Silent Noises

The only noise

Is the clock

Almost as old as I am

From 1876

Still running like new,

And the sounds of random


In the distance,

A cat eating,

An owl outside,

The tap tap tapping

Of my keyboard,

No sounds from

Others in my house,

Slumbering quietly,


And cold


With quiet dreams,

As only



Will have.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman





She Taunts Me – Sleep, Ghosts, and Vampires


It is like the ghost that haunts me

Only worse.

The ghost will listen to me.

Sleep never does.

She taunts me

Like a woman who wants to seduce my husband.

She gives him slumbers so peaceful

So silent and lovely.

She taunts me and pulls my dreams to tattered bits

Then keeps me awake for days on end.

My slumbers end in a dark prison room

Always cold

Always alone

Always awake.

We’re not  friends Sleep and I.

I used to think it was my nocturnal nature,

But now I know it is because

Sleep hates me for something I did

In the past 

And fired up her jealous heart

To the point where she is only thinking of revenge.


I fixed a pot of coffee,

As Nigel the Ghost said, “Sleep doesn’t give a crap what you do Vampire. You’re too busy and you drink too much coffee.”

Maybe so but I’m not going to admit anything to a ghost.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman



Night Musings

It is almost 2:00 a.m. and as usual I am the only one awake on my street. The dog is growling under her breath at the sliding glass door after hearing the coyotes howl behind the house. Earlier there was a bat flying around inside. Yes, this is the second time it has happened in the past two weeks. Yes, we need to get a screen on my daughter’s bedroom window. No, Vampires do not turn into bats, so the wee flying mammal was NOT a Vampire.

The moon is in a perfect half. At the end of the week I’ll be driving up to Oregon with a friend to see the solar eclipse. There will be a gathering of old friends. It should be interesting. I hear my Werewolf friends are planning some pretty big solar eclipse events, but I won’t be anywhere near them.

It is quiet since the coyotes left, with no sounds outside at all. Not a bird, or a dog, or a car, or even the running of a fan. Nights are finally getting cool again. Even that didn’t bring out any lone birds or other late night creatures.

Just half a moon. Somebody must have shared the other half with a friend.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman



Go Pee Pee

At 3:29 a.m. I took the dog out to go pee pee.

To make her go fast and get it all over with I have to say, “go pee pee” in a high shrill voice while trying not to wake my neighbors up.

It is as still and quiet as death out, but the dog and I both know we’re being watched by creatures of the night.

So I was outside in a robe and bare feet not really caring because A) I’m not cold, and B) Nobody can see me, and C) I don’t care if they see me.

Then I see a familiar figure standing in the middle of my street (which is really a private drive for seven houses.) He flips me off, which is his usual asshole move. I swear, nothing ruins a nice quiet evening faster than a Ghost.

The dog and I went inside to find Nigel (The Ghost) sitting on the couch in my living room.

“I have a question for your advice column Juliette. Do Vampires go pee pee,” he asked me.

“I’m not even going to answer that,” I told him.

He didn’t smile or laugh. That is almost as rare as seeing a ghost. To tell the truth seeing Ghosts isn’t rare for Vampires, but I usually don’t interact with them. They’re vile creatures for the most part.

“Don’t you have someone to haunt?” I asked.

“Only you,” he answered.

“I’m going to make coffee,” I told him. “Do you want some?”

“I can’t drink it. I’m a…”

“Ghost. I get it. You’re a bitter, obnoxious, annoying Ghost. I’ll give you a cup and you can smell it,” I said.

“Um, sure,” he said.

“Were you this annoying when you were alive?”

“Of course, only everyone thought I was charming,” he answered.

In the kitchen we sat over coffee and small talk, and the dogs and cats who also see what others cannot.

Wishing you all plenty of sleep, and coffee, and dogs who go pee pee outside rather than inside.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Questions of a Cure for Being Yourself

Last night I stopped to see my brother Aaron. My husband Teddy and teenage daughter Clara were at the second game of the Sacramento Kings, in the new Golden 1 Arena. Exciting stuff.

My brother was also along without wife or kids last night too.

On the coffee table in Aaron’s living room was a large vase of orange marigolds.

“Día de Muertos,” he said. Day of the Dead.

He always goes out into the community to view the ofrendas (alters) families set up to remember the dead. An ofrenda might be a simple photograph with flowers and fruit, or it could be an elaborate space with items belonging to the dead, many photographs, and a mulitdude of objects that help us remember those who are gone.

Being the middle of five children, Aaron has always been the most level headed, and least emotional of my siblings.

“Any plans for Halloween?” I had to ask. We are Vampires after all.

“Not really. Just the usual pumpkin carving, and waiting for kids to show up. I was thinking about dressing the dogs up.”  His voice sort of tailed off as his usual control gave into a sigh.

“What is wrong Aaron?”

He looked at me with sad eyes. “Logan asked if I thought there would ever be a cure for us.” Logan is my 26 year old nephew, Aaron’s eldest child.

“A cure to being a Vampire? Like changing us into regular humans?”

“Yes. He said he is tried of being a freak. I raised him to know better. There is nothing wrong with him, with us, with being a Vampire.”

“Do you think this might just be a Halloween thing? Halloween is a depressing time for many Vampires.”

My brother gave me another sad look. “I told him that his mom and I love him unconditionally.”

We talked more into the night about our kids, and our lives that were so different than those of most of our neighbors and friends. I thought of my own twenty year old son who fears the time when his friends grow old.

Then my brother looked at me and asked, “If there was a cure, not that anything is wrong with us, would you do it?”

“No, absolutely not,” I said.

I’d questioned my existence for about three seconds a hundred and thirty years ago, but that was it.

“Would  you take it Aaron?”

“Of course not.”

We checked the score of the game. The Kings had won. We high fived each other. Then we went out to get a bite to eat.

As a parents we have to deal with difficult questions, as our children grow and question who they are. All we can do is listen, and share what is in our hearts.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman




Looking Down

I live in a home with over fifty steps. This includes inside and outside stairs.

Last night we had a sudden and unusual thunder storm. I went out to the deck to take a look. There is a top deck and a larger bottom deck (we live on a hill.) Ten stairs are between the two.

I looked down in the dark, not expecting to see anything. And nothing was there. No glowing eyes. No still and bloody body. No cracked open skull spilling brains on the wood. No rabid coyotes. No Goblins waiting to rip my heart out and take over my home.

The wind whipped around my head, and the rain started to fall. I turned to go back inside, then felt an icy hand on my shoulder. I turned.

At the bottom of the stairway was The Ghost. He stood there, his hair dripping from the rain, his eyes dark with a hint of sky blue in the dark. Then as usual he flipped me off and vanished with the words, “Oh Vampire, even you have fear in your heart.”

“No,” I yelled. “The only thing I fear is missing the last step and falling.”  Then I yelled. “And I the thing I fear most is you not shutting up. Thank you for not talking my ear off tonight you little puke.”

I went inside and fed the cats. I could hear a quiet laugh from outside, at the bottom of the stairs.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman