. There is little of that among Vampires or most men for that matter.

There is nothing I could change or imagine doing better. It is the world that needs to become better.

She said she lived near by and invited me to walk her home. I could see in her eyes that she was nervous and excited. She told me her name was Samantha, not Sam. She told me that she thought I was cute. Of course she did. They always say I am cute. I just smiled and did not ask her what she meant by cute.

The apartment was upstairs in a home that had once been a grand mansion, now divided into four separate living quarters.

It was odd, the juxtaposed sadness from Samantha and the cheery apartment decorated with flowers and the colors of sunshine and blue skies.

She poured wine then asked, “Why would a guy who looks like you come home with a girl who looks like me?”

“You’re cute.” She reminded me of her cat with her bright eyes and round face. Cats are cute. Her hair was glossy and moved with her. “Where I come from no woman has hair as beautiful as yours. No woman lives alone in a place as lovely as this. Do you think you’re not worthy of the company of a man like me?”

A tear came down her cheek. “Maybe you should go.”

Suddenly something inside of me became colder than usual. “Sit down Samantha. Let us talk.”

So she talked of her hopes and dreams. She spoke of a man who had left her for another girl. She spoke of a man who ignored her. She spoke of being alone.

I looked into her big blue eyes and put her into a trance. Her neck was warm and her blood was hot. When I was done I let her sleep. But I did not go. I stayed. I do not know why.

An hour later she opened her eyes and looked at me, surprised I was still there.

“Did we?” She asked me.

“Did we what?” I asked back.

“Never mind. You’re still dressed. I’m still dressed.”

It was then I realized what she had asked. She spoke first. “Why are you still here Vlad?”

“I have nothing else to do tonight,” I told her. It was true.

She smiled and the sadness came over her again. I could feel it like a great greedy troll looming in the room. Then she went to the bathroom.

While she was gone I looked on her desk and saw a paper where she had written her “resolutions.”

I will feel beautiful.

I will feel loved.

I will run every morning.

I will

Then I heard the click of the door lock. Then the sound of a body falling.

I stared at the nob of the door and made it unlock. As I stepped forward pills crunched underneath my feet. Inside the small room I found Samantha barely breathing, almost at Death’s door. I could feel the icy chill of a phantom waiting outside to take her soul. Given any other night I would have left her to die, but tonight I had to stay.  No deathly phantom would take her if I could help it. My actions were not out of love. It was something else. I do not know what. Maybe it was the Vampire King in me wanting to protect my people. It was justice for a girl who had been wronged. I wanted to rip the throats out of the men who had hurt her.

I had two choices. I could bring her back with my blood or I could call 911. Giving her MY blood was not an option. Not tonight. Not with Samantha. I had never called 911 before, but that was what I had been told to do if humans were near death.

At the hospital I waited on uncomfortable chairs in a room full of quiet people.

Gillian came and sat with me until a woman who said she was a doctor said Samantha wanted to talk to me.

Samantha lay in a bed with needles and tubes in her arm. It was as if a mad lunatic was experimenting on her.

“You saved my life,” she said.

“Of course I did. I ripped the beating heart out of a man after almost draining his body of blood after he had raped a child. I am not without feeling,” I told her.

As soon as the words came out of my mouth I realized I had said the wrong thing. “You are worth saving. You are worth being alive Samantha. You are loved by many. You are talented beyond compare. Listen to me. Make your resolution to love yourself. Make your resolution to thrive. That will be your best revenge against those imbeciles who scorned you. You are beautiful. Believe me. Samantha, you are beautiful.”

I kissed her on her forehead and she tried to smile and touched my face with her tube infused hand.

I left Samantha with her best friend and her parents. Gillian and I went home.

~ Vlad

______________

 

Dear Diary,

I do not know what is wrong with me.

I used to be so delightfully cold and uncaring.

I do not know who I am anymore.

~ Vlad

 

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Dear Diary,

I am not writing any resolutions. Neither are my cats. We shall all remain cute. LOL. That is supposed to mean I wrote something humorous. I know what WTF means. WTF. WTF. WTF.

I suppose I will try to make sense of this modern world. Maybe not.

~ Vlad

 

 

Good things between the cracks…

It was a year when

Resolutions were forgotten

And other things

Happened.

 

A lot of good things happened in between the cracks. There were those times with friends both old and new. There were good books. There were teenagers. There was a sense of community. There was creativity and thought… and there was love.

And in the middle of this odd houred musings the cats are suddenly alert to what sounds like a mountain lion purring but it is I think it is snoring. The calico cat snores. I can’t imagine who it could be. It sounds like loud snoring from a man. It can’t be that. But now the dog is growling at the sliding glass door that goes out to where the wild animals are before the sun comes up. I guess that goes to show that things are not always what they seem.

I refused to let the dog out to rumble with wild life and the calico cat has started to snore… again, as she always does.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

VM_ foggy moon

 

Resolutions and whatever those things are called…oh right, predictions

Rather than resolutions for a new year, I used to write down predictions for the coming year and seal them in an envelope.

It could be anything from world news events to a romance involving a friend. Crazy, total fantasy or something very predictable – it didn’t matter. There were no limits to what could be written. It was usually my brother Val and me who did this. We once brought in a friend who tried to make it into something mystical and way too serious.

It wasn’t mystical at all. It was like a Ouija board where you know somebody is pushing but everyone giggles with shock over the messages from the spirit world.

No, it was just us putting down stuff on paper and sealing it up for a year.

The funny thing was that, no matter how outlandish or silly, 90% of all of the predictions came true. Huh.

OK that is that story. No dramatic music building up behind me and a dramatic twist. Maybe we were just good at observation. Maybe we were just lucky.

But what about resolutions? You know, those things we say we’re going to do to improve our lives and the lives of others. I dare not admit to the long list of things I plan on doing each year but end up not doing. It is easier to give up something for Lent (but I’m not Catholic so I don’t give up anything for Lent either, but the idea behind it is good if done with the heart and not out of a sense of mindless duty.)

But predictions…

Ahhhh. That could be fun. But please no mumbo jumbo or fortune-telling. No spirits. No grand illusions. No wishing for the impossible. No wishing at all – just predicting.

Just gut reactions off the top of your head. Add in a few funny ones. Add in a few wishful ones. Add some silly in there too. Then seal it up and forget it for a year.

  1. I predict that someone I know will become a famous writer. I predict more than one will make their mark in that circle.
  2. I predict that it will rain in March… for a week… or two.
  3. I predict that another dog will come into my life.
  4. I predict that I’ll attend an unexpected wedding.
  5. I predict that my children will do well.
  6. I predict that something extraordinary will happen in Congress.
  7. I predict that it will be a good year.
  8. I predict that an old rocker will make a real comeback with someone fairly new.
  9. I predict a week at the beach.
  10. I predict art – a lot of art.
  11. I predict finding treasure of some sort.
  12. I predict that someone close to me will do something very stupid but funny at the same time.
  13. I predict that the space program (NASA) will come back in full force.
  14. I predict that there will be a Volcano go off in North America – south of Alaska.
  15. I predict that I will see a bear (but I hope not too close.)
  16. I predict beautiful dresses and shoes to match.
  17. I predict my brother Max will finally get “it” right.
  18. I predict all Vampires I know will get exactly what they deserve.
  19. I predict that someone dear to me will find true love.
  20. I predict that my nails will always look good in 2014.
  21. I predict that there will be an amazing discovery in Louisiana.
  22. I predict that a planet with life will be found.
  23. I predict that Juliette aka Vampire Maman and Modern Vampires will become part of the popular vernacular.
  24. I predict that everyone will read my blog.
  25. I predict that my readers will retain their sense of humor, sense of wonder and any good sense they have.

Those were pretty random, but that is how it is supposed to be. That is what makes it so much fun.

I didn’t seal this in an envelope or keep it private… but this is just to give you an idea. Try it. Have fun. Happy New Year.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Be it the click of the metal keys or the click of a computer keyboard...I will write.

Be it the click of the metal keys or the click of a computer keyboard…I will write.